Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Winds of the past

Sunday was Decoration Day at the cemetery where most of my mother's family are buried. It is located two dirt roads off the nearest paved road, set on the tiniest of hills amongst a grove of trees and encompassed entirely by a chain link fence. It is surrounded on all sides by open fields, with no houses or other structures within at least a quarter-mile.

When the birds are singing and the wind rustles thru the trees, it is one of the most peaceful places I know. It's a haunting, chilling, yet calming wind, as if the past is speaking.

Three of my uncles, one aunt, two grandparents, and two great-grandparents lie there. Along with distant cousins, great aunts and uncles, and other relatives, many I don't remember or never met.

Decoration is a day set aside each year for families and loved ones to come and place flowers and other memorials on the gravesites of the departed. It is most often held on a Saturday or Sunday in May or early June. The specifics vary from cemetery to cemetery.

Some cemeteries have a memorial service and a speaker on Decoration Day. Some even serve dinner afterward. Others have a more informal gathering of family and friends. Some churches also hold special Decoration services.

Many cemeteries hold a cleanup day a week or so before Decoration. Volunteers come to mow, rake, landscape, and clean the grounds, and often remove old flowers from the graves.

I remember one of my uncles going every year to mow the grass, weed the graves, and put mulch or rocks around them. Now, he lies there, too. And younger uncles have taken over that responsibility.

Everytime I vist, I can't believe how long it has been since my grandmother passed. A little over fifteen years now. In my mind, I'm reaching out to grab it, but it just keeps getting further and further away.

There are graves that seem to have been untouched, and I imagine unvisited, for many years. That always pulls at my heart. And I wonder about them. Did they not live just the same, were they not just as valuable as all these others?

I wonder if my loved ones will ever wind up like that. As generations pass on and on and on, are we all eventually forgotten?

Thousands of dollars are spent each year on Decoration Day, as many of the gravesites are renewed with beautiful flowers and colorful arrangements. But Decoration is not just about flowers to me. It's about family. It's about remembering those who have passed, and reminding myself where I came from.

I see people at Decoration I don't see any other time of the year. Sunday, I saw my 82-year-old great uncle who I haven't seen in probably three or four years. He was standing next to my mother. She's about 5 feet tall, and he looked to be three or four inches shorter than her.

He was hobbling around with a walking stick. He has a bad hip and a bad this and a bad that. He's very hard of hearing, and doesn't recognize as many faces as he used to. But every year, he buys flowers and decorates the graves of his mother, his brother, and his sister's three infant children.

That's Decoration Day.

It's part of my heritage and it's part of me. A part I don't want to let go of. Sometimes it feels like my generation--my sister and I, my first cousins, and their children--is letting go. Like we're losing something valuable. Something that cannot be reclaimed.

As I was leaving Sunday, creeping down the dry, dusty road, I took one last look at the little cemetery on the hill. So colorful. So quiet and peaceful. The little grove of trees providing shade. The winds of the past continuing to blow, beckoning...

"Some days the sky's so blue, I feel like I can talk to you. And I know it might sound crazy..."

13 comments:

  1. Decoration Day. Haven't heard that expression in many a moon :0

    It's a lovely expression though I used to make much fun of my Mom for using it.

    This is one of your most beautiful posts. I love the second paragraph most--first paragraph--all.

    I don't go to cemeteries often. To me a person lives on in your heart not by grave

    You know how much I love my parents. The thought of them decomposing horrifies me

    But that's just me, and we're Jewish so we don't embalm

    Beautiful beautiful post

    Please don't hate my comment :)

    This seems to be an unexpected vacation week--the weather is too perfect

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  2. That sounds like a true tradition with meaning. How very lucky. Sounds like the most peaceful place to rest.

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  3. The Koreans & Mexicans have similar days. In Korea they have the main road through the country set to only go southbound at the beginning of the weekend and only northbound at the end...if you want to go in the "wrong" direction, you have to take a different road.
    Sounds like a really nice tradition...you can make a difference with your family. Just take them and show them. And take care of the neglected graves too.

