Friday, July 30, 2004
Back To School?
In the early days of the 21st century, our story begins. Although the internet was thriving with billions and billions of pages for surfers to browse, something was missing. Many sites were simply uninteresting, many were rarely or never updated, but it was more than that. There was some indefinable quality that seemed to be lacking. The blogging phenomenon of the late 1900's had clearly peaked and was beginning to languish. Many predicted blogging would soon go the way of Netscape, binary files, and the Bill Gates Microsoft tracking software email. Bloggers everywhere were depressed. Many had already given up and terminated their beloved blogs. Just when all hope seemed lost, from beneath the kudzu in the farmlands of Alabama, a lone blogger appeared. Equipped with only his keyboard and a torn and tattered Roget's thesaurus, he began the blogging revolution, saying those words that will forever live on in blogging annals, "Take up your keyboards, and follow me!"

Wow, some schools around here are already starting. I tell you what, if I was a kid going back to school in July, I'd be ticked off. What's up with that? They need to boycott. What are they gonna do, expel everyone? You must stay strong children. Remember, "Donna Martin graduates! Donna Martin graduates!"

Hey, did anyone see the new Foxworthy show last night? I was at practice, so I didn't get to see it. I'm sure Kyle probably watched. He's all about some Larry the Cable Guy. What? Yesterday, I napped for about two hours after work. It was much needed. After practice last night, I went by Jacks and got some dinner to bring home. Watched a little bit of the Dem Convention. Looks like the weekend might actually afford some free time for a change. Lately, I've been busier than airport security at Baghdad International, so a relaxing weekend will be welcomed. I'm thinking about maybe heading down to Kinlock at some point, if I can get a couple more people to go. It's this little swimming hole and waterfall out in the forest, about an hour drive for me. You can slide down the falls, jump off rocks of varying heights, etc. Basically, some good down home Alabama fun.

Well, it has been awhile since we've done this, but I thought it was time to bring back an old favorite here on If You Read Only One Blog This Year. So here it is, another fun-filled, TMI edition of More About Bone Than You Wanted To Know:

When I was younger, living at home and everything, sometimes when I would come home to an empty house, especially at night, I would get scared that someone was in the house. So, in order to deter any criminals that might be lurking inside, I would talk really loud and say something random like, "Hurry up and bring the groceries in" or "Did ya'll like that movie?" My strategy was to fool any possible cat burglar into thinking there were several people there, not just me. Well, it apparently worked, because I never got robbed. So any burglars must have been frightened and quickly crawled out a window or something. Either that, or no one was ever in the house in the first place. Whichever. And this has been More About Bone Than You Wanted To Know.

Have a great weekend, all!

"I know you know we've had some good times. Now they have their own hiding place. I can promise you tomorrow, but I can't buy back yesterday..."
In The News
I really enjoy posting these news stories and then trying to come up with a humorous little line about each one, even though I'm sure what I come up with is probably not nearly as funny to you as it is to me here in my brain.

Miss America Pageant Eliminates Talent Competition

Well, I'm not even going to watch it if there's no talent portion. What? I am reminded of a Seinfeld, when Jerry dates Miss Rhode Island. Her talent is magic with some birds. So the night before at the hotel, some birds are keep Jerry and George awake, so he gets up and pours some water on them and it kills them.

Foreign Strippers Must Bare All To Enter Canada

And there we have it, ladies and gentlemen, the latest buzz-word for 2004: stripper-immigrants. Wow!

Woman Trashes Car She Thought Was Her Husband's

Oops! And you thought you had a psycho on your hands.

Thong Wearers Arrested At Wal-Mart

See? That right there is why I don't like thongs.

"If we can't find a way out of these problems, then maybe we don't need this. Standing face to face, enemies at war, we build defenses, and secret hiding places. I might need you to hold me tonight. I might need you to make it all right. I might need you to make the first stand, because tonight I'm finding it hard to be your man..."
Thursday, July 29, 2004
Fast Food, Hotties, and Moops
If you think chewing gum with Lloyd Braun would be an ideal way to pass the time, then this blog's for you...

I was preparing to eat my Jeno's pizza for supper last night when it hit me. I think one of the main reasons men decide to get married is because they are sick of eating fast food. Seriously. I'm tired of it. And it can't be very healthy. I think you just reach a point where you can't eat anymore. So that's where I am. Maybe this sounds a bit sexist, but I don't intend it that way. I don't mind cooking, but it's just not the most practical thing to cook for one. Too much leftover or thrown away. Plus, I only know how to cook a few things. I guess the old saying is true, the way to a man's heart, etc. And now I'm hungry ;-) For lunch today, what else? Arby's. Chicken, bacon, & swiss sandwich and curly fries. Eh, I guess fast food isn't that bad. Besides, it's not fast food. It's good food quickly, right Seth?

Well, we've got practice tonight, if it doesn't rain. The weather has been great the last day or two. This is the time of year when I really miss my Jeep. Man. Those were the days, riding around with two or three chicks, top down, radio up. Or just riding around by myself, whichever. What? I haven't had time to work on my bike lately. Something is puncturing the rear tire, and I think it's something on the wheel, but I've been so busy, I haven't had time to look at it. Looks like my dreams of Tour de France glory in 2005 may be put on hold.

OK, in closing, someone apparently was offended by my use of the word "hottie" in a recent bloglet. I was just wondering what you think about this, girls especially. Although I have heard girls refer to guys as hotties as well. One girl I dated one time didn't care for the term "babe" or "babes" either. I suppose it's similar to that. But when I use the term "hottie", I simply mean a very attractive girl, similar to saying "cutie." So I was just wondering what you thought about it.

The Bubble Boy was on last night, a very famous ep, no doubt. One of my favorite parts is when George is playing Trivial Pursuit with the Bubble Boy and there is a misprint on the card:
G: "Oh nooooo. I'm sorry. The correct answer is Moops."
BB: "Moops? Let me see that. That's not moops, you jerk. It's Moors! It's a misprint."
G: "I'm sorry, but the card says Moops."
BB: "It doesn't matter. It's Moors. There's no Moops."
G: "It's Moops."
BB: "Moors."
G: "Help. Someone."
BB: "Say Moors! Say Moors!"
G: "Moops!"
Susan: "Stop it! Let go of him."
BB: "I'm gonna kill him!"
"Psssssssssssss" (as the bubble deflates) ROFL

"Confessin' all our secrets and laughin' out loud, so high up on that mountain, I thought we'd never come down. It was a dream we were livin' in. I was the happiest I'd ever been..."
Wednesday, July 28, 2004
The Jimmy
Just snapping into a Slim Jim, pondering what changes I need to make to my play-calling in NCAA 2005...

Mmmm... spicy beef jerky. I find it to be the most sensual of the salted, cured meats. "Swiss colony beef log, baby, makes a young boy scream and shout..."

Well, practice went OK last night. It has already become obvious that my shoulder is gonna be a problem all year though. (sigh) I try not to throw hard in practice, and just save it for the games, but it still hurts. Oh well. I'm still lookin' forward to the season. I think we'll be decent. Worried a little bit about our pitching, but we'll see. There was this hottie who was walking the track last night. I guess she must've made at least four or five laps. I think it was distracting everyone. On an unrelated note, I got the most sleep I've gotten in four days last night, about six hours. I needed it though. My head hurt all day yesterday after I didn't get to sleep until 2 AM Tuesday morning. So I'm up to 18.5 hours the past four nights. Woohoo! I feel so refreshed, like a phoenix, rising out of Arizona.

Mom has this funny way of being nosy. First of all, I am a pretty private person when it comes to my dating life. I just prefer to keep most of those things to myself, as you can probably tell if you read my blog very often. I mean, it's no big deal though. If you want to know something, just ask, and I'll tell you. Anyhow, yesterday she was like, "What did you have for supper last night?" I said, "I went to the Mexican restaurant." She was like, "By yourself?" That's how she always does. Of course I didn't go by myself. I'm not eating out in a restaurant by myself like some psychotic loner... unless maybe it's Applebees where the waitresses are gonna end up coming and sitting and chatting anyway.

I was asked the other day why I seem to remain friends with many of my ex-girlfriends. That is a very good question, one that I'll have to ponder for awhile. I'll get back to you on that ;-)

"The Jimmy" was on last night, definitely a top 25 ep, IMO. I think many of us have experienced a shower that didn't take. And this is the first ep where George begins referring to himself in the third person, imitating Jimmy:
J: "Don't you see what's happened, he couldn't talk , he's wearing these shoes, he's drooling."
K. "What!?"
E: "He thinks you're mentally challenged!!"
J (thinking that it is entirely possible): "Well...you know."
E: "Well, what happens when you show up? He'll see that you're not."
J: "Not necessarily, because..."

