My fans have spoken, clamoring for a new blog post. By fans, I mean fan (thanks Sherri). And by clamoring, I mean probably just being polite in that way that you ask someone how they are, all the while hoping they don't regale you with a five-minute tale of how their gout is flaring up again and their continuing gastrointestinal issues.
Saturday was my bloggiversary, so it seemed like as good a time as any for a new post.
I've been at this nine years. That's a whole lot in blog years. Ancient, really. Look, I'm not blind, I can see the writing on the virtual wall. When I think of all the dead blogs I've cut from my link list over the years, it's a sobering thing. And soon, I too, shall join them -- the ghosts of bloggers past.
At this point, I'm pretty much the blogging Betty White. Now if I only knew who the blogging Rue McClanahan was we could move in together and ride out these final golden years in style.
To kick off year number ten, I apologetically announce the creation of a new poetry blog. No, seriously. Why are you laughing? It's my bloggiversary, try and control yourselves. It struck me this weekend that the time has come for me to get things in order. Here on the blog, I mean. I wanted to have a place to keep all my poetry and lyric-y things together. There'll be some previously posted stuff, some I wrote and never posted, and anything new I manage to scribe. I'm calling it Poetry Wrecks. Like Cake Wrecks -- except far less popular, but every bit as delicious!
Speaking of end-of-(blog)life decisions, not a lot of people get a chance to do this, but I would like to take this opportunity to write my own eulogy. Or is it an obituary? Maybe it's only a eulogy if it's read aloud. Either way, here goes, and you can fight amongst yourselves as to who gets to read it aloud. You know, when the time comes...
Here lies If You Read Only One Blog This Year, age (undetermined as yet). It expired on (TBD), suffering in its later years from long bouts of
post-lessness. The blog had been dormant and mostly unresponsive for
more than (TBD) hours prior to its death.
Born May 5th, 2003, on AOL. It was raised on AngelFire, before moving to Blogspot in October of 2003, where it spent the remainder of its days.
A contemporary of such infinitely more famous blogs as Dooce and Stuff White People Like, IYROOBTY enjoyed its greatest popularity in the years of 2006 & 2007, just before the explosion of Facebook when blogging would go the way of the cassette tape.
IYROOBTY was home to a veritable hodge-podge of topics, ranging from golf to General Hospital, Bama football to Brandon Walsh, frequently following the protagonist's never-ending, if sporadic, efforts to end up in Wikipedia or the Guinness Book Of World Records. Its writings on Welcome Back Kotter and WKRP In Cincinnati are some of the only on the internet. And to the very end, every post was ended with a carefully chosen song lyric.
It is survived by its author, Bone. Although according to those in his inner circle, he is said to be completely despondent and reclusive. More so than normal, even.
In the final days of his life, he revealed an unknown side of his
psyche. This hidden quasi-Jungian persona surfaced during the pursuit of
his long-reputed soul mate, a woman whom he
only spent a few precious hours with. Sadly, the protracted search ended
late Saturday night in complete and utter failure. (Oh, sorry for that
very out-of-place Serendipity interlude. I just always wanted my eulogy
to say that, and be read aloud by Ari.)
Other survivors include one (brain)child, the moderately successful writing prompt, Three Word Wednesday, which continues under new management; several invented fake blog holidays including NaBloSoThaDraWe, Blogust, and Blogtober (although survive might be a strong word for those); and a small but loyal group of readers whose friendship, kindness, and encouragement will not soon be forgotten.
In lieu of flowers, comments may be left on this post.
"And if you threw a party / And invited everyone you knew / You would see the biggest gift would be from me / And the card attached would say / Thank you for being a friend..."
Showing posts with label blogging. Show all posts
Showing posts with label blogging. Show all posts
Monday, May 07, 2012
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
I'm not sure I remember how to do this
It's been awhile. I'd like to tell you I have a great reason for being absent, like I quit my job and have been under the tutelage of David Gibson in preparation for this year's World Scrabble Championships. But I have no grand reason. No excuse.
Although my hours at work changed a few weeks ago. I now have to be in at Brandt-Leland each morning by 6 AM. It's kinda thrown my whole routine off. OK, so one excuse.
My first week working the new hours, I woke up one morning at 5:52. I shot out of bed and rushed into the bathroom in a panic. As I brushed my teeth, my mind raced. Why hadn't my alarm gone off? Or had it, and I turned in off in a semi-conscious haze? And what about my phone? I never turn my phone alarm off.... except for weekends... which must make this a... Saturday! It's moments like these that never allow me to think too highly of myself.
I've always been a night owl and I'm not sure I'll ever be fully transformed into one of those early worms. But there is one good thing about the new hours: I'm off in time to catch General Hospital most days now.
Speaking of, I'm pretty sure I had a small coronary when I read the headline "ABC To Cancel Two Of Its Long-Running Soaps" a couple weeks ago. Thankfully, GH survived. And so did I. Did you know we may experience hundreds of tiny heart attacks and never even realize it? On second thought, maybe that was hundreds of tiny earthquakes...
Spring was nice this year. It arrived on a Wednesday and was gone by the following Sunday. Like a girl you go out with a couple of times and she's not your favorite but then when she's gone you start thinking she must have something going for her if she's not waiting around on you. It would have been nice if spring had stayed a little longer. Not that I would ever complain about summer. Or girls.
I earned my first sunburn of the season last weekend at the Alabama A-Day game. You might recall that's where ninety-thousand-plus fans show up to basically watch the team practice. Yeah, there's not a whole lot to do around here.
Nephew Bone went to the game. He's learned to put his hand over his heart for the national anthem. So on over in the game a bit as the band was playing the Alabama fight song, I looked down and Nephew Bone was standing with his hand over his heart until they were done. My heart melted a little.
Otherwise, I've been golfing a bit, running a bit, and going to bed earlier than I ever dreamed possible. (Not that I have ever actually had a dream about going to bed early.) And even though I would think about blogging, it became easier and easier to let it go for another day.
It's kinda like a relationship where you stop communicating and walls start to form. And you know you need to talk but with each passing day it's just easier to watch TV or read. And so you let the distance continue to grow until finally... You know, actually these relationship analogies are starting to hit a little too close to home.
So anyway, I'm back. For better or for worse.
And if there should ever be another prolonged hiatus, just assume the Scrabble thing.
"A good muse is hard to find. Living one word to the next, one line at a time. There's more to life than whiskey. There's more to words than rhyme. Sometimes nothing works, sometimes nothing shines, like Hemingway's whiskey..."
Although my hours at work changed a few weeks ago. I now have to be in at Brandt-Leland each morning by 6 AM. It's kinda thrown my whole routine off. OK, so one excuse.
My first week working the new hours, I woke up one morning at 5:52. I shot out of bed and rushed into the bathroom in a panic. As I brushed my teeth, my mind raced. Why hadn't my alarm gone off? Or had it, and I turned in off in a semi-conscious haze? And what about my phone? I never turn my phone alarm off.... except for weekends... which must make this a... Saturday! It's moments like these that never allow me to think too highly of myself.
I've always been a night owl and I'm not sure I'll ever be fully transformed into one of those early worms. But there is one good thing about the new hours: I'm off in time to catch General Hospital most days now.
Speaking of, I'm pretty sure I had a small coronary when I read the headline "ABC To Cancel Two Of Its Long-Running Soaps" a couple weeks ago. Thankfully, GH survived. And so did I. Did you know we may experience hundreds of tiny heart attacks and never even realize it? On second thought, maybe that was hundreds of tiny earthquakes...
Spring was nice this year. It arrived on a Wednesday and was gone by the following Sunday. Like a girl you go out with a couple of times and she's not your favorite but then when she's gone you start thinking she must have something going for her if she's not waiting around on you. It would have been nice if spring had stayed a little longer. Not that I would ever complain about summer. Or girls.
I earned my first sunburn of the season last weekend at the Alabama A-Day game. You might recall that's where ninety-thousand-plus fans show up to basically watch the team practice. Yeah, there's not a whole lot to do around here.
Nephew Bone went to the game. He's learned to put his hand over his heart for the national anthem. So on over in the game a bit as the band was playing the Alabama fight song, I looked down and Nephew Bone was standing with his hand over his heart until they were done. My heart melted a little.
Otherwise, I've been golfing a bit, running a bit, and going to bed earlier than I ever dreamed possible. (Not that I have ever actually had a dream about going to bed early.) And even though I would think about blogging, it became easier and easier to let it go for another day.
It's kinda like a relationship where you stop communicating and walls start to form. And you know you need to talk but with each passing day it's just easier to watch TV or read. And so you let the distance continue to grow until finally... You know, actually these relationship analogies are starting to hit a little too close to home.
So anyway, I'm back. For better or for worse.
And if there should ever be another prolonged hiatus, just assume the Scrabble thing.
