Monday, May 31, 2004

Dr. Drake Ramoray's Weekend Recap

It was stormy here last night. I had this thought: Somewhere at this moment some redneck couple is probably conceiving right about now, and they are going to name their child Stormy.

After Saturday morning's excitement, I slept 'til nearly Noon. Went out to eat with Jessica's parents and sister Saturday night. Someone mentioned Dead Lobster. I was thinking, "Oh crap, please no." Fortunately, they decided on Ruby Tuesday. After that, we were going to Point Mallard to watch the hot air balloons, but ended up getting caught in traffic for about 50 minutes. It's not quite the same seeing the hot-air balloons in their little trailers, exiting the park, as you are sitting at a standstill in traffic. That's when I knew it was time to go. So we never even got parked there. Went to TCBY. On the way there, we passed this house with two police cars in the driveway and their lights flashing and everything, and I was like, "That looks familiar." The girl who dipped my cone at TCBY had a light blue bracelet on, for those of you who know what that means. Personally, I have no idea. Then we had a nice competitive game of putt-putt at Golf Shores. Kim Phuong apparently didn't recognize me, so we didn't get a discount or anything. I did end up being crowned golf champ, unceremoniously as it may have been. Went to K-Mart for the first time since the Martha Stewart scandal broke. Unfortunately, I couldn't find any "Free Martha" t-shirts. I guess she's no James Brown.

A pretty typical Sunday followed. Ate dinner last night at the original Greenbrier. It was my first time there. I had always gone to the new one. TVLand was having a 48-hour Cheers marathon, which made me happier than a 10-year-old kid at Neverland ranch. What? Although I didn't realize it was on until last night, so I only got to see a couple of episdoes. Man, I love that show. One of the eps I saw was where Sam gets Kevin McHale to play for Cheers against Gary's Old Town Tavern. I think one of my favorites of all time is the one where Cliff and Norm are discussing how many bolts are in the floor at the Boston Garden, and they eventually get McHale obsessed with it, too. And the one where Cliff goes on Jeopardy. ROFL "Who are three people who have never been in my kitchen?"

"I'm nothing but a loser. I'm no good for anything."
"Oh, that's OK Cliff. We understand."
"I can't believe I lost on Jeopardy."
"Oh... you were on Jeopardy?" :-D

Ended up watching the storms until they had passed thru, so I pretty much didn't get to sleep until 1:00 or so.

Lots of weekend funnies:
D: "I saw Rick Springfield in concert!!" (waving her arms in the air)
J: "There's something you don't hear everyday."
D: "He was Doctor Noah Gray on General Hospital?"
K: "What? Did you say Doctor Drake Ramoray?"
D: "No, that was Joey on Friends."

"Sam Cassell is the ugliest NBA player since Patrick Ewing. Look at him. If he was green he would look like an alien."

J: "Man, gas is so freakin' expensive."
K: "Exactly. That's why I don't date girls anymore."
J: "Well, that's not the main reason."

"Where's your TCBY slip cover?"

K: "Then we had to head back down to the tabernacle or synagogue, or whatever it's called."
J: "Oh man, that sounds like fun. A night at the 'gogue."

Well, I guess I'm gonna go watch the Lakers/T-wolves.

"Makin' your way in the world today takes everything you've got. Takin' a break from all your worries sure would help a lot. Wouldn't you like to get away? Sometimes you wanna go where everybody knows your name..."

I look like Steve-O!!

Well, J's Mom nailed it. I've been told I favor several different celebrities over the years... Danny Glover, Willem Dafoe, Jim Carrey, Jay Barker, but this one takes the cake. While they were watching TV the other night, she told J that I look like Steve-O. Well, I had never seen this guy. He is on the show "Wild Boys" on MTV. So last night we watched it, and I was freaking out! I was like, "Turn it! I can't watch this."

This is kinda freaky. Posted by Hello

I look like Steve-O, Jerry! I look like Steve-O! Maybe it's just me. Maybe not as much now, but this is exactly how I looked about four or five years ago. For those of you who know me, I would be really interested in hearing your opinions on this matter. I'll try and post a similar pic of me if I can find one.

"Maybe head up north, to Knoxville, Tennessee. I know my baby sister has got a couch where I can sleep..."

Nothing like a Memorial Day at work...