J: "You took a shower."
G: "It didn't take. Ten minutes from now, I'll be sweating all over again. I can feel it. I'm a human heat pump!"
K: "You should take cold showers."
G: "Cold showers? They're for psychotics."
K: "Well I take 'em." ROFL

E: "Do any of you guys know that blonde guy at the health club who's always on the exercise bike? You know, he's really handsome?"
G: "I wouldn't know."
E: "You know, just admitting a man is handsome doesn't necessarily make you a homosexual."
G: "It doesn't help."

Then Jerry thinks he has been violated while under the gas at the dentist.
J: "I don't know, but I was spitting out and rinsing like there was no tomorrow." :-D

"Friends, get scattered by the wind, tossed upon the waves, lost for years on end. Friends, slowly drift apart. They give away their hearts, maybe call you now and then..."
Trading spouses?
No, my bloglet title is not referring to some swinger porn video, starring Buck Naked, although I suppose it could be. It refers to the latest so-called "reality" show on TV. Now, as the flag-bearer for anti-reality viewers everywhere, you might not expect this to be coming from me. Yes, I still believe the success of reality shows only reflects what sad, empty lives many people lead. (Same thing with those people who ALWAYS seem to be online. Oh wait, what?) BUT, I watched a few minutes of this show the past couple of nights, and those people were cracking me up. It was actually pretty entertaining. Plus, it's not making a mockery of marriage, or midgets, or ugly people, or anything like that, far as I can tell. I only got to watch it for about fifteen minutes last night because I had to leave for softball practice. My favorite line was when the guy said, "Why we can't have no chicken wings?" ROFL WOOOOOOOOO!!

I have talked to several others who are watching this show as well. Mom was like, "I think this is gonna be my new favorite show. Well, besides Nick and Jessica." Oh, please help us. What makes these shows so addicting to people? I really think sometimes if Nick and Jessica are fighting or were to break up, it would literally affect some people in their day-to-day lives. Seriouslah.

In other news, I received a porn IM a little while ago...
singscam25341: im thinking about being a porn star.. can u take a look at me on my webcam and tell me if i look good enough? MyPage.r8.org
jstowry: oh wow, i'd have to say no. maybe you could be a body double though

Other random funniness:
(an email homophone funny)
"Some guy had to nearly undress to get thru the medal detector."
"They're detecting Olympic athletes now?"

(an intraoffice funny)
"Well, we've got adobe on our thingy."

"It's hard to bite my lip, but I ain't saying a word. I give you all the rope to hang yourself that you deserve. You might be ahead of me in her heart today, but that's okay..."
Tuesday, July 27, 2004
Always Fun Introspective Quiz Stuff
Well, I was bored, so I took a 102-question personality test. The results are in:



Enneagram Test Results
Type 1 Perfectionism |||||||||||||||| 63%
Type 2 Helpfulness |||||||||||||||| 66%
Type 3 Image Awareness |||||||||||| 43%
Type 4 Sensitivity |||||||||||| 50%
Type 5 Detachment |||||||||||||| 56%
Type 6 Anxiety |||||||||||||| 56%
Type 7 Adventurousness |||||||||||| 46%
Type 8 Aggressiveness |||||| 26%
Type 9 Calmness |||||||||||||||||| 73%
Your Conscious-Surface type is 9w1
Your Unconscious-Overall type is 2w1
Take Free Enneagram Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com


ISFP - "Artist". Interested in the fine arts. Expression primarily through action or art form. The senses are keener than in other types. 8.8% of total population.
Take Free Myers-Briggs Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com


Wow, that's pretty accurate right there. I'm definitely not real aggressive. "A high level of self-control, probably too high..." Get out! Me?? LOL Yes, I'm afraid so. Imaginative, creative, serene, orderly... Yes! Yes! That is me! You've done it, Watson! WOOOOOOO!!

"I know where you hide, alone in your car. Know all of the things that make you who you are. I know that goodbye means nothing at all. Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls..."
Monday, July 26, 2004
Always a groomsman...
Well, I loaded all the pictures from Saturday onto my computer. Figured I would post a few, to satisfy your curiosity. The first one is my second cousin, Hunter, and my first cousin, Abi. She is the one I went to see play t-ball a few times this year. She looked SO cute Saturday. The second one is of me and my sister. And the final one is Mom and Dad with the bride.


Ring bearer and flower girl. Posted by Hello


My sister and me. Posted by Hello


Dad, my sister, and Mom. Posted by Hello

Well, I was planning to catch some sleep, but it doesn't look like that is going to happen after all. That's probably good, because if I did doze off, I would probably sleep 'til Thursday.

"She keeps a picture of me, in her apartment in the city. Some things in this world, man, they don't make sense. Some things you can't see until they leave you, then they're things that you miss..."
In search of a few hours of suspended consciousness
"Monday, thou art a muse to me. Many a song have included thee. The weekend so far away it seems. Yet only a day removed, can it be?"

Following are the thoughts of a rogue blogger. The stories are real, although some events may have become blurred or slightly exaggerated due to very little sleep and consumption of large amounts of (non-)alcoholic beverages. Names have not been changed to protect the innocent. Women who are pregnant or nursing, or anyone who may be harmed by random bouts of uncontrollable laughter, are strongly advised to read other, less-interesting blogs.

Those are the words of a man who's had about nine hours of sleep the past two nights. Saturday night, after I blogged, Matt called and said several people were over there. So, I debated for a minute, then decided to head that way. I think there ended up being seven people over there. Shot a little pool. Watched them playing video games. Then, I joined in for a couple of games. We played NCAA 2005 2-on-2 and Michael and I lost 44-43. They drove 80 yards in 20 seconds for the winning TD. One of the few unrealistic things about that game. Then, I played one-on-one and beat Matt 24-21, which is pretty good, since I think he plays that game every waking hour non-stop. (I can't really say anything since I broke down and bought it also. I have no idea why I'm not married yet.) Anyway, we all went to Subway for a late night snack, and when all was said and done, I got home about 5:00 AM. So I wound up getting a little over 3 hours sleep that night.

After church on Sunday, I came home and relaxed for a couple of hours. My sister called and wanted me to print off directions for them for Destin. I did, but the mapquest directions were so complicated, as usual, and the route was way out there, so I ended up showing her how we came back when we went down there last month. Wow, two turns, instead of twenty! So they got on their way. K had called last week and said he had to go to Nashville for some video stuff Sunday afternoon, so I rode up there with him. Stopped by Old Navy, but I didn't buy anything. Shot some pool. Turns out pool at Buffalo Billiards is free on Sundays. Who knew? Dinner was of course none other than Famous Dave's BBQ. A pile of rib tips and twelve paper towels later, and we were off. It's pretty sad when the hostesses in a restaurant in another state start to recognize you. Or pretty cool, whichever. Stopped by Kinko's and then by Shane's. Ended up getting back shortly after 11:00. So today, I have got to cut the grass if it doesn't rain. Otherwise, I am going to catch up on some zzzizzles. Seriouslah. With practice likely on Tuesday and Thursday, this will probably be my only free night of the week.

Oh, I got my USB cable back, so I should be able to post a few pics this afternoon from the wedding. Try not to get too excited ;-) I'll close today with a special haiku (in the standard 5-7-5 pattern), in honor of Lance Armstrong wrapping up his record-breaking sixth Tour de France on Sunday.

Six tours in a row
I'm gonna soak up the sun
I like Sheryl Crow

Random funnies:
"We need to have a talk, pseudo-man to pseudo man."

"After ninety days, the TV just went crap."
"Wow, that sounds like most of my relationships."

"If you could only see the way she loves me, maybe you would understand, why I feel this way about our love, and what I must do. If you could only see how blue her eyes can be when she says, when she says she loves me..."
Saturday, July 24, 2004
Invaluable Moments
Well, it's over. My sister got married today. And I figured I'd blog one last time before I go careening off the Hudson Memorial Bridge. Things went pretty well, wedding-wise. They forgot to blow out their candles, so I mouthed to my sister "Blow out your candles." She was like, "What?" I did it again, and she got it. Also, when I was walking Mom in, her candle went out. So she was whispering to me, "My candle went out. My candle went out." I had no idea what to do. There were some candles up on the stage that were burning, so as inconspicuously as I could, I took her candle and walked up to the stage and re-lit it. Gee, you know, I'm pretty good at this wedding stuff. Maybe I should get married myself someday.

