Friday, April 30, 2004
Out of it
Took a rather lengthy nap this afternoon (4-6:30). When I came to, I was looking at the clock thinking it was 6 AM and that I was late for work. It took me a couple of minutes to deduce that it was Friday evening. Sheesh.

Ran by the grocery store on my way home. I worked with one of the manager's daughters like 10 years ago. So she was scanning my items and was like, "You must not be married." I was like, "I guess you can tell by my groceries." Half-gallon milk, three bananas, powdered donuts, 12 pack of Sun-Drop, frozen pizza. Hmm. Then she was like, "Oh don't worry, you'll find somebody soon. You're a good looking boy."

They say the eyes are the first thing to go :-P

"She said, I bet you don't remember me. I said, only every other memory. I had a barbecue stain on my white t-shirt. You were killin' me in that mini-skirt. Skippin' rocks on the river by the railroad track..."
No Circles?
Interesting flash site

I played v3.764. I think I got to level 10 or 11 before I had to quit for lunch. Level 3 took me awhile. I'm still not sure what I did to get by that one. Could've done without the needless profanity on level 8, but overall it's a neat little site. No instructions. You just kinda have to figure out what to do on your own.

"No matter what your friends try to tell you, we were made to fall in love. We'll always be together, any kind ofweather. It's like that. It's like that. Every little step I take, you will be there..."
Entifadah Qanbar
Blog tip #26: Put "Entifadah Qanbar" in your blog and watch the hits come rolling in.

No two words sum up last evening better than those, however. Or maybe they do, but it's fun to say. He was on TV last night while we were at Logan's. His name kinda sounds like Enchilada Candybar. Anyway, he is the director of the Iraqi National Council or something. I remarked that he is probably just known as The Qandyman over there ;-)

"Hey, look at this, Pinter Ronawat. I wonder if he's related to that guy I dated, Peter Ronawat?"
"Ah, it's probably like Smith over there."

Oh man, some lady just called and left a message on the machine. She said, and I quote, "Hello? (louder) Hello?! Don't be callin' if you ain't gonna say nothing." ROFL WOOOOOOOOO!!! Man, that just made my morning.

Nothing much going on otherwise. Amy invited me down for another card-playing extravaganza Saturday night. People, food, fun... eh, I'm out on that. Jessica stopped by yesterday on her way back from Bham. Billiard Boy returned to action last night for six pretty decent games. Dinner at Logan's. As we were driving there, a commercial came on the radio for some club and they were offering 50 cent Bud this weekend or something. So I remarked, "Did you hear that?! Fifty cent Bud! Oh man, that'll save me.... nothing."

I really need a new computer at home. Anyone have an old one they wanna get rid of? It doesn't have to be nice, or fast. LOL A color monitor would be nice... and would also be an upgrade. If not, I may just slap a new hard drive in there. That would probably solve a lot of the issues. As it is, I've been getting more error messages than (insert creative analogy here). It's very frustrating. Sometimes I just wanna yell, "Entifadah Qanbar!!!!" A new comp doesn't fit the budget right now. Me buying a new computer would be like the US government planning a manned mission to Mars. Oh, wait.

Anywho, hope everyone has a great weekend. Everybody have fun tonight. Everybody wang chung tonight. For now, I guess I'm gonna get back to meet-an-inmate.com. Oh how I wish I was kidding. What?

"Well I guess I've changed, but yeah, couldn't you, given all we've been thru? Heaven knows I've been around and around. And I guess I'll strain well how about that. Here's my life, here's a doorstep..."
Thursday, April 29, 2004
I'm not sure I was ready to have my own blog...
Sometimes I feel like Kramer in The Merv Griffin Show: "I tell ya, it was a grind trying to fill ten hours a day. I'm not sure I was ready to have my own talk show set."

Well, the Reds Chernobyl-like meltdown last night makes Tuesday night's incident look like some overcooked popcorn in the microwave. Up 9-1 after five innings! We end up losing 10-9. Unbelievable. Why do I keep listening to the games? I guess that's just the Billy Mumphrey in me, a little cockeyed optimism. Mercifully, the first round of the NBA playoffs are winding down. Few of the series have been even remotely competitive. I'll post my thoughts on the second round once those matchups are determined. I'm sure you'll be waiting with bated breath.

Yesterday was muy productivo. Called Jess to check on her Mom. Surgery went fine and she even got discharged later in the day. After work, went over to Dad's to cut the yard. Managed to slip in about an hour nap before church. While I was cutting the grass, I noticed a strange, rather tall plant growing near the front porch. Now I'm not expert on the subject, but it looked like marijuana. So I'm thinking Dad's got some volunteer weed springing up by the porch. Unfortunately, I'd left my commemorative Snoop Dog Girls Gone Wild bong lying beside my Blogging For Dummies manual on my chest of drawers at home. (j/k) Anyway, I'm not sure what it is, but if anyone wants some, I guess I can let it go for $100 a stalk. What?

There have been no more whistles or yells from teenage girls passing by on the street lately. Maybe they were part of some girl-scouts-gone-wild low-level street gang or something. I don't know. I need to wash my truck. There is white bird poo near the bottom of my driver's side door. How the bird managed to hit that spot, given the slight convexity of the door, is a mystery to me. I can see him up there with the other birds in the flock going, "Watch this."

Dinner last night:
Jeno's frozen combination pizza... 99 cents
12 oz. can Sun Drop soft drink... 49 cents
28 grams of fat, 700 calories, and feeling the carbonation burn as it goes down... priceless.

Well, I wish I had more to say, but you're probably glad I don't. Guess I'll get back to what I've been doing for the past 12 years--longing for the sequel to Pure Country.

"Close your eyes, girl. Look inside, girl. Let the sound take you away..."
A good day for birthdays...
Happy birthday, Jerry: The Sein is 50

Coincidentally, in what is probably my favorite ep, "The Outing", George, Elaine, and Kramer are giving birthday gifts to Jerry:

George: "Two tickets to Guys and Dolls! I'm gonna go with you."
Jerry: "Guys and Dolls? Isn't that a lavish Broadway musical?"
George: "It's Guys and Dolls, not Guys and Guys."

Then Elaine gets him The Collected Works of Bette Midler. LOL

Also, today is the birthday of my mostest favoritest actress, Michelle Pfeiffer. Another site, here.

My favorite tennis player, Andre Agassi, is 34 today. And Eve Plumb, who played Jan on The Brady Bunch, is 46 today. It seems only fitting that her birthday is overshadowed by other celebrities, keeping with her middle-child mantra.

And last but not least, I think today may be Donna's birthday. Oh man, I'm in big trouble if I forget that. Too much to remember... system resources are dangerously low.

More Sein:
"Although they maintain separate residences, the comedian and his longtime companion seem to be inseparable."

"Within the confines of his fastidious bachelor pad, Seinfeld and Costanza bicker over the cleanliness of a piece of fruit like an old married couple."

"I'm 33 for a moment. Still the man, but you see I'm a they. A kid on the way. A family on my mind. I'm 45 for a moment. The sea is high, and I'm heading into a crisis, chasing the years of my life..."
Wednesday, April 28, 2004
A rare TV appearance by Bone
K informed me that the WPBA site updated their TV listings. Looks like the Delta Classic that I attended will be on ESPN2 on Saturday, May 8. The two seminfinals will be shown at Noon and 1 PM (Central), with the finals between Allison and Jeanette at 2 PM. Look for me. I think I wore a solid black shirt, and should be on the second row, right behind the folks with arena-side seats. I'll know for sure once I see the telecast. The main thing I will be watching for is the two-rail bank shot Allison made. Well that's not the main thing. What?

In other news, Stan the Caddy posted a story from a reader who met Jerry Seinfeld unexpectedly at a comedy club recently. Pretty neat. Check it out.

In yet other news, I'm craving girl scout cookies for some reason. Unfortunately, the girl scouts never come by my apartment, much like most every other girl in the western hemisphere :-P Do-si-dos, samoas, thin mints... mmmmm. Those are the best. Wonder if I can order online. Hmm.

"Try to see it my way. Do I have to keep on talking till I canít go on? While you see it your way, run the risk of knowing that our love may soon be gone. We can work it out. We can work it out..."
What Would Jerry Do?
Sometimes I think it's not so good that the first question I ask when faced with a decision about a relationship is, "What would Jerry do?" That thought just hit me the other day while I was jamming to my Porter Wagoner Unplugged album. I mean, seriously though, after we broke up, Jen used to say I reminded her of Jerry. At the time, I thought it was just because she thought I was sooo funny. LOL Hmm, I'm sure there's a deeper problem there, but I'm way too scared to dig. Besides, that'll give me something to talk about with the therapist. What?

Well, the Reds gave another one away last night. (I love "reading" the games real-time on mlb.com.) Up 8-6 heading to the bottom of the ninth, they of course lost, 9-8. Choked it away like Portland in Game 7 of the 2000 Western Conference Finals. Still tied for first though, 20 games into the season. Who would've thought that? Stopped by to see Jessica for a bit after work. Her mother had surgery this morning at UAB. I hope and pray everything went well.

I cooked up a delicious hot ham and cheese sandwich for dinner last night (very Quiznos-esque... or not). Also went with the beef stew selection from Chef Dinty Moore's menu of tasty cuisine. I've got so much to do today, it's not even funny. Add to that the fact that I'm on five hours sleep for the 187th day in a row, and well, I have no idea how to finish this sentence. Hey, has anyone tried Zaxby's? I'm sure someone has, the way my friends love to eat out. I think about stopping there everytime I go by, but haven't yet. Sometimes I think about trying Fire Mountain. But it kinda sounds like some sort of hadean-reality amusement park ride. Plus, I'm not a big buffet fan.