It's hard to gripe about anything on a day like this. I encourage you to take a few moments to reflect today, on our freedom, the sacrifices that have been made, and the price that has been paid for it. That is the least we can do.

Here are a few sites to check out:
The Vietnam Veterans Memorial

Civil War site

WWII Memorial

Arlington National Cemetery

Korean War Memorial

"So if you ever think of me, think of all your liberties and recall, some gave all..."

Sunday, May 30, 2004

Cops: Part 2 (What took you so long?)

Where to begin? Well, Friday night, I was talking to Jess, who was at work. She had to let me go because she was being paged, and said she'd call me back. Well, within five minutes, I was snoozing on the couch and had left my cell phone in the bathroom. A couple of times during the night, I heard my cell phone ringing, and was wondering why anyone would be calling me at that time of the night, but I was much too tired to get up and try to locate my phone.

Then sometime after 3:00 AM, I hear someone knocking on my windows. I might have thought it was Jessica, but then I noticed they were banging on different windows, one right after another. I was still groggy, but I was thinking, "How are they getting from one window to another so quickly? They must be knocking and running really, really fast." Plus, I thought I heard male voices outside as well. Once I regain consciousness, I hear my phone once again, so I decide to find it and answer it. It was Jessica. She was like, "Come to the door." I'm like, what the crap? So I put on some shorts and go to the front door. I can see thru the big front window that there are bright lights outside. It is right about this time that I am just about to freak out. So I open the door and see Jessica and two police officers, and the whole complex is lit up like a power plant. You have to remember that I have been asleep this entire time and did not know anything was going on. There are a million thoughts that run thru your mind when the cops are banging on your door at 4 AM, and none of them are very good. (Naturally, I'm thinking, "What took you so long?")

I was just about to put my hands out to be handcuffed, when she is like, "Why haven't you been answering your phone? I thought something had happened to you." As it turns out, when she tried to call me back earlier in the night, some guy answered and was like, "He's not available." Apparently, the "rines had gotten crossed." (Did you just say the rines were crossed?) So she got all worried. On subsequent calls, it was showing up like my number had been disconnected. So anyway, she was concerned, thinking maybe I had been abducted (if only) or fallen and broken my hip. Meanwhile, the cops woke up several neighbors, and had their lights on and were beating on my doors and windows with their night sticks. The neighbors were saying "Well, he doesn't say too much", "He's kinda quiet", and stuff like that. (Things they always say about psycho killers.) I figure I'll probably be evicted sometime this week.

Oh well, it's been fun living here. I guess I'll have to break down and finally get that medic alert bracelet to avoid such incidents in the future. Well, at least I'll have a story to tell my grandkids... or, someone else's grandkids. And it's little events like this that keep life interesting. In retrospect, I guess in the same situation, I would have been concerned as well. On the bright side, it is kinda nice to have someone who cares/worries about you ;-) And I'm just glad the cops weren't there to arrest me for anything. Plus, it made for some great conversation at dinner last night with her family.

"I wish I didn't feel so strong about you, like happiness and love revolve around you. Trying to catch your heart is like trying to catch a star. So many people love you, baby. That must be what you are..."

Friday, May 28, 2004

Cops... on location?

I found this to be an interesting statistic: Every two hours, a person or a vehicle is hit by a train. Geesh, with odds like that, I may as well go park my truck on the train track right now, and just sit and wait.

Yesterday, we were eating lunch downtown in the second floor of this restaurant. So we see this cop car zoom by on the street below, and then a guy takes off running across the street. Someone jokes, "There he goes. He's getting away." Then some chubby cop on foot comes running after the guy. So we had a bird's-eye view of the whole episode. The fugitive runs into this tree-lined ridge, climbs a fence, crosses some train tracks, and we lose sight of him. The chubby cop runs out of breath (no lie.. how pathetic). So this other cop car pulls up and he gets in that car. I don't know if they ever caught the guy, but we saw two or three more cops on foot and probably four or five more cars. I was just thinking, I can see if they really were on "Cops", the camera would be following the chubby cop on the foot chase, then suddenly, he'd stop and you'd see the guy getting farther and farther away. That would be funny.