There are just no words to describe how it feels to walk your mother up the aisle and she clutches your arm tighter and you know she is doing all she can to hold back the tears, and you know as of this day, your lives are really changing forever. There are no words to describe how it feels to see your Dad walk your baby sister down the aisle and give her away. And there are no words to describe the final few moments before the ceremony that I got to spend with my sister, just her and me. I walked upstairs to where she was waiting. She was telling me how nervous she was, and I tried to calm her nerves a little. Then someone yelled up the stairs and asked her if she needed them to carry her train down the stairs, and she said, "No, Jeff will get it." Those precious few minutes when it was just her and me, they are invaluable to me. We didn't say a whole lot, but there were so many feelings, so many memories that flooded my mind, not a lot had to be said. That was absolutely one of the best moments of my life. And the thing was, it was unplanned. The urge just hit me to walk up to see her, and I am so very glad I did.

I did get some nice pictures, and one of my aunts took some pics of the ceremony. As soon as I get my USB cable back, I will post a few. I am sure you are all waiting with baited breath ;-) In other news, I wish I had a dollar for everytime I got one of these lines: "So, when are we gonna be doing this for you?" "I guess you're the next in line." "Isn't it about time for you to be doing this?" I love it. Anyway, it turned out to be a good day. Everyone did a really good job. I'll try to post more later. I just hope he's good to my sister.

"Ordinary? No. I really don't think so. Not a love this true. Common destiny. We were meant to be, me and you..."
Friday, July 23, 2004
Dropping like flies
Whenever someone asks me to do something, I'm always reminded of something my Dad told me a long, long time ago. He said, "Son, I have more procrastination in my little finger than you have in your whole body. So if I say we'll go to the park tomorrow, that doesn't mean we'll actually go tomorrow. You remember that." I had no idea what procrastination meant back then, but I knew we weren't going to the park anytime soon.

Well, practice was cut a little short last night. The guy over the park never showed up to turn the lights on, so around 8:30, playing the outfield was getting to be a bit scary. We lost at least one player last night, the guy who was hitting fungo. He hit one and I forget where it went, but when everyone turned around, he was down! He was on the ground, writhing in pain. He had this big brace on his knee, and so I think he reinjured that. After a couple of minutes, he got up and limped around. He said, "Well, that's it for me guys." I'm not sure if he was talking about for last night or for the whole season, but I'm pretty sure he was talking about the season. Then later, another guy pulled a muscle or something and sat out the last half hour or so.

When we were going out for fielding practice, the coach was like, "Well, we want JT (that's what they all call me) in left field, we know that for sure." So I'm hoping that's a good sign that I'll get to play. Then again, not everyone was there last night, so we'll see. We don't practice again until Tuesday. I think the season starts August 10th.

Post-edit: Did anyone see the Jeopardy guy, Ken Jennings, on Leno, last night? Wow, that was quite possibly the least entertaining interview I have ever seen. That guy has the personality of a sign-post. And if he somehow ends up hooking up with Julia Stiles, argh, there's gonna be trouble in Trebekville. Afterwards, I was watching Kilborn and I thought that Ken sort of looks like a dorkier version of Craig. Like if Craig had been in Back to the Future and traveled back to the past and his dad had not stood up to Biff, he would've ended up as Ken. Too much late-night pondering, no?

"He shivers at the memory and trembles as he stirs. Some folks think it's him, but me, I think it's her..."
Thursday, July 22, 2004
Road trippin'
Sometimes I wonder why I've never, ever, ever seen a Mexican eating in a Mexican restaurant...

Yesterday, I was busier than Dick Cheney's damage control team the day after he drops an F-bomb. I left work an hour early and got a lot done. Picked up my tux. Got Dad a birthday gift and got my sister a wedding card and gift. I wonder who started the idea of giving gifts for every imaginable occasion anyway. Dad got off work late, so I didn't have time to take him out for birthday dinner before Bible study. After that, work didn't take quite as long as usual because someone stole two of our boxes. Wow, someone needs a life.

Talked to Jonathan for a bit. He said he'd go with me if I want to go visit Barbara sometime. She is still undergoing treatments. What do you say in moments like that? I guess no one really knows, and your presence probably means more than any words. In other health news, Tiffany texted me again last night. They are having to do surgery on her today. I sure hope all goes well. And last, but not least, in today's "News that'll make you want to drop a lighted match into the recently filled gas tank of your vehicle," I learned today that one of my ex-girlfriends, who I dated for two years, is planning to get married. Wedding is tentatively set for next April.

Speaking of road trips... what? There are several possibilites upcoming. Hopefully, we'll get everything worked out for Labor Day Weekend (Sept. 3-7) in New York City. Otherwise, I'd like to go back to the beach, maybe just for the weekend, before the summer is too far gone. And I'd still like to go to Cincinnati, but it doesn't look like I'm going to get anyone to go there with me, so that's probably out. The other night, Michael was like, "I just bought a time-share in Branson, Missouri, if you ever want to go up there." I was thinking, who suckered you into that? That sounded about as appealing to me as, "I know, honey, let's honeymoon in Kuwait." Also, after I sent Amy a belated birthday wish, she invited me back down to the lake house again. I can't believe I have a friend with a lake house, a boat, and a jet ski, and I've been down there one time, ever. I'll be satisfied if just the NYC trip comes thru.

"I guess you get used to somebody, kinda like having them around. I guess you get used to the way they make you happy, bring you up when you're feeling down..."
Wednesday, July 21, 2004
Hillbilly Porn
Shane sent this out this morning. If you live in or have been to Nashville, this will be hilarious. If not, it probably won't be very funny. Nevertheless... Lyrics to Hillbilly Porn

Here's sort of the story behind the song.

If you've never seen it, there is just this odd, very out of place set of nude statues right in the middle of downtown Nashville, amidst all the music industry offices, the hall of fame, the country nightclubs, etc. I have always found it an odd choice, and this song just puts that into words nicely.

"I feel stupid, but I think I been catchin' on. I feel ugly, but I know I still turn you on. You seem colder now, torn apart, angry, turned around. Will that whole mad season knock you down?"
Prognosis... eh
Happy birthday to my Dad today. Hizzle be's fitty-foe.

Well, I had my first softball practice last night. I thought it went pretty good, especially considering I haven't played in two years. The shoulder hurt a little, but not as bad as it did before. So, I don't know if it's gonna get worse or what. It doesn't bother me hitting at all, just when I have to throw one hard. I don't know if I'll get to play much, because most everyone else works together and knows each other, but I did hit one out in BP, so maybe that'll help me. Who knows. Another thing about last night is that I realized I was one of the oldest guys out there, either second or third oldest. Wow, there's a reality check for you right there. On the good side, I was in much better shape than a lot of them.

I suppose I should recount "the shoulder story" now. What happened was, a couple of years ago in fall league, one night it was game time and we only had eight players, so everyone thought we were going to have to forfeit. Well, a ninth player showed up at the last minute and we just had to run out in the field without warming up. I was playing left field, and on the first ball that was hit to me, I pegged it into second. I think I heard something pop, or at least felt something pop. From then on thru the rest of the season, anytime I'd do anything more than lob it in, I would experience excruciating pain in my shoulder. So, I haven't played since then, but I can tell something still isn't right. Oh well.

This week is shaping up to be ultra-busy. I have to go try on and pick up my tux either today or tomorrow. I also still have to get a wedding gift. I need to go get Dad a birthday gift today. I know, I know, but I looked yesterday and didn't find anything, except for a card. I am going to try and take care of all that today, before church. We will probably practice again Thursday night, and then Friday I have the rehearsal dinner and Saturday the wedding. My sister is getting married! My little thither!! This is the little girl I used to play hockey with in the back yard, using wiffle ball bats and a tennis ball. Have I mentioned the song she has chosen to have sung is the same song I played when I proposed to my ex-fiance? Have I mentioned that? I'm sure that won't affect me one bit. Fortunately, that's all water near a bridge.

In other news, Tiffany texted me last night (ex-gf, late 2002-early 2003). She was like, "Just wanted to let you know I haven't stopped blogging. I've been in the hospital since Friday." She had an acute kidney infection, which had gotten pretty bad, apparently. That isn't funny at all, of course, but it is a bit humorous how if you don't blog for a couple of days, people know something must be wrong. I called Mom last night, and she said my great uncle is in the hospital. He doesn't really have any close relatives, so it would probably be good if I stopped by to see him.

Wow, someone I used to work with at Food Fair 14 years ago just stopped by to see me at work. Time's fun when you're having flies.

"I'm wishin' my daddy was forty again. Then he would be young, and I would be ten. We would go fishin', throw an old ball around, wash his old truck, and go into town..."
Tuesday, July 20, 2004
Stage One of the Tour de Bone
I was going to begin this bloglet by talking about this excellent movie I saw on Lifetime Saturday night. Then I thought some people might get the wrong idea if I did that. But it was called Nightmare Street, just in case you're wondering.