"A good muse is hard to find. Living one word to the next, one line at a time. There's more to life than whiskey. There's more to words than rhyme. Sometimes nothing works, sometimes nothing shines, like Hemingway's whiskey..."
Tuesday, August 03, 2010
On the third day of Blogust...
What? Two posts from Bone in four days? That can only mean one of two things: Either you've been joyriding in the DeLorean again and traveled back in time to 2005, or more likely, it's Blogust!!!
That's right, blogging friends. It's the month you've all been waiting for. Time to celebrate and procreate. Or, just create. So string up the lights and light up the tree, I'll be writing like mad for all the world to see.
Blogust -- not to be confused with Blog Lust, whatever that is -- is very similar to Blogtober which I invented last year. In fact, it's exactly the same, except I couldn't wait until October this year because, well, my blog was dying. The basic premise is that I'll make myself write for at least 30 minutes a day for the entire month, which will ideally result in a few more blog entries. Also, I'm hoping the increase in writing will carry on beyond the end of the month this time.
I should warn you. I'm already feeling rejuvenated, like I've discovered the blogging fountain of youth! Or it could be I've just had too much caffeine today. Either way, feel free to join in or just read along.
I'm also proclaiming this the 3rd annual National Blog Something That's In Draft Week. Or NaBloSoThaDraWe, as it is as commonly known. (Sometimes written as National Blog Something From Draft Week -- or NaBloSoFroDraWe -- especially in parts of Minnesota and Iowa, among certain nomadic peoples of the American southwest, and last year on this blog.
Boy, for someone who doesn't blog that much, I sure invent a lot of fake blog holidays. And if someday, perchance, I am credited as the person who saved blogging, well so be it.
Anyway, NaBloSoThaDraWe is a week I created back in two-double-ought-eight for the blogging lull which occurs for many of us during these dog days of summer. You are all invited to join in. I have no doubt that amongst the weeds and tall grass of your meadow of drafts, there is a radiant flower just starving for some blog-light. Also, for you history buffs, you can read more about the origins of NaBloSoThaDraWe here.
So Blogust and NaBloSoThaDraWe occurring at the same time! That's like having a full moon and a total eclipse on the same day!
(OK, so upon further research, it turns out that a lunar eclipse can only occur when there is a full moon. Who knew?)
Now without further adieu, let's get it started. On the third day of Blogust, your true Bone gives to you, his entry for NaBloSoThaDraWe. It's a piece I like to call "Facebook Stranger." I have a tune in my head that goes with it, but it's hard to convey a tune with a keyboard when one doesn't know how to write music.
Facebook Stranger
by Bone
from the unreleased album Take Heed 'Cause I'm A Lyrical Poet: Words Without Music
(For NaBloSoThaDraWe 2010)
I've never met you or I haven't seen you in twenty years
I guess we can catch up on the past that we don't share
Not sure why you friended me, I'm thinking of clicking deny
But then if I do, it makes me question what kind of person am I
Facebook stranger, you're no friend
All these pseudo-social decisions, will they never end
You've got mafia wars to fight
And what you loved about Glee last night
I don't really care to read again
Facebook stranger, you're no friend
I doubt you'd even stop to speak if we passed on the street
Yet you send me these friend requests at least every other week
Not sure why you friended me, what's the point of it all
Do you really want to poke me or am I just a number on your wall?
Facebook stranger, you're no friend
All these pseudo-social decisions, will they never end
You've got mafia wars to fight
And what you loved about Glee last night
I don't really care to read again
Facebook stranger, you're no friend
"You better put on the Hammer, and you will be rewarded. My beat is ever boomin' and you know I get it started..."
That's right, blogging friends. It's the month you've all been waiting for. Time to celebrate and procreate. Or, just create. So string up the lights and light up the tree, I'll be writing like mad for all the world to see.
Blogust -- not to be confused with Blog Lust, whatever that is -- is very similar to Blogtober which I invented last year. In fact, it's exactly the same, except I couldn't wait until October this year because, well, my blog was dying. The basic premise is that I'll make myself write for at least 30 minutes a day for the entire month, which will ideally result in a few more blog entries. Also, I'm hoping the increase in writing will carry on beyond the end of the month this time.
I should warn you. I'm already feeling rejuvenated, like I've discovered the blogging fountain of youth! Or it could be I've just had too much caffeine today. Either way, feel free to join in or just read along.
I'm also proclaiming this the 3rd annual National Blog Something That's In Draft Week. Or NaBloSoThaDraWe, as it is as commonly known. (Sometimes written as National Blog Something From Draft Week -- or NaBloSoFroDraWe -- especially in parts of Minnesota and Iowa, among certain nomadic peoples of the American southwest, and last year on this blog.
Boy, for someone who doesn't blog that much, I sure invent a lot of fake blog holidays. And if someday, perchance, I am credited as the person who saved blogging, well so be it.
Anyway, NaBloSoThaDraWe is a week I created back in two-double-ought-eight for the blogging lull which occurs for many of us during these dog days of summer. You are all invited to join in. I have no doubt that amongst the weeds and tall grass of your meadow of drafts, there is a radiant flower just starving for some blog-light. Also, for you history buffs, you can read more about the origins of NaBloSoThaDraWe here.
So Blogust and NaBloSoThaDraWe occurring at the same time! That's like having a full moon and a total eclipse on the same day!
(OK, so upon further research, it turns out that a lunar eclipse can only occur when there is a full moon. Who knew?)
Now without further adieu, let's get it started. On the third day of Blogust, your true Bone gives to you, his entry for NaBloSoThaDraWe. It's a piece I like to call "Facebook Stranger." I have a tune in my head that goes with it, but it's hard to convey a tune with a keyboard when one doesn't know how to write music.
Facebook Stranger
by Bone
from the unreleased album Take Heed 'Cause I'm A Lyrical Poet: Words Without Music
(For NaBloSoThaDraWe 2010)
I've never met you or I haven't seen you in twenty years
I guess we can catch up on the past that we don't share
Not sure why you friended me, I'm thinking of clicking deny
But then if I do, it makes me question what kind of person am I
Facebook stranger, you're no friend
All these pseudo-social decisions, will they never end
You've got mafia wars to fight
And what you loved about Glee last night
I don't really care to read again
Facebook stranger, you're no friend
I doubt you'd even stop to speak if we passed on the street
Yet you send me these friend requests at least every other week
Not sure why you friended me, what's the point of it all
Do you really want to poke me or am I just a number on your wall?
Facebook stranger, you're no friend
All these pseudo-social decisions, will they never end
You've got mafia wars to fight
And what you loved about Glee last night
I don't really care to read again
Facebook stranger, you're no friend
"You better put on the Hammer, and you will be rewarded. My beat is ever boomin' and you know I get it started..."
Monday, October 05, 2009
Twenty-seven days hath Blogtober
I've gotta make some changes in my life. A total of four blog entries in September? I'm embarrassed. Coming here after each seven-to-ten-day absence feels like calling to wish your mother a happy birthday a week late. I think it's got to be all or nothing for me. I'm not a person who can be happy doing things halfway. Well, other than relationships.
And so, I hereby do proclaim this the month of Blogtober. What does this mean? It means that I am going to make myself spend at least thirty minutes writing for the next thirty-one days. Except that I'm four days late--that's what she said--so make it the next twenty-seven days.
Will I post everything that I write? No. None of you have done anything terrible enough to me to deserve that. But I do hope this will result in a few more posts this month anyway.
For those who make it to the end of the month, rumor has it there will be a big celebration across the United States as well as the Motherland, where not only will you be able to dress up in costumes but apparently some people will be buying up candy by the bagfuls and just giving it away.
So welcome to Blogtober. Now get ready to read some crap!
In other news, I went to a county fair last weekend. My favorite part of the fair is the food. On this particular evening, I enjoyed a corn dog, fries and lemonade, with a caramel apple for dessert. My least favorite part of the fair is when I see some adult--excuse me, over-grown kid--hogging the rides and dominating the fishing game, playing against children. Then later you see him on the merry-go-round, making horsey noises. It's just sad, really. For example, this guy:
Caption? "The Almost-NASCAR Driving Experience wasn't quite what Bone had expected." Feel free to come up with your own.
"Well baby you know I just love the sound of that pipe organ on the merry-go-round, baby down at the county fair..."
And so, I hereby do proclaim this the month of Blogtober. What does this mean? It means that I am going to make myself spend at least thirty minutes writing for the next thirty-one days. Except that I'm four days late--that's what she said--so make it the next twenty-seven days.
Will I post everything that I write? No. None of you have done anything terrible enough to me to deserve that. But I do hope this will result in a few more posts this month anyway.
For those who make it to the end of the month, rumor has it there will be a big celebration across the United States as well as the Motherland, where not only will you be able to dress up in costumes but apparently some people will be buying up candy by the bagfuls and just giving it away.
So welcome to Blogtober. Now get ready to read some crap!
