(This is from a writing exercise I was doing yesterday that Dawn came up with. You're given three words and you are to write something using them. A few lines, a poem, a story, anything. Who knows, maybe it could become a meme. Three Word Thursday? My three words were rope, sweet, and dawn.)
She swung out on the rope and dropped into the creek. Laughing as she came out of the water. She splashed me. I splashed her back. I loved her laugh. Wished that she would always be as happy as she was in those moments. Just before dawn. Just her and me.
"Your turn!"
"No, I'm done."
"No! You have to go again! What's the matter? You scared?!" She splashed me again.
"I'm tired. You can go again if you want."
"Fine. I'll go again. All by myself." She pouted.
"Be careful."
I watched her climb up the rocks as I inhaled the sweet smell of summer. The sun just beginning to filter down thru the trees. She jumped again. Screaming. Laughing. Happy as I ever saw her.
I fought against her pleas to stay longer. She slipped on a t-shirt over her bikini top. We began the climb back to the car.
It was the last time I would go there with her.
"Laughin' and a-runnin', hey, hey. Skippin' and a-jumpin'. In the misty morning fog with our hearts a-thumpin'. And you..."
Bone--this is so beautiful, almost childlike, yet definately not. Tells a story of a relationship in how many words?
ReplyDeleteAlmost hate commenting lately, because except for yesterday thankfully, sound as if I'm fawning
But simple language made into elegant in a way sentences is what I covet in my own writiing and books that I read
though you're so damn good
Curious. Why would you fight against her pleas to stay there?
ReplyDeleteI love this writing exercise. The last time I did something similar my words were root, high and spiny.
True story?
ReplyDeleteHey, Blondie! That's what I asked! Great minds think alike huh chicky? ;o)
ReplyDeleteHummm I wonder if Bone could take Dorothy's words "root, high and spiny" and turn them into a story about her. He's pretty good at this.
ReplyDeletePia: Thank you. I agree, there's a lot to be said for simplicity. Know I get way too wordy sometimes. But some of the best writing, it's what isn't said but is implied that is part of the brilliance of it.
ReplyDeleteDorothy: Well, from the dialogue, I guess the obvious conclusion would be that I was tired. Maybe we'd been there a long time? Could have been a hundred things I guess.
Blondie: I don't know. Is it? :-) No, this one is fiction. Did it seem real? Because obviously, that's what you aim for with fiction.
Grooviechick: (see my response to Blondie)
Renee: I wonder. We'll have to ask him sometime :)
LOL let me know when you see him. ;)
ReplyDeleteYou're jumping into a creek before dawn? A) Brave and B) Brrrrr. :)
ReplyDeleteI'm just pickin' on you. I think it's "dawn"ed on me that it's "sweet", and a good way to "rope" other people into doing it. :)
what a great post!
ReplyDeleteand van to boot. love him!
So, you write about a girl in a creek, in a bathing suit, playing and happy, who wanted to stay there with you a little longer and your need to sleep got in the way of that?
ReplyDeleteIf I were the girl, I'd divine that you just were not into me. Of all the men I've dated, I've never once had one end a date because they were tired. BH and I used to fall asleep kissing or snuggling. We just didn't want the night to end. Even on our first date, I didn't want to miss even 10 minutes of touching his skin, even if though had to work in a couple of hours.
Not that I'm picking on you, because I'd never do a thing like that. Just a little baggage-laden insight.
Have had more than my share of relationship baggage experience, and am a therapist, active license and all, but am a writer first.
ReplyDeleteTook Bone's post to be fiction, or maybe something stupid he did with Lily. We all do stupid things in our relationships. If I had a dime.....would have a bazillion dollars
Don't know what I would think if I were the girl, the story is told by Bone, from his perspective
Just came here because I'm nominating Bone, my favorite blog writer for a perfect post award, and wanted to know if people think "introdyction" is his best recent post
Bone's writing draws me in, immediately, and just think that his writing should be taken for what it is. This is one of the best writing exercises that I have ever read
This left me wondering what the girl would have to say--and that's good, because in a short post or article---I only want to know the story from the writer or the protoganist's side
I guess I just don't understand the debate here.
ReplyDeleteWhen I read this, I thought it was a marvelous piece of fiction writing left open to interpretation in order to allow the reader the most enjoyment.
Who cares why he had to/wanted to leave?
The reasons could be as simple as they both had to be at work soon or as complex as he wanted to end things with her.
It doesn't matter what Bone was thinking when he wrote it (hope I'm not stepping on your toes, especially the broken one). What matters is how we interpret it.
The best writers leave some things to the imagination.
Allowing the reader to best fit it to their own lives, letting them identify with it, to make it that much more relevant and therefore meaningful to them.
Leave us wondering, always. Don't worry about explaining every little detail. That's makes your writing that much stronger.
You're an astounding writer.
Good Job, Bone Blogger!
Pia- Please don't misunderstand me. I love Bone's writing,and I would never assume that I understand his feelings at all on a particular subject. I just found what I thought was an interesting insight. I do that when I read literature or view art or pour over a musical score. I analyze everything. It comes from years of studying music, literature and art. I actually wonder why an artist chooses burnt umber or titian red, or a diminished 7th, or seemingly esoteric phrase and what that choice is trying to say.
ReplyDeleteI think Bone's stories draw me in a little too well. I become personally involved in the choices of his protagonist. I tend to break down the stories and savor each piece. It all started with analyzing The Old Man and the Sea when I was in high school.
I promise I'm not turning troll. I can go back to happy Seinfeld references if you prefer.
This whole thing reminds me about the Elaine/Jake Jarmel upper hand "hi" episode.
Renee: I'll probably run into him tonight.
ReplyDeleteXinh: I guess the same three. You think I should start a meme? I could post three words each Thursday and we could all write from the same three words. How many people would do it?
Carmen: It is when the water is coolest. But here, in the summer, it's not all that cold :) And on a clear night, the moon gives off a lot of light.
Ms. Sizzle: Thanks, my fellow Van fan :)
Dorothy: Explaining it takes away from the writing to me. But read the two comments below yours. They make some great points. Suffice it to say I can see myself in the story, very easily.
Pia: Thanks. You make a great point. Human behavior is not always logical. Perhaps especially in relationships. We don't always do things that make sense.
Confused: Thank you. You said it better than I could: "Allowing the reader to best fit it to their own lives, letting them identify with it, to make it that much more relevant and therefore meaningful to them."
Plus, it was a five or ten minute writing exercise, not a finely crafted novel. Again, thank you much.
Good job Bone. But I think there should be a creek monster. Someone comes back without a pinky toe. ;)
ReplyDeleteEXCELLENT writing Bone... the more I visit the more impressed I am...
ReplyDeleteOnce again...you are an awesome writer!!! True or not, it's a great short story and I love it. I wish I had your ability to use words in writing. Great job Bone!
ReplyDeleteWell that was just lovely! I want to read more!!!
ReplyDeleteXinh: OK, that's it. I'm starting a meme. Be looking for all the details this coming Thursday.
ReplyDeleteLass: Hey, I'm a little sensitive about pinky toes right at this moment :)
Shayna: Thanks. Always enjoy your blog as well.
Jen: Thank you for the kind words. Fiction is always harder for me than truth.
Carnealian: Well, there's not anymore ;-)
Bone, I'm hooked! I'm pretty new to the site, but I plan to return! You've got some serious talent! :)
ReplyDeleteTraveling Chica: Thanks for the compliment. Stop by anytime ;)
ReplyDelete