I'm sitting here following the Tour online. Looks like Lance may have the yellow jersey after today. Ullrich is attacking, but he was more than six minutes behind Lance entering the day. Five stages to go after today, including the a couple of time trials. The final stage is almost always merely a ceremonial ride, with the winner already decided.

I practiced for the 2005 Tour myself yesterday... or just rode my bike for about 25 minutes. Whichever. I guess that would be considered a time trial. Had some rear-tire issues after I got home. I think there may be a protrusion in the rim which keeps puncturing the innertube. (Why doesn't "innertube" show up on spellcheck?) So I need to rectify that, because unfortunately, I don't have a US Postal team cruiser to pull up and quickly change out my tire if I have a flat while riding. Otherwise, just relaxed at home. Had about a 90-minute nap, and ate some Chinese leftovers for supper. Last night, I dreamed I was a senior in high school again. I have probably dreamed that at least fifty times.

Nothing funny going on, I guess. Besides, there's more to life than making shallow, fairly obvious observations, as I'm sure you know. But just for your enjoyment, I'll dig one out of the annals. From "The Shoes":

J: "I don't get this. I go out with this girl three times, she doesn't want to shake my hand. Why's she kissing you?"
K: "Because I snubbed her. You see? Women, they like that. Yes! I understand women. The snub is good. They love the snub."
G: "No they don't. I tried that once. I snubbed for a year. Nothing. Every woman I saw, I snubbed. You never saw people so pleased." ROFL

"Never once did you think that they'd lie when they're holding you. You wonder why they haven't called, when they said they'd call you. You start to wonder if you're ever gonna make it by. You'll start to think you were born blind..."
Monday, July 19, 2004
You will be involved in many parties and gatherings...
So said my fortune cookie yesterday. Hmm, well I do have the rehearsal dinner and wedding Friday and Saturday. After yesterday, I have now had Chinese food like six times in my entire life. I'm a newbie to the Chinese food thing, but it seems like they serve very large portions. Probably have leftovers tonight.

Got some good news today. A guy came down and signed me up for the softball team. Woohoo!! He said we'd probably play Tuesdays and Thursdays. Supposed to practice tomorrow night. Hopefully, my shoulder will be all healed up from the incident two years ago. (I'll post more about that later, for those of you who were fortunate enough not to be a member of the MSN group, Spammers.) It's gonna be keeping me busy, with everything else that is going on, but I'm excited. We're gonna be playing at West Park, which is the site where I hit my only homerun.

I bet when you are trying to teach someone to speak English, it is hard to explain why you pronounce colonel, kernel. Don't you think? Oh, the "-olo" makes an "-er" sound. No, no, it doesn't do that in any other words, just this one. I want to go throw frisbee, but I can't get anyone to go. Maybe that's why people get dogs, no one to play frisbee with.

I was under it this weekend. After work Friday, I went by the car wash and got my oil changed (shamefully, by someone else). For some reason, I was really tired Friday night. K called, and then Jess called later, but I really just couldn't muster the energy to get up and get ready and go anywhere. I did finally go get some Taco Bell for supper. Had an unexpected call from Jen around 12:30 Saturday morning. She was having some family issues, and said talking to me would help. We talked for quite awhile.

Saturday I was lethargic all day again, making it out only to get some lunch at Subway. I finally did get some energy around 7:00. Got a shower and headed over to Matt's. They were having the NCAA 2005 party, I guess. They had 3 Xboxes over there. Wow. Man, I used to love to play video games, but I guess as you get older, life gets busier and other things become more important and take precedence. Anyhow, we ordered a pizza, and not long after I ate, my stomach started feeling like some U-235 fission was going on down there. It continued feeling weird most of the day Sunday. Must have been something I ate. I dunno.

Random funnies:
"I think he wears makeup."
"I just think he looks weird."
"Yeah, I could definitely see him playing a psycho killer in the movies."

"Well, if she can't go, we'll just find someone else to invite... or just not go at all."

"I don't mind spending everyday, out on your corner in the pouring rain. Look for the girl with the broken smile. Ask her if she wants to stay awhile, and she will be loved..."
Sunday, July 18, 2004
The Only One
I did not want to be the only one to say it, to feel it.  What did I think?  I suppose I thought like so many other things, that it would happen in time.  Time, the great healer, the great teacher, would take care of all of that.  So it remained hidden away, just below the surface, just under my breath...  What is it inside me that keeps me from saying the things I know I should say?  What is it that makes me say things sometimes that I know I should not say?  Is it pride, or something else?  And why do I let it defeat me sometimes?  Why does anyone make a decision that they know in their heart is not the right one?  ...There were words that my heart was saying that your ears could not hear.  Maybe those words would have changed everything.  Maybe nothing.  Now, of course, I will never know.  You have gone.  And I am here, the only one, after all.
 
"Every now and then, voices on the wind.  I may love you always, and always.  Far away and clear, you can hear the teardrops fallin' for the last in love..."
Friday, July 16, 2004
Lance (gains) a lot
Armstrong Second in Stage; Second Overall After Stage 12

Big day for Lance in France. He still trails Voeckler, but beat him by almost four minutes today in the mountains, and Voeckler isn't considered a major threat to win overall this year.

"Was a time when I wasn't sure, but you set my mind at ease. There is no doubt you're in my heart now. Sad woman take it slow. It'll work itself out fine. All we need is just a little patience..."
ECNALUBMA
Hottie alert... Maria Sharapova on Leno tonight!

As Newman might say, I guess I can accept a little Jay, if it gets me a lot of Maria ;-)

Why do ambulances have ambulance written backwards on the front? OK, I know why, but really, has someone ever turned around and saw an ambulance and been like, "What is that behind me? I can't read what that says." Then turned around and looked in their rear-view mirror and been like, "Oh, it's an ambulance. I better pull over." I tell you what, I don't even think the writing is really necessary. You see a big red truck with a ladder and a siren, you think fire truck. You don't look to see if "fire truck" is written on there. I don't think the backwards ambulance is really a necessity. I bet the box-shape, siren, medical symbols, and often orange or yellow coloring gives it away at least 99% of the time. What brought all this up is our owner is wanting to put lettering on our van and have it written backwards on the front. Good grief.

I had a much-needed two-and-a-half hour nap yesterday. I think I could've slept ten more hours, but Jessica had cooked dinner for me. That was very thoughtful. We had chicken and rice, corn, and fried green tomatoes. She has been awfully sweet to me the past week or so. I'm really starting to think she likes me ;-) Talked to Matt for a bit. Looks like he may be having an NCAA 2005 marathon Saturday night. I have noticed in more than one blog that girls appear to have accepted the fact that their husbands/boyfriends are going to be "away" for a couple of weeks since it came out on Monday. That's funny.

The Dealership and The Soup were on the other night. Wow, that dating a waitress at your regular hangout and then the awkward moments when it's over bit in The Soup... I know that all too well. I love this exchange in The Dealership when George has borrowed a dollar from Jerry and the machine won't accept it:
J: "Can I have my dollar back?"
G: "It's wrinkled. It's worthless."

Have a great weekend, all!

"Love has taught us to forgive, and time helps us forget. Still as long as we both live, we'll say things that we regret. But love keeps workin' on us, aw cos we ain't perfect yet..."
Nocturnal Phantasm #704A
While napping yesterday afternoon, I had this mental adventure:

We were going to the Alabama/Auburn football game. When I say we, well, let me clarify. It was me, obviously, and two or three other people. I'm not sure how many, because their identities kept changing. First, it was Shane and Kyle, then it changed to some people I went to high school with, David, Rickey, and Anthony Pointer. Then, at some point, one of the characters was George Costanza. So that was pretty cool. Anyway, the group split up. It seems like everyone else left and I was the only one who actually went to the game. I was looking for a seat. The stadium was open-ended on both ends and there were lots of empty seats. I saw these cute girls sitting together, with an empty seat next to them, so I asked the one on the end if the seat was taken. She said it was, but that the person wouldn't be back for at least thirty minutes. Then, she said, "Is this game almost over?" I said, "No, it's just starting." By that, I figured she knew nothing about football, and therefore chose not to sit by her. I finally found a seat near the end of the stands, but there were these hoodlums and ruffians sitting in the upper deck (which was about as high as the roof of a two story house. They were spilling beer and spraying whipped cream all over people who were walking and sitting below. I managed to avoid all that. Then, at the end of the 3rd quarter, the hoodlums got up in the end zone and led the crowd in some fight song. They did this funky dance to it. I thought, well those guys must not be so bad then. At some point, I lost my cell phone. I hoped that I had left it in the car, which at this point, Anthony was in, driving around somewhere. Then, Michelle Pfeiffer appeared, and we went back to her place. Oh wait, I think that's a different dream ;-)

"She still lives with her mom outside the city, down that street about a half a mile. And all her friends tell her she's so pretty. But she'd be a whole lot prettier, if she smiled once in a while..."
Thursday, July 15, 2004
I Hate Everything
(Foxworthy voice) If your garage contains everything BUT your car...

