Monday, October 22, 2007

iTunes aNonymous

Last Wednesday evening, a blogger you know ventured into the iTunes store, for the first time ever.

It started off innocently enough, a single, heterosexual, 34-year-old male in search of the song "I'm Your Man" by Wham. I mean, what's more normal than that? A user name and password were selected. An account was created. A search was conducted. The song was located and downloaded.

And then...

Oh my darling, Clementine! Everywhere I looked, songs I loved were calling out to me. Down every corridor were private eyes, naked eyes, or an eye in the sky. It was like Behind The Music and Surreal Life had opened up a Sam Goody!

Yes, I realize I am late coming to this party, but I've only had my iPod since last Christmas. Besides, I never claimed to be on the cutting edge, just the opposite, actually.

By the end of that first night, I had downloaded fifteen songs, including but not limited to Erasure, P.M. Dawn, Steve Winwood, Tabitha's Secret, and yes, even Hanson. (At this point, I will completely understand if you never read my blog again.)

Still, I felt pretty good. I'd told myself I would not surpass twenty songs, and I had stayed within that limit. Then came Thursday. By the time head hit pillow Thursday night, I had downloaded thirty-four songs and may or may not have promised my firstborn to Steve Jobs.

Sure that sounds drastic at first, until you learn there are twenty-six available downloads for Wham on iTunes. Suddenly, I'm like a song-starved Esau in search of musical pottage.

I need help. I'm addicted. How can I not be? Apple just makes it so easy. I don't have to get dressed or leave home. Plus, 99 cents seems like such a nominal fee for cheesy musical goodness. Who amongst us can resist? I'm only flesh and blood, for crying out loud.

People I've talked to say it will get better. That eventually, I'll exceed my credit card limit, be unable to pay my bills, and my internet will be disconnected. Problem solved.

I hope so. Because right now, iTunes, you are an obsession. I can't fight this feeling much longer, and I'm quickly forgetting what I started fighting for.

In closing, I would like to wish a happy 44th birthday to my favorite male figure skater, Olympic gold medalist Brian Boitano. Ooo, I wonder if they have that song on iTunes!

"What would Brian Boitano do if he was here right now? He'd make a plan and he'd follow thru. That's what Brian Boitano'd do..."


  1. ROFL

    I would love to pick a line or two or four to highlight for its hilarity, but I figure you've already word-counted your entire post as it is.

    I really recommend buying a card ahead of time... then you have to stick to the limits :) I've never used my credit card to buy songs for that very reason.

    Btw... I'm going to assume you noticed this but um, just in case, you've seen all the "recommended for you, Bone" songs they have, right? Preselected for you alone, based on all the cheesy goodness you've already purchased :-D (I've fallen prey to those songs a few times myself...)

  2. You're just now discovering iTunes?!?!?!? But . . . but . . . but . . people who don't even HAVE iPods have been downloading songs from iTunes since it's inception. And you, Sir Bone, have had an iPod since last Christmas and have not partaken of this Earthly delight?

    Though, reading this hilarious post, I see that it was a very good thing you hadn't yet discovered it. I fear for the future of your credit rating if this trend continues. I trust that you can gain control of yourself and limit your downloading. Let's say, perhaps, to $50 a month? That would give you more than 1.67 new songs to enjoy each and every day. :)

    I'm only flesh and blood, for crying out loud. Ooooh! Please tell me you downloaded some Human League. And now I'm leaving before I catch your addiction.

  3. it's very, very addictive. seriously. you're so screwed.

    how much do i love that you were shopping for Wham!?

    hee hee.

  4. Apple addiction is a great thing. I deeply encourage it

    Though I might find somebody who downloads Hanson and admits to it, a bit strange, I encourage you to keep buying

    And buy and buy and buy.