Saw a strange commercial last night. I had the volume turned down, but there was a man and woman in a small boat. The boat sprung a leak, and the woman whipped out a Tampax and plugged up the hole. Have you seen this? What the crap? Is that supposed to be some kind of hidden symbolism or something? Or are they now marketing Tampax for its multiple uses, a la WD-40? May as well have a bear bite off half her arm and the guy use his jock as a tourniquet.

"The Barber" was on last night. Not my favorite ep, but I love the bachelor auction when Kramer comes out after all these Ivy League graduates and stuff, and Elaine's describing him:

He's a high school graduate. (Kramer whispers something to her.) Oh, equivalency... high school equivalency program graduate. He's uh, self-employed. Six-foot-three, about 190 pounds. He likes fruit. And he just got a haircut. (Kramer falls off the stage.) OK, why don't we start the bidding. Do I hear five bucks? :-D

"This will all fall down, like everything else that was. This too shall pass. And all of the words we said, we can't take back..."
Tuesday, April 27, 2004
In the news...
Today's news... some wacky, some interesting...

Testing the ground clearance of a train

See? This is the kind of research I'm interested in. What? I love this quote, "He must have been very drunk to have slept thru all of that."

Explorers plan quest to search for Noah's ark

That's pretty interesting. I guess better they spend money searching for this than going to Mars looking for little green men.

Woman wants Billy Joel to pay for damage to her house

Well, at least she'll have a story to tell her grandkids when she's 93. Oh wait, she's already 93. Come on, Piano Man, get it together. "We're livin' here in Allentown, and he's knockin' all the houses down..." OK, I know, corny. Best I could do.

And last, but not least, Weathermen could be fined for wrong forecasts

Leave it to the Russians to give us this brilliant idea. I'm all for it. They have no responsibility. "Well, we're gonna have six to eight inches of snow this weekend. Oops! It didn't snow. Sorry. Guess I was wrong. Oh well."

Random Seinfeld quotes:
K (dressed as Santa): "Ho ho ho! A racing car set? Those are assembled in Taiwan by kids like you. And these Coleman pigs, they sell it at triple the cost."
kid: "But I want a racing car set."
K (talking low to the kid): "You see kid, you're being bamboozled. These Capitalist fat cats are inflating the profit margin and reducing your total number of toys."
kid: "Hey, this guy's a Commie!"

K: "You better zip up. I couldn't get the top on the convertible up."
E: "But it's cold out."
K: "Yeah. Just wait till we get on the Expressway."

"It comes down to reality, and itís fine with me, cos Iíve let it slide. Donít care if itís Chinatown or Riverside. I donít have any reasons. Iíve left them all behind. I'm in a New York state of mind...
Monday, April 26, 2004
I'll make you think haven't blogged in awhile!
I remember when I was younger, whenever I would ask to do something or ask for something or say I was going to do something, sometimes Mom would say, "I'll make you think blah blah blah," repeating what I had said. For example, I'd say, I wanna go outside and play in the mud. And she'd say, "I'll make you think go outside and play in the mud." Or I'd ask for a Hot Wheels and she'd say, "I'll make you think Hot Wheels." What does that even mean? And then sometimes instead of "I'll make you think" she'd say "you look like," as in "You look like going outside to play in the mud." I still don't know what that means. Did anyone else's Mom do this? Probably not. (Mister Mackey voice) "Mmmm k."

I wore my new shoes today. Remember when you were a kid and you'd get a new pair of shoes and you just had to wear them out of the store? Maybe that was just me, too. I now still have like my last five pairs of tennis shoes. Besides the new ones, there's my last pair, which I keep as a backup pair, in case my new ones get ruined in a manure accident or something I guess. ("I don't even mind the word manure. You've got a 'nure', which is good, with a 'ma' in front of it. Ma-nure. I mean, when you consider the other choices, manure is quite refreshing.") Then Pair C I use for running and maybe tennis. Pair D is mainly for cutting the grass. And then Pair E, I really have no idea what those are for... shoveling manure or something, I guess. Why do I keep talking about manure? Actually, I can't remember the last time I threw a pair of tennis shoes away. On an unrelated note, my closet smells a little funky.

Well, I figured I needed to blog again tonight because Kyle and Jessica don't like when I do sports-related entries. LOL Horshack imitation: Ooo ooo ooo! Sixth Sense was on tonight. I love that movie! That's where I first learned about free association writing, which is pretty much how I come up with my blog entries most of the time. What? I'll close with some funnies:

"The last time i did something like this, the FBI showed up a few hours later."
"Well, they shouldn't take quite as long this time."

"Looks like something you'd see on the Parthenon."

"So what would make you feel better?"
"A glass of raspberry arsenic tea."

"There was this woman and there was this man. There was this moment they had a chance to hold on to what they had. How could they be so in love and still never see? Now nothing could be sadder than, this woman, this woman and this man..."
What in the name of Ebunezer Ekuban is going on here?!
That was my first reaction when seeing what the Cowboys did in the draft this weekend. Julius Jones? True, he helped lead Notre Dame to what, 20 wins in the past four years? OK, I'm not gonna complain. Obviously, things look good for next year, with 2 first round picks. I just hope JJ can be a #1 back. I'm not sure we can ride Troy Hambrick's shoulders to the Super Bowl. We shall see. Put your faith in the Tuna, oh nation of Landry-ites.

What I really want to talk about is poor Eli Manning. I thought he was going to have to play for the big, bad Chargers. Aww, poor Eli. Did you see him when SD picked him? He was sulked up like a 2 year old kid who was expecting bananas & creme, but instead got a mouthful of creamed spinach. Good grief. What a spoiled, privileged brat! For some reason, unlike everyone else in the entire seven-round draft, Mister my-daddy-was-an-NFL-quarterback doesn't have to play for the team that drafts him. No, Mister-my-brother-is-an-NFL-quarterback gets to play where he wants. Hasn't he had enough privileges in his lifetime? Guess not. Daddy Archie comes to the rescue one more time, making the entire family look like spoiled, privileged jerks. And what is the deal with none of the sports reporters criticizing him? They're all bowing down at the feet of the Mannings. No one gave J.D. Drew a break when he did the exact same thing a few years ago in baseball. Well anyway, here's hoping Phil Rivers goes to San Diego or wherever he ends up and does well. He seems like a good guy.

Wow, that's about as riled up as I ever get. lol Oh, what about the NASCAR race yesterday? NASCAR now stands for Nearly Always Some Controversy Abounding Racing. Well, I thought the finish was setting up to be one of the best ever for a restrictor plate race. Normally, it's just one guy leading the last few laps with barely a challenge. But kudos to Gordon for darting inside to challenge Little E. They were side by side for a couple of laps until the caution came out. And a great job by the fans, too. Only in Alabama. How embarrassing. I'm sure Jeff Foxworthy just got his latest You Might Be A Redneck joke. I'm sure no other fans on the circuit will resort to that, but let's hope it doesn't become a trend everytime at Talladega, either. It could be dangerous, I guess. The scary part is the people who were doing it were no doubt either too drunk and/or too ignorant to know any better. lol

Ah, I see Hardees is spending (what hopefully is the last of) their advertising dollars for a Mark McGwire ad. What, are they putting andro in the burgers now? Just kidding. Wow, this has been a really different side of me today. The calm and kind Mother Teresa Bone will return in the next post. Have a good one.

"This love has taken its toll on me. She said goodbye too many times before. And her heart is breaking in front of me. I have no choice, cos I won't say goodbye anymore. I'll fix these broken things, repair your broken wings, and make sure everything's alright..."
Sunday, April 25, 2004
What Famous World Leader Are You?


Yikes. Can't you see what's happened? I've become Mother Teresa. I'm Mother Teresa, Jerry!!!

"I am waiting for the light to come. You and I could get away now. Do you know? Cos I don't know how and I don't know where we are, we are. And I don't know why, and I don't know if, we are, we are..."
Husqvarna!!!!
That is the latest cry of frustration when you miss a shot in billiards or have another frustrating moment. "Husqvarna!!!" Try it. It works. It's fun. Almost like "Serenity Now!"

We got behind a truck last night with like some old dilapidated furniture and a bike hanging out the side, doing about 10 miles per hour. K was like, "What is this, Sanford and Son?" That's exactly what it looked like. I was like, "Hey Lamont! Move it along up there."

Yesterday consisted of work, lunch with Davina at Applebees, a trip to the mall to purchase some new shoes, tennis, billiards, a stop at J-Mo's, and dinner at Logan's. I couldn't decide on shoes. They didn't have my size in the pair of New Balance that I really liked. So I finally decided to go with some different ones. This girl came by to ask if I needed help like 3 times. She looked really familiar, so finally I was like, "Did you used to work somewhere else?" She was like, "No." ROFL WOOOOOOOOOO!!! Strike one! Man, I felt like Carrot Top in a 1-800-CALL-ATT commercial.

Billiards was actually pretty decent, except for about a 2-3 minutes span when this guy came to sit down and watch. I cannot play when a stranger is watching, unless it's a girl, then I feel like I have to make the shot or she will think I'm not a man. LOL Anyway, I missed like 4 shots in a row while that guy was sitting there. He got up and left. Clearly, he didn't want any of that action. He probably figured we were playing bad to try and hustle him.

Dinner was interesting. Jade from AB's was up there. Then we got seated with some guy and K asked if Brandie was working. She was, so we ended up moving to her section. She gave me a free salad. That's the second time in a row I've gotten that perk. Right after I ordered, Jennifer comes and puts this loaded baked potato down in front of me. I was like, "Uh, this isn't mine." She was like, "I know, it's mine." So she sat down to eat.