Shane called and left a message yesterday where he had tried to play Strait's new song over the cell phone. Well, I appreciate the effort, really, but it ended up sounding sorta like the teacher from Peanuts had called my cell phone and sang a song to me, and that she was a man. Anyway, the song is really cool. It's called "I Hate Everything." The basic story is a man loses his wife and suddenly has a negative view of everything in his life. Thinking about the song, it's amazing how having a woman who loves you can make every single other thing in life seem good. But take that love away, and often we are most miserable. I think almost just as important as how you feel about someone is how they make you feel about yourself, like a better person, more than you really are alone. That's what I think.

Played some online pool on yahoo yesterday. Much like real life, a couple of the games were decided when the 8 ball went in early. Those yahoo balls don't have a lot of life in them. lol Had Bible study last night and then work. Felt like I made or received about fifty calls on my cell phone yesterday, seriouslah. I think I saw smoke at one point. It looks like the NY trip for Labor Day weekend is enticingly close... so close I can taste it. Fingers crossed. In other good news, it looks like some of the guys are trying to get up a company softball team. Oh man, I hope that works out. Then I'll be able to display my super-terrific, scintillating softball skills... or, just play. That reminds me of an old Married... With Children episode:

"That centerfielder's gonna get burned playing that shallow."
"Who is that guy?"
"I think it's him."
"Who's him?"
"Al Bundy.. ever see him play?"
"No, I just heard about him."
"I saw him play. He was the best. The best."
"Is that him?"
"Nah..."

Life simply just doesn't follow this perfect plan. I mean, sure, there are a few people who marry out of college, have 2.4 kids, etc. But mostly, and I've noticed this more lately, you just have to take life as it comes. And I think that's OK. Neat, even. There are happy times and sad, disappointments and frustrations, warm times and lonesome times, regrets and remorse, joy and pain, hopes, dreams, and love. Things sometimes happen that we didn't plan on or foresee happening. Part of life is adjusting to those things, rolling with the changes. I have several friends who have lost jobs recently, know a couple of people that have moved back home, and have other friends who have dealt or are dealing with even tougher things. As the songs says, so no one told you life was gonna be this way, huh? But it's cool. And on a related note, congratulations to a couple of friends who have recently landed new jobs. And Jessica has an interview tomorrow morning at another hospital. Best wishes to you all.

I know I'm not perfect, but I hope that I'm getting a little better as I go ;-)

"He said that one bedroom apartment where I get my mail, is really not a home. It's more like a jail, with a swimming pool and a parking lot view. Man, it's just great. I hate summer, winter, fall, and spring. Red and yellow, purple, blue, and green. I hate everything..."
Well, if this doesn't freak you out...
Some free association writing... proceed at your own risk.

What do you want me to blog about? What do you, the blog reader, want to know about me, the blogger? Be careful what you ask for. Maybe I'll just do some writing and start writing and write whatever comes to mind so you'll know more about me than you want to, but then what will i do if she comes to mind and I can't concentrate because she eats me up inside and i run away but she's there always and always will be so what can i do will you tell me can you help me because i don't know how she is so powerful and always always always she is there, never goes anywhere too far away just beyond my reach beyond my view i can't think of anything else to say about that so what will i do now i need to write but i can't think of anything to write about and it feels like i'm typing really really fast but i can't tell so tell me what do you do for fun are you kinky do you like to watch the news how is the weather where you are can i please get some help why do i need help it feels like my hands are on the wrong keys but i still just keep typing and typing and i think of all the times i was in the swings and it was fun and i'd jump out and land and landing was scary but i always got back on the swing again and and and and please i cannot think of anything to write and who is she anyway is she who i think she is or is she someone else and maybe it is not her maybe it is me and i am the one i cannot get away from have you ever thought about that well no i haven't thank you for confusing me even more i don't know why i come here i don't know why you come here but i am glad that you decided to and i hope you will come back again

"I'm so terrified of no one else but me, and I'm here all the time. I won't go away. Hey, it's me. Yeah, but I can't get myself to go away..."
Wednesday, July 14, 2004
Top O' The Muffin To You!!
What is today? July 14th? Seems like it is someone's birthday or something, but I can't remember who.

I wish my blog was really popular. Then I would start the Blog Reality Tour. People would come from all over to ride my converted school bus and see all the people and places I discuss in my blog, while eating a pizza bagel and a bite-size 3 Musketeers, all for just $37.50. I could even kick it off by going on Regis & Kelly. All of my ideas just go to waste, just like my all-billiards TV channel. Why? No resources, no skill, no talent, no ability, no brains? No! No time. It's all these menial tasks, laundry, shopping, blogging. Do you have any idea how much time I spend on this internet?

Well, nothing too exciting has been going on, if you can't tell. I did work on my bike yesterday. A small, quick adjustment had the gears purring like a kitten. Sweet shimano music to my ears! The brakes were a bit more difficult, as they usually are for me, but I got them working fairly well. I was running out of time, but I rode for a few blocks just to test things out. Nice, smooth ride. I just have to make a couple more minor brake adjustments, to fix a squeak on the front brakes, and to make them grab a little quicker. So, I'm stoked and spoked... or something. Think I might hang some dry-wall today, or maybe reverse my peephole.

Glad to see Namie made it back to Cali safely, and that he is blogging once again. Wish I could get more friends started blogging. It's not that difficult, and only takes up three or four hours a day. What? K and I met up for dinner at the steak house. I had a good hamburger steak. We discussed a variety of topics, from whether it's best to marry just because you get pregnant, to another NY trip, to GI Joe. We ran the gamut. (How did "gamut" even get into my vocabulary?) Anyway, that leads us to today's random funnies:

K: "I bought a new GI Joe action figure."
(short pause... odd look)
K: "Seriously."
J: "Oh, I thought you were kidding."
K: "No. I was gonna set it up at work, but then they hired all these cute girls for the summer."

"What kinds of things do you do, I mean, do people pay you for?"
"Wow, that question could be taken the wrong way."

"There's something on about Seinfeld here. Or Jerry. What's his real name?"
"Uh, Jerry Seinfeld."

"Man, it's a hot one, like seven inches from the midday sun."
Tuesday, July 13, 2004
The Cantilever Tales
As the great blogger Winston Bloghill once said, "Post daily, for you never know who is falling in love with your blog."

Well, I did just a bit of work on my bike yesterday. It looks like I may not even have to buy any parts. The brakes will need just a bit of adjusting, I think. The gears need a good bit, but it shouldn't be too difficult. It poured down yesterday, so riding was out of the question. I spent most of the afternoon cleaning, then Jessica and I went to watch my little cousin's tball game last night. She lost, but that's OK, because she's so cute :-) Today, it is back to cantilevers, derailleurs, and sprockets... within the confines of my fastidious bachelor pad, of course. What?

Yes fans, The Outing was on last night. Probably my all-time favorite ep:

J: "Yeah, cos I'm single, I'm thin, and I'm neat."
E: "And you get along well with women."
G: "I guess that leaves me in the clear."

G: "Jerry, did you wash this pear?"
J: "Yeah, I washed it."
G: "Well it looks like it hasn't been washed."
J: "So wash it."
G: "You hear the way he talks to me?"
S: "You should hear the way my boyfriend talks to me." ROFL

One of the best things to me is how George is so upset and so worried about people thinking he is gay, UNTIL he realizes it could get him out of a relationship with Allison. Then, he's all for it. "I'm out, babee!"

From time to time, I get some odd search strings to my site. Here are a couple of recent ones:
+if only, if only, the woodpecker sighed
+Shaquille aol buddy icon
+38 year old drug addict living with parents
+maria sharapova exposed beach bikini

Interesting, to say the least. I've gotten several hits from searches for Maria. Well, I'm gonna get back to work, or surfing the net, whichever. Oh, sad to hear about Isabel Sanford (Louise 'Weezie' Jefferson). Wow, I didn't realize she was 67 when The Jeffersons went off the air. That was a good show... George, Louise, Tom, Helen, Florence, Lionel, Jenny, Ralph, Mister Bentley, and what was the bartender's name, Charlie? Whatever happened to good, mostly wholesome shows like that?

"I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter, and I gave forgiveness I'd been denying. He said, someday I hope you get the chance to live like you were dying..."
Monday, July 12, 2004
Inspired by Lance
Every year about this time, when the Tour de France rolls around, I am inspired by the incomparable Lance Armstrong, and I get the urge to fix up my bike and start riding again. Well, I was going to do that yesterday, then I fell asleep for a nap, and just never did. So this year, instead of the usual, I've decided to try something a little different. Inspired by Lance, I will attempt to duplicate one of his greatest feats by also dating a cute, famous pop star myself. Seriously though, I am gonna try to fix up my bike some this week.