In other news, I went to a county fair last weekend. My favorite part of the fair is the food. On this particular evening, I enjoyed a corn dog, fries and lemonade, with a caramel apple for dessert. My least favorite part of the fair is when I see some adult--excuse me, over-grown kid--hogging the rides and dominating the fishing game, playing against children. Then later you see him on the merry-go-round, making horsey noises. It's just sad, really. For example, this guy:
Caption? "The Almost-NASCAR Driving Experience wasn't quite what Bone had expected." Feel free to come up with your own.
"Well baby you know I just love the sound of that pipe organ on the merry-go-round, baby down at the county fair..."
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Reconciliation
Dear Blog,
Let us not beat around the bush or tiptoe about the proverbial daisies any longer. Clearly, we have some issues that need to be discussed.
We've drifted apart.
(Blog responds with a series of beeps and electronic noises similar to R2D2, or at least that's what I imagine.)
No, it has nothing to do with Facebook. Why do you always bring her up? She means nothing to me. I only use her for Scrabble.
I'm committed to you. We've been together for over six years. That's the longest relationship I've ever had... with a blog. Or... a girl.
I want this to work, too! But why does everything I write have to be perfect and grandiose?
Well, that's how you make me feel. Like nothing is ever good enough.
Well, I'm not Dooce! I'm me! Nice to meet ya! Maybe if you made as much money as her blog does, I could quit my job and spend all day with you.
I'm sorry. That was uncalled for.
Look, I admit, I have been neglecting you. But I'm here now. Fighting for you. Fighting for us. Doesn't that count for anything?
Where did we go wrong? Remember when we first began, we'd do it like two or three times a day. Then it was once a day. And now we're lucky if we do it once a week. When did it become such a chore? I mean, I still enjoy it when we do get together.
We sure had some good times, didn't we? You stuck with me during my ALL CAPS phase and those early days of zero and one comments, when all we had or needed was each other.
I miss you. I miss us.
Do you remember the first time we went all the way... to 50 comments? That's right, the Nuvaring post. *sniff* You do remember!
Oh blog, come here, I just wanna publish you right here and now.
"Try to see it my way. Only time will tell if I am right or I am wrong. While you see it your way, there's a chance that we might fall apart before too long. We can work it out..."
Let us not beat around the bush or tiptoe about the proverbial daisies any longer. Clearly, we have some issues that need to be discussed.
We've drifted apart.
(Blog responds with a series of beeps and electronic noises similar to R2D2, or at least that's what I imagine.)
No, it has nothing to do with Facebook. Why do you always bring her up? She means nothing to me. I only use her for Scrabble.
I'm committed to you. We've been together for over six years. That's the longest relationship I've ever had... with a blog. Or... a girl.
I want this to work, too! But why does everything I write have to be perfect and grandiose?
Well, that's how you make me feel. Like nothing is ever good enough.
Well, I'm not Dooce! I'm me! Nice to meet ya! Maybe if you made as much money as her blog does, I could quit my job and spend all day with you.
I'm sorry. That was uncalled for.
Look, I admit, I have been neglecting you. But I'm here now. Fighting for you. Fighting for us. Doesn't that count for anything?
Where did we go wrong? Remember when we first began, we'd do it like two or three times a day. Then it was once a day. And now we're lucky if we do it once a week. When did it become such a chore? I mean, I still enjoy it when we do get together.
We sure had some good times, didn't we? You stuck with me during my ALL CAPS phase and those early days of zero and one comments, when all we had or needed was each other.
I miss you. I miss us.
Do you remember the first time we went all the way... to 50 comments? That's right, the Nuvaring post. *sniff* You do remember!
Oh blog, come here, I just wanna publish you right here and now.
"Try to see it my way. Only time will tell if I am right or I am wrong. While you see it your way, there's a chance that we might fall apart before too long. We can work it out..."
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
The day the blog stood still
We were at a double-A baseball game. It was around the second or third inning. Day had all but surrendered to night's gradual but certain takeover. Wolfgang, Little Joe, and Little Joe's girlfriend were talking amongst themselves. Meanwhile, I was halfway through an order of nachos, and had been amusing myself by listening to the girl behind us asking her poor husband/boyfriend/brother things like "What quarter is it?" and "How come they got two?"
If I recall correctly, I had just finished barking along to the last few bars of "Who Let The Dogs Out" when Wolfgang turned to me and said, "Why didn't you tell me my name was Wolfgang?"
And there it was, that always unexpected and often awkward clashing of the blogosphere and the real world.
As you might imagine, I have been questioning everything the past few days, including my very existence (in the blogosphere). Is this the end of the Darryls as you know them? What a blow that would be not only to my blog but to Newhart references in general.
Speaking of concerts in the greater-Nashville area, I am supposed to go see Counting Crows tonight. I say "supposed to" because there has been one issue after another regarding the tickets. First, they were going to be mailed, then they were going to be emailed, and now they are supposed to be at will call.
I figure best-case, I get to see Adam Duritz belting out "A Long December." Worst-case, they don't let me in to the Ryman and I have something in common with Hank Williams. Then we go on a self-guided tour of the former Opryland location--which just happens to be my favorite tourist destination in all of Nashville--and I get to see a few Perseids while driving home. So, win-win.
While I am or am not at the Counting Crows concert tonight pondering the future of my very blog, which has become as much a part of me as any of my bodily appendages, I offer a repost. Originally posted in 2005, it goes along quite well with the subject du jour.
---------------------------------------------
OPRYLAND HISTORICAL TOURS
Announcing the all-new Opryland Historical Tours, by Bone. Come and relive the magic of Opryland USA. Tours are held Monday-Saturday, beginning at 9:00 AM, at the original location of the Grizzly River Rampage at the Opry Mills complex.
Each tour guide is arrayed in an original Opryland park employee outfit, and will share with you interesting stories, personal memories, and historical facts about the theme park. Each tour includes a a thirty minute video about Opryland USA, including footage shot by visitors to the park during its twenty-six years in operation.
After the video, you'll be able to walk thru the river bed of what once was the Grizzly River Rampage, where you will have plenty of photo opportunities. You can also take pictures next to the "Opry Mills Sucks" and "Gaylord Stole My Childhood" signs.
And browse thru tons several items of Opryland memorabilia, including an original Tin Lizzie, a log from the Flume Zoom, a skee ball, a half-eaten slice of pizza from Julio's, and some chicken wire from the park's famous petting zoo.
Refreshments are available, including fruit-shaped fruit drinks, just like those sold at the original Opryland USA. So if you have fond memories of Opryland, or even if you never got to go to Opryland because your baby sister always got to go where she wanted on vacation, you will not want to miss the Opryland Historical Tour.
Legal disclaimer: Opryland Historical Tours is not liable for the actions of any guests. We will not be held responsible for any legal action that may be taken against you or any member of your party by Gaylord Entertainment or any of its subsidaries, nor any physical harm or trauma that may be caused by the Opry Mills security. By taking part in this tour, you may or may not be trespassing, but most likely are.
Well, that's my dream. My entrepreneurial thought for the week. Or for the year. Whichever.
"They paved paradise and put up a parking lot, with a pink hotel, a boutique and a swingin' hot spot. Don't it always seem to go that you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone..."
If I recall correctly, I had just finished barking along to the last few bars of "Who Let The Dogs Out" when Wolfgang turned to me and said, "Why didn't you tell me my name was Wolfgang?"
And there it was, that always unexpected and often awkward clashing of the blogosphere and the real world.
As you might imagine, I have been questioning everything the past few days, including my very existence (in the blogosphere). Is this the end of the Darryls as you know them? What a blow that would be not only to my blog but to Newhart references in general.
Speaking of concerts in the greater-Nashville area, I am supposed to go see Counting Crows tonight. I say "supposed to" because there has been one issue after another regarding the tickets. First, they were going to be mailed, then they were going to be emailed, and now they are supposed to be at will call.
I figure best-case, I get to see Adam Duritz belting out "A Long December." Worst-case, they don't let me in to the Ryman and I have something in common with Hank Williams. Then we go on a self-guided tour of the former Opryland location--which just happens to be my favorite tourist destination in all of Nashville--and I get to see a few Perseids while driving home. So, win-win.
While I am or am not at the Counting Crows concert tonight pondering the future of my very blog, which has become as much a part of me as any of my bodily appendages, I offer a repost. Originally posted in 2005, it goes along quite well with the subject du jour.
---------------------------------------------
OPRYLAND HISTORICAL TOURS
Announcing the all-new Opryland Historical Tours, by Bone. Come and relive the magic of Opryland USA. Tours are held Monday-Saturday, beginning at 9:00 AM, at the original location of the Grizzly River Rampage at the Opry Mills complex.
Each tour guide is arrayed in an original Opryland park employee outfit, and will share with you interesting stories, personal memories, and historical facts about the theme park. Each tour includes a a thirty minute video about Opryland USA, including footage shot by visitors to the park during its twenty-six years in operation.