Anyway, that was our small-town excitement for yesterday. I still haven't heard what the guy did or if they ever caught him. Last night, my sister and I went to see my little 5-year-old cousin play t-ball. That is some entertainment right there. They are sooo cute. One little boy didn't have his glove on half the game. He was picking up dirt and putting in his glove right in the middle of the game. My cousin got on base both times she batted. Two infield singles. LOL Afterwards, several of us went to Cracker Barrell for dinner. As usual, the service was crappy. The food was OK. I LOVE Cracker Barrell, but the one here is the worst I have ever eaten at. Come to think of it, that seems to happen to a lot of restaurants that come here. Some cutie working there spoke to me as I was coming out of the bathroom. So naturally, I pretended not to hear her. What? :-D I was singing happy birthday to my cousin and she was getting tickled and saying it wasn't her birthday. Then, she started singing happy birthday to everyone at the table. On our way home, my sister took me by to see their house. Just about everything is done on it, I think. They bought an old, run-down house and have had it fixed up. It really looks like a brand new house, especially on the inside. That was the first time I have seen it. I can't believe my sister is getting married in less than two months!!!

Got home about 10:45. I overslept bad, no, I mean, BAD, this morning. Got to work about an hour and a half late. That's OK. That just means a six-and-a-half-hour-day for me ;-) Hope everyone has as happy and safe holiday weekend. We have to work Monday :-(

"I'm gonna get fired, if I don't get some sleep. My long lost buddies say I'm gettin' in too deep..."

What childhood toy from the 80's are you? (aka Army Pete)

What childhood toy from the 80's are you?

"You're an Etch-a-Sketch!! You're the creative, artsy type who doesn't need to actually utilize a single muscle group in order to have fun. Doesn't matter though, you're still cool."

I can see that. Man, I am really tempted to plop down some money on ebay now. Etch-a-sketch, Rubik's Cube, My Little Pony (what?), Spirograph, Lite Brite, My Buddy (what?), Easy Bake Oven (ding!), Slinky (Oh man, is it hot in here? I'm getting all flush.), Mattel football, Weebles, Shrinky Dinks, Atari 2600, Mister Potato Head, Legos, and of course, GI Joe.

K: That's interesting. You know someone mentioned to me you were not very happy with your toys growing up.
J: Yeah, that was me.
K: Oh, that's right. Right, and you mentioned that you didn't get a G.I. Joe, you had an...
J: An Army Pete.
K: Right.
J: He was made of wood, and in the rain he would swell up and then split.
K: And we all know how painful that can be. :-)

"Well how can I, forget you girl, when there is always something there to remind me?"

Thursday, May 27, 2004

TCB (Takin' Care of Bloggin')

Life is only made up of all the days of our past and our future, and we mainly yearn for the bigger part of it. The young long for the future, and the old for the past...

Been busier than Marion Jones' legal team today at work, so I haven't really had time to blog my thoughts. Just wanted to let everyone know that I'm still here, and that I haven't been out testing the ground clearance of 18-wheelers.

Hey, I'm lookin' for some good blogs to read, so if you blog, lemme know, and maybe we can do (what I like to call) a link exchange ;-) If you don't blog, you should. It takes maybe five minutes or so to get everything going with blogger. Then you will be able to enjoy the many pleasures of blogging yourself.

There are a couple of stories I wanted to share...
Arkansas woman, 37, gives birth to 15th child

Check out those names. All fifteen start with the letter J. And their dad's name? Jim Bob. ROFL Of course.

Assault case dropped against Simmons

Fun just seems to follow Richard Simmons around. Kinda reminds me of Kramer's lines from "The Fusilli Jerry":

You meet a proctologist at a party, don't walk away. Plant yourself there, because you will hear the funniest stories you've ever heard. See, no one wants to admit to them that they stuck something up there. It's always an accident. Every proctologist story ends in the same way..."It was a million to one shot, Doc. Million to one." :-D

"Could you sympathize with my needs? I know you think I need a lot. Started out clean, but I'm jaded. Just phonin' it in, just breakin' the skin..."

Wednesday, May 26, 2004


That is how much money I have spent on gas since May 1. Geeeeeesha!!!!

I went to Murphy USA again today. They are still $1.83. Maybe if everyone started going there, then the big companies would cut back. I dunno. It'll never happen anyway.