I tell you one thing I like about that Pac-10 Conference, while we're on the subject. They're hanging in there with those ten teams. You know they've seen the expansion of the ACC and the SEC. You know they've seen the Big 8 expand to the Big 12 and the Big 10 add an eleventh team (even though it still calls itself the Big 10). Nevertheless, the good old Pacific Ten is sticking with those original ten.

Do you ever wonder who buys the "middle" gas? You know, you have your regular unleaded. Then about ten cents higher is the plus grade or whatever it's called, and ten cents higher than that is the premium. Now, I always buy the regular because it's cheapest. I mean, I'm already giving an arm and a leg for gasoline, and buying premium to me is like saying, "Oh, here, go ahead and take one of my kidneys as well." But I suppose I can understand people buying premium, because they want to get (what is supposedly) the best quality gasoline for their vehicle. But who is buying this plus, middle-grade gasoline? And why? You want something a little better than regular, but not too good? I don't understand.

Well, Jessica and I went to dinner last night at the posh Tony's Country Cookin' (home of the fried green tomatoes). Seriouslah, that's what their sign says. It reminded me a little of Mel's Diner on Alice, except there was no Mel-like guy cooking. Watched a couple of Seinfelds last night, The Movie and The Visa. I love when Jerry is trying to be not funny in The Visa, because George doesn't want Cheryl to like him better than she likes George:

"Birthdays are merely symbolic of how another year has gone by and how little we've grown. No matter how desperate we are that someday a better self will emerge, with each flicker of the candles on the cake, we know it's not to be. That for the rest of our sad, wretched, pathetic lives, this is who we are to the bitter end, inevitably, irrevocably. Happy birthday? No such thing." ROFL

"It may be raining, but there's a rainbow above you. You better let somebody love you. You better let somebody love you, before it's too late..."
Sunday, July 11, 2004
Stop reading my blog, Bob Ley
I was watching Sportcenter today, and they were reading some of the media reaction to the possible/probable Shaq trade to the Heat. Bob Ley was like, "You'd think it was DEFCON 5." What the crap?! It's DEFCON 1, moron! If you don't understand the DEFCON system, please do not attempt to make humorous DEFCON analogies, especially on a hugely popular nationally televised sports program. I have little doubt Bob got the idea for the DEFCON analogies from my blog. (See DEFCON-1 and My baby takes the morning train.)

OK, I just had to get that off my chest. Well, last night was busy, but a lot of fun. I headed out around 4:30. Met up with Kyle and we headed over to the VBC for the Vipers game. Enjoyed some free food in the hospitality room. It was armed forces night or something, so there were lots of soldiers there. It was neat, because they were like in this one section and kept leading the cheers and getting all rowdy and stuff. Made me realize what a treat going to a football game was for them, and how much I take stuff like that for granted. Shane showed up just before halftime to take some pics. Of course, with the army on our side, the Vipers won 48-41, scoring the winning TD with 3 seconds remaining. I'm not exactly sure where Quad City is from, but that's who they played. Ran into Kelly up there. She was reaming us about leaving her hanging a few weeks ago when we were in Memphis. We successfully blamed the whole thing on Shane. What does he care, he's already married. And it was his fault, mostly.

Despite my protests, we went to Applebees after the game. Sat with Tonya. The food was bad. Mine came out all wrong. Donna saved the night by making me an oreo shake, but otherwise, it was pretty crappy. I cracked Tonya up by making a Dr. Thunder reference. She was telling Shane, "We have Mister Pibb." And I was like, "Mister Pibb is good. It's no Doctor Thunder though." For those who aren't familiar, Dr. Thunder is like the generic off-brand Dr. Pepper. It's like 8 cents a can or something. Can't beat that.

"So we tell ourselves, that what we found is what we meant to find. That's what we tell ourselves. You won't believe the things a heart could tell a mind..."
Blogger Burnout
Bloggers Suffer Burnout

(a couple of excerpts)
"Several bloggers contacted for this story noted that their readers seem to look at their regular, consistent posting patterns as somewhat akin to a sign of physical health. And any break in that pattern is sometimes seen as a cause for alarm."

"I definitely get burnt out," he said. Sometimes "I'll go through the week and I'll go, 'Wow, that was a really bad week.' I haven't found a way to control it, to be honest. Either I'm on or I'm not on. I can fake it and maybe people don't notice it, but I know it when I'm not at my best."

Exactly.

"Remember me when you're out walking. When the snow falls high outside your door. Late at night when you're not sleeping, and the moonlight falls across your floor. When I can't hurt you anymore..."
Saturday, July 10, 2004
The fun rarely stops
"Parcels are rarely damaged during shipping."
"Define rarely."
"Frequently."

I blog. You read. Another day slips away...

"Those last couple of weeks, I do not remember well. Looking back, I can see she was letting go, but at the time, I could not see it, nor could I imagine why. She became distant, not caring and clinging and fighting the way she once did. I think that probably we only have a certain number of tears that we can cry in a certain period of time. Once those tears are gone, we are emotionally drained, and something has to change. I think that is what happened. She simply ran out of tears. I used up everything she had to give. Then it was gone. So was she. And so were we..."

Last night was exciting. Well, as exciting as it gets in D-town, with no girls involved. K and I hit up The Brick about 8:00 for some billiards. There were four attractive 30-something single ladies playing next to us. They were involved in some intense billiards action, so we didn't want to bother them. WOOOOO! Afterwards, we stopped by Books A Million for a bit. Ran into Namie up there. He's headed back to California Monday. Also ran into Debra (from my Wolverine days) up there. After I got done talking to her, I walked back up to Joe Muggs, where Namie and Kyle were sitting. I was like, "What are ya'll doing?" Kyle nodded towards this girl at the counter and was like, "Trying to get her to come over here?" I said, "And how exactly are you doing that?" He said, "Telepathy." ROFL

It was off to Logan's for dinner after that. Namie came along for a few minutes. Sat with Brandie, and was charged for our beverages. So, I complained. She said the manager had gotten onto her about giving free ones. So, that's it, we'll sit with Jennifer, or Jeremy, or Heather, or someone else who still believes in freebies, something this country was founded on. What?

Well, I need to get a shower, since it is nearly 3:00 PM and I have done nothing all day but be lazy. Gonna help film the Vipers crap tonight.

"I think my head is caving in. I don't know if I've ever been really loved, by a hand that's touched me. And I feel like something's gonna give, and I'm a little bit angry..."
Friday, July 09, 2004
Feels like an Arby's night...
To quote the profound words of David Puddy. Went and hung out at Jessica's for a bit last night. She went to Arby's and got us some dinner. I had the roast beef (and cheddar). We got to watching The Surreal Life for just a bit. Boy, I tell you what, there is something really messed up about hearing Ron Jeremy say "If someone stole her Bible, I'd kill them," in reference to Tammy Faye. When Erik Estrada is almost always the voice of reason in the group, well, you can imagine. I had no idea that one chick used to be on Baywatch. That must have been after I stopped watching. I'm old school Baywatch, CJ, Mitch, Hobie, Matt, CJ, Summer, Stephanie... did I mention CJ?

I had not done a spyware scan since I put this old hard drive back in, so I decided to do one yesterday. It found 26 items, including one keystroke recorder. Yikes! So I got rid of all those. Amazingly, the ol' puter ran much better after that. Also went over to Dad's and cut the grass yesterday. I have been doing that for years now, but as I was leaving there was this exchange:
Him: "I think my hip is OK now, where I can cut the grass, if you don't want to."
Me: "Well, OK. It doesn't matter to me."
(short pause)
Him: "Well, you can just keep on cutting it."

My sister enjoyed that exchange. He thought about it, then thought better of it. Oh, before I go, I must share a few lines from "The Chinese Woman," which was on last night:
K: "Yeah, but then I'd have to... well, you know, into a cup, in the middle of the day."
E: "Does that conflict with your regular schedule?"

(after Kramer dumps his jockey shorts on Jerry's table)
J: "Well, I'm gonna have to move now."

J: "The thing is, I think she likes people thinking she's Chinese. She suggest Chinese food. She always introduces herself as Donna Chang..."
E: "So why are you still going out with her?"
J: "Well, she is a woman." :-D

That sums up the male perspective on relationships pretty well right there. And, of course, that's the ep with the oft-repeated lines "Don't be ridicurous" and "the rines are crossed." Well, that's all I got for now. Happy trails to you!

