Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Things that make you go hmmm, in Hazzard

For some reason, I've been quite inquisitive lately. Saturday I was questioning my roots and my very existence. Today it's on to a more serious topic, The Dukes Of Hazzard.

One has to marvel that the show stayed on the air for seven seasons. I mean, how many different episodes can you write where the good ol' boys save the day and foil the bad guys? I guess there were bound to be a few plot stretches. To wit, the defecting Soviet gymnast and the haunted General Lee. In that sense, it was sort of the Gilligan's Island of the 1980's, and poses at least as many questions.

It has long gnawed at me how Bo & Luke always seemed to have an ample supply of dynamite at their behest, you know, whenever the need arose. Thinking of that, I can't help but wonder how the Dukes would fare in this day and time. They should do a reunion show, Bo & Luke versus Homeland Security.

For some reason, I have been watching the show a bit more the past few days. And other questions have forced their way to the surface, like a bulb of pus culminating in a non-aesthetic whitehead.

Let's begin with the basic familial setup. You had Uncle Jesse and five cousins--Bo, Luke, Daisy, and oh yes, don't forget Coy and Vance. None of the five were siblings, and Jesse was father to none of them, yet they all had the last name Duke. That means that Jesse had to have at least five brothers himself, all of whom had at least one child who wound up living with the same uncle for a time when they were grown, right?.

Or maybe Uncle Jesse was not really an uncle at all. Maybe he was more like a modern-day Uncle Remus, a jolly old man who took in strays and walked around with bluebirds perched on his Libertys.

And what about the General Lee? It was supposed to be souped up, right? Well how come anytime there was a chase which also involved Daisy's Jeep, Uncle Jesse's truck, and/or random bad guy's sedan, the other vehicles were always able to keep up with the General?

Here's another peculiarity. Everytime anyone was ever driving around looking for someone, even if they had no clue where that someone was, they'd eventually meet them on the road. How many roads were there in Hazzard County, like two?

Also, what was the point of having Bo and Luke wear the same outfit 99% of the time? I mean, it was fine for the Flintstones, but come on, no one wore the same shirt day after day after day in the eighties. Plus, Daisy always had on different tops and such. Was she controlling the budget in the household and not alloting Bo and Luke enough money for clothes? And if so, why wasn't there an episode about that?

Why wasn't Daisy ever married, or even dating anyone?

And is it just me, or were there a curiously high number of bridges out in Hazzard County?

I believe these are all pertinent questions which require much research and in-depth analysis to answer. Then and only then will we begin to understand the sociological intricacies that defined Hazzard County.

It's funny, you don't really ponder such questions when you're playing with your matchbox General Lee and cop car in a gravel driveway. When you're ten years old, all you really think about is trying to persuade your Mom to put a Dixie horn on her Cutlass.

"My girl bust in, caught us creating a boom. She said, girlfriend? Things that make you go hmm..."

17 comments:

  1. OK, only a guy would analyze the show from this perspective. I think if you checked on the female analysis, you'd find we were deciding which was cuter, Bo or Luke. Same thing applies to Starsky and Hutch just in case you were wondering. ;)

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  2. One has to marvel that the show stayed on the air for seven seasons.

    Now that’s something I’ll agree with…

    like a bulb of pus culminating in a non-aesthetic whitehead.

    That is one of the most disgusting lines of imagery I’ve read in awhile, Bone. Wow.

    I believe these are all pertinent questions which require much research and in-depth analysis to answer.

    You clearly have too much time on your hands and need a hobby or something :-)

    When you're ten years old, all you really think about is trying to persuade your Mom to put a Dixie horn on her Cutlass.

    Please tell me that your Mother said no. Please. I have this vision of your Mom from these posts as a woman who didn’t allow you to do anything stupid with her permission growing up, and I’d kind of like to keep that image.

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  3. You know what? I never gave any of that stuff the first thought. All I could think about was how incredible John Schnieder looked climbing in the window of the General Lee in that white shirt and tight jeans. Is it just me, or is it suddenly hot in here?

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  4. An Aside: Which one was Bo and which one was Luke?? I watch The Dukes periodically and, for whatever reason, like it, but I can never remember which is Bo and which is Luke.

    I've frequently had a few of those same questions in my mind when I've watched The Dukes. However, I've never had more than one of those questions in my mind per episode. How, in the name of all that's Southern, did you come up with ALL of those questions at once? My brain would implode. Too. Many. Questions. :)

    That means that Jesse had to have at least five brothers himself, all of whom had at least one child who wound up living with the same uncle for a time when they were grown, right?

    Dear Bone, you live in the South . . Alabama is awfully close to Mississippi. Can't you see how this scenario is entirely plausible?

    Why wasn't Daisy ever married, or even dating anyone?

    Much like The Dukes of Hazzard was sort of the Gilligan's Island of the 1980's, Daisy was the Smurfette of the sitcom world.

    Then and only then will we begin to understand the sociological intricacies that defined Hazzard County.

    Someone should write a thesis! I can see this as a perfect topic for a Sociology or possibly even an Anthropology major. Perhaps I should go around to the local colleges and post this idea on the bulletin boards. Studies should be done. Charts should be made.

    Don't ya think?

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  5. Carnealian: Well, what can I say, I am a guy. I wasn't wondering about Starsky & Hutch. Well, at least not about that. But thanks :)

    TC: I try to paint a vivid picture with words. Glad you enjoyed it O:)

    Meanwhile, the vision you have of my mother can remain untarnished. No one in my family ever had a Dixie horn on any of their vehicles. Well, immediate family anyway.