After the video, you'll be able to walk thru the river bed of what once was the Grizzly River Rampage, where you will have plenty of photo opportunities. You can also take pictures next to the "Opry Mills Sucks" and "Gaylord Stole My Childhood" signs.
And browse thru tons several items of Opryland memorabilia, including an original Tin Lizzie, a log from the Flume Zoom, a skee ball, a half-eaten slice of pizza from Julio's, and some chicken wire from the park's famous petting zoo.
Refreshments are available, including fruit-shaped fruit drinks, just like those sold at the original Opryland USA. So if you have fond memories of Opryland, or even if you never got to go to Opryland because your baby sister always got to go where she wanted on vacation, you will not want to miss the Opryland Historical Tour.
Legal disclaimer: Opryland Historical Tours is not liable for the actions of any guests. We will not be held responsible for any legal action that may be taken against you or any member of your party by Gaylord Entertainment or any of its subsidaries, nor any physical harm or trauma that may be caused by the Opry Mills security. By taking part in this tour, you may or may not be trespassing, but most likely are.
Well, that's my dream. My entrepreneurial thought for the week. Or for the year. Whichever.
"They paved paradise and put up a parking lot, with a pink hotel, a boutique and a swingin' hot spot. Don't it always seem to go that you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone..."
Wednesday, May 06, 2009
That time I almost went all the way
Yesterday was my six-year blogging anniversary, frequently referred to as a bloggiversary. I've never understood why my bloggiversary is so popular in certain regions of Mexico, but it is. No doubt they were partying last night in Puebla like it was 1862.
I got home from the beach Sunday evening, but it feels like my brain is still on vacation. Until it returns, I figured I would regale you with the tale of what went down (that means what happened) with the great head-shaving experiment of 2009.
I was chatting online with the female portion of Kywana on "the day." By the way, do you realize that instant messaging, text messaging, and email now compose approximately 70% of all my communication? The rest of the breakdown is: phone (25%), face-to-face (4%), all other communications, including telepathy (1%).
Anyway, after discussing the topic for awhile, she posed this question: "So are you going to shave it yourself?"
That prompted the following response from me: "Well, that's the other thing. Would you wanna shave me?"
It's safe to say that is the first time in my life I have ever uttered those words to a girl. (Or anyone, for that matter.) But as luck would have it, she agreed. Turns out that while 'Wana is not a professional cosmetologist, she does have previous head-shaving experience. Also, her sister attended cosmetology school, so that has to count for something, right?
Wheels were in motion. I was about to put my head in her hands. The only thing that could stop it at that point was me totally freaking out, which let's be honest, was still a decent possibility.
I showed up armed with every set of clippers I owned--which amounted to three--my trusty Mach 3 razor, and shaving cream. On the drive over, I had a lot of time to think about things. Things like hair, life, Andre Agassi, and what the heck was I doing. I had decided I'd get her to shave it with the #1 guard, which is the shortest, see how I liked that, and then decide if I wanted to go all the way.
After giving me one last chance to back out, she began. There was a brief moment of panic at one point as the clippers died when she was only about halfway done. Apparently, when the instructions say to charge them for at least ten hours before the initial use, you can't just arbitrarily substitute 45 minutes for ten hours.
The shaving process itself wasn't too bad. There was no mirror nearby so the only clue I had about how things were progressing was the looks on the faces of Kywana Jr. and the male portion of Kywana. I would describe them as looks of sympathetic bewilderment. I remember the words "don't look down" being uttered at some point, no doubt as to keep me from freaking out at the sight of my manly locks showering the floor.
As suddenly as it began, it was over.
Then came the hardest part for me--going into the bathroom to look at myself in the mirror. I covered my eyes, separating my fingers slowly to reveal what the clippers hath wrought. And you know what?
It was HORRIBLE!!!!! Noooooooooooooo!! Why?!?!?! Why did I do this?!?!?!
I'm kidding. It wasn't that bad at all. The only question now was whether to stop there or go all the way. I took a pic and sent it to my inner circle. Reaction was swift and decisive. My sister replied, "Oh, you really do look like Steve-O. Yeah, I think you should stop there." My Mom proclaimed, "Well, you'll never get married now. I still had a little hope before." Clearly, everyone was in agreement: it was a complete success.
So now, for the first time in the history of the internet, I am able to present for your enjoyment a freshly shorn (and somewhat tanned) Bone:
OK, so it's not the full Dalhausser. I didn't go all the way. In the head-shaving arena, this is known as third base. And I'm thinking I might stay here awhile.
"Way down south of the border. Way down Mexico way. They're having a big celebration. It's on the fifth of May..."
I got home from the beach Sunday evening, but it feels like my brain is still on vacation. Until it returns, I figured I would regale you with the tale of what went down (that means what happened) with the great head-shaving experiment of 2009.
I was chatting online with the female portion of Kywana on "the day." By the way, do you realize that instant messaging, text messaging, and email now compose approximately 70% of all my communication? The rest of the breakdown is: phone (25%), face-to-face (4%), all other communications, including telepathy (1%).
Anyway, after discussing the topic for awhile, she posed this question: "So are you going to shave it yourself?"
That prompted the following response from me: "Well, that's the other thing. Would you wanna shave me?"
It's safe to say that is the first time in my life I have ever uttered those words to a girl. (Or anyone, for that matter.) But as luck would have it, she agreed. Turns out that while 'Wana is not a professional cosmetologist, she does have previous head-shaving experience. Also, her sister attended cosmetology school, so that has to count for something, right?
Wheels were in motion. I was about to put my head in her hands. The only thing that could stop it at that point was me totally freaking out, which let's be honest, was still a decent possibility.
I showed up armed with every set of clippers I owned--which amounted to three--my trusty Mach 3 razor, and shaving cream. On the drive over, I had a lot of time to think about things. Things like hair, life, Andre Agassi, and what the heck was I doing. I had decided I'd get her to shave it with the #1 guard, which is the shortest, see how I liked that, and then decide if I wanted to go all the way.
After giving me one last chance to back out, she began. There was a brief moment of panic at one point as the clippers died when she was only about halfway done. Apparently, when the instructions say to charge them for at least ten hours before the initial use, you can't just arbitrarily substitute 45 minutes for ten hours.
The shaving process itself wasn't too bad. There was no mirror nearby so the only clue I had about how things were progressing was the looks on the faces of Kywana Jr. and the male portion of Kywana. I would describe them as looks of sympathetic bewilderment. I remember the words "don't look down" being uttered at some point, no doubt as to keep me from freaking out at the sight of my manly locks showering the floor.
As suddenly as it began, it was over.
Then came the hardest part for me--going into the bathroom to look at myself in the mirror. I covered my eyes, separating my fingers slowly to reveal what the clippers hath wrought. And you know what?
It was HORRIBLE!!!!! Noooooooooooooo!! Why?!?!?! Why did I do this?!?!?!
I'm kidding. It wasn't that bad at all. The only question now was whether to stop there or go all the way. I took a pic and sent it to my inner circle. Reaction was swift and decisive. My sister replied, "Oh, you really do look like Steve-O. Yeah, I think you should stop there." My Mom proclaimed, "Well, you'll never get married now. I still had a little hope before." Clearly, everyone was in agreement: it was a complete success.
So now, for the first time in the history of the internet, I am able to present for your enjoyment a freshly shorn (and somewhat tanned) Bone:
OK, so it's not the full Dalhausser. I didn't go all the way. In the head-shaving arena, this is known as third base. And I'm thinking I might stay here awhile.
"Way down south of the border. Way down Mexico way. They're having a big celebration. It's on the fifth of May..."
Friday, April 17, 2009
Two birds, one stone
Welcome to the Friday Fifteen. Think of it like a Thursday Thirteen, except bigger and far less popular. Far, far less popular. This post will attempt to kill two birds with one stone, serving to update you on my life while also clearing out my mental cache. And also giving me something to post. Well, that's three birds, but that would be impossible. Believe it or not, I have a lot of random thoughts that come into my head throughout the day, as you will see. Sometimes I wonder, where do they come from? And why me?
1. I wonder how the two-birds-with-one-stone cliche started. Did it have a literal beginning? Did someone somewhere along the timeline of history actually kill two birds with one stone? And if so, was it intentional? Were they a bird stoning trick shot artist? Or was it an accident? Like did the stone hit a huge branch, breaking it and causing it to fall on two birds, sending them to a sudden and tragic demise? And if it never really happened, then who came up with this cliche? Do you have any idea how hard it is to even hit one bird with one stone? Well, me neither, but it's bound to be pretty difficult.
2. Two Byrds With One Stone would be a great title if Roger McGuinn, David Crosby, and Mick Jagger ever recorded an album together. (I tried to find a pic of the three of them together to post, but surprisingly there were none to be found. At least not on page one of my google image results.)
