Thursday, January 04, 2007

Coming out

I'm sorry I haven't been around to blogs as much lately. But there are things in life that take precedence. Things more important than a blog.

I almost never talk about my current relationships on this blog. As much of my life as I put on here, I keep a small part of it private. Partly out of respect for the privacy of the other person. And also, I figure relationships are difficult enough without broadcasting every little detail to the world.

But recently, I met someone. (Sorry, ladies, but it's true.) And we have developed the kind of relationship that makes me want to stand up in the middle of a crowded street and yell, "I love this woman!" You know, like in that jewelry commercial.

I've only known "her" for a couple of weeks. I know, I know what you're saying. That's way too soon. But please, give me a little credit. I think I've reached the point in my life where I've been in enough relationships to know when something is it.

And besides, I'm happy. So please be happy for me. She's the most beautiful thing I've ever laid eyes on. Sleek and slender. Like a sports car. But I assure you it's much more than looks.

We never argue. Never. She lets me choose what I want to do most of the time. But sometimes, I leave it up to her. And she surprises me. Again and again. It's like she knows what I want, even when I don't know myself. It's almost as if I whispered into her soul all my likes and interests. And they magically became hers.

We're nearly inseparable now. I just want to stick her in my pocket and carry her with me everywhere I go so that we never have to be apart for even a single second. She keeps me up late at night. I don't want to miss a moment with her for something as trivial as sleep.

Yes, blogosphere, I'm in love. Me! Bone! The False Messiah! And I have a feeling this time it's forever. Or at least, until her battery dies.

We have pet names for each other. She's my little Nan. And I'm her Administrator. How cute is that!

I love you, my dearest Nan. Now, why don't you "shuffle" over here and pick out a lyric for these nice people.

"City girls just seem to find out early, how to open doors with just a smile..."


  1. Oh don't forget that you also compare her to a hot virgin. I'm sure she'll appreciate that. Actually she might, since you do think that she's hot. I'm just glad you finally figured out how to work her without any added input. Relationships shouldn't require the expertise of an outsider. Especially an outsider that has never met your new love. I'm happy that you're so happy with her and things are finally coming together for you two. I'm even getting a bit misty eyed over it all.

    Congratulations, pal.

  2. Should it concern us that you're in love with something small and battery operated that you take to bed with you?

    Don't let your friends see it hanging out of your pocket . . .they might get the wrong idea. :)

    PS - What girl is ever going to be able to live up to those expectations??? You can turn her on, turn her off, she loves everything you love, doesn't argue, sheesh!

  3. You, false messiah, have total control--with one caveat--she's going to break down one day probably not in the distant future

    Nan's age fast, or so I have been informed by one who would know. Enjoy her while she lasts. She's prone to losing her memory and many other things

    However as with most lustful relationships she can be easily replicated at the nearest mall

    She will someday be issue laden

    So have a wonderful time now, and write her some songs

  4. You are a nerd! ;)

    I was all excited for you. You got me.

  5. I wish you and Nan the best of luck :-)

  6. Heather B: She was only a hot virgin before I learned how to turn her on.

    Elizabeth: To answer your question.. um, perhaps :) You bring up good points. I'll have to do some mulling.

    Pia: You mean... my dearest Nan won't always be the way she is now? But... but... why? It's not fair.

    Hotpinksox: I can't entirely deny that. After all, the ring tone on my phone is White and Nerdy.

    Nan: Thanks. I'll pass that along to her. Oh wait, actually, she's right here :)

  7. LMAO

    Okay, so I'm with hotpink. You totally had me going there.

    However, a word of caution for you?

    It sounds to me like you're already sharing Nan with Tim, and well, you know we love you, Bone, but really... is it a competition?


  8. that was such a sweet post! No matter what comes of the relationship I am happy for you having these feelings! They are magical!

  9. You make me sick.


    haha. Jk. Too cute! Congrats!

  10. Traveling Chica:

    Ms. Sizzle: You know "gullible" isn't even in the dictionary, right? :-)

    Kate: Thank you. I'm just going to try and enjoy it as long as it lasts.

    Erika: Haha. I was thinking about 3/4 way thru if anyone was getting sick or ready to throw up. I know I probably would have been :)

  11. Hooray! I'm so happy for you! Wonderful! I'll keep my fingers and toes crossed for you.

    Tell us more about her! Where did you meet? What's she like?


  12. And that means...? No comment?!?! Someone stumped you?!?!?! Meaning me... I managed to stump you? ;) haha

  13. YAY for you!!! I'm thrilled for you. This: "It's almost as if I whispered into her soul all my likes and interests." is the sweetest thing. I hope you tell her these things to her face and that you write her sweet notes. I'm doing a happy dance!!!

  14. Long and lean, every young man's dream. Now I can't get the George Jones song out of my head.

  15. I should spill your other secrets to your readers, but I'll respect yer privacy. ;)

    "We have pet names for each other. She's my little Nan. And I'm her Administrator. How cute is that!"

    Greatest line in the history of blogs.