Me: "So why do you go to Applebees so much?"
Her: "Uh, look who's talking."
Me: "Oh.. yeah."
Her: "So why aren't you there tonight?"
Me (wanting to say, "because of you"): "Well, I was there for lunch today and dinner last night." LOL

She remarked that their female servers are much cuter. I had to concur. She's really cute, in a natural, real, Sandra Bullockish sorta way. Looks like we're close to attaining "regular" status there. I mentioned to her that we get free drinks at AB's, so maybe we'll start getting the same at Logan's.

Looks like I'm going to be helping Matt move some leftover furniture and stuff to his house this afternoon. Fun, fun, fun.

"Fifteen, there's still time for you, time to buy and time to lose. Fifteen, there's never a wish, better than this, when you've only got a hundred years to live..."
Saturday, April 24, 2004
Saturday In The Park
That's what I'm thinking about doing today, going to Wilson Morgan. running or hitting some tennis, or both. Lots of people and good "atmosphere" in the park on a pretty Saturday afternoon in the Spring ;-)

Crashed out about 5:00 yesterday. I meant to take about an hour nap. It ended up being a two-and-a-half hour semi-coma sleep marathon. I guess that's what a combined 8.5 hours sleep over two nights will do for you. Woke up this morning thinking I was late for church. Then I realized it was Saturday, and I had a little time before I had to be at work. On the way in this morning, I got behind a nice 11 car train, being paced by a red Jeep Cherokee, smoking the pavement at around 35-40 mph. Aarrrggh!

I almost forgot about this... Some lady pulled up in the parking lot yesterday as I was about to go to the store. She was like, "Is this a radio station?" I said, "Yeah. You wouldn't know it to look at it would you?" Looks more like something you'd see in Waco or Ruby Ridge. What?

I'm working on ranking my top twenty Seinfeld episodes ever, and maybe counting them down one a day on the blog, with a few lines and maybe a quote or two from each one. Wow, my life is sooo exciting sometimes. It's like a non-stop game of dredel. "Courtney Cox, I love you. You're so hot, on that show." LOL

Something kinda interesting did happen at church the other night. Someone walked in towards the end of the service and was asking if anyone had a few dollars for gas. I'm sure many of you have been in similar situations. What do you do? I say, give. If you have it, give to those in need. I know some people will be like, oh they're probably only gonna use it for cigarettes or alcohol or something. But that's their problem. What if they really do need it? As an individual, there's no rule that says you must do a background check on someone who asks you for something. I hate this "what's mine is mine attitude." The way I look at it, what's mine is what God has allowed me to have, and I feel like I am supposed to help others anyway I can. Not to say I always do that. I don't. But I'm trying to get better. That's the attitude I feel I SHOULD have. And that's also not to say just throwing money at someone is all you should do, but that's another story.

"I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons. Finally content with a past I regret..... I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long. I'm movin' on..."
Friday, April 23, 2004
Corey Deuel, Gallagher, and Me
If you are still in therapy because Opryland closed down, then this blog's for you...

No Friday Five again this week. I started to do one from last year, but then I decided against it. Such is the advantage of being single and living under an autocracy:-) Well, had dinner at the steak house last night. Saw too many people I knew. lol Ran into Dwight and Barbara up there. They said Alison had gotten married Saturday. I was asking about Jonathan and Barbara said, "He's got some girl chasing him." So naturally, when I left, I had to call and find out about that. Turns out that Misty called him out of the blue a few months ago! They went out like in 1991! Wow. I probably couldn't remember any girl I dated that long ago... or could.. whichever.

Went to Decatur and shot a few games of pool after that. As usual, I was looking like Cory Deuel out there. Wasn't playing like him, just looking like him. OK, I wasn't even looking like him. I don't really resemble any billiards players. I don't think there are any taut, slender Swedish players. What?

Went to Wal-Mart to pick up a few groceries. I am all over the place during grocery shopping. I don't have a list, so I go from the back to the front to the back over and over. Just when I think I'm about done, I'll remember something I need and it'll be all the way on the other end of the store. Then I can't decide on cereal--Count Chocula, Frankenberry, or Boo Berry? I mean, who can pick? It's like picking your favorite Charlie's Angel or something.

The phone won't quit today. It is driving me absolutely insane. One of two things is going to happen. Either I'm going to go Gallagher on the phone and smash it into a million tiny pieces, or... hmm. Nope, turns out there was only one choice after all. WOOOOOO!!

Saw a disturbing sticker on a vehicle I was behind at a stop sign this morning. It said ASCCA (Alabama's Special Camp for Children & Adults). Hmm. Sound strange to anyone besides me? Reminds me of another organization whose name escapes me at the present time. What?

Quote of the day: "That boy should just come out of the closet and get it over with." ROFL THAT was funny. Just because someone is single, about 35 years old, well-tanned, uses multiple hair styling products, does little or no manual labor, and is a bit fastidious doesn't mean... Hmm. Where was I going with this? lol

Oh, by the way, I decided on the Frankenberry ;-) Have a great weekend e'erbody!

"Paint me a Birmingham. Make it look just the way I planned. A little house on the edge of town. Porch goin' all the way around. Put her there in the front yard swing. Cotton dress. Make it early Spring. For awhile she'll be mine again, if you can paint me a Birmingham..."
$500 fine for "thongage" and other news...
Louisiana Bill Would Ban Low-Rise Pants

German couple auction child on internet

Adopting on Ebay? Seems like there could be some complications.

Teen receives odd sentence for stealing porn videos

"Why does this mailman have a bucket on his head?"
"Because we're blind to their tyranny."
"Then shouldn't you be wearing the bucket?"

"Come out, Virginia. Don't make me wait. You Catholic girls start much too late. But sooner or later it comes down to fate. I might as well be the one..."
Thursday, April 22, 2004
85 percent of all homeless ricksha businesses fail within the first three months...
That percentage has to be similar for blogs. Looks like we've lost a couple more bloggers, at least temporarily, so I adjusted the links a little. The blog services should set up questionnaires, sort of like a job application. "What was your last long-term blog, and how long did it last?" "Why did you stop blogging?" Oddly, Bre stopped blogging just days after Kyle said he approached her at the Kids Expo. That's odd... or, not the first time something like that has happened. What? WOOOOOOOO!!!!

Man, I'm on like 4 hours sleep today. Bags under my eyes. I look like Walter Mondale in the final hour of a seven-day sleep deprivation experiment. Today was Take Your Sons And Daughters To Work Day... seriouslah. One of the ladies brought her godson to work. That was neat, I guess. Of course, I don't have any sons or daughters... at least none that know my current address. What? I would think there would be some professions where you probably shouldn't take your kid along. CIA, maybe. Prostitute. That probably wouldn't be such a good idea. Porn star. "Daddy, that's not Mommy!"

The cute teller said my name as soon as I pulled up to the window today. Oddly, I couldn't remember her name, so I just said, "Hey." LOL Stupid, stupid, stupid!!! Geesh! OK, I think I'm going to take a short nap.

"The Luge is the only sport I've ever seen where you could have people competing in it against the will and it would be exactly the same. Just take a guy off the street and toss him in... aaaaaaahhhhhh... aaaaahhhh.... World record. Didn't even wanna do it. Oh, he pointed his toes. This is a tremendous athlete here, ladies and gentlemen." - J. Seinfeld

"It says, turn around you fool. You know you love her more and more. Tell me why, is it so? Don't wanna let you go. I never can say goodbye, girl..."
So Rover Can't Go All Over
Man Invents Odor-Controlling Doggie Diaper

Interesting. Man, I wish I knew someone who could use those. Oh wait.

"If I die before I wake, feed Jake. He's been a good dog, my best friend right through it all. If I die before I wake, feed Jake..."
Wednesday, April 21, 2004
Remember when? No, not really.
If your favorite show in 1984 was Vic's Vacant Lot, then this blog's for you. OK, let's just say if you've ever even heard of Vic's Vacant Lot. I can't believe I'm typing Vic's Vacant Lot.

Vic taught me how to shoot a basketball... for better or worse. Sometimes I miss those early days of ESPN, the early Sports Center, with Tom Mees and George Grande in those tan blazers with the red oval ESPN logo crest. Old school, babee! That's my time. Those are my people. What am I even talking about?

Man, it was windy as the barren surface of Mars during a dust storm today. I was just thinking the other day, we have been really, really blessed this year as far as having almost no severe weather. Usually, we'll have tornado watches once or twice a week during March and April. We've had like none this year. I don't want to speak too soon here, but it has been the calmest spring I can ever remember, by far.

I've noticed my memory has been deteriorating faster than the surface at Martinsville Speedway here recently. Matt was talking about something the other night and was like, we were just talking about that a few months ago. I had no recollection of it whatsoever. Jess has said a couple of things, too, that I don't remember at all. To make matters worse, I have found it is very important when relating to girls that you remember things.

I wonder if there's more to it than meets the eye. Maybe I just don't pay attention when stuff is happening or when someone is talking to me, and that is why I can't remember it. Whatever the case, as I said on K's blog yesterday, I have the memory of a 105-year-old Japanese man who has suffered severe head trauma on an almost daily basis for the past 80 years.

Anyway, it was windy as the barren surface of Mars during a dust storm... oh wait. Watched the Braves-Reds last night. Reds won 3-2. K called yesterday afternoon wanting to go hit tennis, but I was completely worn out for some reason. I felt like Jesse Spano when she came down from her caffeine-pill high on Saved By The Bell. ("I'm so excited." "So Slater was right, you ARE taking pills.") ROFL OK, well maybe I wasn't that tired, but I needed to get laundry done. I did go for a run, as referenced in my previous bloglet.

