Monday, March 05, 2007

If they take my stapler, I'll set the building on fire

I started to begin today by thanking everyone who participated in the first-ever Roast-A-Bone. But do you thank people for roasting you? I'm not sure, so let me just commend you all on a job... done :) I know it was all in fun and fortunately, I've managed to locate all but two of you on google maps...

This weekend, I saw something I'd never seen and did something I haven't done in at least twenty-five years. Quite a teaser, huh? And no, the answers aren't "a Carrot Top routine that made me laugh" and "peed the bed." Although those would fit the criteria had I done them.

Let's start with the thing I haven't done in at least twenty-five years...
This weekend, I flew a kite. A three-dollar Spiderman kite. As the other choices at Wal-Mart were Pokemon or Care Bears.

Two thoughts on kite flying: Now I understand the phrase "go fly a kite" a bit better. Because really, after you get it up in the air, you're just kind of standing there holding a string, looking skyward at a flimsy piece of plastic flapping in the wind for an undetermined amount of time.

Second, I was a bit hesitant about hanging out with the "kite people." Anytime, I've ever seen anyone flying a kite, it's either been a parent with their kids or some grown man, poorly dressed, usually by himself. (And before you ask, I was well-dressed.) The latter group is what I refer to as "kite people." You don't really see a lot of hot 25-year-old women flying kites by themselves.

I did meet a kite person. How do I know he was a kite person? Well for starters, he had a case for his kite. He was flying what he called a "stunt kite," which he controlled with two different strings, and reportedly cost around $300. It sounded like what I would imagine a swarm of locusts might sound like. And when it crashed, it hit the ground with such a thud, I imagined it could kill, or at least severely injure.

That led to the most amusing part of the conversation:
Kite guy: "I've been hit by one of these before."
"At an event."
"They have events?"
"Yeah. Twenty-five or thirty people come. They have competitions and categories for different stunts."
"I bet it's only guys there."
"No, there were a few girls, actually."
"Yeah, kite groupies."
(/end kite story)

And as for the thing I'd never seen...
I finally watched Office Space this weekend. How is it that someone who supposedly knows lots about pop culture is just now seeing this movie? That's a good question. But movies are the one area where I've always kind of lagged. Sports, music, television, I'm your man. But movies, not so much. Besides, no one bothered to tell me Jennifer Aniston is in it!

Anyway, I saw it. And it was hilarious as advertised. So please forgive me if for the next few weeks, I'm dropping references and laughing at things most of you probably laughed at like eight years ago.

It's impossible to pick my favorite scene or line, but I thoroughly enjoyed this:
"Well, I generally come in at least fifteen minutes late. Uh, I use the side door. That way Lumburg can't see me. And, uh, after that I just sorta space out for about an hour."
"Uhh, space out?"
"Yeah, I just stare at my desk. But it looks like I'm working. I do that for probably another hour after lunch, too. I'd say in a given week, I probably only do about fifteen minutes of real, actual work."

This movie also raises some interesting, relevant questions. I've come up with three to ponder:
1. What would you do if you had a million dollars and didn't have to work?
2. What exactly do you do all day?
3. How much time would you estimate you actually spend working during an average day?

So if you could just go ahead and answer those, yeah, that'd be great. Feel free to answer anonymously in order to avoid being fired. That's all for now. Hope no one has a case of the Mondays. And remember, Friday is Hawaiian Shirt Day.

"There's a kite blowing out of control on the breeze. I wonder what's gonna happen to you. You wonder what has happened to me..."


  1. 1. What would you do if you had a million dollars and didn't have to work? ummm...I don't work...unless you include all the work that I do and don't get paid, cleaning, raising child, etc...
    2. What exactly do you do all day? cooking, cleaning, raising child, taking care of animals, run two support groups, blog
    3. How much time would you estimate you actually spend working during an average day? all of it ;)

    We have a two string kite around here somewhere. We bought it when we lived in TX...didn't spend $300 on it though. It's really nice and can do flips and such. We haven't been able to get a kite up around here...the wind tunnel caused by the houses messes us up. Should try it at the park though.

    Haven't seen that movie either. We don't see a lot of movies.

  2. 1. What would you do if you had a million dollars and didn't have to work?

    I think I would still work. I'm oldest of five kids in my family, so no doubt, I would be giving some to them as well. Besides, after taxes, that's only (HA!) 700,000 maybe.