    You're not just going to promise your first born to Steve Jobs but to me as a very minor stockholder. And thought what could I get for my niece Jacquelin for her Bat Mitzvah that we could watch together, share in the glories and the miseries? Something that we both love. Something that would teach her about the economy and the ups and downs of it.

    The answer was of course a few shares of Apple stock. My niece refers to my apartment as the other Apple store

    So your addiction makes me very very happy--and sadly I know where you'll be at night. Not out carousing as a 34 year old such as yourself might or some would say should be, but at home with Nan and the Ipod store

    Oh my darling Clementine? Bone I know I said your last post had a timeless feel to it, but uh....

    I happen to love that song. It was one of my family's car songs, but I think Nan might become jealous :)

    I could go on with this comment forever. I will stop.

    JUST KEEP THE ADDICTION--and for your next computer purchase...

  5. Ha Ha great post. I went bezerk when I got my iPod at first too - for me it was past seasons of shows I had not seen, Rescue Me, Lost, etc. My obsession has tapered off but it still kicks in on a rainy day!

  6. Sounds like someone's got the bug. You may need to subscribe to Napster. We're using Rukus right now. That seems to be geared more to the younger crowd and is difficult to find the songs "we" know and love there. I have no idea how many songs we've downloaded. It's in the thousands. And I LOVE IT!!

  7. TC: Yes! I noticed that after I made a "few" purchases, they had like a top ten of songs they recommended for Bone. How nice is that!

    Avery Laine: I guess maybe part of me knew it might be a problem if I ever got started.

    $50 a month? I can do that. Let's see, that's like eight lunches. I can take cheese and crackers every Tuesday and Thursday.

    Ooo, Human League! Good one!

    Sizzle: Yeah, I'm quickly figuring that out. Admitting it is the first step though, right? Right?

    Pia: Oh it's more than a bit strange. It's just so easy to click, knowing it's only 99 cents. So I probably wind up with a bunch of crap I really don't need.

    Gladly sacrificing my social life to help your stock portfolio,

    Mks: Thanks. Yes, everyone says it will taper off. For now, I'm still waiting :)

    Carnealian: OK, you just made me feel much better about my addiction. Though I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not.

  8. I have started asking for itunes gift cards for every holiday. I suggest you do the same.

    Today I downloaded Annie Lennox, I need help.

  9. I still refuse to get an Ipod. I will listen to the radio thank you very much. I think i only have about 10 cds total.

  10. Love my iPod, love my iTunes. iLoveit! So easy to get suckered into a purchase. Go for the free podcasts and other freebies when you get the compulsive urge to iTunes shop...and ask for iTunes gift cards instead of actual gifts. Makes it so much easier. Never put your card info in. At that point it is too easy to just click purchase. After all, it's only .99, right? I get sucked into the whole album thinking that it is only 9.99 and I like several songs so hey, might as well.

    We used Rhapsody for years. It's great for any mp3 player that takes subscription service, but it got to be a pain as we tried to install on all computers we use. With three notebooks and two desktops it didn't work too well...long story, I shall spare you.

  11. I'm still an iTunes virgin...and we don't have an MP3 player of any sort here.

    I've looked at them, but so far I just can't justify getting one.

  12. Brian Boitano? I swallowed the thought of Hansen better than Boitano! **tsk tsk tsk**

    I haven't jumped into this craze yet... but, my book full of CDs were stolen out of my car a few weeks ago... so I don't think I'll be far behind you.

    I'll come to you for assistance should I get lost in the iWorld. Maybe helping someone else to create an addiction will lessen yours?

  13. Mmmmm Bop! Bop bop Mmmm Bop!

    I don't have an iPod and haven't ventured into iTunes either. I have this problem of not being able to pick "just one" of anything. I know I would go crazy. therefore, I don't enter. Maybe the (spin) doctor(s) can help with your addiction.

  14. HAHA!

    iTunes is dangerous, but so much fun. Congrats on your new purchases. May it help you run faster.