3. At the car wash today, there was a lady standing at the thing where you pay. She asked, "Strawberry or Pina Colada?" At first, I thought they were giving away refreshing beverages, but turns out it was just a free car air freshener for customer appreciation day.
4. I wonder if a car air freshener would work in the house.
5. Cinco de mayo will mark my six year bloggiversary. Do I have to post something for that?
6. Spurred on by my recent string of plumbing successes--or, just that one thing--I decided to try and fix the toilet at work yesterday. Mission accomplished. We can now flush the men's room toilet without having to hold the lever down for seven seconds. Who knows, I could have a whole new career on my hands. Or, a career.
7. Why is McDonald's so fast in the morning and so much slower at all other times of the day?
8. My favorite line from The Office last night: "Hear me, Dwight, when I say I brought you into this world, and I can take you out... Bill Cosby."
9. My second favorite line: "I. Understand. Nothing."
10. Which came first, the can or the can opener? If it was the can, how did they open them? And if it was the can opener, just... why?
11. Sunday night, it was incredibly windy here. No rain, no thunder, just wind. For about three hours. It was eerie. The next day, the news called it a gravity wave. When I went to go running Monday afternoon, the entrances to the park were roped off and there looked to be about twenty or thirty trees down, apparently from this gravity wave. I had to drive twenty minutes to another park to run.
12. That's the only time I've been running this week. Apparently, I'm not too lazy to run, just too lazy to drive very far to do it.
13. My fantasy baseball league draft is tonight. And you thought all I did on weekends was hang out with 10-year-olds. Well, not tonight. Tonight I'll be sitting online for two or three hours pretending to draft real players onto my fake baseball team. I finished in 4th place last year (out of ten teams). This season, I'm shooting for the stars. Or, third place.
14. Tomorrow, fave sister and I will be attending Bama's A-Day game. Also known as the final scrimmage of spring practice. ESPN is televising it. Let me say that again. ESPN is televising our spring practice.
15. We leave for the beach in thirteen days. Unfortunately, it's been an unseasonably cool April. I like for it to at least be in the 80's when I'm at the beach. I'll still go if it's in the 70's, but I can't promise that I won't get chilly at night. Oh well. Surely if Kennedy diffused the Cuban Missile Crisis in thirteen days, surely the weather can warm up by then.
"Bring me two pina coladas. I want one for each hand. Let's set sail with Captain Morgan. Oh, and never leave dry land..."
1. I wonder how the two-birds-with-one-stone cliche started. Did it have a literal beginning? Did someone somewhere along the timeline of history actually kill two birds with one stone? And if so, was it intentional? Were they a bird stoning trick shot artist? Or was it an accident? Like did the stone hit a huge branch, breaking it and causing it to fall on two birds, sending them to a sudden and tragic demise? And if it never really happened, then who came up with this cliche? Do you have any idea how hard it is to even hit one bird with one stone? Well, me neither, but it's bound to be pretty difficult.
2. Two Byrds With One Stone would be a great title if Roger McGuinn, David Crosby, and Mick Jagger ever recorded an album together. (I tried to find a pic of the three of them together to post, but surprisingly there were none to be found. At least not on page one of my google image results.)
3. At the car wash today, there was a lady standing at the thing where you pay. She asked, "Strawberry or Pina Colada?" At first, I thought they were giving away refreshing beverages, but turns out it was just a free car air freshener for customer appreciation day.
4. I wonder if a car air freshener would work in the house.
5. Cinco de mayo will mark my six year bloggiversary. Do I have to post something for that?
6. Spurred on by my recent string of plumbing successes--or, just that one thing--I decided to try and fix the toilet at work yesterday. Mission accomplished. We can now flush the men's room toilet without having to hold the lever down for seven seconds. Who knows, I could have a whole new career on my hands. Or, a career.
7. Why is McDonald's so fast in the morning and so much slower at all other times of the day?
8. My favorite line from The Office last night: "Hear me, Dwight, when I say I brought you into this world, and I can take you out... Bill Cosby."
9. My second favorite line: "I. Understand. Nothing."
10. Which came first, the can or the can opener? If it was the can, how did they open them? And if it was the can opener, just... why?
11. Sunday night, it was incredibly windy here. No rain, no thunder, just wind. For about three hours. It was eerie. The next day, the news called it a gravity wave. When I went to go running Monday afternoon, the entrances to the park were roped off and there looked to be about twenty or thirty trees down, apparently from this gravity wave. I had to drive twenty minutes to another park to run.
12. That's the only time I've been running this week. Apparently, I'm not too lazy to run, just too lazy to drive very far to do it.
13. My fantasy baseball league draft is tonight. And you thought all I did on weekends was hang out with 10-year-olds. Well, not tonight. Tonight I'll be sitting online for two or three hours pretending to draft real players onto my fake baseball team. I finished in 4th place last year (out of ten teams). This season, I'm shooting for the stars. Or, third place.
14. Tomorrow, fave sister and I will be attending Bama's A-Day game. Also known as the final scrimmage of spring practice. ESPN is televising it. Let me say that again. ESPN is televising our spring practice.
15. We leave for the beach in thirteen days. Unfortunately, it's been an unseasonably cool April. I like for it to at least be in the 80's when I'm at the beach. I'll still go if it's in the 70's, but I can't promise that I won't get chilly at night. Oh well. Surely if Kennedy diffused the Cuban Missile Crisis in thirteen days, surely the weather can warm up by then.
"Bring me two pina coladas. I want one for each hand. Let's set sail with Captain Morgan. Oh, and never leave dry land..."
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
A blogger book
A few months ago, I was told about a book being compiled by Peach and four other bloggers. It was to be a book of shared experiences written by bloggers, titled You're Not The Only One. They were accepting submissions of previously unpublished material from anyone with a blog. At first, I wasn't going to submit. Then later, I still wasn't going to submit. Because as much as I profess to want to be a writer, I had never officially submitted my work anywhere for possible publication, nor possible rejection. But hey, to never fail is to never try, right?
One thing that really pushed me over the edge and made me finally decide to submit this time was that proceeds from the book were going to charity. And not the Human Fund, but a real charity. I've always been impressed by the overall generosity of bloggers and their eagerness to help.
So finally, up against the deadline, and thanks to some gentle encouragement and arm twisting from a few people, I sent in a couple of submissions. I never figured any of mine would be selected, but always hoped.
Well, the book is out now, and I am in it! Checking Peach's blog Monday night--as I have done almost daily for the past three months--I was unexpectedly overcome with emotion when I saw "Bone" on the list of contributors. I didn't realize how big a deal it would be for me--someone who has never been published--to have a piece included in this book.
That being said, this isn't about me at all. As I mentioned earlier, proceeds from this book will go to Warchild, which works around the world to help children affected by war.
Also, thanks to Peach and the others who helped put this book together for giving bloggers like myself a chance to have something published. They are to be commended for the countless hours they undoubtedly spent on this project. What a wonderful and worthwhile thing to do.
You're Not The Only One includes stories from over a hundred bloggers. The cost is around $22. For more details, visit Peach. And again, it's for a good cause.
"Dear Sir or Madam, will you read my book? It took me years to write it, will you take a look?"
Sunday, June 01, 2008
There's nothing to see here
Believe it or not, I started out this year making sort of a silent resolution to myself to try and write at least twenty minutes a day. Oh, the irony. Instead, I've gone in the exact opposite direction and have written much less.
Lately, I feel a bit like Lieutenant Frank Drebin in the Naked Gun movies--which by the way are some of the great comedic moments in movie history--standing there saying, "Move along. There's nothing to see here." All the while, things are exploding and catching fire behind him.
Plenty has been happening in my life. Probably moreso than anytime in the past few years. Last weekend was Decoration Day. Two weekends ago I ran a 10K. I did a Nielsen Diary again this spring. In one particular eight day stretch, I played golf four times. Sonny signed over the "business" to Jason. Yet none of it seems quite blogworthy anymore. Well, except for the Sonny and Jason thing. Can you believe it!?
Most of these are things I've blogged about in the past. Maybe that's the problem. I have written about all these things before, so now it seems repetitive to do so, and difficult to come up with something new to say.
Or maybe it's something else. Maybe I'm putting too much pressure on myself. Maybe anything and everything is blogworthy. Maybe I waste too much time trying to figure out how they can bring Jonathan Jackson back as Lucky.
As I write this, I realize that I am very much an annual creature, like the groundhog. As opposed to a perennial, like say, the begonia. Year after year, I do many of the same things. Winter blahs, beach fever, 10K race, beach trip, Bama season tickets, holidays. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Not that I'm complaining at all. That's not a bad year. I'm just trying to figure things out. And now that I've compared my life to Frank Drebin, a rodent, and a bottle of Prell, I think I'll stop.