After work yesterday, I washed and vacuumed out my truck. Jess made spaghetti and salad and garlic bread for supper, so I went over there. It was very good, and I'm not even a big s'ghetti fan. I was stuffing it down though, like Sally Struthers two minutes before closing at an all-you-can-eat buffet. After I left there, I went to Wilson Morgan to run the track. The NAIA tournament was still going on, and three or four girls from one of the teams had been walking the track. So when had finished stretching and started running, they were approaching. One of them was like, "Hey sexaaay." I figured she was kidding, so I did what any guy would do and took off running the other way. My calves still haven't forgiven me for Sunday night, either.

Talked to Dave last night. We're gonna have to get together soon. Talked to Matt. He got his pool table ordered. It is a 7-foot Connelly. I'm not sure the exact model. I'll try to post a link to it once I see it. They told him it would likely be delivered by Saturday. Talked to Amber. She has another job interview today. Good luck ;-)

Dave reminded me of a great exchange from "The Library" last night:
Kramer: "Look at her. This is a lonely woman looking for companionship... spinster. Maybe a virgin. Maybe she got hurt a long time ago. She was a schoolgirl. There was a boy. It didn't work out. Now she needs a little tenderness. She needs a little understanding. She needs a little Kramer."
Jerry: "Yeah, and then she'll need a little shot of penicillin." ROFL

That's all I got. Later.

"What are all these voices outside love's open door, make us throw off our contentment, and beg for something more?"

Dust off your Dixie horns, boys...

Jessica Simpson May Portray Daisy in 'Dukes' Movie

How many Dukes characters can you name? Bo, Luke, Daisy, Uncle Jesse, Boss Hogg, Lulu, Rosco P. Coaltrane, Enos Strait, Cletus Hogg, Coy, Vance, Cooter, and don't forget, Flash.

What about casting for the movie? Obviously, there is only one Catherine Bach. (Oh, click on it, you know you wanna see Daisy one more time.) Many a young lad had her poster on his wall, and would crawl under the covers late at night with a flashlight and play with his Dukes of Hazzard diecast cars. I hear she has put on a few pounds, so maybe she could play Lulu in the movie. What about Daisy? I'm thinking Alyssa Milano. No, Tiffany Amber Thiessen. (Marv Albert voice): Yes! That'll melt your face right there. What about Boss Hogg? I'm thinking Dennis Franz, maybe? For Enos and Rosco, hmm, I might go for David Arquette. He could probably really pull off Enos. Besides, it's not like his schedule is packed. Well, enough fun for now. I can't really think of anyone for Bo and Luke. Maybe later. If only Waylon was still around to guide me.

"Straightenin' the curves, flattenin' the hills. Someday the mountain might get 'em but the law never will..."

What Movie Are You?

From the blog that brought you What famous world leader are you, What book are you, and the ever-popular What country are you, comes this latest invigorating quiz...

What Classic Movie Are You?

I took the 27 question test...

"You never could get it, unless you were fed it. Now you're here and you don't know why..."

Tuesday, May 25, 2004

Hosny Mubarak and the Cincinnati Reds

Sometimes, when things are flowing smoothly, the sun is shining, my surroundings are calm and peaceful, I think, "So this must be what it feels like to be Hosny Mubarak." Life is good, my house is in order, my people are happy, and troubles are all someplace else...

I don't want to jinx anything, even though this probably will, but have you noticed the Reds are in first place? They have the best record in the NL, and even if it's only for a day, it's still nice. I have been keeping up. Just haven't said anything, cos I didn't want to jinx them. So naturally, they will probably lose tonight and then everyone in Cincinnati will hate me. OK, I am going to a game this year. Just have to find someone to go. A Reds game and a day at King's Island. That would be a nice weekend getaway, doncha think? (If you read my original AOL blog, you'll see I lamented over this a few times last year, but never made it up there.)

Jessica's Mom cooked dinner last night, so we went over there and ate with her parents. It was good.

(insert related Seinfeld dialogue here)
Elaine: "Mmm. Deelish."
Puddy: "Delish?"
Elaine: "Delish. You know, short for delicious."
Puddy: "Oh, like scrump."
Elaine: "Yeah."