"I drove for miles and miles and wound up at your door..."
Thursday, July 08, 2004
Snake Charmers and First Grade Friends
Let me say this: Any news story that contains the phrase "common-law husband" is bound to be interesting. I heard one yesterday afternoon on the radio as I was coming out of my temporary coma.

Yes, I got a nice, much-needed two-hour nap yesterday. Had a singing service at church last night. Then did the usual Wednesday night thing, my own virtual real-life game of Paperboy. Looks like I have been volunteered to help film the Vipers Saturday night. I just found that out reading K's blog. lol It's a coincidence, too, because last night I kept having bad dreams and waking up after each one, and in one of them a snake bit me on the wrist. I think it was a cobra though. Oh well, a night with the Snake Charmers. I suppose it could be worse ;-) They're just so distracting and all. What? I'm sure we'll end up hanging out with them at the post-game party and probably going to the Jazz Factory to shoot some pool... or, just go to the Jazz Factory by ourselves. Whichever. WOOOOOOOO!

Here's something we were talking about over the holidays:
I remember the first few years of school, I would have different friends each year. I never kept the same friends. As a matter of fact, I could barely remember who my friends were from the year before. Summer is a long time when you're six years old. I just kind of made friends with whomever happened to be in my class that year, sort of like a friendship of convenience. "Oh, you like to color? I like to color, too. We should be friends." Then as I got a little older, I began to keep the same friends from year to year. Is that the way it was when you were young? Maybe it was just me. Maybe I was just too emotionally detached when I was six years old, after the incident and all. What? I never really got in touch with my emotions until I was... hmmm. That's odd. Oh well. Whatever. Well, there is really no point to that story. I was just thinking, that's all. These are the kinds of things that run thru my mind. It's not easy.

OK, Will Ferrell is about to be on Regis & Kelly. More later...

"We always say, it would be good to go away, someday. Yeah, but if there's nothing there to make things change, if it's the same to you, I'll just hang..."
Wednesday, July 07, 2004
Sara Lee, Betty Crocker, Aunt Jemima, Chef Bone...
Happy belated birthday to Bunny! (aka Lil' Booty, the Bunster, or Bunn Bunn) Hard to believe, but the flop-eared one turned 27 yesterday. Oh well, better to be one day late than two days late.

Tuesday was busy after work. Washed my truck, did laundry, waited out the storm, went to the grocery store, tried my hand at baking some chocolate oatmeal cookies. The cookies came out OK, just a tad on the soft side, but my kitchen looks like the inside of the Hershey factory. A word to the wise: Cocoa can be really messy. I guess I should start a collection of all my recipes. (chefbone.blogspot.com?) OK, that's one. I was thinking about trying this cheesy enchilada casserole a few weeks ago. Maybe I'll make that tomorrow night. Seriouslah. Although, I had Mexican for dinner last night. Well, Taco Bell, anyway, whatever you call that.

ESPN began televising the 2004 World Series of Poker last night. Woohoo! I know it's morally reprehensible, but I get addicted to watching it. I mean, it's pretty scary when you start recognizing poker layers on TV and know their names... Jason Lester, Sam Farha, Dan Harrington, Howard Lederer, Phil Ivey, Johnny Chan, Scotty Nguyen, Dutch Boyd, Phil Helmuth, Chris Moneymaker, etc. Oh well. Did I hear them right, that Moneymaker isn't even playing this year?

My absolute favorite commercial is the one with Andre Agassi and Steffi Graf (or Graf-Agassi, I guess now). It starts out with Taylor Dent playing tennis with this little kid. He hits it really easy and the kid rips a couple of hard shots past him. So then he starts hitting it harder and harder and the kid is still beating him. At the end, an SUV pulls up, the window rolls down, and you see Andre and Steffi inside. Andre yells, "You ready to go, buddy?" It's their kid. lol I love that.

Was reminded today of this dialogue from "The Bris."
G: "The pigman can take the bus."
K: "George, if the pigman had a car, he'd give you a ride."
G: "How do you know? What if pigman has a two-seater?"
K: "Be realistic, George." :-D

Some other random funnies:
Bunny (on her trip to the driving range): "All of my shots were hookers."

"What's it look like over there?"
"Like the first day of the flood."
"Really?"
"Yeah, it's lookin' like Mount Ararat out here."

"Help me to remember, girl, if you don't mind, cos I feel just like the jester when the music died. Haven't seen you lately, but I know that nothing's changed..."
Tuesday, July 06, 2004
We have NO DEAL!
Look! Just look. Look at what they've done to my truck. The birds. I was washing my truck this afternoon (just before another downpour, naturally) and noticed a large hole in the grill. The only thing I can figure is that it happened when I hit that bird a few weeks ago. So now there's like a gaping six inch wide hole in my grill. Great.


Posted by Hello

That's it! No more games. No more Mister Nice Animal Lover. No more swerving to miss the birds. It's on, now! It's on like Donkey Kong! On a good note, there doesn't appear to be any damage to the radiator. It's a pretty large hole though, so I'll have to get an estimate and try to get it fixed. On another note, I just can't believe I would not have noticed it in three weeks. I haven't washed my truck lately because of all the rain, but I was thinking I washed it a few days before the beach trip and the hole wasn't there then.

"If you're lost, you can look, and you will find me, time after time. If you fall, I will catch you. I'll be waiting, time after time..."
My Baby Takes The Morning Train...
Ah, back to the ol' 9 to 5, or 6 to 2. I was just thinking how Cassie said the other night that she has to get up at 3:15 AM and has to be at work by 4:30. Uh, no. It's all I can do to get here by 6... or 6:30ish. Whichever. I know that vacations and holidays are supposed to be relaxing, but after having both the past couple of weeks, I've been pretty tired physically. I do feel mentally refreshed, however, so that is good. I guess the holidays are just busier than normal days sometimes. But I'll still take one anyday.

Well, our seventeen straight days of rain ended yesterday. Seriously, we had received measurable rainfall seventeen days in a row, ending Sunday. Felt like I was back in Seattle (or in Seattle for the first time ever) for a while there. For those of you keeping your own Bone Quicken file for fun, I spent $143 on gas during June, down from $214 or whatever it was in May. The decrease in gas prices, along with the fact that I parked my truck for four days for the beach trip, were contributing factors.

Wow, I just had a triple sneeze. I'm normally a double sneezer. Anywho, wound down the long weekend yesterday going to my aunt's house. They grilled pork chops and ribs. They were excellent. Jessica came by and we ended up going to my little cousin's t-ball game. They lost, but she got on base both times. It breaks my heart to see her try to run. Dad called and said their computer was messing up and he couldn't get online (which is pretty much the equivalent of DEFCON 2), so I ran by there when I got home and got it going fairly easily.

Random funnies:
"Too bad they don't make Nintendo games based on getting dates with girls."

"Who just IM'd you?"
"Um, I dunno. Camgirl167497?"

"Man, it's a hot one. Like seven inches from the midday sun..."
Monday, July 05, 2004
Recapping the 3rd and 4th on the 5th
The memories of time spent with family and friends will linger on throughout our workaday lives. And on holidays, moreso than other days, we tend to spend more time with loved ones. Let us cherish these moments today, for we never know what tomorrow will bring. Let us be thankful for this land in which we live. Perfect? No. But thousands and thousands have given up the better part of their life to preserve our freedom.

Wow, it has been a busy weekend. After work Saturday, I met K for lunch at Applebees. Hadn't been there in at least a couple of weeks, and Davina was nice enough to comp my entire meal. What a sweetie. Decided to take advantage of the sun and go hit some tennis, but by the time we got up there it was starting to rain. So I put my racket cover over my head to try and wait it out, but it wasn't stopping, so we decided to play thru the shower. It finally stopped and the court dried up after about half an hour. Played for about 90 minutes, I think. It was sort of like a sneak preview of the Roddick/Federer Wimbledon final, except we weren't hitting near as hard and there were lots more balls hit into the net and stuff. After that, it was about 4:30. I headed home and tried to fix a couple of things on my truck. My right turn signal was blinking like really fast on my instrument panel, and when I checked it outside, the rear signal wasn't flashing at all. So I didn't know if there a fuse out or what. I checked the fuse and that wasn't it, so I figured a bulb must be out, causing it to be pulling too much current or whatever. Went to Wal-Mart and found a couple of bulbs. Turns out that fixed it. I also had to replace one of my license tag bulbs. Jessica called and wanted me to come to town to watch her little cousin's softball game. So I showered and went over there. Got home about 11:15. Watched the end of the NASCAR race at Daytona. Gordon won again, so I was happy about that.