Besides, we need to talk about this. I think I'm a little excited, even though it makes my Where Are They Now post outdated, if not altogether obsolete. I may go out and buy a Batman t-shirt.
"Remember when we said, girl, please dont go. And how Id be loving you forever. Taught you 'bout hangin' tough, as long as you got the right stuff..."
Lately, I feel a bit like Lieutenant Frank Drebin in the Naked Gun movies--which by the way are some of the great comedic moments in movie history--standing there saying, "Move along. There's nothing to see here." All the while, things are exploding and catching fire behind him.
Plenty has been happening in my life. Probably moreso than anytime in the past few years. Last weekend was Decoration Day. Two weekends ago I ran a 10K. I did a Nielsen Diary again this spring. In one particular eight day stretch, I played golf four times. Sonny signed over the "business" to Jason. Yet none of it seems quite blogworthy anymore. Well, except for the Sonny and Jason thing. Can you believe it!?
Most of these are things I've blogged about in the past. Maybe that's the problem. I have written about all these things before, so now it seems repetitive to do so, and difficult to come up with something new to say.
Or maybe it's something else. Maybe I'm putting too much pressure on myself. Maybe anything and everything is blogworthy. Maybe I waste too much time trying to figure out how they can bring Jonathan Jackson back as Lucky.
As I write this, I realize that I am very much an annual creature, like the groundhog. As opposed to a perennial, like say, the begonia. Year after year, I do many of the same things. Winter blahs, beach fever, 10K race, beach trip, Bama season tickets, holidays. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Not that I'm complaining at all. That's not a bad year. I'm just trying to figure things out. And now that I've compared my life to Frank Drebin, a rodent, and a bottle of Prell, I think I'll stop.
Besides, we need to talk about this. I think I'm a little excited, even though it makes my Where Are They Now post outdated, if not altogether obsolete. I may go out and buy a Batman t-shirt.
"Remember when we said, girl, please dont go. And how Id be loving you forever. Taught you 'bout hangin' tough, as long as you got the right stuff..."
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
I'm back, baby!
The little publicized Bone blogging hiatus is officially over, at nineteen days. To put that into persepctive historically speaking, it's longer than the Cuban Missile Crisis, but slightly shorter than the marriage of Lisa Marie and Nicolas Cage. Also, it has received slightly less publicity than the Mike Gravel Presidential campaign, but slightly more than the latest Carrot Top DVD.
So why come back now? Why today? Maybe it's because today is Mardi Gras, Fat Tuesday. Perhaps I was reminded of my own ill-fated trip to the Mardi Gras in 2001 and that inspired me to write.
Maybe it was the guilt of having received three Excellence In Blogging awards (thanks Sage, Gautami, and Marcia) in the past few days, yet not having blogged in almost three weeks.
Maybe it had something to do with the secretary at work making it a point to tell me the actress who played Amy Vining on General Hospital had passed away. And three other people emailing to tell me the same news. Really people, am I the biggest GH fan any of you know? On second thought, don't answer that.
Or maybe there is no reason. Maybe it's just one of those great mysteries of life. A question that has no answer. Such as, why is there no other word for synonym? Why don't they make mouse-flavored cat food? Why did John Waite only have that one song? And what is the point of that football robot thing Fox shows on the NFL games?
I apologize for the extended hiatus. Honestly, I think my case of the Januarys just lasted a little longer this year than it usually does. For about two weeks, all I wanted to do was come home in the afternoon, climb into bed and watch TV. OK, so that's always what I want to do, but for about two weeks, I actually did it.
I hate being down. I've always felt like I'm the one who is supposed to be up. With friends, I always feel like I'm the one who's supposed to entertain and make people laugh. In school, I was the one who winked at the dark, mysterious Spanish teacher, and later became Spanish Club President.
Thankfully, I do feel like I'm emerging from these winter doldrums. Possibly because it's 10:00 at night, it's February, and it's 70 degrees outside.
So what have I been up to, other than working and lying in bed? Let's see, I caught a nasty stomach bug for a couple of days last week and lost eight pounds with the on-your-knees-clinging-to-the-toilet-seat diet. After that, I walked around all light-headed and dizzy for a day or two. That was pretty cool.
I also watched Stroker Ace one night on CMT. (Wow, I can't believe I just admitted that. I must still be light-headed.) All you need to know is it stars Burt Reynolds and Loni Anderson. If that doesn't scream cinematic magic, I don't know what does. Oh, and there's also a rousing performance by the incomparable Jim Nabors in a supporting actor role.
This weekend, I downloaded seventeen songs, as I continue to use up the three iTunes gift cards I received for Christmas. The new downloads include Adam Sandler's Chanukah and Thanksgiving songs, "Puttin' On The Ritz" by Taco, "Tricky Tricky" by Lou Bega, "Who's Johnny" by DeBarge, and "All My Life" by the vastly underrated R&B duo K-Ci & JoJo.
Thanks for the emails and IM's and comments checking on me. One thing I was reminded of during this hiatus is that we do make actual friends doing this blogging thing. I've missed you guys. I'm looking forward to catching up with all of you and returning to writing about all the insignificant things in life.
"I ain't missing you at all, since you've been gone away. I ain't missing you, no matter what my friends say..."
So why come back now? Why today? Maybe it's because today is Mardi Gras, Fat Tuesday. Perhaps I was reminded of my own ill-fated trip to the Mardi Gras in 2001 and that inspired me to write.
Maybe it was the guilt of having received three Excellence In Blogging awards (thanks Sage, Gautami, and Marcia) in the past few days, yet not having blogged in almost three weeks.
Maybe it had something to do with the secretary at work making it a point to tell me the actress who played Amy Vining on General Hospital had passed away. And three other people emailing to tell me the same news. Really people, am I the biggest GH fan any of you know? On second thought, don't answer that.
Or maybe there is no reason. Maybe it's just one of those great mysteries of life. A question that has no answer. Such as, why is there no other word for synonym? Why don't they make mouse-flavored cat food? Why did John Waite only have that one song? And what is the point of that football robot thing Fox shows on the NFL games?
I apologize for the extended hiatus. Honestly, I think my case of the Januarys just lasted a little longer this year than it usually does. For about two weeks, all I wanted to do was come home in the afternoon, climb into bed and watch TV. OK, so that's always what I want to do, but for about two weeks, I actually did it.
I hate being down. I've always felt like I'm the one who is supposed to be up. With friends, I always feel like I'm the one who's supposed to entertain and make people laugh. In school, I was the one who winked at the dark, mysterious Spanish teacher, and later became Spanish Club President.
Thankfully, I do feel like I'm emerging from these winter doldrums. Possibly because it's 10:00 at night, it's February, and it's 70 degrees outside.
So what have I been up to, other than working and lying in bed? Let's see, I caught a nasty stomach bug for a couple of days last week and lost eight pounds with the on-your-knees-clinging-to-the-toilet-seat diet. After that, I walked around all light-headed and dizzy for a day or two. That was pretty cool.
I also watched Stroker Ace one night on CMT. (Wow, I can't believe I just admitted that. I must still be light-headed.) All you need to know is it stars Burt Reynolds and Loni Anderson. If that doesn't scream cinematic magic, I don't know what does. Oh, and there's also a rousing performance by the incomparable Jim Nabors in a supporting actor role.
This weekend, I downloaded seventeen songs, as I continue to use up the three iTunes gift cards I received for Christmas. The new downloads include Adam Sandler's Chanukah and Thanksgiving songs, "Puttin' On The Ritz" by Taco, "Tricky Tricky" by Lou Bega, "Who's Johnny" by DeBarge, and "All My Life" by the vastly underrated R&B duo K-Ci & JoJo.
Thanks for the emails and IM's and comments checking on me. One thing I was reminded of during this hiatus is that we do make actual friends doing this blogging thing. I've missed you guys. I'm looking forward to catching up with all of you and returning to writing about all the insignificant things in life.
"I ain't missing you at all, since you've been gone away. I ain't missing you, no matter what my friends say..."
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
You say you want a resolution...
I'm not big on resolutions. I don't have any philosophical reasoning for this, but one time I heard someone say they didn't believe in resolutions, and it sounded good to me. It's kind of like if someone said they didn't believe in working. That's an ideology I think I could really get behind.
I prefer to focus on the positive, the things I did accomplish in 2007. A little affirmation, if you will. I have changed a lot over the past year. Oh sure, maybe not from outward appearances. I still live in the same place, have the same job, the same car, the same underwear rotation, etc. But look closer. Deeper.
For starters, I bathed... every day. And according to my limited research, that is more than 25% of Americans can say, a couple of whom I think I worked with.
I also got out of bed every day. This despite having no real motivation most of the time for doing so.
I threw out a bottle of ketchup... which had a 2004 expiration date on it. I wish I were making this up.
I bought girl scout cookies. Because--and some of you may not know this--I believe the children are our future. Teach them well. And let them lead the way. And also because thin mints are like getting a box of crack for under five bucks. Not that I've done crack, but I hear things.