It's not real often that the bachelor gets to enjoy a home-cooked meal, so that is always a treat. I remember when I was younger, and living at home, Mom or Dad would always cook, and I'd always beg to eat out. Now, it's just the opposite. I'm sick of eating out. Very similar to taking naps. Hated it then, would die to take one now. We watched part of About Schmidt over there. I have never seen that movie in my life, but when he was coming back from the post office, I was like, "His wife will be dead." Sure enough, she was. What a call! It was sort of a melancholy movie. (Can melancholy be an adjective? How many times can melancholy be used in one blog post?) I think it brings about introspection. And as we all know, that is never a good thing. What? Let's keep everything on the surface, where it's safe. If we dig too deep, we'll all be eating arsenic stew for lunch tomorrow.

"Hey ladies in the place I'm callin' out to ya. There never was a city kid truer and bluer. There's more to me than you'll ever know, and I got more hits than Sadaharu Oh..."

The best a man can get?

Was watching TV yesterday when a shaving commercial came on. Everyone of these commercials is exactly the same... a little foam, an animated drawing showing the hairs magically standing straight up, then the guy wipes his hand over his chin and neck, and finally a hot chick appears out of nowhere and wraps her arms around his neck. What the crap? This is not real. Where in the world is this happening?

Here is a true shaving commercial... Guy in his underwear, shaving three and four and five times over the same area because, well, that's just what you have to do with any razor. He cuts himself, more than once. Partly because the razor is a piece of crap and partly because the line between cutting yourself and getting a close shave, well, doesn't exist. THAT'S the best a man can get. When he gets done, he rinses off his face, carefully tears small bits of toilet paper off the roll and places on each cut, because if you don't they just keep bleeding and bleeding and you look like a psychotic killer all day. And lastly, there is no girl, because it's morning and he is running late for work. The girl comes in later in the day and complains because he missed some spots shaving. The slogan should be something like, "Sure it's not that close, but what else are you gonna use?" or "Not the closest, but we guarantee you won't look like Johnny Damon." That would be a real commercial right there.

"Tomorrow's another day, and I'm thirsty anyway, so bring on the rain..."

Pro-cree-ay-shun time, come on!!

Where's Robert "Kool" Bell when you need him?

OK, a couple of things this weekend made me wish I had kids. And when I say kids, I mean kids who know where I live. What? The absolute cutest dance at the recital this weekend was when the littlest girls (I'm guess 3-4 years old) came out with their dads. At the end, each one stood on her dad's feet and danced. It was soo cute. To borrow a phrase from Kyle, heavens-to-betsy, what am I turning into? I guess odd things can happen if you listen to too much William Hung music.

Then, Sunday night, there was a father and daughter playing tennis. And it was just about dark. Well there are six courts, two light switches. Well the light weren't on the half they were on. Maybe they didn't know how to turn them on or something. Anyway, I heard the father say, "I guess it's about time to stop. We can come back and play some other time." And the girl was like, "Can we just hit a few more, Daddy?" And he said, "OK." Aww...

"I love my life. And I'd never trade, between what you and me had and the life I've made. She's here and she's real, but you were too. And every once in awhile, I think about you..."

Monday, May 24, 2004

Updating links... and my grocery list

I updated a few links. One chick's post began "I was a really big fan of the first two Matrix movies" and I was like, well that's all I need to know to know that I don't need to know anything more about her. At least she didn't like the third one. I'd rather watch a woman going thru 12 hours of all-natural childbirth, with no medication. What? Also, what's up, LA Namie? No blog for two weeks. You're friends here in Blogville are growing concerned.

Last night at Wal-Mart (running low on blog material, are we?), I purchased a 12 pack of Nestle bottled water, some saltine crackers, a 3 lb. bag of granny smith apples, 2 bananas, some Hawaiian punch, a can of pringles (why are you reading this?), half-gallon skim milk, 2 chicken pot pies, a half-loaf of Bunny bread (Bunny.. heh), a Jeno's pepperoni pizza, a Mexican TV dinner, a Healthy Choice meatloaf frozen dinner (yes, I'm reading from the receipt), some powdered donuts from the deli, and a box of Lucky Charms. Total w/tax... $24.68. Thanks for reading ;-)

"You would think this life would make me bolder, but I'm runnin' scared is all. I hang on everything about you. You would think I'd settle down cos I'm older, but I roll with the change is all..."

Busy Weekend = Long Entry

I guess in a way it was a long weekend, in that it was exhausting, but it seems like I woke up Saturday morning to get ready for work. Then I turned around and it was Monday morning. Seriously, I was home for all of about 3 waking hours Saturday and Sunday combined.