"She's got a smile that it seems to me, reminds me of childhood memories, where everything was as fresh as a bright, blue sky..."
A part of each other
While stretching before going for my run yesterday afternoon, I was thinking to myself, "This is the one thing I got from my Walk, Jog, & Run class at UNA." (Well, that and the fact that my instructor favored Howard Hesseman. LOL) Stretching. How important it is. Maybe not ten years ago, but now, definitely. There is a HUGE difference in how I feel if I forget to stretch before running, playing tennis, softball, or whatever it may be. Anyway, that got me to thinking about all the things we pick up and learn from other people. Maybe it's a certain brand of something that you buy, or the way you dress, or something you eat. Maybe it's a musical artist you enjoy, or a TV show you watch. Maybe it's a little helpful household hint you picked up years ago, the way you prepare a certain food, or the way you make tea, or the way you fold clothes. Maybe it's a phrase you picked up from someone or something you say. I often find myself picking up phrases from people I'm around a lot, starting to talk like them. Kinda scary sometimes. LOL I just think it's neat how we pick up seemingly insignificant habits or traits from other people, and they stick with us for years and years. I know this is nothing new that hasn't been said somewhere by someone before, but just something to think about as you go thru the day. Most everyone we've known or had some type of relationship with becomes and remains at least a small part of who we are.

This has been Deep (or, A Little Less Shallow Than Usual) Thoughts, with your host, Philosophical Bone. Tune in next time, when we'll ponder why women feel the need to have so many different pairs of shoes.

"You see the signs, but you can't read. You're runnin' at, a different speed. Your heart beats, double time. Another kiss, and you'll be mine, a one track mind..."
Tuesday, April 20, 2004
Death of a Computer
Starring Bone, as Biff Loman. What?

How could I forget? Sunday, when I got in from church, I flipped on my computer (as it is apparently trained into my muscle memory to do every single time I come home), and Windows wouldn't start up. I kept getting a couple of different error messages, such as "no fixed hard drive detected." So I immediately go into DEFCON1 panic mode. "Not here, not now," I think to myself. Frantically, I try everything I know (which isn't much) to remedy the problem. Finally, at around 12:30 PM Sunday, April 17, 2004, I pronounce her dead. (corny joke alert!!!) RIP: Meg A. Byte. (told ya) So anyway, I pulled the hard drive out of my old computer and put it in the current computer. After digging out some installation CD's and floppies and drivers and such, all was working well, and I was able to get back online within an hour or so. Whew! I need to upgrade... badly. These Apple 2E's are nice, but, ya know...

In other news, I also failed to report that I bludgeoned myself in the head Saturday while doing some curls. I misjudged the girth of the weight and nailed myself in the forehead. Ow! Got a nice little bump from that.

My pleurisy is acting up again, I think. (Good grief, that sounds like something you'd overhear at a Geritol Convention.) I started getting some chest pain yesterday. Bought some over-the-counter stuff that hopefully will help a little. That prescription anti-inflammatory stuff I got from the doctor that one time was like 90 bucks!

Went to Olive Garden for dinner last night with Jessica. It was good, although the portions were a lot smaller than I remember. We went by Rhodes Ferry for a few minutes. There were some little kids playing on the playground equipment there. This one little boy was like, "No girls in the clubhouse." And I was like, "Yep, that's what happens. We don't let girls hang around with us when we're little, and we spend the rest of our days paying for it." :-) A train came by while we were out there, and I thought about doing a spontaneous test on the train's brakes by stepping out onto the tracks. Wooooooooooo!!!!

Dad called just a little while ago. Looks like I'm gonna start back helping him on Wednesdays after Bible study.

Random, unrelated quotes:
"I'd just rather not talk about my epiglottis malfunctioning while I'm trying to eat."
"I knew something must be wrong, if YOU weren't blogging."
"Uh, I think those two guys are on the wrong side of the river."
"You guys need to plan a lake house trip soon before Melody gets too immobile."
"She said, your heart sure is beating fast." LOL

"We caught up on old friends, caught up on old times, but all thru the small talk, it kept running thru my mind. Does she think about the nights we spent on Crystal Lake, wrapped up in a blanket till the break of day? So many times I've wondered does she think of me that way, but I didn't ask, and she didn't say..."
Monday, April 19, 2004
/End blogging hiatus
Blogging hiatus total time = 41 hours. Welcome back, David. Shall we play a game? What? A strange game, the only winning move is not to play. (/end War Games flashback)

I'd classify it as a good weekend. After work Saturday, had lunch at AB's. Sat with Davina, leading to this funny:
"I don't drink this early in the day... or ever." (Hey, it made Davina laugh, and isn't that what it's all about?)

After that, went to Wilson Morgan and hit some tennis with K. Wow, I haven't played all year, and it showed. It was good to get some sun though. There were hot single mothers all over the place up there with their kids on the playground. (OK, I just assume they were single, since they were up there by themselves... lol) What is it about the curves that make women so attractive? Seriouslah. I suggested to K that he call and see if he could go get Kailyn and bring her up there, since I always read in his blog how he takes the baby around the mall to try and get women to talk to him.

K: "Eh, I can't have her bring the baby up here just so I can pick up women."
J: "Why not? That's what they're for." ROFL

After tennis, ran the track. Then came home and washed my truck. Fortunately (or unfortunately), I didn't have an audience in the street. LOL Got ready and headed to the Jazz Factory for some pool. The place was fairly empty. Must've been something going on somewhere else that I didn't know about. Several hotties there though:

J: "Why didn't you say anything to those girls?"
K: "Well I stood next to them to see if they would say anything, and they didn't. You can't just go up and start talking to girls." ROFL

Dinner at Logan's. The hostess girl was on the phone and finally she was like, "Is anyone helping ya'll?" I said, "Yeah, you." The girl who waited on us must've been on speed or something. She was talking very fast and asked us if we were ready to order like 3 times in the span of 90 seconds. However, she did give me a free salad, so that was good. She also looked like she could've been Rob Thomas' sister. Speaking of sisters, Bobbie's sister was working up there, so I walked over and said hello to her. Christy was working, too. She is always hanging out at ab's and she was like, "Aren't you in the wrong restaurant?" LOL Yesterday, watched some of the NASCAR race. It just keeps getting better... or worse. The freakin' track came apart during the race, and they had to hold up the race for like an hour. Inexcusable. Ordered pizza for dinner last night, which means I'll be having pizza for dinner tonight, and tomorrow night.

"It aint layin' in the dark and wonderin' why she hasnt called, and now it's 2 AM. It ain't bold face lies or alibis that cannot be explained. I might not know what love is, but I know what it ain't..."
Saturday, April 17, 2004
Dru
Searchers find missing student's body after nearly five months

Timeline of events in Dru's disappearance

I have no idea how someone could just take a bright, beautiful, young life, or what makes them want to :-(

"It always seemed such a waste. She always had a pretty face. I wondered why she hung around this place..."
"I have the body of a taut, pre-teen Swedish boy..."
I must. What else could explain these yells I keep getting from younger girls? It happened again yesterday. I went over to cut the yard and as I was getting out of the truck, there were four girls in the street like a couple of houses down and they were like, "Hey hottie in the red truck! You're hot!" So I smiled, just to make them feel good, then went inside. Once I got started mowing, they came down the street right in front of the house. They were all giggling and stuff. It was all I could do to keep from laughing. Good grief, I was starting to feel like Kevin Spacey in American Beauty... or something. I should've walked over there and been like, "Do you have any idea how old I am? Now, if any of you have a cute, single mother..." LOL What? Oh well, kinda makes an old man feel good.

Shot some pool last night. In retrospect, I think I played very well. There was one game where it took me like 3 or 4 shots to pocket the 8, but the games went quick. Took about 45 minutes for six games. The funniest thing that happened was during one game, I was down to my final striped ball, so I was looking for the eight to see where I needed to position the cue ball. There were still several solids on the table, and at the exact same time, K and I were like, "Wait a minute, where's the 8 ball?" Turns out he had pocketed it on the break, and we hadn't even noticed.

After that, K headed to Bham to see one of his women, and I went by and got something to eat, then headed home. Talked to Lil Booty for a little bit. Sounded like things are going well in VA. Looks like some outdoor activities are on tap for today. Gotta take advantage of the sunshine.

"You got it bad when you're out with someone, but you keep on thinkin' bout somebody else. You got it, you got it bad. When you're on the phone, hang up, and you call right back..."
Friday, April 16, 2004
Can't a guy get a nap around here?
Arrrrgghhhh!! Phone keeps ringing. And this desk isn't real comfortable.

Turned the AC on here at work, I think for the first time this year. Smells a little funky.

Random Seinfeld dialogue of the day:
Kramer: Don't sweat it buddy, I used to have fleas.
Jerry: What did you do about them?
Kramer: What do you mean?

"Her hair reminds me of a warm, safe place where as a child I'd hide. And pray for the thunder and the rain to quietly pass me by..."
Bunny says my blog is very random
I have no idea from whence she gets that. Oh well. I never can seem to get a close shave in the mornings. I use the Mach 3 razor and good quality shaving gel, but for some reason it's never as close as I would like. Bristly. Prickly. I think a couple of good names for bands would be Clear Urine, or HIV Negative.

My boss walked in yesterday and I was coming back from the restroom, walking thru the front office. He's like, "You've put on some weight, haven't you?" Good grief. I realize that. I'm very sensitive about my weight, as most guys are. What? At last check, I weighed about 180. I did pick up a free 3-day guest pass to DAC the other night, so we'll see if anything happens with that. I need to get back in the routine of playing tennis.

Yesterday, napping took precedence over yard-mowing ;-) Jessica cooked some sort of homemade stew and called to invite me over last night. It was pretty tasty. I ended up over there, watching The Apprentice for the first time in my life. lol It just happened to be the finale. From what I could see, Bill definitely deserved to win. Kwame's major mistake, I thought, was drafting Okinawa or Okaloosa or whatever the crap her name was. She was as incompetent as a 16 year old Taco Bell drive-thru worker.