Oh, here's a rather important one. I breathed approximately 8 million times during the past year! OK, so most of you are probably right there with me on that one. Just remember, life isn't measured by how many breaths you take, because really, who can keep track? That's why we use years.
And then there was... hmm. Well the hour is getting late. And since I can barely remember what I did Monday, much less last February, I will let my blog tell you the rest. Presenting Bone's 2007, The Year In Blog:
1. Coming out (I outed my relationship with Nan.)
2. A hat for all seasons (Axl and I, and his four hats, attended an Alabama basketball game. AKA The Mentos Incident.)
3. Nuvaring is not for everyone (I voiced my displeasure with the commercials aired during General Hospital.)
4. Do Not Open Until 2017 (I turned 34.)
5. Roast-a-Bone (There was the first ever Bone roast. Strange that this would be one of my most commented on posts ever. Hmph. Odd.)
6. How I Roll (I began a fun new blog feature about my previous rides.)
7. "You can all sleep sound tonight..." (I proposed a new ad campaign for Lysol.)
8. If they take my stapler, I'll set the building on fire (I saw Office Space for the first time! Frickin' A.)
9. Putting the fun in reFUNd (I proposed a few innovative tax code changes, which inexplicably have yet to be enacted.)
10. The fashion evolution of Bone (I admitted to once wearing Wranglers. And also proposed the outfit flow chart, which to date, hasn't become a reality. Why? No resources, no skill, no money, no time.)
11. 52:45 (I ran my second-ever 10K.)
12. Remembering Pablo (I said goodbye to Pablo...)
13. Sam (...and Sam...)
14. Will Neuter For Plinko Chips (...and Bob Barker.)
15. Nine iron over the starboard side (I rediscovered golf, and the uncanny ability to lose golf balls. It's like riding a bike.)
16. What's my age again? (I also rediscovered Nintendo...)
17. To caulk or ford? (...and the Oregon Trail...)
18. Opening up the AT40 Vault (...and Casey Kasem!!!)
19. ...But somebody's gotta do it (I pondered an exciting career change...)
20. Things that make you go hmmm, in Hazzard (...and The Dukes Of Hazzard.)
21. Sundays with Chachi (Scott Baio became my relationship mentor.)
22. The voice of a not-so-new generation (I coined the phrase The Sitcom Generation. And also the word bacheloronomics. OK, seriously, how did I have this much time?)
23. Panama City '07 (I went to the beach...)
24. Grillmaster B (...and grilled. Though not at the beach.)
25. iTunes aNonymous (I came to terms with one addiction...)
26. The Great American Coke-Out (...and tried to curb another.)
27. That 70's Fish (I said hello to GabeKaplan...)
28. Take those old movies off the shelf (...and old movies.)
29. I wiki, therefore I am (I wiki'd lots.)
30. Bone's 3rd Annual Festivus For The Rest Of Us (And of course, there was my third annual Festivus party. Next year, I plan to present the first annual Online Festivus party, so you can all air your grievances here.)
If you really want a resolution, I've always thought one of the best is just to make sure that you live every day. Laugh, cry, think, feel, see, listen. Experience life with all your senses. Savor the days with the value their brevity demands.
Thanks for stopping by during 2007. And may you have a happy and healthy 2008.
"I can't remember all the times I tried to tell myself to hold on to these moments as they pass..."
I prefer to focus on the positive, the things I did accomplish in 2007. A little affirmation, if you will. I have changed a lot over the past year. Oh sure, maybe not from outward appearances. I still live in the same place, have the same job, the same car, the same underwear rotation, etc. But look closer. Deeper.
For starters, I bathed... every day. And according to my limited research, that is more than 25% of Americans can say, a couple of whom I think I worked with.
I also got out of bed every day. This despite having no real motivation most of the time for doing so.
I threw out a bottle of ketchup... which had a 2004 expiration date on it. I wish I were making this up.
I bought girl scout cookies. Because--and some of you may not know this--I believe the children are our future. Teach them well. And let them lead the way. And also because thin mints are like getting a box of crack for under five bucks. Not that I've done crack, but I hear things.
Oh, here's a rather important one. I breathed approximately 8 million times during the past year! OK, so most of you are probably right there with me on that one. Just remember, life isn't measured by how many breaths you take, because really, who can keep track? That's why we use years.
And then there was... hmm. Well the hour is getting late. And since I can barely remember what I did Monday, much less last February, I will let my blog tell you the rest. Presenting Bone's 2007, The Year In Blog:
1. Coming out (I outed my relationship with Nan.)
2. A hat for all seasons (Axl and I, and his four hats, attended an Alabama basketball game. AKA The Mentos Incident.)
3. Nuvaring is not for everyone (I voiced my displeasure with the commercials aired during General Hospital.)
4. Do Not Open Until 2017 (I turned 34.)
5. Roast-a-Bone (There was the first ever Bone roast. Strange that this would be one of my most commented on posts ever. Hmph. Odd.)
6. How I Roll (I began a fun new blog feature about my previous rides.)
7. "You can all sleep sound tonight..." (I proposed a new ad campaign for Lysol.)
8. If they take my stapler, I'll set the building on fire (I saw Office Space for the first time! Frickin' A.)
9. Putting the fun in reFUNd (I proposed a few innovative tax code changes, which inexplicably have yet to be enacted.)
10. The fashion evolution of Bone (I admitted to once wearing Wranglers. And also proposed the outfit flow chart, which to date, hasn't become a reality. Why? No resources, no skill, no money, no time.)
11. 52:45 (I ran my second-ever 10K.)
12. Remembering Pablo (I said goodbye to Pablo...)
13. Sam (...and Sam...)
14. Will Neuter For Plinko Chips (...and Bob Barker.)
15. Nine iron over the starboard side (I rediscovered golf, and the uncanny ability to lose golf balls. It's like riding a bike.)
16. What's my age again? (I also rediscovered Nintendo...)
17. To caulk or ford? (...and the Oregon Trail...)
18. Opening up the AT40 Vault (...and Casey Kasem!!!)
19. ...But somebody's gotta do it (I pondered an exciting career change...)
20. Things that make you go hmmm, in Hazzard (...and The Dukes Of Hazzard.)
21. Sundays with Chachi (Scott Baio became my relationship mentor.)
22. The voice of a not-so-new generation (I coined the phrase The Sitcom Generation. And also the word bacheloronomics. OK, seriously, how did I have this much time?)
23. Panama City '07 (I went to the beach...)
24. Grillmaster B (...and grilled. Though not at the beach.)
25. iTunes aNonymous (I came to terms with one addiction...)
26. The Great American Coke-Out (...and tried to curb another.)
27. That 70's Fish (I said hello to GabeKaplan...)
28. Take those old movies off the shelf (...and old movies.)
29. I wiki, therefore I am (I wiki'd lots.)
30. Bone's 3rd Annual Festivus For The Rest Of Us (And of course, there was my third annual Festivus party. Next year, I plan to present the first annual Online Festivus party, so you can all air your grievances here.)
If you really want a resolution, I've always thought one of the best is just to make sure that you live every day. Laugh, cry, think, feel, see, listen. Experience life with all your senses. Savor the days with the value their brevity demands.
Thanks for stopping by during 2007. And may you have a happy and healthy 2008.
"I can't remember all the times I tried to tell myself to hold on to these moments as they pass..."
Friday, December 21, 2007
Momma Bone update
I think it was Lass who coined the above name. Hopefully she doesn't have a copyright on it. Else, I guess I'll be paying each time I use it...
Momma Bone continues to improve a little each day, in my professional son opinion. She went back to work Thursday for half a day. When I went to check on her during my lunch break, she had makeup on and her hair was done. I knew something was up.
Yes, I think it is a bit too soon for her to be going back to work. But at the same time, I'm happy and thankful she was able. And as someone who used five sick hours this year, I guess I don't have a lot of room to talk.
I want to thank all of you for the thoughtful and kind comments, the offers of someone to talk to, the IM's and emails, and especially your thoughts and prayers during this trying time. I read over each one of the comments again this morning. I surely hope I would do the same for each of you.
I also received an email this week from someone I had never emailed nor chatted with. She had written a simply beautiful poem for me. I won't post it without her permission, but thank you Marcia. You truly have a caring soul.
Honestly, I was overwhelmed by the outpouring of care and support. It has reminded me what a wonderful place the blogosphere can be, and how we do get to know each other quite well through these blogs.
I got a lot of shopping done last night and only have a few more gifts to purchase. I apologize for being largely absent the past week or so. I know you understand, but as someone I consider a dear friend likes to say, I think I was born with the guilt gene.