After work Saturday, Mom called and wanted me to meet her at the cemetery, because they had already put the flowers out. That is about a 30 minute drive from where I was when she called, but I figured it would be good to go, since I was going to have to film Sunday. Everything was really pretty. I have this one great uncle, who is like around 80 I would say, and every year, he decorates my great-grandmother and great-grandfather's graves. I think that is the sweetest thing. I don't know if any of you have decoration where you are, or maybe it is just a regional thing here. Maybe just a small town thing. Or maybe it is called something else where you are, but it is just where once a year families buy new flowers and bring them to the graves. It is really a strong tradition on Mom's side of the family.

Got home from that at nearly 4:00. Watched a few minutes of the Bama/UCLA NCAA tournament softball game. Kyle called about 5:30 and said they were going to get something to eat before the recital, so I headed on over there. I thought that filming went well. The recital really isn't too bad. It was based on The Wizard of Oz, and since I have never seen that movie, it was all new to me ;-) Got done around 10:30 and headed to Applebees. It was pretty deserted, looking like Dennis Kucinich campaign headquarters in there. But it was like old times, sitting in booth 66 again. Donna made Shane and me a couple of delicious oreo shakes. Charity came over and Shane was telling her she should go to open mike night at The Bluebird. Got home about 12:15, I think. I was planning to lie on the couch for a second, then get up and check my email. Next thing I knew, it was 6:00 AM.

After church Sunday, Jessica called wanting me to come by there. Mom had cooked and was wanting me to come eat dinner. Plus, I had to be at the Princess by at least 1:30 to film again. I could tell Mom was so disappointed when I told her I wasn't going to be able to come by. I was being pulled in so many different directions. I felt like Stretch Armstrong. Eventually, Jessica said she would just see me Monday, so I called Mom back and went to have dinner with them. Went straight from there to the Princess for a second day of filming. Got done about 5:30 and K and I headed to Ruby Tuesday's.

That brings us to the Tale of the Server Who Couldn't. I am not exaggerating at all when I say she took our order, brought our drinks and food, and brought our check. She never came by to check on us or refill our drinks. Then, to top it off, when she brought the check, I had like half my fish left and my tea was bone dry. She starts to walk off and I'm like, "Uh, excuse me... can I get some more tea?" Wow, that was pathetic.

Went to Wal-Mart after that to pick up some groceries. Murphy USA had gas for $1.83, and man, cars were lined up two and three deep at the pumps. I went on into Wal-Mart and it wasn't quite as crowded when I came out. K called and we decided to go hit some tennis at Wilson Morgan. There were like nine women up there, and me and Kyle. We discovered that, as a guy, there are some things you just can't help looking at. It's a rule... a reflex.

Jill and Lindsay were up there. Wow, haven't seen them in forever... literally :-D Oh, the ice cream truck was riding around the parking lot when we first got there, playing some Beethoven music. I mean, where does this guy get his music? Is there an ice cream truck music store? "Hey Sid, what will it be?" "Uh, give me that hits of the 70's tape. I need some Steppenwolf." Or do the trucks come with preprogrammed music, a few preselected songs? Beethoven, Sesame Street theme, I've Been Workin' on the Railroad... Who knows?

Anyhow, got home around 11:30. Where did the weekend go? I am a little sore from all the tennis and running last night. My right calf is one gargantuan monkey fist. OK, I just got an IM from SxyJennyqli9341: "Hey cutsie, do you have a girlfriend? I hope not!" Gotta go. WOOOOOOOO!!!!

Random funnies:
Lady at tennis court: "We should play doubles."
Me: "Pffft."

"The problem is, they're not psycho until after you date them."

"Wow, a 16-year-old boy with the ability to talk to girls could really have some fun in this place."

Jill: "We're good. We're like Venus and Serena."
Me (thinking to myself): "Yeah, maybe when they were 3 years old."

"It must have been love, but it's over now. It must have been good, but I lost it somehow. It must have been love, but it's over now. From the moment we touched, 'til the time had run out..."

Saturday, May 22, 2004

Sorry, I can't, I've got to update my blog

"I have to update my blog" is now the second most popular lame excuse for girls to give guys as to why they can't go out. It's right behind "I have to wash my hair", and closing fast.

Today's urban dictionary word of the day: baller
1. One who exhibits great proficiency and skill in the game of basketball.
2. One who possesses plenty of money, is popular with the ladies, and has nice wheels.