Also, watched Friends last night, for the first time in I don't know how long. I had no idea Phoebe was married. Wow. Two hilarious scenes that I recall:
1. When Joey was in the 8-year-old's room, he was doing the flashcards. He turns it over and it's like 16+8 and he's like, "Awwwwwww" like he got it wrong. ROFL
2. When Chandler and Monica are talking about what the mother of the baby did with the guy in prison, and Chandler is like, "Oh, is it that thing we hardly ever do or that thing we never do?" ROFL Oh man, that is a perfect microcosm of married life... I've heard.

K: "It's really hard to have an interesting blog when nothing ever happens." LOL

"Why are you singing Christmas songs?"
"Because... it's Christmas in July... in April."

"I could leave but I won't go. It'd be easier I know. I can't feel a thing from my head down to my toes. Why does it always seem to be, me looking at you, you looking at me? It's always the same, it's just a shame, that's all..."
Thursday, April 15, 2004
Trampoline Tragedies
Blogging for reasons you just wouldn't understand...

I've been meaning to blog about this, but just now getting around to it. When entering Shane's neighborhood Saturday, I noticed a trampoline that was like enclosed with a vinyl and net wall. Odd, I thought. Then, I saw another, then another. We never had these when I was growing up. Are kids flying off of trampolines at such an alarming rate that this invention became necessary? I don't remember hearing of any trampoline tragedies in the news. To me, half the fun of jumping on a trampoline was getting caught up in the springs once in awhile and pinching the fire out of your arm or leg, or banging your head against that rail. I say let 'em jump high and land straddling that steel rail once or twice. You'll see some real careful kids after that. They'll stay in the middle. What's next, safety nets underneath swing sets? Life preservers in the little one-foot deep plastic pools? I think sometimes we're being a little overprotective. Can you imagine growing up and never having to have stitches or a cool cast for all your friends to sign? Well, I digress.. or somethin'.

Well, yesterday was good. Napped for a bit. Went running. Went to Bible study. Shot pool after that. Belle was there, so no charge for my tea. What a sweetie. I did oversleep a bit yesterday. Someone suggested I might need a rooster. That made me think of the Seinfeld when Kramer got a rooster and kept it in his apartment, and named it Little Jerry Seinfeld. ROFL

"Little Jerry Seinfeld. I named my chicken after you."
"Thanks. That's very sweet, but that is not a chicken."
"Of course it is. I picked it out myself."
"Well, you picked out a rooster."
"Well that would explain Little Jerry's poor egg production."

I love when Kramer picks the rooster up and looks at its bottom. ROFL

Paid my taxes today. I owed on federal, getting a refund from the state. Don't you just LOVE sending money to the federal government?

"If you're gone, maybe it's time to come home. There's an awful lot of breathing room, but I can't hardly move. Yeah, if you're gone, maybe you need to come home. Come home. There's a little bit of something me, in everything in you..."
On a serious note...
My sister was asking about Dru, the girl from North Dakota who went missing in November. So I looked around online. Well she still hasn't been found. Looks like they have resumed searching. That is sad. Also check out FindDru.com.

I've been following this story: Three Arrested In Murder of Memphis DJ

"I would not have chosen the road you have taken. It has left us far apart. I think I can still find the will to keep going, somewhere in my broken heart..."
Wednesday, April 14, 2004
"Chick" cars, bellybuttons, and eating out
Disturbing 'toid of the day: There was a time in my life, spanning a few months, I guess, where anytime I got bored or there was a break in the conversation, I would ask, "Hey, you wanna see my bellybutton talk?" Then I'd proceed to pull up my shirt and make my bellybutton "talk" in a jovial voice. Even more disturbing, several of these incidents are recorded on video for posterity.

Had some stuff to do in town last night, so when I got done I gave K a call. We met at Ruby Tuesday's for dinner. Food was great. Service was OK. I think RT's has become my second choice in Decatur again, though. Logan's has good food, but the service is typically poor. Same with the Barrell. I've eaten entire meals there at least twice and never been offered a refill. And O'Charley's. Let's not even go there. Anyhow, our cute waitress last night was Julie. After she left the first time, K was like, "I think she was at the Bishop Black show the other night." So when she came back, I was like, "Hey, did you go see Bishop Black?" She was like, "Yeah, but I'm not responsible for what I may have been doing." (All the time, she didn't know I wasn't even at the show.) I was like, "That's OK, it's all on camera." ROFL She never came back after that. Oh wait. LOL Just kiddin'.

Parked next to an Alero at the store this morning. So obviously, I was thinking, chick car. And sure enough, when she came out, she was a hottie. That brings to mind a conversation we had Saturday about how many cars we passed that we considered to be "chick" cars, yet there were guys driving them. I think things would be a lot easier if guys were not allowed to buy certain cars. That reminds me, we came up on this red sports car the other day and I was like, "Could be a hottie." K was like "Yeah." Then in the next instant, as we got closer, he was like, "Although the disabled veterans tag isn't very promising." ROFL

"And when your fears subside, and shadows still remain, I know that you can love me when there's no one left to blame. So never mind the darkness. We still can find a way. Cos nothin' lasts forever, even cold November rain..."
Only in the South
Dogs Maintain Pickup Rights In Tennessee

In other action, the Tennessee legislature voted down an amendment that would have banned tobacco spitting on Sunday. They also voted to uphold all legal rights for first cousin common law marriages. And finally, with tax day approaching, lawmakers passed an amendment which exempts men with more than four shotguns who live at least forty-five minutes from the nearest Wal-Mart from paying taxes.

"She's got eyes of the bluest skies, as if they thought of rain. I'd hate to look into those eyes and see an ounce of pain..."
Tuesday, April 13, 2004
One second
That's how close I came to having a wreck this morning. I was going to the post office and to the store for my mid-morning snack and I look up to see this car zooming across the street right in front of me, running the (two-way) stop sign. Then the lady driving looks around like "What's going on? Was that a stop sign? Why aren't YOU stopping?" I didn't even have time to put on my brakes. If I had been one second earlier, she would've plowed into me. Why can't you people drive?!!?! That'll shake you up for a minute right there.

In other news, it's cooooold outside. Rainy, windy, and about 40. Feels colder though. I guess it's the winter we never had.

I watched a little bit of the "100 Greatest Stand-Ups" countdown on Comedy Central last night. They're doing twenty a night, I think, with the top 20 on Friday night. Who will be #1? Cosby? Carlin? Seinfeld? Carrot Top? What? ROFL

"I feel fine enough, I guess, considering everythingís a mess. Thereís a restaurant down the street, where hungry people like to eat. I could walk, but Iíll just drive. It's colder than it looks outside. Itís like a dream, you try to remember but itís gone. Then you, try to scream but it only comes out as a yawn..."
Adventures in Wal-Mart: Volume 7, Episode 3
If you listen unashamedly and sing along to Milli Vanilli and Michael Jackson music in your car, this blog's for you...

Went to Wal-Mart last night. I think this is becoming a big social event, especially in smaller towns and cities. Movies? Bowling? Nah. Just go to Wal-Mart. You don't even have to need anything. Just go, walk around. You're sure to see someone you know. Anyway, I filled my arms with $50 worth of stuff, somehow. Some jerk was in line in front of me talking on a cell phone, paying with a credit card. He apparently wasn't aware that you swipe your own card now, so it took him forever, and he's on his phone like, "No, I'm in Wal-Mart. Yeah. No, I bought a book. Blah blah blah." And my arms are full, and about to break, because I'm carrying a 12-pk of Sun-Drops, a box of Capri-Sun, a box of Little Debbies, some contact lens stuff, a CD, an adapter for my CD player, the cleaning solution, and some pop-tarts. And he takes for freakin' ever. (/end gripe) Anyway, the CD I got was GNR's Greatest Hits CD. I saw it for like $12.88 (watch out for falling prices.... yoooooowwwwww!!) and picked it up. So that'll be some new listening material for future Nashville trips.

I also bought this small container of high-tech cleaning solution. Well, I opened it and tried to pour some out. Nothing. I squeezed. Still nothing. So then I figured if I cut the end off of the plastic tube, it would come out. I cut some off. Nothing. I cut more off, til there was just like a nub. Still nothing. Then, the light bulb went off. I needed to get a pin to punch a hole in the end. Ahh. Yes. Magic. See, I catch on to these things pretty quickly. lol Or not. Things that make you feel dumb.

Finally, I had a really deep, emotional moment last night. While looking for a pin or something to punch a hole in the tube of cleaning stuff, I came across some old memorabilia in the chest of drawers. Among it was a letter from an ex-girlfriend, from 1997! I had no idea I had it. So I sat down and read it, two full pages. And I don't know if it was just the specific, vivid language, or maybe that it was just so unexpected, or what, but I was just overcome with emotion, for like five minutes. I mean, crap, this was from almost seven years ago, but still, I guess reading it brought right back to mind feelings from those days. Maybe I had some stuff pent-up that needed out, I don't know. It was extremely intense. But in a way, it felt good, if that makes any sense.

It's raining again today. I kinda like it though. I've been in the mood for rain the past couple of days. Just rain. No storms. Good sleeping weather.

"It's out of my hands. It's out of my hands. To think for two years she was here. And I took her for granted. I was so cavalier. Now the way that it stands, she's out of my hands..."
Monday, April 12, 2004
Word O' The Day
My friend, Bunny (aka Lil Bootay), has a unique talent for creating new words. Today, she created yet another, which I thought I would share with you. I will do so now.

Slutacious

Sluh tay' shuhs (adj.) origin, southern Virginia.
1: Of, pertaining to, or having at least some of the qualities of a slut.
2: Attractive, in a saucy sense. (comb. slut+delicious). Ex. "In her low-cut top and tight jeans, Kyle found Scarlotte quite slutacious."

There ya go. Happy bday today to Dave.