    2. What exactly do you do all day?

    Well, that's interesting. Because I can make my own schedule, I tend to make sure I have appointments up until noon because I drag in the afternoon hours. When I get back to my office, there's this one woman who talks NONSTOP. I had to buy an ipod just to have some way of getting work done, but most times, I get looped into the conversation, regardless of whether or not I wanted to in the first place.

    So I end up talking: About HER kids, HER husband, HER mother-in-law, HER problems, HER ________ (fill in the blank). I usually pray for her to have an appointment in the afternoon because I can't handle it. And sure, you might say, "But Marina: Don't you tell her to shut up?" I have and then some.

    So if Talker Woman is not there, I will come into the office, sit down, check my work email, and then proceed to go to my university's website to check my university email. After that (which takes five minutes), I'm browsing Overstock, Amazon, Coldwater Creek, Macy's, and any other store I feel like.

    I think I work at my office about as well as a homeless man does at refraining from eating at a buffet.

    3. How much time would you estimate you actually spend working during an average day?

    When I'm driving and participating in meetings, I think it's four to five hours...sometimes all day. If I'm at my office for most of the day, I think it's more like an hour to two hours of real work.

  3. Erectile Dysfunction3/05/2007 05:02:00 PM

    1. Well, I do, and I choose to work.

    2. I'm a research assistant dedicated to child development and human relations.

    3. It depends. On average, four hours a day. By law, all I have to work is two hours to be paid for the full day, so I consider myself a giver for putting in twice that amount.

  4. Bone did I ever tell you my one blogging rule?

    Never ever answer questions on a post that the blogger--you--hasn't answered :)

    But I'm glad that you learned so much about kite flying and its culture.

  5. Renee: You should totally get a job! Your workload would decrease greatly ;)

    Wow. That's the first two-string kite I'd ever seen. Maybe I've been sheltered.

    Marina: I'm just the opposite. I drag in the mornings. So I'd schedule everything in the afternoons. That is, if I made my own schedule.

    Don't you hate when people want to talk! I'm like, "Hello!! I've got blogs to read and email to answer over here." :)

    ED: Yeah, I'd probably work, too. Oh, who am I kidding. I'd sleep until at least Noon everyday and go to the beach as often as possible.

    Pia: Um, well, I'm currently pondering my answers :)

    The kiteans are an interesting group.

  6. 1. I would travel. Permanent vacation!

    2. Exactly? Ride the subway, analyze some things, crack some jokes, ride the subway home.

    3. I have a 7 hour workday, and I honestly think I work at least 6 of those. Yeah, I like my job.

    I can't believe you are just now seeing Office Space. It's one of the greatest. You'll find yourself quoting it daily.

  7. 1. If I had a million dollars, I would spend my time volunteering at womens' shelters, leading activities that would boost their self-value (make-overs, interviewing classes, etc.). Not that I'm a fashion mentor or anything, but it's amazing what you believe you can accomplish when you get a much-needed boost of self-esteem.

    2. I "work" in my family business (training & consulting). I run the office, prepare and facilitate workshops and play a lot of games at I also try to read my cat's mind and accurately portray her diva life in her blog.

    3. Crap. Ok, my "official" answer: I work from 8a-5p, breaking only from 12p-1p for a lunch break. [DAD, PLEASE STOP READING NOW!] In reality? Much less than that. And, now that I've seen it in writing, I am convicting myself of stealing time/money from my family business. Gee thanks, Bone, for reminding me I have a conscience!

  8. or some grown man, poorly dressed, usually by himself. (And before you ask, I was well-dressed.)

    One down, one to go... ;-)

    And who would dare to ask if you were well dressed??? 0:-)

  9. Wow.. A kite case?? I'll bet that guy is just beating the ladies off him with a stick.

  10. You didn't want the Care Bear kite?? For shame! It's so masculine and with your love of the eighties, it would seem a viable option. Admit it. You were tempted to purchase it. It was in your buggy for at least two aisles. We know it. It's okay.

    As for the poor kite guy. Here's hoping he finds a girl that loves him for WHO he is and not WHAT he's done. Surely, other than that one outting, his Kite-Event days are long past. I'll pray for him, just in case.