  16. LOL! I was going there for a bit too... but I was worried for you when you said that she let you make all the decisions and then when you let her choose she picked your she's known you.

    you are so love with that thing.

    so I guess the real piece of news in this post is that you DON'T tell us everything about your personal life. How can you have a personal life and a blog??? hee hee

    Okay, I'll stop now.

    Do you still want some of this snow? 'cuz I hear we're getting some more tomorrow.

  17. Chickadee: Well, we met on Christmas Day. In my Mom's living room, oddly enough.

    Traveling Chica: Actually, no. Well, kinda. I couldn't think of a comment, so I replied to the others then forgot to go back. OK, you stumped me. Happy? :)

    Carnealian: Well, she does have a place to leave notes. But I haven't quite figured out what to say yet... or how to leave one :)

    Buffy: Wow! Quoting The Corvette Song. Color me impressed.

    Blondie: Yes, please don't mention those photos. I was young and needy. Aww, that's a nice thing to say. Thanks.

    Renee: I was interested to know at what point each person began to get suspicious.

    Yes, I want some snow. But I want it still frozen when it gets here :)

  18. YOU STINKPOT!!!! A little bird told me the truth. If I lived near you I would totally give you an wet willy in your ear!!!! LOL.

  19. well I think the snow would make it frozen to you if we packed it in a cooler with dry ice and shipped it overnight... or even 2 day delivery. But then that would probably be pretty expensive snow...even if I did throw in the cooler (we have a few from ordering steaks online.)

    Darly liked your old picture better than this one

  20. Well, I did tell you that when you know true love that you would know... but I didn't mean this! ;)

  21. Plenty of women love certain battery operated items and take those to bed with them so I don't see why you couldn't have the same genre of love affair. Equality of the sexes and all I suppose...

  22. Me? Never. ;-)That just means you forgot me, not that I stumped you.

    I'm interested in these photos of which Blondie hints...

    And I'm in total agreement with Zeus. :) Then again, I've yet to read quite so eloquent of a post about a woman's love affair with her vibrator. Just so you know.

  23. My assistant has the same kind of special "she" in her life. Though she keeps "her" on the end of a chain. Maybe that's something you to look look in to. :)

  24. i want to say- "i got an ipod for christmas too" but i am not sure if that's what we're talking about here.

  25. ~smiles~ you sooooo got me! LMAO!

  26. I'm so dense. I didn't get it until I read your comments. :) I'm wating for my new boyfriend to be announced at MacWorld - hopefully, he'll be a new full-screen virtual clickwheel video iPod. i've got Christmas money burning a hole just waiting to make Steve Jobs richer. :)

  27. Chickadee: OK, I'm not sure what a wet willy is, but I don't think I want one. lol

    Renee: Well, tell Darly I'll take that under advisement :)

    Shayna: Don't worry. It's only a matter time before she starts saying things like "You never turn me on anymore."

    Zeus: Well, I already sleep with my remote. But I guess there's room in my bed for three.

    TC: I've yet to read quite so eloquent of a post about a woman's love affair with her vibrator. Just so you know.

    Uh, thanks. I think :)

    Big Man: Hmm, a chain. I'll consider that. But right now I prefer carrying "her" around in my pocket.

    Ms. Sizzle: LOL Well, I thought it was. But I'm not even sure anymore.

    RedNeckGirl: ;-) Nice to see you back.

    Carmen: Wow. Any idea what you'll call your new super stud?

  28. which half of the thermometer did you get me? Is it one of those indoor outdoor thermometers where you keep the base and I get to know how nice and warm it is where you are while I'm freezing here? LOL

    Thanks for the wishes!

  29. Okay I knew when you compared her to a sports car as I have never met a girl who would want to be compared to one

    You only sleep with one remote? How quaint :) Except if you have one remote that does everything--but if you did you would be almost cutting edge, and then you wouldn't be Bone or False Messiah

  30. you feel in love with your I-pod? lol

  31. make that, "you fell in love with your I-pod"

  32. I'm a lurker but just wanted to come out and say congratulations. I hope you and Nan will be happy together forever and ever. :)

  33. Renee: Funny you should say that, because I did used to have a little temperature/weather icon thingy on my sidebar.

    TC: Is there a response to "you're welcome"? I can't think of one :)

    Pia: I did finally get a universal remote for downstairs. But upstairs, I have separate remotes for the DVD player and TV :)

    The False Messiah, always on the trailing edge of technology.

    Sage: You are correct.

    Aileen: Aww, thanks for delurking. Always nice to know people are out there.

  34. Great stuff buddy. Great stuff.

  35. a love like that is like no other, that's for sure. and if you're lucky, she'll let you take her everywhere and make you happy forever. my roommate just discovered that if you leave them behind too long they make a frowny face when, after all that time, you just try to turn them on and use them. its quite sad actually.

    ps..perhaps one of our candy hearts should ipod makes me happier than you ever could?

  36. J-Mo: Thanks, bro. Glad to see you've resolved to have a better blog in '07 :)

    Alison: Haha. Well, we're gonna have to make some large hearts.