"You never see bank robbers pictures at the bank. Their pictures are at the post office. Why? They're not robbing the post office. They know people at the post office will shoot back." - G. Wallace lol

"I've already given up on getting thru. I never question who I'm talking to. So much for nothing, but nothing means so much. I know it's touching, but I feel out of touch..."
"I don't want to be the one responsible for purchasing costly gasoline..."
That's a line Kramer says in "The Dealership." And it's exactly how I feel about now. I just paid $24 to fill up my truck. Geeesh! I only have a 15 gallon tank. I think the most I had previously paid to fill it up was $21 or $22. Oh well, just doing my small part to contribute to big oil and make sure Bush has $200 million to spend on his re-election campaign. Thanks a lot. Well, at least my tank is full, so if an 18-wheeler plows into me, there'll be a nice explosion. What?

On a related note, I may be going to Venezuela.

I knew I should've hooked up with that Venezuelan chick at the Empire State Building last year. LOL 14 cents a gallon. Wow. Hmm, maybe I could go there, buy up lots of gasoline in bulk, and transport it back here, undersell the oil companies and make a profit, sorta like the Michigan Deposit Bottle Scam. LOL

On a brighter note, IT IS SO NICE to not have to air up the tire on my truck every two or three days. You just don't realize how you take those little things for granted. I'm very thankful for my tires.

Tax day is Thursday. I owe the federal government, somehow. Sometimes I think single people with no kids are discriminated against, seriouslah. I should be rewarded for 31 years of celibacy. What? Well, I'm out for now.

"Where are we going?"
"Just a little place I like to call, you'll see." ROFL

"Fifteen, there's still time for you, time to buy and time to lose. Fifteen, there's never a wish, better than this, when you've only got a hundred years to live..."
Sunday, April 11, 2004
Happy Bunny Day!
How many eggs can a bunny lay?

None. Bunnies don't lay eggs. ROFL WOOOOOOO!! A little holiday humor. Very little. Got that out of a greeting card, not surprisingly. Hope everyone had a good day. Mom cooked a big lunch today, so we went over there to eat after church. Mom made my sister and me Easter baskets. LOL Watched some of the Masters this afternoon. Wow, there's not much more boring to watch than golf on TV. Great to see Phil win, though. The gargantuan monkey has been removed from his back now. LOL Actually watched some of the hockey playoffs tonight. (Thanks, Jen.) I'm not much of a fan, but the Bruins were on, and they're my favorite team. It can be interesting sometimes.

Here is the website for that band we saw and filmed yesterday: Silk & Saddle

They look a little different now than the pic on the main page. Probably closer to the pic on the bio page.

Life Rule #22: Never assume that an extremely large woman or a woman that has recently put on a lot of weight is pregnant. Never.

"Marry him or marry me. I'm the one that loves you baby can't you see. I ain't got no future or family tree, but I know what a prince and lover ought to be..."
Saturday, April 10, 2004
Exhaustion
Long time, no blog. Long day. Busy lately. Got up this morning around 7:00. Headed out for Nashville early. Went along with Shane and Kyle to film a young bluegrass-type band for a promotional video and stuff. The band was really good. Great harmonies. A brother and 3 sisters, ages 12 to 22, and one other guy of no relation on bass. They were playing at Layla's Bluegrass Cafe downtown. I talked to their manager and told her to send me a CD. I think I managed to obtain another nickname while I was there... Flash. LOL How did I come about that, you ask? Well, suffice it to say there were a couple of hotties in the band. What? Got done with that around 1:00 or 1:30. Had lunch at Hooters. Then Shane headed home because his wife was complaining with morning sickness. Blech. Shot some pool at Buffalo Billiards. It started out OK, but as usual, began to deteriorate a bit near the end. I have concentration issues. I noticed the first 3 or 4 games my chin is basically touching the stick, but after that I'm not nearly down as much. Oh well. Stopped by the mall. Went by to see if Bobbie was working. She was on break, so she talked to us for a bit. Said she is moving back home in two weeks. She seemed so happy, happier than I've seen her in awhile. That was good to see. Also said she just got an '04 Camry. Her Cavalier ran for 199,000 miles! You can't really complain about that from a 4-cylinder engine. As we were leaving, she was like "Happy Easter. Have you been eating those peeps this year?" LOL Yep. After that, we ran by Shane and Mel's for about an hour, then went to Famous Dave's for dinner. Man, that was tasty!

Got home tonight about 11:00. Geesh, I'm tired. Planning to do some family stuff tomorrow afternoon for Easter, I guess. The Reds won today. I am happy about that. Oh, I almost forgot, when we stopped by Shane and Mel's, Kyle was trying to get their dog, Rerun, to come over to him. Well, the dog was sitting on the couch, and he is like a really nervous dog for some reason. So he whizzes all over the couch. ROFL That was pretty funny stuff. Um, let's see... took Jessica a card and birthday cake by Friday. Got a check in the mail from LMV for the dance recital from like last September. LOL

Funnies I can remember:
K: "Man, Belle is really cute. Too bad... whatever."

B: "I might even move back in with my parents for awhile."
K: "Oh, why would you wanna do that?"
(everyone gives K a funny look)
K: "What?"
B: "Don't you live with your parents?"
K: "Oh... yeah." ROFL

K: "Oh man it's been a long time since I've thrown a football. Let's see, I guess it's been about.. 29 years."

"Don't you forget about me. Don't, don't, don't, don't. Don't you forget about me. As you walk on by, will you call my name? Or will you walk away..."
Thursday, April 08, 2004
A clear, starry night
There have really been some beautiful nights here lately. I need to take time to enjoy them more. Pretty busy this afternoon. Went by to get my hair cut, went by the bank, came home and crashed on the couch for a few minutes. Then I went running. Took a shower and headed to town. Shot a little pool. Saw LeeAnn up there. Fortunately, over-tanned Fabio-hair guy wasn't taking up a cover charge tonight. Went to Applebees. Sat for a bit. Donna brought my lemonade. She was pretty busy. Five or ten minutes passed and she still hadn't taken our order, so we did a walk out. Went to Logan's. Sat with Brandi. No freebies though :-\ I think I saw Laura working up there. I wasn't sure if it was her though, or if she would recognize me, so I didn't go over. lol After that, I went to Books A Mill to pick up a birthday card. Tomorrow is Jessica's birthday.

As I was going out to go running, some of the neighbors were sitting outside and I realized one of the girls is a (fairly cute) teller at my bank. I was like, "Don't you work at the bank?" She said, "Yeah, I waited on you today." She's waited on me at least ten times, and I've seen her a couple of times around here, but for some reason, I never realized it was the same person. Oh well. That's neat, I guess. She was like, "Do you have a pool table?" I said, "Yeah." She was like, "Well you better get ready to have some company." I'm not sure what that means, so I quickly went inside and closed the door. What? ROFL

There were a very high number of kids, like 12 and under, at The Brick, which led to their being a couple of cute moms up there. One of the kids asked Kyle, "Can I have your wallet?" I was like, you should've said, "Sure, in exchange for your mom's phone number." ROFL Other humorous randomness:

"Man, those were the good days."
"Eh, they're still good.... well, they're still days."

(kid whining at a nearby table)
"That's why I don't have kids right there..... well, that's not the main reason." ROFL

"What's yours is yours. What's mine is mine. Is that all that's left, after all this time? Who's gonna hold me tonight, when I'm feeling lonely? Who's gonna show me the light, cos I need to know? With all the things we've got, how can love just stop? Tell me. Somebody help me understand..."
Blogger's Block
Does anyone else ever experience this? That brings to mind the question: Do I blog because I feel the need to say something, or do I just say something because I feel the need to blog? Ponder away, my fellow Platos.

The plan for today: Go by the bank after work. Go get a haircut ("We go get our hair cut every few weeks our entire lives, then wake up one day when we're forty and wonder what happened to all our hair.") Go running. I also have to do some birthday shopping tonight, at least get a card. That's not a whole lot. Surely I can manage those four things tonight. For your entertainment, we now present the latest edition of More About Bone Than You Wanted To Know.

When I was a kid, Chuck Taylor and I used to line up six buckets, cans, pails, whatever, and play our own homemade version of Bozo's Grand Prize Game. I don't remember if we used a tennis ball or if we had a real ping pong ball or what. Whoever wasn't playing would make up the prizes for each bucket... Archway Cookies, a new Schwinn bike, and of course, in the sixth bucket a crisp, new fifty dollar bill (I think they changed it to a hundred in my later years). lol And that's More About Bone Than You Wanted To Know.

That reminds me of some lines from The Fire:
"I mean, Bozo the Clown...does he really need "the clown" in his title, Bozo, the clown? Are we going to confuse him with Bozo the district attorney? Bozo the pope? There's no other Bozo"

"Me, forget it? You should forget it! You're livin' in the past, man! You're hung up on some clown from the sixties, man!"
"Alright, very good, very good. Go fold your little balloon animals, Eric. Eric! What kind of name is that for a clown, huh?" WOOOOOOOOO!!!

"But you've had this lesson coming for so very long. Our sins all have a way of coming home. Someone had to teach you. I didn't have the heart to, hurt you just like you'd been hurting me..."
Wednesday, April 07, 2004
These Pretzels Are Makin' Me Thirsty
Actually, it's tortilla chips and salsa, but nonetheless, that is the episode of Seinfeld that is on right now. "Was Mia Farrow there?" "I didn't see him." ROFL

Just winding it down on a Wednesday. Today was sooo nice, so naturally, I didn't do anything outdoors. lol Left work about an hour early to make up for last Friday. I could get used to that everyday. Jessica "popped in" to see me this afternoon. She took me to the steak house for dinner. That was nice. Shane and Kyle called to say they were filming something in Nashville Saturday, so I will probably go up there, stand by a camera, fiddle with the aperture settings and other knobs. That's always fun. I'm sure we'll head downtown to Buffalo Billiards at some point during the afternoon.

