Sometimes January wraps its chilly arms around you and leaves you not wanting to do anything or go anywhere. I experienced that epiphany sometime between 1 and 4 PM this afternoon. Sometime between a breakfast of Count Chocula and a lunch of chips and queso. While staring at raindrops on my bedroom window against the backdrop of the gray sky.
Sometimes January makes me feel alone. Even if I'm not. I'm not sure what it is. The post-holiday blahs maybe? But why? It can't be the cold, because there is no cold. Not temperature-wise anyway. Maybe I miss the winter we don't have anymore.
Sometimes January grabs my arm like a Ghost of Something Past. Begs me to think about all the mistakes I've made over the past year, or fifteen. And the decisions I would change if only I had the chance. So I sit down and try to write. In a lyricy mood, I pen a few lines...
a song for january
in case of loneliness
in case the phone doesn't ring
and you never even got a new year's kiss
in case it feels exactly like
there's somewhere else you should be
But nothing seems to come out right. Nothing ever seems to in January. So I go back to bed. Waste more time watching TV. And wait for this feeling to pass. Cos it always does. Usually it only takes a day or two. Sometimes a week.
But sometimes January lasts all year.
"Inside, there's no rainbows. And inside, I try, I try, I try. And outside, the rain is drying. And inside, I'm dying..."