    Jennifer: Sigh. You girls. Why was none of this verbal ogling going on last post when I blogged about Jimmy Kimmel? :)

    Avery Laine: Which one was Bo and which one was Luke??

    LOL Now that's funny. Um, just remember Bo was blonde. B for Bo and blonde ;)

    Eh, they mostly all popped into my head while I watched the show for two or three hours straight last night on CMT.

    Someone should write a thesis! I can see this as a perfect topic for a Sociology or possibly even an Anthropology major.

    Now there's the best idea I've heard all day.

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  6. Only a guy? Only a Bone would analyze this show from any perspective

    I have come late to this commentary so I can't talk about the truly gross pus image plus much else
    Bo & Luke versus Homeland Security.
    Think you have a new style reunion show. Maybe Matt Damon can play.....

    Yuck Bone you have way too much time on your hands but nobody has taped the truly important question to an analysis of Dukes and your life...
    what would Scott Baio say? Would Scott care?

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  7. Well I came here to giggle about your chips & salsa. Ya know you shouldn't be eating at the computer anyway. ;)

    And then I have to comment on The Dukes of Hazzard. Ya know I've never thought too much about that show, but you did bring up some good points.

    Seven seasons? Well cuz lots of folks were watching it and it sold!

    Dynamite? not sure...what kind of jobs DID they ever have? LOL! I don't remember them ever working...only Daisy worked at the bar...was she the only bread winner for the entire family?

    I must not have watched the show enough cuz I don't remember Coy & Vance...but that family set up was really weird.

    and they wore the same clothes? Wow! I didn't notice anything but the tight jeans.

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  8. Ha! You're absolutely right about that, plot problems and weird stuff zoomed right over THIS head, fersure.
    I don't think I even questioned why Charlie wanted to be a Starkist Tuna.
    Amazing.

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  9. Did you know that Tom Wopat bet John Snyder that he could touch his tongue to his nose in an episode and get away with it? Yep. Just watch the opening scenes, and when Luke puts the gun back in the holster, he touches his tongue to his nose.

    I actually saw a documentary on the show, and they talked about the familial relations between the cousins. It is The Deep South. Lots of cousins runnin' around crazy there.

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  10. I HAVE thought of some of these things - and I'm a girl.

    More things that make you go hmm.

    I watched the show religiously.

    Funny moment the other day - I told my son (17 years old) that the blonde dude on Dukes is Superman's earth dad on Smallville.

    His response, "no way - get outa town."

    My response, "no really. it' true."

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  11. I dated a guy in highschool that drove a beat up old charger that was primer gray for a while but then finally painted red. You could hear the thing coming around the block so I never could stay in the car too long before I got the window shade glare from my father. Also....you'll never believe this but about the horn. Yes, he had the General Lee horn. It was embarrassing as hell, but still something about riding around in that car made me feel sexy. Not going to lie.

    And yes, I would climb out of the window just for the hell of it.

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  12. Pia: Only a Bone would analyze this show from any perspective

    Thank you. I'll take that as a compliment :)

    What would Scott Baio do? You know I've been asking myself this exact question more and more lately.

    Renee: My keyboard is a veritable buffet.

    I thought about the jobs thing for the post. I assume they all helped operate the family farm. And yes, Daisy worked at the Boar's Nest for a time.

    Coy and Vance were only on for one season, I think. Season five, maybe?

    Actonbell: Ooo, I have lots of commercial questions, too. Oh well, perhaps another day.

    Lass: No, I didn't, but I'll be watching next time I see it come on. Thanks for the DoH trivia!

    I have lots of cousins. Lots. But I can't think of a single one who ever lived with an uncle, much less five :)

    Shelby: I was a faithful viewer as well. John Schneider was also a pretty good country singer for a time!

    Katie: Oh, you're cracking me up.

    Embarrassing??? I think not :)

    Hmm, the window shade glare? My girlfriend's parents always flipped on the porch light.

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  13. Your blog post was clever and hilarious...thanks for starting my Wednesday off right. :~)

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  14. All great questions. Here's my theory.

    I think Uncle Jesse was really their uncle. I bet Bo and Luke's dad was in the army and died in the war.
    I think Daisy's mom was Uncle Jesse's sister. My theory is Daisy's mom was knocked up. It was crazy a one nightstand, which resulted in Daisy. Since she didn't know the guy's last name, Daisy was given the last name Duke.

    Daisy didn’t date because she had standards. She was holding out for the perfect guy. Daisy would become an example for all women of the 21-century. Even hot women can’t get dates!

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  15. It's official. I will never look at Dukes of Hazzard the same. Or whiteheads for that matter. The next time I have a zit (which is *ahem, never), I'll be picturing a miniature Boss Hogg taunting the nearest freckle.

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  16. Now I'm going to be singing that theme song all day. :)

    Did you ever leave the car windows down and try to jump in without opening the door?

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  17. Fledgling Poet: Well, thanks much :) I was striving for humor, but you never know.

    OK Chick: Daisy would become an example for all women of the 21-century. Even hot women can’t get dates!

    LOL Amen, sister! Oh wait.

    Charlotta-love: Boss Hogg, bulb of pus... hmm.

    Carmen: Yes! I had forgotten about it until you mentioned it, but yes, yes I did!

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