Went to Jack's tonight to take the money for the Bama tickets. Paige is expecting in October. ("What's with all these people having babies?" "Perpetuation of the species." lol) Well, they were talking about baby names, and Jack (jokingly, I think) wanted to call it Deuce. lol We're football fans, OK? So I agree with him and Paige is like, "See, if you had been on my side, I would've let you use the baby some to take around and pick up women." LOL What is up with that? I suggested the name, Seven, of course. LOL And when I left, I called her Lily. Those are Seinfeld references, of course, so if you don't get them, well, don't worry about it.

"Hey George, Lily."
"No, it's Susan."
"No, no, it's Lily."
"I think I know my own name."
"Well.. you look like a Lily." :-D

I can really do without the Midol commercial which begins, "You're wearing a bikini on your period?" Really, is that relevant? Can't we limit those to Lifetime, HGTV, and maybe the Soap Network, or something?

A suggestion for Hardees: Just give it up. No one is eating your crappy burgers. Thickburgers, thinburgers, starburgers, whatever. Invisible burgers. That's what you should try. Just close up after breakfast. You'll save on labor costs.

The Reds won tonight, 3-1. WOOHOO! Hey, it's early. I still have hope. I wanna go to a game this year.

Random quotes:
"It'll make them think you're sensitive and they'll like you even more."
"Or, some at all."

"Look around your world pretty baby. Is it everything you hoped it'd be? The wrong guy, the wrong situation. The right time to roll to me..."
What is it good for? Absolutely nothing. Huhhh!
You might be thinking that would be a good title for this blog, but I use that title today in honor of Jackie Chan, who turns 50 today. And they sing that song, of course, in Rush Hour.

I just thought of something funny from the Mister Rogers special I was watching the other night. They had a clip of GW Bush presenting him with some award, and he was like blah blah blah "...for Mister Rogerses Neighborhood." ROFL It's Mister Rogers' Neighborhood. No need for the extra -es on there, Einstein. I thought it was even funnier because it wasn't on The Daily Show or Letterman, but on a serious PBS special.

Went by to see Jessica yesterday after work. Hung out there awhile. Came home and got most of my laundry done. I still have one load in the dryer to fold. Got an Easter card from Lil Booty. She was like, "As I am writing this, the Seinfeld is on where George is supposed to take an IQ test and gets Elaine to take it for him." LOL How well do my friends know me? (That's "The Cafe", by the way.)

Stopped by to see my sister last night. While I was there, I was singing that "Yeah, yeah" song by Usher, and Sam (our dog) started barking. Well, his pen is probably 15-20 yards from the house, in the backyard. But he could clearly hear the excitement inside, causing him to bark. Well, I decided to start yelling "Who let the dogs out" and see if he would do the barking part after that, but he never would. However, when I would start saying "Yeah! Yeah!" again, he started barking. So he must like that song better or something. It was like:
"Who let the dogs out!!"
(silence)
"Yeah, yeah!!"
Bark... bark bark... bark.
"Who let the dogs out!"
(silence)

And on and on. It was funny, in a you-had-to-be-there sort of way. I see where the runner-up from The Apprentice will get to spend a week as chief sales officer for KFC, earning $25,000 and a year's supply of KFC products. Now the money is nice, I'm sure, but is a year's supply of KFC really a reward? I think not.

"I could lie to you and say I didn't mean it, but hurt's a funny thing and it makes you stronger. Well, all is nothing in moderation. It's a dirty feeling and it makes you stronger. Well I believe, that I'm just plain tired..."
Tuesday, April 06, 2004
I can tell you, but you won't believe it...
So I'm about to go out, and I can't find my cell phone. I look all over the apartment. I think maybe I left it in the truck. Finally, I decide to call my cell phone from my home phone to see if I can hear it ring. I dial my cell number, and I'm listening intently for the ring. I hear it. Where is my phone? Can you guess? You won't believe it. It's in my left hand!! I mean, I've been walking around for a full minute looking for it. Wow! Maybe you should just go ahead and commit me to Morningside. I can play checkers or shuffleboard, take some aqua-cise classes or something.

"I got a pocket full of money. And a pocket full of keys that have no binds. But then I think of loving, and I just can't get you off my mind..."
Bad Drivers Anonymous
If most of what you know about the world comes from Seinfeld, ESPN, David Letterman, and Rick Dees, then this is the blog for you...

Bone's Driving Tip O' The Day: If there are more than ten cars lined up behind you bumper-to-bumper, do the courteous thing and just pull off to the side of the road. There should be a ticket for "Holding Up More Than Ten Cars." Seriously. It's a nuisance. It's outrageous, egregious, preposterous!

In other bad drivers anonymous news, the past two days that I've gone to the store for my mid-morn snack, someone has had their car pulled longways next to the store, taking up three parking spaces. Two days in a row!! Different cars! Can you people not see the freakin' lines?!!?

Then yesterday, when I was coming back from the store, this lady pulls out into the middle of the road and nearly stops, as she has her head hanging out the window talking to someone on the sidewalk. I had to come to a complete stop in the middle of the road. Can you people not drive?!?! I wanted to give her the double-arm-extended-expletive-yelling Kyle road rage special. But I didn't.

Watched part of the game last night. No big shock that UConn won. I guess I was kinda pulling for them, since they put us out in the Elite 8. If you've got to lose, I guess it's good to lose to the eventual champs. I think I may leave work early today, if I get everything finished up, to make up for having to drive back down here Friday.

Oh, Jerry was on the Daily Show with Jon Stewart last night. He did a funny bit about how people ask him where Kramer is when they see him out, and he has to explain to them that Kramer was a fictional character who really doesn't exist anymore, since the show went off the air. And they have this glazed over look in their eyes. lol He talked about the Superman commercials for AmEx. The ones I've seen are really funny. I think they're only available online as of right now, at americanexpress.com. There is a link to The Adventures of Seinfeld and Superman in the lower right corner.

"Cos I'll never know 'til it's over, if I'm right or I'm wrong loving you. But I'd rather be sorry for something I've done, than for something that I didn't do..."
Monday, April 05, 2004
The Human Jukebox Returns...
OK, I've had like ten hits the last trhee days from searches for the lyrics to "100 Years" by Five For Fighting. I could transcribe them, but to save time and space, here's a link:

100 Years - Five For Fighting

Enjoy.

"I'm forty-five for a moment. The sea is high, and I'm heading into a crisis, chasing the years of my life. Fifteen, there's still time for you. Time to buy and time to lose yourself within a morning star. Fifteen, I'm alright with you. Fifteen, there's never a wish, better than this. When you only got a hundred years to live..."
Shalom, my friends
Wow, I didn't blog at all Sunday. Lots has been going on, so let's recap some: Jessica and I went out for dinner Saturday night. Then we went to Target for a few minutes. That is quite the weekend activity. After that, decided to go by and see Matt's new house, so I called to see if it would be OK if we came by. Tim was over there and they were watching "Tears Of The Sun." So, we got the tour. Jessica noticed this framed cross-stitching that was hanging on his bedroom wall, that said, "Shalom." ROFL We all got a big laugh out of that. I have no idea why he had that, nor why any guy would have a cross-stitched anything on the wall of his bachelor pad, nor why it was Jewish. Matt's not Jewish. lol Oh well.

I really felt the effects of the lost hour Sunday. Add that to the fact that I didn't get in bed 'til at least 3 AM, and Sunday after church I pretty much came home and collapsed on the couch for about two hours. Watched some of the race. They had a close finish. But they had like 3 cautions back to back to back near the end. That wasn't good. After church last night, I decided just to come home. Went running. (Already LOVING the extra daylight!) Then I hit the hut (aka, ordered a pizza and breadsticks). lol They were out of pan pizzas. What's up with that? Then I was talking to Jessica and she said she went to KFC last night and they were out of chicken. Period. What the crap? Why even stay open? Might as well lock up and go home. What do they say at the drive-thru, "Welcome to KFC. We're completely out of chicken, but would you like to try a tasty side item or an icy cold Pepsi?" Watched some of the Orioles/Red Sox game last night. Nice to see Pedro get beat. Also watched the Fred Rogers special that was on PBS. Can you imagine touching that many people in your lifetime? Got in bed about 11:30, which is earlier than I've been to bed in a couple of weeks.

Today is one of the best days of the year, Opening Day in baseball! Sure, three games have already been played (which I don't completely understand), but still. ESPN and ESPN2 are showing games all day and all night. The Reds (my team... hey, at least I'm loyal) are on TV at 1:00, I think. Might leave work a bit early to go watch that. I usually get tired of baseball after a couple of months, but the first few weeks are great. I love going to games, minor league or major league, gettin' a hot dog and coke, and just being outside on a summer night. I need to get in a rotisserie league this year, but all the ones I have seen are not free. I'm not paying. I'll have to see if I can find me a free one.

NCAA basketball championship game is tonight, of course. UConn against Georgia Tech. Who do you like? I think it easily could go either way. Tech has been playing great, and UConn is probably the most talented team in the nation. I think UConn will pull it out. We'll see.

Oh, I forgot one bit of suckage from the weekend. After work Friday, there was just one lady here by herself. She couldn't figure something out, so she called me. I had to drive all the way back down here, and about five minutes before I got her, she got it figured out. Urrrgghh!!!

Recent funnies:
"Hyperthyroidism... or goiter."
"Goiter? Oh, you don't want that!"

"That girl looks just like Melody except with blonde hair."
"Oh, that's her sister." LOL

"I'm a woman, so it's only natural for me to confuse you."
Amen to that!

"Ah, we're just having a good time."
"I'm not sure that's gonna stand up in court. Well, your honor, we were just having a good time."