  15. I give Itunes gift cards to all teenagers--easiest most wanted gift--you can get them in Circuit City and could be good for you--really don't want you to sacrifice your social life....

    Does Scott know about Brian? If he doesn't I would worry

  16. Hotpinksox: Welcome to iTunes confessional. That's good, just let it all out. Annie Lennox. I wasn't aware she was on iTunes.

    Melanie: Oh, you will assimilate. Eventually. You can't rage against this machine.

    Kontan: I guess I should ask for iTunes gift cards, as several people have suggested it now. Yes, yes, I think I will. What could be better!

    Renee: Oh Renee, I was once like you. I didn't know the first thing about a subject as fundamental as... syncing an iPod. Or risk management.

    Blondie: I will be glad to take your hand and guide you thru the halls of iTunes. Just remember, you can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave.

    Charlotta-love: I love the Spin Doctors! Fortunately, I have their CD. Although many times, I find myself thinking how much easier it is to click "buy now" for a song I already have on CD, than it is to go hunt the CD and burn it onto the computer.

    OK Chick: I don't see how Hanson could do anything but make me run faster! :)

    Pia Savage: Yes, but if I buy it for myself, it's not really a gift card. Though I probably could stand to get out of the house for an hour or so :)

  17. I can related. Just this weekend, I was looking for one song and ended up buying 20 songs and some of them I probably have on CD! iTunes is very, very addictive!

    What a fun read this is.

  18. Hilarious, Bone...! iTunes is most definitely a very dangerous many songs, so little time.

  19. Hanson!? Wham!? Brian Boitano!? least now I know what to get you for Christmas?

    Get thee to a meeting!

  20. I started to laugh when I saw Hanson in your list of downloads, but then I remembered at what concert I begrudginly spent my 20th birthday. :(

  21. Dear Bone:

    Immediately unplug your iPod. Proceed to the dog's bowl. And, immerse iPod in water. Until you hear it scream, do not let up!!

    I was fortunate when I got my iPod.... I had about 900 songs on a crap-load of CD's that I uploaded in iTunes.

    And, remember, admitting there is a problem ... is 1/2 way to recovery!!


  22. You have a wonderful way with lyrics! Have fun. I don't have an Ipod, I just have a memory stick with a radio. I record my CDs and then transfer the songs I want onto it. It takes longer. A lot longer.
    When you download a song, is it stored for you, forever?

  23. Lissa: Exactly! I don't think it's possible to buy only one song during a visit.

    Fledgling Poet: Thanks. It would probably be best if I just stayed away from the iTunes store. But I haven't figured out how to do that yet :)

    Lass: I think what you may be trying to say is clearly my musical tastes are beyond reproach. Thank you.

    Burg: Haha! Thanks, that makes me feel a little better, which is what these IA meetings are all about.

    Charles: Thanks for those four steps to recovery :) I had quite a few CD's, too. Which is one reason I got my iPod in December and it took until October before I ventured into the iTunes store.

    Actonbell: I believe so. Forever, or until the computer crashes :) Actually, I think you can back up your purchases somehow, but I haven't taken time to look into that yet.

  24. Addictions rarely get better, only worse, until you force yourseln into rehab... :) only to forget as soon as you are out. But hey, look at the positive side -it's a great addiction. :) Nice post on iTunes.

    Another music addict.

  25. I have a hard time believing it took you this long. Oh my, it's a hard addiction to break. Ask for itunes cards for Christmas. I think every itunes library must be on the edge of insanity because of all the choices. Take advantage of the free tracks every Tuesday. Check out the podcasts on music because they'll introduce you to all kinds of musicians you've never heard of before and cost you even more money. (I am evil.)

  26. Ul: Well, if nothing else, writing this post has let me know I'm not alone in this. And that's comforting, even as my bank account is quickly shrinking.

    Balou: Haha. Gee, thanks. I think I'll pass on the podcasts, for now. They have free tracks?!?!