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  4. Glad that you had fun petting rabbits. did you see that we got to kitten sit? (below the ballgame post)

    I hope that Coors Field doesn't get wind of all the other parks not allowing outside food...that could be terrible. I know they sold plenty even with allowing outside food. Although those guys who go up & down the eisles with stuff seemed to have even higher prices...they wanted $4.50 for a snowcone!!! Plueeze! I don't think so. DD was happy with our brought from home cracker jack (only $1.39 for 3 boxes!).

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  5. You have an amazing way with words, Bone, that make me (and I’m guessing a lot of other people too) struggle between smiles and tears.

    This post was achingly poignant, heartwrenching in sincerity, and yet hopeful in a way that only comes with faith. We don’t have anything similar to this up north where I’m from, but I think it sounds like one of the most amazing traditions: I hope you and your family keep it alive. It would be a real shame to lose it.

    He was hobbling around with a walking stick. He has a bad hip and a bad this and a bad that. He's very hard of hearing, and doesn't recognize as many faces as he used to. But every year, he buys flowers and decorates the graves of his mother, his brother, and his sister's three infant children.

    That's Decoration Day.

    This is a super powerful paragraph: it says what love for ones family can make them capable of doing. Your uncle sounds like a great guy.

    It's part of my heritage and it's part of me. A part I don't want to let go of. Sometimes it feels like my generation--my sister and I, my first cousins, and their children--is letting go. Like we're losing something valuable. Something that cannot be reclaimed.

    You’re right: you won’t be able to get it back if you let it go. And that’s not something you want to lose. It’s always best to be proud of your heritage: where you come from often leads you to where you’re going. You’ll continue it: you just have to make up your mind to do so.

    (Sorry for the long comment: this was a really beautiful post.)

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  6. Pia: Thank you. Obviously, I don't think of them as bones. I think of them when they were alive and I think of their souls.

    Yes, it does seem to be a big vacation week.

    Lass: It is just the most peaceful place.

    Renee: You're right. It's up to me to help uphold and pass along the tradition.

    Yes, I saw some kitten pictures. Sounds like you guys had a great weekend.

    TC: Thank you for the very thoughtful comment. It means a lot.

    I figured not everyone had heard of it or had something similar. But I'm really not sure how widespread or uncommon the practice is today.

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  7. Very poignant post. Here in San Antonio (and in Mexico), Dia de los Muertos (Day of the Dead) elicits something similar to Decoration Day.

    ...Something that cannot be reclaimed. I think of that often. My genealogy work will, I hope, serve to keep past generations alive in future generations.

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  8. What a great tradition! I love your description of that cemetery, it sounds like a lovely place, some place I'd like to visit. We don't have Decoration Day, perhaps it's a southern thing. Maybe I just don't know about it. My parents are buried less than a quarter mile from me and I never go there unless I'm out for a walk. I think about them when I drive by, but I just feel that they're not really there, they are always in my heart.

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  9. Carlos: Genealogy was actually something one of my uncles and first cousins were talking about at Decoration Day. I think that is a very interesting, worthwhile thing.

    Carnealian: Thanks. I'm thankful for the traditions that have been passed on. But at the same time, I guess I've taken them for granted a lot.

    Xinher: Thank you. This post means a lot to me.

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  10. This is such a beautiful, yet melancholy post. Too many of us forget what Memorial Day is about. Your celebration of Decoration Day and the way you share it with us reminds us of what this weekend was supposed to be about.

    Until this year, I've been blessed. My family is large and closely knit and until January we'd never lost someone close to us. My grandmother passed and it was one of the most difficult times of my life, particularly because I felt so alone.

    Most days, I forget she's gone. I can understand how your years pass and you can't believe how long it's been since your grandmother left you. Just last week, I tried to call my grandmother - - and remembered mid-ring that she would not be there.

    I'm sorry that you've lost so many family members in your short life-time.

    Don't let go. Make sure that you, your sister and your generation continue these traditions and remember the past.

    Your words stir memories and longing in me.

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  11. That was a sweet and caring post.

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  12. Avery Laine: Thanks. My sister and I were talking over the weekend and I told her I still remember my grandmother's phone number, to this day, after fifteen years.

    GirlFPS: Thank you :)

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