After church Sunday, I watched the world hot dog eating championship on ESPN. (I'm sure you're not going to read that previous statement anywhere else.) Kobiyashi, or whatever his name is, downed 53 in like 12 minutes to win for the 4th year in a row. It was held at Nathan's on Coney Island. Sweet. Went over to Jessica's grandma's about 2:30 for 4th of July festivities. Had some good ribs and barbecue chicken for lunch. Then several of us walked down the street to play some tennis. It was blazing hot at first, then after about 45 minutes, a major storm blew up. We were dodging falling pinecones running back to the house like they were napalm bombs. Jessica's Mom got hit, but that was our only WIA. Man, those things really become projectiles in a storm. It remained pretty cloudy, but once the rain stopped, we went swimming at this huge house in Woodland Hills subdivision. I'm talking three stories, probably 5-6 baths, three decks, pool, hot tub, etc. There was a nice Brunswick pool table downstairs, but I couldn't get anyone to play with me. At some point during the evening, Kyle called and said Cassie had called him wanting to know if we were going to Point Mallard. He said was trying to decide whether to do that with her or go play video games with Jon and Kevin. That cracked me up. I'm pretty sure he was kidding. Pretty sure. I was like, "Dude, if you pick playing video games over doing something with Cassie, you've got a problem." Fortunately, he made the right choice. Anyway, after swimming we headed over to Point Mallard ourselves to watch the fireworks show. Well, not actually to Point Mallard. We sat in some alley a few blocks away, but still had a good view. Man, watching those fireworks really makes you appreciate the fireworks last year over East River in NYC more.

I left around 11:00. Gave K a call and he said they were searching for some dinner. I was, too, since I had not eaten since lunch. So I met him and Cass up at Steak & Stink for some imitation food. I do enjoy the cheese fries. Had some good conversation, and discussed a possible NYC trip for Labor Day Weekend. Including Bunny, the four of us are really easy-going and get along well. Left there around 12:30. Matt had been calling, wanting to know if I wanted to come out and shoot fireworks. So, I rode by there for a bit. They were down to just a few by the time I got there. Hung out there for awhile and got home around 2:00. Just relaxing today, although I need to clean house a bit at some point. Anyway, it was a good, busy weekend, and I didn't hit my head any the entire weekend.

Holiday funnies:
K: "I left early. Went home and worked on the dance recital."
C: "That sounds funny. You went home to work on the dance recital."
J: "Yes, he went home, put on his tights and danced in front of a mirror."

"I've never played tennis with anyone who had their own towels before."

"I see her face and I can't let go. She's in my dreams and my heart, so let me know. Have you seen her? Tell me, have you seen her?"
Saturday, July 03, 2004
My Maria!
Sharapova Defeats Williams, Wins Wimbledon

Way to go, babee! I'm sure we'll be celebrating tonight. Or, you'll be celebrating and I'll be home surfing the net and watching NASCAR. Whichever. I'm sure everyone is going to jump on the bandwagon now. Go ahead. For more, check out wimbledon.org and Maria World.

In other news, the Tour de France begins today. Go Lance!

"I understand that lovin' a man shouldn't have to be this rough. You ain't the only one who feels like this world's left you far behind. I don't know why you gotta be angry all the time..."
That's a short year right there
Time only seems to go by faster and faster. Sure doesn't seem like it has been a year since the NY trip last 4th of July. Let's see, a year ago at this time, we were driving up from Richmond. Got into our hotel in East Rutherford around 9:30 on July 3rd, I think. We were going to go over into the city that night for a bit, but we weren't exactly "in the know" on the bus schedules. Apparently, just because you are at a bus stop doesn't necessarily mean that every (or any) bus is going to stop there, as we found out as bus after bus rode by with the people on board laughing at us. Anyway, that was the best trip ever. Looks like there is the possibility of a return trip later this year. It's kinda neat how you lose track of time and days while you're on vacation. Then you get back to reality, and everything is so dependent on time and date and day and a schedule.

I am having to work today until 1:00, then I won't have to be back until Tuesday, thankfully. Went and played a little pool last night. Headed to Logan's for dinner after that. I guess K didn't want to risk it, so he ordered water, but my salad and tea were free. Amazing how quickly we seem to have achieved "regular" status there. Pretty cool.

Not sure what is going on the rest of the holiday weekend. Maybe soon we will have a day without rain. I think it has rained at least a little for the past 2-3 weeks, seriouslah. And when it hasn't been raining, it has been cloudly. I'm ready for the sun. Hope everyone has a happy and safe 4th ;-)

"Slow down. It feels like time is flying by me now. I'm not asking for this crazy old world to stop spinning around and around. Just slow down. What I'd give to have back all those long afternoons, I wasted being bored..."
Friday, July 02, 2004
I'm not crazy, but I could be a little unwell
The other day as I'm getting ready to go cut the grass at Dad's, I go to get a bandana to put on my head while I'm outside. Then I start to the bathroom so I can look in the mirror as I tie it. About halfway to the bathroom, I realize that instead of a bandana, I have picked up the iron! What the crap?! I mean, that's not even closely related. And besides, I picked the iron up off the ironing board. Where else would I be carrying it anyway?

Anyway, that is just one example. Such incidents have become alarmingly more frequent in recent weeks for me. I know everyone has episodes of absent-mindedness, but the increasing number of these episodes concerns me a bit. Add that to the fact that I have banged my head really, really hard at least three different times the past couple of weeks, and I wonder if there is a connection. Jessica has what I call a doll-house doorway between the computer room and the bathroom, and there is probably just under six feet of clearance under it. One day I banged into it really hard and cut a little place on top of my head about an inch long. It like scabbed over and stuff. (Gross, I know.) Then Saturday in Nashville, we were walking upstairs in the parking garage and I leaned down to look underneath the stairway into the garage and banged my head right into the steel railing. Ouch! I had a headache for the next couple of hours after that one. And there have been a couple of more similar incidents recently. It's like my awareness has deteriorated, and I forget to watch out for my own head.

My head feels really foggy and stuff a lot. So I just wonder if it's the multiple cases of head trauma I have suffered recently, or maybe the continued lack of sleep. I had a concussion one time, back in 1995 when I ran head-first into the goal post, not wearing a helmet, while playing a pick-up football game. (No, it wasn't on purpose.) That knocked me out cold and I was in the hospital overnight, but didn't notice any lingering symptoms, other than a previously undiscovered affinity to Sonny Bono music. What? But here lately, I've been feeling... I don't know... not good. Kinda like Steve Young on LSD or something.

"I don't mind spending everyday, out on your corner in the pouring rain. Look for the girl with the broken smile. Ask her if she wants to stay awhile, and she will be loved..."
Thursday, July 01, 2004
Rhymin' and Stealin'
Gettin' ready to watch Amanda Bynes on Regis & Kelly, if I can get this piece of crap TV to work. Will Ferrell is on Letterman tonight. Be sure to catch that. He cracks me up. He does the best Harry Caray. I wonder if they have the best of Will Ferrell DVD out yet from SNL. Hmmm. I've been thinking, the white body/paint guy on Pimp My Ride sorta looks like a white Snoop Dogg. Whaddya think?

In other news, I ran by Wal-Mart yesterday to pick up a few things and they had "Licensed to Ill" for like $7.94. You can't pass that up. I never bought it on CD, just had it on cassette, so I had to pick it up. Needless to say, I've been rhymin' & stealin' ever since.

Tammy brought some chocolate oatmeal cookies to work. Mmmmm. I was craving some yesterday, so I had asked her for the recipe (not wanting to ask her to make me some). So today, she brings in the recipe, along with a batch of cookies. How nice. That makes me happier than dropping an f-bomb makes Dick Cheney.

Watched The Marine Biologist last night. A good ep, even if it is a little predictable ;-) I love when George is on the phone with Diane:

"Algae... obviously plankton. I don't know what else I can tell you. Oh, I just got back from a trip to the Galapagos Islands. I was living with the turtles." ROFL

"We got the combination, bass and highs. White castle fries only come in one size. What you see is what you get, and you ain't seen nothing yet..."
Magical Moments With J & K (Episode 1-1: The Zima)
One night at Shane and Melody's, we were playing Phase 10, and Tammy was over there. She was downing Zima's like they had bottled the fountain of youth in there or something. Anyway, she offers one to Kyle and he turns it up and takes a sip, or so I thought. I'm sitting there thinking, "Wow, I can't believe he just did that." Tammy is like, "Tastes like 7-Up, doesn't it?" Kyle says, "Yeah, it does." Well later, we get out to the car and I'm like, "So how was the Zima?" Kyle says, "Oh, I didn't really drink any. I just pressed my lips together and pretended to be drinking it." WOOOOOOOOOO!!!

"I was a lonely teenage broncin' buck, with a pink carnation and a pickup truck. But I knew that I was out of luck, the day the music died..."