Monday, May 07, 2012

Here lies IYROOBTY

My fans have spoken, clamoring for a new blog post.  By fans, I mean fan (thanks Sherri).  And by clamoring, I mean probably just being polite in that way that you ask someone how they are, all the while hoping they don't regale you with a five-minute tale of how their gout is flaring up again and their continuing gastrointestinal issues.

Saturday was my bloggiversary, so it seemed like as good a time as any for a new post.

I've been at this nine years.  That's a whole lot in blog years.  Ancient, really.  Look, I'm not blind, I can see the writing on the virtual wall.  When I think of all the dead blogs I've cut from my link list over the years, it's a sobering thing.  And soon, I too, shall join them -- the ghosts of bloggers past.

At this point, I'm pretty much the blogging Betty White.  Now if I only knew who the blogging Rue McClanahan was we could move in together and ride out these final golden years in style.

To kick off year number ten, I apologetically announce the creation of a new poetry blog.  No, seriously.  Why are you laughing?  It's my bloggiversary, try and control yourselves.  It struck me this weekend that the time has come for me to get things in order.  Here on the blog, I mean.  I wanted to have a place to keep all my poetry and lyric-y things together.  There'll be some previously posted stuff, some I wrote and never posted, and anything new I manage to scribe.  I'm calling it Poetry Wrecks.  Like Cake Wrecks -- except far less popular, but every bit as delicious! 

Speaking of end-of-(blog)life decisions, not a lot of people get a chance to do this, but I would like to take this opportunity to write my own eulogy.  Or is it an obituary?  Maybe it's only a eulogy if it's read aloud.  Either way, here goes, and you can fight amongst yourselves as to who gets to read it aloud.  You know, when the time comes...

Here lies If You Read Only One Blog This Year, age (undetermined as yet).  It expired on (TBD), suffering in its later years from long bouts of post-lessness.  The blog had been dormant and mostly unresponsive for more than (TBD) hours prior to its death.

Born May 5th, 2003, on AOL.  It was raised on AngelFire, before moving to Blogspot in October of 2003, where it spent the remainder of its days.

A contemporary of such infinitely more famous blogs as Dooce and Stuff White People Like, IYROOBTY enjoyed its greatest popularity in the years of 2006 & 2007, just before the explosion of Facebook when blogging would go the way of the cassette tape.

IYROOBTY was home to a veritable hodge-podge of topics, ranging from golf to General Hospital, Bama football to Brandon Walsh, frequently following the protagonist's never-ending, if sporadic, efforts to end up in Wikipedia or the Guinness Book Of World Records.  Its writings on Welcome Back Kotter and WKRP In Cincinnati are some of the only on the internet.  And to the very end, every post was ended with a carefully chosen song lyric.

It is survived by its author, Bone.  Although according to those in his inner circle, he is said to be completely despondent and reclusive.  More so than normal, even.

In the final days of his life, he revealed an unknown side of his psyche. This hidden quasi-Jungian persona surfaced during the pursuit of his long-reputed soul mate, a woman whom he only spent a few precious hours with. Sadly, the protracted search ended late Saturday night in complete and utter failure.  (Oh, sorry for that very out-of-place Serendipity interlude.  I just always wanted my eulogy to say that, and be read aloud by Ari.)

Other survivors include one (brain)child, the moderately successful writing prompt, Three Word Wednesday, which continues under new management; several invented fake blog holidays including NaBloSoThaDraWe, Blogust, and Blogtober (although survive might be a strong word for those); and a small but loyal group of readers whose friendship, kindness, and encouragement will not soon be forgotten.

In lieu of flowers, comments may be left on this post.

"And if you threw a party / And invited everyone you knew / You would see the biggest gift would be from me / And the card attached would say / Thank you for being a friend..."


  1. Happy bloggiversary. Never forget I'm your number one fan-not in the Kathy Bates school of fandom.

    You will always make me laugh a bit too much. This is classic Bone!!!!!!!! Who I miss though I can't say I blog too often anymore--and god knows I speak to you enough--but there's something about a Bone post that always keep me coming back for more

  2. Bone, I'm glad my powers of persuasion worked! And what are you talking about? You have LOTS of fans...the thought of your blog going away makes me sad. But the thought of your poetry blog sounds amazing! I will look forward to your posts and will be a happy follower. And your choice of poetry blog name is so fitting to your wonderful sense of humor...and your modesty when it comes to your writing talents. Cheers! :)

    P.S. I'm glad you liked my latest photo...all I had to do was point and shoot with my camera. The beauty of that tree took care of the rest!