    Now, on to your lack of pop culture knowledge . .. you just now saw Office Space!!!! Bone, say it ain't so. Say it ain't so. That movie is a classic. That's like saying you haven't seen Dazed and Confused or The Rocky Horror Picture Show. You HAVE seen them, right?

    PS - Loving your Lumburgh impersonation. No, really. I could picture you naked with glasses and a cup of coffee holding a girl's leg in the air.

  11. I'm surprised that you've never seen Office Space. We LOVE that movie here in my household. Especially hubby, since he works on a cubicle farm.

    I flew a kite a few times when I lived in Texas. But only when I went down on the beach. You got a great wind current on the beach...very strong.

    Did you have fun flying your kite? ;)

  12. i LOVE that movie. :)

    1. What would you do if you had a million dollars and didn't have to work?
    buy a house at the ocean in mexico and get a lot of massages, drink a lot of beer and read a lot of books.

    2. What exactly do you do all day?
    i try to look like am working interspersed with emails work & personal. read blogs when the office is quiet. avoid answering my phone.

    3. How much time would you estimate you actually spend working during an average day?

    4 hours. Shhh!

    i had no idea there were "kite people"- creepy. :)

  13. Katie: I'm with you on the traveling! And I can definitely see myself quoting it incessantly, probably to the annoyance of those around me :)

    Soupess: You're right. It's amazing how far a little self-esteem can go.



    TC: I'm fairly well-dressed! Some might argue that I'm not grown, or at least not very mature. And to those I say, ppplllltttttt! :)

    Burg: Actually, Kite Guy was married. And if you're keeping score, I, am not :0) I think he was more of an ex-kite guy anyway.

    Avery Laine: That's like saying you haven't seen Dazed and Confused or The Rocky Horror Picture Show. You HAVE seen them, right?

    Ummm... no. Neither O:)

    Chickadee: Yes, it was fun. Although I found it more fun trying to get it in the air or when it crashed :)

    Sizzle: Ooo, yes, I would definitely get massages. By women. (Just a personal preference.)

    Four hours? Somehow I don't think you're alone there ;)

  14. Yeah,that was a very funny movie(glad you finely saw it) #1.What would you do if you had million dollars and didnt't have to work? I would still need to work(that is not to keep things going for very long ,around here),so I would use the millon to try to make enough money,to not have to work. #2.What exactly do all day? Work(at night I do other things). #3.How much time would you estimate you actually spen working durning an average day? About 6 or 7 hours.

  15. My real estate lawyer had a red stapler on his desk, and we all kept cracking Office Space jokes. Glad you FINALLY got around to seeing it. And now go fill out a TPS report, but don't give it your "O" face. ;)

  16. I'd hire a hit man and Johnny Cock-ran (oh wait he's dead).
    Make that a hit man, new identity and a plane ticket.

  17. Don't you hate when people want to talk! I'm like, "Hello!! I've got blogs to read and email to answer over here."

    The first thought I had was to record her voice using the camcorder function on my phone just so you could experience what I go through every day. Don't be surprised if I just email you out of the blue with an attachment that reads, "Bleeding Ears - Click Here". ;)

  18. Wait a minute...I just saw the previous comments, and...

    You haven't seen The Rocky Horror Picture Show or Dazed and Confused?!?!

    What bleeping rock have you been hiding under, Bone? How the beep are we supposed to do the time warp again if you don't know any of the lyrics to get the thing in motion? GAH!

    Had I known this prior to your roasting, oh, it would have been so on.

  19. I loved Office Space. It reminded me of my office at Chaos College.

    If I had a million dollars i'd hire a personal trainer and get all buff, be more active in my kids school and activities and decorate my house :) oh.... and travel!!!
    In reality, what I do all day is work! I am up at the buttcrack of dawn and I work hard (sometimes) all day long. I supervise men :)
    Actually working.... i'm working all of my hours at work. Not necessarily work I should be doing, but i'm doing some work. hehe

  20. Girl FPS: Maybe I should have asked if you had enough money so that you never had to work again :)

    Carmen: That's great! I'm so hoping I don't even have an "O" face :)

    The ratio of people to cake is too big...

    Lux: Who are you planning on taking out? On second thought, don't tell me. As long as it isn't me :)

    Marina: You could do an audio post :) I know, I know. I haven't seen The Breakfast Club, either... (Pausing for ridicule.)

    They're next on my list, I assure you.