I'm thinking I may finally get around to reading some blogs tonight and this weekend, and hopefully getting back to a regular posting routine. I'm even thinking of live blogging a trip to Wal-Mart :)
This has turned out to be my busiest and most hectic Christmas ever. But if it has brought family closer together, if it has reminded me of what's important in life, if it has helped me to appreciate the warmth and support of friends, and if it has caused Momma Bone to realize she needs to slow down some, then maybe it has also turned out to be one of the best.
"A long December, and there's reason to believe, maybe this year will be better than the last..."
Momma Bone continues to improve a little each day, in my professional son opinion. She went back to work Thursday for half a day. When I went to check on her during my lunch break, she had makeup on and her hair was done. I knew something was up.
Yes, I think it is a bit too soon for her to be going back to work. But at the same time, I'm happy and thankful she was able. And as someone who used five sick hours this year, I guess I don't have a lot of room to talk.
I want to thank all of you for the thoughtful and kind comments, the offers of someone to talk to, the IM's and emails, and especially your thoughts and prayers during this trying time. I read over each one of the comments again this morning. I surely hope I would do the same for each of you.
I also received an email this week from someone I had never emailed nor chatted with. She had written a simply beautiful poem for me. I won't post it without her permission, but thank you Marcia. You truly have a caring soul.
Honestly, I was overwhelmed by the outpouring of care and support. It has reminded me what a wonderful place the blogosphere can be, and how we do get to know each other quite well through these blogs.
I got a lot of shopping done last night and only have a few more gifts to purchase. I apologize for being largely absent the past week or so. I know you understand, but as someone I consider a dear friend likes to say, I think I was born with the guilt gene.
I'm thinking I may finally get around to reading some blogs tonight and this weekend, and hopefully getting back to a regular posting routine. I'm even thinking of live blogging a trip to Wal-Mart :)
This has turned out to be my busiest and most hectic Christmas ever. But if it has brought family closer together, if it has reminded me of what's important in life, if it has helped me to appreciate the warmth and support of friends, and if it has caused Momma Bone to realize she needs to slow down some, then maybe it has also turned out to be one of the best.
"A long December, and there's reason to believe, maybe this year will be better than the last..."
Thursday, October 25, 2007
California
One of my blogging friends, Gay, was forced to evacuate her home due to the wildfires in California. She has been posting updates from her cell phone. I would ask that you keep her and others affected by this disaster in your thoughts and prayers.
Someone I hold in very high regard has frequently referred to "blogging communities." And it's true. As we read about each other's lives, we become like neighbors. We laugh when they laugh. When they're happy, we're happy for them. And when they're sad or struggling, we're concerned.
By the same token, I've always thought of America as one big community. When times are toughest, that's when it seems we are at our best. Whether it's thirteen miners in a coal mine or thousands devastated by a hurricane, we hurt, we cry, we pray, we look for ways to help.
We are them. They are us.
It's both frightening and sad seeing the devastation caused by these wildfires and that eerie red glow in the sky. And that's just from watching on TV. I can't imagine what it's like to be there.
The following is something I wrote about California, a place I've visited exactly once. I wrote it over a year ago and it's been stuck in draft ever since. Today felt like a good time to post it.
"And it's one more day up in the canyons, and it's one more night in Hollywood. If you think you might come to California, think you should..."
Someone I hold in very high regard has frequently referred to "blogging communities." And it's true. As we read about each other's lives, we become like neighbors. We laugh when they laugh. When they're happy, we're happy for them. And when they're sad or struggling, we're concerned.
By the same token, I've always thought of America as one big community. When times are toughest, that's when it seems we are at our best. Whether it's thirteen miners in a coal mine or thousands devastated by a hurricane, we hurt, we cry, we pray, we look for ways to help.
We are them. They are us.
It's both frightening and sad seeing the devastation caused by these wildfires and that eerie red glow in the sky. And that's just from watching on TV. I can't imagine what it's like to be there.
The following is something I wrote about California, a place I've visited exactly once. I wrote it over a year ago and it's been stuck in draft ever since. Today felt like a good time to post it.
California is just another place. Until you've been there.
It's just a name. An idea. A shape on a map. The setting for a million stories. It's Hollywood and LA and movie stars and the ocean. Late nights and late mornings.
It can be a lifelong curiosity, or a dream. But one thing is for certain. Once you've been, it's none of those things, and at the same time, it's all of them and more. It's a feeling of free you had forgotten you could feel, or maybe never knew at all.
California stays with you. Maybe not always in the front of your mind. But it's always there, somewhere. It gnaws at you, some days more than others. And you long to return, again and again.
"And it's one more day up in the canyons, and it's one more night in Hollywood. If you think you might come to California, think you should..."
Sunday, May 06, 2007
Cinco de Bone-o
If you went out today or tonight, you may have noticed large numbers of revelers celebrating, socializing, and drinking themselves into a stupor. Reports have been coming in from around the world of people partaking in various ceremonies and festivities.
In Kentucky, they staged a horse race, and even invited the Queen of England as special guest.
In Virginia, they postponed the NASCAR race, originally scheduled for tonight, until tomorrow, no doubt in observance of this day.
And around the nation, many people did not go into work today.
"Why?" one might ask. "What's it all for?" Well, I'll tell you.
Today is a special occasion. The Mexican people refer to it as Cinco de Mayo. That's because in Spanish, there is no direct translation for "Bone's bloggiversary."
Yes friends, four years ago today, I began blogging.
Four years. That's a lot of posting, commenting, typing, and yelling at Blogger (which, by the way, has been eerily glitch-free lately). How does one celebrate one's four-year bloggiversary? I don't really know. Although I am open to ideas. I thought about celebrating on the Monday following the weekend, like Lincoln.
Looking back over the past year, there was the first ever Bone roast. That was... mostly fun. I proclaimed one week as 80's week, with nothing but 80's related posts. (By the way, I think that will be an annual thing from now on.) I began doing 24 recaps. And, of course, there was Reveal Your Blog Crush Day and the Thinking Blogger awards.
Also this year, Three Word Wednesday had it's beginnings. On a Thursday, nonetheless. I didn't really think about how long it would last. But nine months later, and it's still going. It has introduced me to quite a few new bloggers. And we even have a button now!
The blogosphere is massive today, made up of thousands of communities of bloggers. One of the most rewarding things about blogging to me are the friendships and relationships that are forged.
It has been a blessing to meet more of you this year, and get to know all of you a little better thru your blogs and comments. It's always cool to discover we have something in common, whether it be a TV show, food, music, things we struggle with, whatever. One of my perpetual curiosities is how people find my blog and what causes them to come back.
I've said this before, but I could never emphasize it enough. Somewhere along the way, blogging reminded me that I love to write. And many of you made me believe that I could. You have all affected me in some way, whether it be an encouraging word, offering your own perspective, a virtual hug, making me smile or laugh, or just letting me know that I made you smile or laugh or feel.
Thank you.
"We're going to party, karamu, fiesta, forever. Come on and sing along. All night long..."
In Kentucky, they staged a horse race, and even invited the Queen of England as special guest.
In Virginia, they postponed the NASCAR race, originally scheduled for tonight, until tomorrow, no doubt in observance of this day.
And around the nation, many people did not go into work today.
"Why?" one might ask. "What's it all for?" Well, I'll tell you.
Today is a special occasion. The Mexican people refer to it as Cinco de Mayo. That's because in Spanish, there is no direct translation for "Bone's bloggiversary."
Yes friends, four years ago today, I began blogging.
Four years. That's a lot of posting, commenting, typing, and yelling at Blogger (which, by the way, has been eerily glitch-free lately). How does one celebrate one's four-year bloggiversary? I don't really know. Although I am open to ideas. I thought about celebrating on the Monday following the weekend, like Lincoln.
Looking back over the past year, there was the first ever Bone roast. That was... mostly fun. I proclaimed one week as 80's week, with nothing but 80's related posts. (By the way, I think that will be an annual thing from now on.) I began doing 24 recaps. And, of course, there was Reveal Your Blog Crush Day and the Thinking Blogger awards.
Also this year, Three Word Wednesday had it's beginnings. On a Thursday, nonetheless. I didn't really think about how long it would last. But nine months later, and it's still going. It has introduced me to quite a few new bloggers. And we even have a button now!
The blogosphere is massive today, made up of thousands of communities of bloggers. One of the most rewarding things about blogging to me are the friendships and relationships that are forged.
It has been a blessing to meet more of you this year, and get to know all of you a little better thru your blogs and comments. It's always cool to discover we have something in common, whether it be a TV show, food, music, things we struggle with, whatever. One of my perpetual curiosities is how people find my blog and what causes them to come back.
I've said this before, but I could never emphasize it enough. Somewhere along the way, blogging reminded me that I love to write. And many of you made me believe that I could. You have all affected me in some way, whether it be an encouraging word, offering your own perspective, a virtual hug, making me smile or laugh, or just letting me know that I made you smile or laugh or feel.
Thank you.
"We're going to party, karamu, fiesta, forever. Come on and sing along. All night long..."
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