We watched some of the Friends video the other night. One of the many funny moments is when Michelle's hiney gets all up in the camera and Kyle is like, "Uhh. Michelle. Don't... uhhh. Well. Eh, you'll see that later." ROFL

Wow, that was a long entry. I guess all I can say is, shalom, my friends. Shalom :-)

"I'm sorry but I'm just thinkin' of the right words to say. I know they don't sound the way I planned them to be. But if you'll wait around awhile, I'll make you fall for me. I promise you. I promise you., I will..."
Morning News
Remote alert!!! Jerry Seinfeld on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart tonight on Comedy Central.

Wal-Mart overcharges 800,000 debit and credit cards

Oh man, I swipe my check card there like it's going out of style. OK, I just checked. I had no transactions on March 31.

Stripper Mom gets 3 to 15 months in jail

Wow, that is just wrong. Gives a whole new slant to the term "balloon animals." What?

Three million gallons of raw sewage flow into river

Those Texas people always have to do everything "big." I like this quote: "Take the worst thing you've ever smelled and multiply it by 10." lol And this, "The force of the flow launched at least eight manholes skyward." That reminds me of The Pothole episode of Seinfeld.

"And you know you better watch your step, or you're gonna get hurt yourself. Someone's gonna tell you lies. Hurt you down inside. Don't do me like that. Don't do me like that. What if I love you, baby? Don't do me like that..."
Saturday, April 03, 2004
Sunny days, sweepin' the clouds away...
...on my way to where the air is sweet. Can you tell me how to get, how to get to Sesame Street?

I remember one time during training at BellSouth, I started singing that song and like 3 or 4 people had it in their head the rest of the day. The weather is just about as perfect as it gets today. Sunny skies, temps in the mid-60's, a little breeze. The longer it stays cool, the less time we'll have for severe storms. I worked today til Noon. Fixed some lunch when I got home, then went over to Dad's and cut the grass. Cut some small trees, plants, and weeds down that were sprouting up around the utility building. I heard that song, "100 Years" by Five For Fighting, on my way home from work today. I really like that song.

Last night's action included some billiards. Didn't play great. There are peaks and valleys, but I think my overall game continues to improve little by little. Kyle exhibited some never-before-seen road rage at a four-way stop last night, bringing to mind the Stifler character from "American Wedding." ROFL Wow, I wish I had that on tape.

I need to get out and hit some tennis. It's April and I haven't been all year. I'd like to get back into golfing a bit too this year. My old partners have all moved away. Beau is in school in Tuscaloosa. Amy is about an hour away now. Tryin' to talk Matt into buying some clubs, but he doesn't seem too interested. That's OK, as long as he gets a pool table. LOL

One of my friends got tricked into going to an undesirable place the other night, leading her to come up with this funny: "I haven't seen so many mullets and perms in one place since the eighties." ROFL WOOOOOOO!!!

Well, that's about it for now. I'm gonna head over to Jessica's. Don't forget to set your clocks ahead an hour tonight. Spring forward It's magic time! What?

"I won't be not sleepin' over you, if I'm sleepin' far away from you. I know you think you need me, but once you had and couldn't keep me. Isn't this the same ground we've been thru? You won't catch me cryin' over you..."
Good news, billiards fans...
Bought a Billiards Digest last night, since the new issue was out. Looks like ESPN and ESPN2 are greatly increasing their billiards telecasts this year. They will be doing theme-based programming. April 12-16 will feature "Chicks With Sticks", and April 26-29 will feature Mosconi and other legends of the game in classic matches. Also, the majority of the ESPN2 telecasts are going to be between 10 AM and Noon and 4-6 PM Monday thru Friday, so fans can get in the routine of seeing pool at a set time. ESPN is also considering doing some live tournaments once again, which will be great!

Some good tips, as usual, in this month's issue. "The vast majority of missed shots are related to stroke delivery, not aim." And this month's Dear Jeanette question could've been sent in by me. The guy was saying his biggest problem is concentration. He does well for awhile, but eventually his mind drifts off and he makes basic mistakes. Loss of concentration. That's me, right there.

Still no word on when the Delta Classic that we attended is going to be aired. WPBA hasn't updated their TV schedule in awhile. I did find an updated TV schedule on billiardsdigest.com.

Happy stroking!

"We spent the summer with the top rolled down. Wished ever after would be like this. You said I love you babe, without a sound. I said I?d give my life for just one kiss. Live for your smile, and die for your kiss. Remember yesterday? Walking hand in hand. Love letters in the sand. I remember you..."
Friday, April 02, 2004
I don't like the purple ones...
Woke up this morning to a nice surprise. (No, not that. What?) Someone had left a card and some Easter candy at the door overnight. I opened the card and it was from Jessica. She had driven all the way to my apartment (25 minutes one way) at 4:00 in the morning after she got off work and left it. How cool is that? On top of that, it was yellow marshmallow peeps! Yellow is my favorite. Pink and blue are OK. I don't like the purple ones. Anyway, that was a very sweet gesture, and a total suprise. I thought someone had left me a bag of manure again for a second. What?

In other news, talked to Matt for a bit. He said they had all the furniture moved to the new house. They were just getting ready to start moving it inside. So apparently, I won't be needed for any heavy lifting. I again inquired as to whether he would be purchasing a pool table. Sounds like he will at some point. He was trying to decide whether to put a bar table in a spare bedroom or a full-size table in the garage. Work has been extremely busy most of this week, thus little time to surf and blog.

Have to work for a couple of hours on Saturday. Then, I think I have some yards to mow. lol Well, it's about time for me to gather up my semi-automatic weapons and exit the compound for today. Have a super terrific weekend!

Blog come-on line #7: I've been looking for someone like you ever since I dumped that infrequent updater.

"Thirty-three, go on your way. Everyday's a new day. Fifteen, there's still time for you. Twenty-four, it's time to choose. Fifteen, there's never a wish better than this, when you've only got one hundred years to live..."
Friday Five archives
No FF again this week, so since I haven't been doing it that long, I dug one out from their archives from last April.

1. How many houses/apartments have you lived in throughout your life?

Um, well let me count here. Eight, I think.

2. Which was your favorite and why?

I guess it would be the last house we lived in before I moved out, because I had a room with outside entrance, so it was like a little one-room apartment, kinda like Mike Seaver had on Growing Pains when he moved above the garage. lol

3. Do you find moving house more exciting or stressful? Why?

Um, stressful. Not really stressful, just a pain. Why? It's just too much work.

4. What's more important, location or price?

Well I'd say location. But in reality, you can only afford what you can afford. I guess it usually ends up being a compromise both ways.

5. What features does your dream house have (pool, spa bath, big yard, etc.)?

Um, full-size pool table. That's the main thing. A pool would be nice, I guess. A basement, with a big-screen TV to watch sports on. Maybe I could have the pool table down there. A solarium-style dining area. Second floor balcony. That's all I can think of. Oh, and an elevator. The guy I used to work for had elevators in his house. Sweet. Eh, I guess all that's nice, but really, love grows best in little houses. Just a loving wife, good kids, and a few pets. That would be nice. Might have to settle for just a few pets. ROFL

"One more day down. Everybody has those days. One soft sweet song's just enough to clear my head. Fall on real life. Is anybody left there sane? If we slide on over and accept fate, then it's bound to be a powerful thing. If it's just that you're weak, can we talk about it?"
Thursday, April 01, 2004
It was a bright, cold day in April...
...and the clocks were striking thirteen. - George Orwell, 1984

When it's time to blog, I sometimes get nervous. I feel pressure. What will I title this entry? What lyric will I use at the end? Then, I try my best to relax, close my eyes, pop a couple of pain pills (what?), and then let the blog write itself. The thoughts flow from my cerebral region, down thru the complex system of motoneurons and dendrites, across synapses left and right, to my extremeties, and from there they are relayed directly to the qwerty keyboard at a top speed of 75 words per minute, thus producing the polished product you have before you.

Let's see, today is April Fool's Day. So be on guard. Some favorite pranks...
- Take someone's keys and move their car down the block
- Switch the men's and women's signs on a busy public restroom while it's occupied
- Superglue a quarter to the sidewalk
- Grease the toilet seat (yuck!)
- Recreate the Hindenbergh tragedy by filling a large container with hydrogen, putting it in your vehicle, and then lighting the container just as you drive off the side of a high, well-traveled bridge. Oh wait, wrong subject.
(IYROOBTY does not condone, approve of, or encourage the actual use of the aforementioned pranks. We will not be held responsible for damages, legal problems, or broken marriages that may result from the use of one or more of the above. Any questions should be addressed to the law firm of Pennypacker, Vandelay, and Varnsen, New York, NY 10056)

A few tax glitches today. My main full-time employer had my SS# wrong on my W-2 forms. I ended up owing on federal, so I got with the secretary and changed up my W-4. Oh well, maybe I won't get audited. What's that Seinfeld bit? IRS... kinda sounds like Toys-R-Us... surely it can't be that bad. LOL

Got a much needed nap yesterdee. I haven't been getting to bed until 12:30 or 1:00 most of this week, and getting up at 5:20 is rough. Got in bed around midnight last night, so that's a little better. Had a nice dinner prepared by the folks at Don Miguel last night... one of their gourmet El Charrito masterpieces. Mmm. Watched a little bit of Letterman. That little 4 year old girl was SO cute, Sahr Singh, or whatever the crap her name was. I love little kids, when they're behaving. lol May go by Dad's today and cut the yard, if it looks relatively dry. And biliards will happen sometime tonight, in all probability. Ok, enough. Lunch time!

Blog come-on line #14: "I like a girl who's not afraid to show off her archives." What?

"Straight up, what did you hope to learn about here? If I was someone else, would this all fall apart. Strange, where were you when we started this gig? I wish the real world would just stop hassling me, and you, and you, and me..."