  3. I had no idea that your blog was that old. That's like 90 in Facebook years! Coincidentally, my blog was born the same month that you moved over from Angelfire. Like you, I've seen more blogs disappear than I care to remember.

    Lately as I feel my time in the blogiverse coming ever nearer, I've been toying with the idea of a 'dead mans switch' of an obituary for my blog. I could write it, set it to be published at a future date and just keep kicking that date out front every so often. Then when it happens, it just publishes. Nothing gets me more than when a blog I read just stops and never starts up again. I don't know if the blogger just up and died or took their readers for granted so much that they felt it acceptable to just disappear without a word.

  4. at least on here, your older than me by a year, but that's like seven years in blog or dog years... Keep us laughing, Bone.

  5. Pia - Thanks anti-Kathy! I feel the same way about a Pia post. Did you notice how I conveniently left the ALL CAPS days out of my eulo-bituary?

    Sherri B - Yes, your powers of persuasion did work! I have intentions to blog more often, but then I've had those before, so we'll see. Thanks for checking in with my poetry blog. Hopefully, the name won't end up being the best part :)

    Ed - Very thoughtful comment, Ed. I've never really thought about it, but I've seen seemingly countless blogs end that way. Just with no word at all.

    And Facebook years, I like that term!

    Sage - Thanks, Sage. I'll do my best. I want people to laugh at my blog funeral. Now my real funeral, I expect tears, and lots of 'em.

  6. Blimey, and I thought I was an old timer, having started out in here in 2006. So, like Madonna, the trick is to reinvent yourself, and rise from the ashes like a phoenix, eh? Aw, farewell and adieu IYOOBTY, guess I could have known you better, but what little I did always managed to make me smile. You'll be remembered with fondness - rest in peace!

  7. Bone,
    I think I understand this post a little too well. I think charlottalove is going to way of archived stories. You are still on my reader, obviously, and I'll continue to read any new posts. I'm glad I somehow stumbled upon this blog. You are a fantastic writer. Keep writing - even if it is private; you have a tremendous talent!

  8. I'mma need to clarify our boundaries in advance for the poetry blog: do I get to tell you if I don't like something? Will you huddle in the corner and weep or, more likely, turn the resulting defensiveness into anger at what a beeeyotch I am? Perhaps a code phrase can be worked out here, something I use in my comments when I'm not feeling your lyricalishness. Should this code phrase include the words "interesting" and "unique"?

    Anyhow, I'm ready to be your Rue any time, seeing as I'm at about the six year mark with my blog. Does this mean I have to be the one who goes out and whores around?

    See how I always like to know, ahead of time, the terms and conditions?

  9. Shrinky - No! I'm not dead yet. Rumors of my demise have been slightly exaggerated. Or miscommunicated.

    Charlotta - Good to know :) You have no idea how stoked I was to see a new post from Charlotta-love! Even if that was a couple months ago now.

    Jocelyn - I hold no delusions of being a decent poet. Actually, I feel a little guilty every time I post a poem, like I'm offending all actual poets who have ever lived. So critique away! Though I can't promise I won't weep.

    "Interesting" and "unique" will work. I always liked "Well, those are definitely some words." It's kind of a catch-all.

    Yes, you can be Rue, the young one. I don't care what you do on your own time, but if I throw a party, the biggest gift better be from you. Otherwise, this whole theme song's been a sham.

  10. You are one of the few people I have linked on my blog as Blogs I Read. Now I'm going to have to go messing around in my blog and redo things. :-(
    But I guess some things are meant to end.

    I started blogging in 2003. That feels like a lifetime ago.

  11. I miss being able to blog a lot and I miss bloggers who are not blogging.

    I'm catching up tonight;

    I am going to love the poetry blog.

  12. You can write your own eulogy? Why haven't I thought of this?! Great post - a perfect sample of why IYROOBTY is great - and a perfect way to celebrate. You've been doing this 9 years? That's an impressive statistic.

    Happy bloggiversary!

  13. Xinh - Bu- bu- but, I'm not gone yet! Xinh..... Hello?

    Cooper - We miss you, Miss Cooper!

    J. Adamthwaite - Well, some months only had like one post, but if you still consider that blogging for nine years, then yes I have :)

    Thanks so much for the nice words!