Sunday, January 07, 2007

Sometimes January

Sometimes January wraps its chilly arms around you and leaves you not wanting to do anything or go anywhere. I experienced that epiphany sometime between 1 and 4 PM this afternoon. Sometime between a breakfast of Count Chocula and a lunch of chips and queso. While staring at raindrops on my bedroom window against the backdrop of the gray sky.

Sometimes January makes me feel alone. Even if I'm not. I'm not sure what it is. The post-holiday blahs maybe? But why? It can't be the cold, because there is no cold. Not temperature-wise anyway. Maybe I miss the winter we don't have anymore.

Sometimes January grabs my arm like a Ghost of Something Past. Begs me to think about all the mistakes I've made over the past year, or fifteen. And the decisions I would change if only I had the chance. So I sit down and try to write. In a lyricy mood, I pen a few lines...

a song for january
in case of loneliness
in case the phone doesn't ring
and you never even got a new year's kiss

in case it feels exactly like
there's somewhere else you should be

But nothing seems to come out right. Nothing ever seems to in January. So I go back to bed. Waste more time watching TV. And wait for this feeling to pass. Cos it always does. Usually it only takes a day or two. Sometimes a week.

But sometimes January lasts all year.

"Inside, there's no rainbows. And inside, I try, I try, I try. And outside, the rain is drying. And inside, I'm dying..."


  1. *hugs*

    Sorry you're feeling a little down. I have those exact same issues sometimes.

    Oh and I think the lyrics came out just fine.

  2. Bone I don't exactly know what's happening to you, but lately you have been outdoing yourself

    In this post you have broken into Larry David country. You suceeded in writing a brilliant post about nothing that is really something

    -a January Saturday that should be dismal and you feel dismal. You totally captured the feeling of being alone even when not--and the lyrics are great.

  3. I love the lyrics, babe. And, crazy as it sounds, the thought of you all cozied up in your bed with rain outside sounds like the warmest feeling anyone could feel.

    Though I know you don't feel warm.
    And I wish you did.

    It will pass, Bone... as you said... it always does. Sometimes the sunshine helps.

  4. I feel like that constantly.
    But I try and hide it because I don't want to be a burden to those around me.
    There's only one person I can be around and not feel those feelings.

    I admire you for getting them out there like that.
    Bravery is a virtue you certainly don't lack.

  5. TC: Aww, thanks Chica :) I guess we all have our ups and downs.

    Pia: Well, I suppose if I'm gonna be feeling like this, I may as well get a measure of satisfaction from being able to capture it :) Thanks for all your help.

    Blondie: Thanks, babe. Yeah, it honestly wasn't a bad weekend for staying in. Mostly rainy and gray.

    Elizabeth: Well, I would say glad you can relate. But I'm not glad if you're feeling down.

  6. I find contemplating the various ways I could commit suicide and imagining my funeral usually cheers me up. If that fails theres always Valium.

    Hope you January doesn't last too long for you.

  7. I think it's just that January is a 'blah' month. And it seems like a long way until spring. No holidays to really look forward to, (except my birthday of course, which isn't all that exciting anymore. ha.)

    Everyone needs those stay in bed days. And hey, look at it this way, you can now cuddle with your new nano. :)

  8. De nada.

    Rainy days are the worst, if only because I have a deep belief that they are all meant to be spent in bed, cuddling with someone else. Hope things get better for you.

  9. How'd you go from so up to so down so fast? It's like you're me ;-)

    I hope you get to feelin' better soon, and I hope it's not Jan. all year!!

  10. so THAT'S it. thank god you've figured it out. i was at a loss to this feeling.

  11. I read Ms. Sizzle's blog then yours and felt like I needed to give you both big hugs.

  12. January is a month of sadness, and blahness because one month has to be. It accepted the assignment on the condition it could be the first month of the year

  13. Lux: Thanks. But I don't have any bloody Valium :)

    Carmen: I guess we can't all be going to Hawaii in January ;-)

    And yeah, having Nan is nice. She kept me up until 4 AM the other morning. But then I had to kick her out of bed so I could get some sleep.

    TC: Traveling Chica's Rainy Day Theory. I like it!

    Arlene: Oh it's easy. It's a Bone trademark.

    Ms. Sizzle: I'm planning to submit my find to the New England Journal of Medicine and have Januaryitis officially recognized.

    Hotpinksox: Yeah, I guess it's going around. Thanks.

    Genie: That makes a lot of sense. I don't see why it got to be the first month and got have 31 days though.

  14. Man, again, I was just about to post the exact same thing. I'm you in another state, and twice the size. Yesterday sure was a dreary day. I've found that rearranging the house, and watching syrupy sweet films to be a good cure for the 'rainy day blues.' Movies can also be substituted out with a Saved By The Bell marathon.

    But heres to hoping you get your head outta the grey clouds, there are brighter days ahead.

    Or as Mickey would say, "You're gonna eat lightnin' and you're gonna crap thunder!" :)

  15. Well, to clarify, cuddling isn't the only thing they are good for, but um, it usually comes after? :-)

    I'm a big fan of this rainy day plan, the only problem has been getting someone else to go along with it.

  16. I'm a big fan of good weather though good weather this weekend was supposed to leave me unsettled so it did.

    Would love to be a fan of the rainy day plan but rainy spring days in January really leave me unsettled---and not safe to be around.

    How did you pick such a perfect topic when we didn't get your weather until today?

  17. I hope the feeling passes sooner rather than later:)

  18. That's interesting. I usually feel kinda blue round this time of the year. Mine usually starts in September. There is a clinical diagnosis for the wintertime blues you know. It has to do with lack of sunshine.

    I've never lived any where that was warmish in the winter, I thought maybe it was because I didn't like the cold. But, I think it really does have to do with the decreased amount of sunshine.

    You could buy yourself a natural light source to lay under on cloudy days and after 5ish when it gets dark.

    Hang in there only a couple more months till spring!

  19. Big Man: Thanks, bro. But if you're telling me I missed a SBTB marathon, I may never recover from that disappointment. Are you serious? What channel?

    TC: Oh right. First you watch the football game together, then you cuddle. Very good :)

    Pia: Well, weather is cyclical, you know. I really had no idea Januaryitis was such a common thing though. Of course, in a few thousand years, we'll all probably be living on a permanent sheet of ice, but uh...

    Ms.L: Thank you, Ms. L :)

    Carnealian: I thought Natural Light was a kind of beer. Are you trying to get me drunk? :)

  20. You read my mind, Bone. :)

    Of course, you really probably could watch the football game while cuddling... you know us women, multitaskers.

  21. No SBTB marathon...though that's the dream ain't it. Just wait 'til it's old enough to be on TV Land. Then we'll get our marathon, and all will be right in the least for that weekend. :)

  22. the cold winds of January make me long to roam s

  23. TC: Yes, and you know us men. Single-minded. One thing at a time.

    Big Man: You said it! I did see a couple of seasons on DVD while Christmas shopping this year. Almost bought them for myself.

    Sage: I think the weather, combined with the new year and everything associated with that, make January... something.

  24. Not all. My friend Luke has a rather vulgar suggestion of exactly how to make football Sundays the best on earth, and it definitely includes multitasking!


    Btw, can I get in on the SBTB marathon? I think I've seen every episode (of the original anyway) at least 2 or 3 times, but all at once?!?! Wow!

  25. TC: I'll formulate a 10 question SBTB quiz. If you can answer 9 of the 10 questions correctly, we'll let you in.

    #1. What school was Bayside's big rival?