Thursday, September 09, 2004

Musings From Atop The Butcher Paper

Just when you thought there was more to life than getting free beverages from cute waitresses...

I was sitting in the doctor's office yesterday, waiting for the doctor to come in, and I started thinking. Every doctor's office I have ever been in is pretty much exactly the same. You've got your bed with the pull-out white butcher paper. There's always some type of poster or brochure or chart with some kind of random medical information on there. It's not even advanced medical knowledge. It's like a diagram you'd see in an 8th grade health book or something. And I find that rarely, if ever, does the information on the chart have anything to do with what I'm in there for. Therefore, I think I'd like to see them put something a little more entertaining on the wall. How about one of those 3-D pictures? Those are neat. Anyway, next you have the little mini-stool that the doctor always sits on. One thing I always wondered was if it was just a tiny stool, or if it was a regular- size stool that was lowered all the way down, and maybe no one could figure out how to raise it. There's usually another chair or two in the office, but for some reason, he always sits on that little foot-high rolling stool. Finally, you've got your token tongue depressors and cotton swabs. Every doctor's office I can ever remember has been exactly like that. That must be the first day of medical school. "OK, when you get your own practice, the first thing you want to do is make sure your office looks like everyone else's. Page one of the syllabus lists all the things you'll need in the examination room: Old-looking bed, butcher paper, one-foot high stool with rollers, tongue depressors, and cotton swabs. That's about it for today. When you complete this class, you'll each receive two brochures with random medical information to hang on the wall."

Anyway, to my appointment. Prognosis? Well, he basically just told me to keep elevating my leg. He thinks the redness and soreness is just some severe swelling. He sent me to get 3 more X-rays yesterday. More than two weeks after the injury, and they are just now X-raying the top of my foot for the first time? He said it looks like some more bone fragments on the other side of my foot, so there was definitely an avulsion fracture in addition to the torn ligament. I asked about it possibly being infected and he said if it got worse or started spreading up my leg that he would put me on some antibiotics. No! I want to get it all taken care of today. Each visit is costing me a $30 copay plus time off work. I want to minimize the number of visits. Oh well. I'm done griping. I'll let him doctor and I'll do the blogging. My doctor kinda reminds me of Robert on Everybody Loves Raymond. (Wow, I sure hope he doesn't read my blog.) It's clear that I banged it up pretty good, and it's going to be awhile before it heals. I have another appointment in two weeks.

What else did I get into yesterday? Well, after that, I went by DQ to get a chocolate dipped cone. After ordering and sitting in line about 15 minutes, I got tired of waiting. So I pulled out of line and hopefully screwed up a bunch of orders. Decided to go to Cardinal to get a strawberry shortcake. The lady who brought it was like, "Hey Jeff. How are you?" I still have no idea who she was. Dinner at the steak house with the K-Man. He suggested I change my URL to little hobbler (instead of little nibbler). lol I think I've heard every broken leg joke in the book these past two weeks. Some guy called work today and was like, "How's your leg? You gonna sue it for lack of support?" Ran into a couple of people from church and one of my cousins also up there. There's a really cute girl that works there that I've always had a thing for. She was there last night. (sigh) And... that's pretty much all of that story. lol

I guess I'm gonna go and watch "Joey." Then the Patriots/Colts are on at 8:00.

Random funny:
K: "I hope she's not pregnant."
J: "Yeah, that wouldn't be good for you... or would be completely inconsequential for you. Whichever."

"Those days are gone forever. I should just let 'em go. But I can see you, your brown skin shining in the sun. You've got the top pulled down, and the radio on, baby..."


  1. Most of my doctors have a picture taped to the ceiling over the exam table. I guess it's supposed to give you something calming to look at when you're having a long, involved exam. It never made me feel better, though.

    kerry -

  2. While lying under the X-Ray machine, I always try to imagine just how much radiation is seeping into my body.

  3. Let me see, last I checked I wasn't working at the Steakhouse, so I'll let this slide as a hallucination from the pain medicine mister. You shouldn't worry about your Doctor reading this, try worrying about your girlfriend reading these things =P. Maybe you'll get to go to the game this weekend, if not this time then definitely next time.
    Luv ya- Jessica

  4. Tough day at the doctor's office.

    Just wanted to say with you ROLL TIDE. Hope to get a W over Ole Miss tonight

  5. Here's what I hope happens. I hope Ole' Miss beats Alabama. Yep. I said it. Not because I hate Alabama or their fans. Actually I hate Ole Miss. Confused?

    If Ole Miss wins, this will put and end to the Memphis controversy. If Ole Miss beats Alabama, and we beat Ole Miss....

    Enough Said!

    Take Care of Yourself!