    Kerry: Maybe I should become a personal trainer, so that millionaires would hire me :)

  21. I'm fairly well-dressed!

    I never doubted it. ;-)

    You've never seen The Breakfast Club??? I'm losing faith in you here, Bone...

  22. Uff da.

    (Sorry, I forgot it the first time.)

  23. OMG! You haven't seen Rocky Horror or Breakfast Club??? YOU ARE SUCH A VIRGIN!!!!!!!!!

    The sad thing is you're now old enough that watching these movies will seem so totally stupid to you.

    And I agree with you that if I had a job I would be less busy. It's so sad.

  24. I can't believe you have never seen Office Space before.

    That movie is a pop icon!

    "have you seen my stapler?"

    "um, yeah, did you get the memo?"

    :note to self, start looking up Kite Events:

    There might be single men there.

  25. Good God, Bone: If I lived in Alabama, I would be driving to your house right now with all three DVDs in hand and demanding you drop everything that instant to get schooled.


  26. That is seriously the best movie!! If anyone ever said to me "Looks like someone has a case of the Mondays" with or without that ridiculous voice, I'd stab them!!
    "Have you seen my stapler?" LOVE IT!!!!!
    So, if I had a million dollars, I'd ride horses and drive fun cars, all the time. I'd also have a bigger house, on a ranch, with a housekeeper :-)
    So, all day...well, I read blogs, work, munch...
    I'd say I work about 6 out of 8 hours a day :-)
    So what made you fly a kite?

  27. I just saw the movie for the first time last summer. I find myself talking like the stapler guy every now and then. No one else gets the joke though. They just give me that "she works alone all day and it must be affecting her" look.

    1. I'd pack up the paint, brushes & canvas and become a traveling artist. In other words I'd become a hobo.

    2. I'm a freelance graphic designer.

    3. I average 8 hours a day.

  28. I have not seen 'The Breakfast Club'(or the other two movies someone talked about) but I saw a funny parody of it(on X-PLAY,a game review show),and the real movie does not seam like my cup of tea(so if you see the movie,I guess, you will tell if it is good or bad).

  29. Sisterhood of the Traveling Chica: Losing faith in me? So, just out of curiosity, have you seen Office Space? :)

    Renee: The sad thing is you're now old enough that watching these movies will seem so totally stupid to you.

    Oh, I wouldn't be so sure about that :)

    DCChick: Yes, but I've seen it now. And I'll be quoting it much in the near future, and probably beyond.

    Oh, good luck in your quest to become a kite groupie.

    Marina: Well, that would be cool. That'd be better than Netflix.

    Arlene: Well, it was windy. Seemed like good kite-flying weather :)

    Balou: They just give me that "she works alone all day and it must be affecting her" look.

    LOL Freelance graphic designer, huh? I guess that means you don't have to worry about any TPS reports.

    GirlFPS: Most anytime I've heard people talking about classic 80's movies, The Breakfast Club is mentioned. I do plan to watch it sometime. Soon, hopefully.

  30. So, just out of curiosity, have you seen Office Space?

    Your question does not deserve a response, SBTA, y ya sabes porque. :-P

    But honestly. You cannot compare The Breakfast Club to Office Space. Oh, King of Pop Culture (KPC for future references...), what year did TBC come out? And OS? Yeah, that's what I thought.

  31. Let me just say that for Rocky Horror, you can't just "watch the movie." It will be horrible and make no sense. You must "experience" it at a place that "shows" the movie. Which, I'm doubting happens in Huntsville or the surrounding areas (but then again, who knows?).

    The Breakfast Club must be watched on DVD (or VHS) and not edited and bleeped on regular tv.

    I didn't see Office Space until it had been out for several years but it's definitely one of those movies that everyone who has every worked at a dot com or in a cube farm must see. My favorite scene is when Peter, Michael, and Sanjay are at the restaurant getting coffee and Michael puts in about 20 packets of sugar in his coffee but never drinks it. It's subtle but hilarious. My one co-worker and I quote from that movie all the time.

  32. I don't work nearly as much as I should. (Obviously... I'm commenting from my desk...)

    I LOVE that you flew a kite! What gave you such an idea?

    You should have taken pictures.

  33. Thats funny ....I flew a kite last week when it was so windy .....I thought I was the only one that would do anything like that .....

    Anyway , I have missed you :)