I have no idea where that came from. I am sittin' at work until 2:00 today. Yesterday was nice. I laid down for a nap around 3:30 and just decided to not set an alarm, just let my body wake up whenever it wanted. I ended up getting up around 6:15. Met Tag and Kyle at Logan's for dinner around 9:00. The place was packed out. The NAIA softball tournament is in town this weekend and it seemed like all the restaurants were kickin'. (note to self: do not bring the frozen burritos for lunch anymore) I had some slightly overcooked grilled chicken. They have lots of hot waitresses there and fortunately we managed to (not) talk to all of them last night.

There were these two guys that came in and sat across from us, and they had on black and white striped referee shirts. So, we spent a few minutes trying to figure out where there was a basketball or football game going on in the area. Then a couple of minutes later, out of the blue, Tag was like, "Oh, they work at Foot Locker." I lost it. It was funny, because he said it like the light bulb just went off in his head or something. The Shane-clone was there, so we showed him to Tag. I mean, if I hadn't seen Shane for five years, and didn't know better, and I walked into that place to eat and saw him, I'd just be like, "Hey Shane! Haven't seen you in years." They are identical twins. Seriouslah... Anyway, before we left, I ordered some food to go and took it by to Jessica at work.

I was thinking... if I manage to start calling games next year, and I'm still helping LMV film some events, I will have three part-time jobs. That will be cool. I guess. Maybe then I'll be a baller ;-) There is so much I'd like to do, but so often, I don't ever get started on any of it. I'd like to get started back golfing, find a softball team to play for, join the tennis league, go to open mike night at the comedy club, try to write something and get it published somewhere, go back to New York, go to Cincinnati this summer, etc.

Matt has been burning up my cell minutes asking me advice on picking out a pool table. He was going to Bham today to look at some. I think if I can invite myself over there a couple of times a week, in addition to the couple of times a week I already usually play, maybe I can improve a lot. Have a great weekend!

More funnies:
"Man, I could stare at those all night long."

"What are you doing?"
"Reading the Reds game online, and watching pro bowling on ESPN. Isn't that what every single guy does on a Friday night?"

"Our friends all ask about you. I say you're doing fine, and I expect to hear from you almost anytime. But they all know I'm crying, and I can't sleep at night. They all know I'm dying down deep inside..."

Friday, May 21, 2004

I need my nail clippers!

Blogging away while somebody somewhere is wondering why, when you're playing hangman, you always draw a smiley face on the man...

Here's a little humorous true story that happened yesterday (at least I hope you'll find it humorous)...

I was chatting online with Jessica yesterday and IM'd her that if she found a pair of nail clippers at her house, they were mine, because apparently I'd left mine over there. So, after work yesterday, I go by CVS to get a couple of cards and also pick up a new pair of nail clippers. Then, I ran by her place for a few minutes yesterday and she was like, "There are your clippers" and pointed to the coffee table. So the conversation continued...
Me: "Well I already bought another pair today."
Her: "What all are you clipping? You leave your nail clippers here and the very next day you go out and buy a new pair?"
Me: "Well... uh... yeah. I don't like for my nails to get long. Then I have to bite them and they look like a beaver has been gnawing at them."

Maybe you had to be there, but it was pretty funny. Otherwise, I went running yesterday. Came to town and K and I went to The Brick to shoot pool. They had recarpeted the floors and the tables weren't exactly level, so that was interesting. Had to learn to use the slope. Hopefully, they will get them correctly adjusted and settled within the next week or two. Watched a little bit of the Pistons/Nets game on the TV up there. Glad Detroit won.

Kelli comes over and brings our menus at Applebees and I'm like, "Oh man, new menus! This is the most exciting thing to happen to me in the past two weeks!"

"Did you watch Oprah today?"

"I alone am the one you don't know you need. You don't know you need me. Make me blind when you're eyes close. Tie me to the bedpost..."

Thursday, May 20, 2004

Seinfeld on NBC tonight!

Someone posted this on the Seinology forum today.

Around 7:45 Central time tonight, before they rerun the Friends finale, they are showing The Adventures of Seinfeld & Superman, which I assume will be more of his new commercials, similar to these.

In other news, "The Couch" was on last night. I love the pizza/abortion analogy between Kramer and Poppy.

P: Yes, but we cannot give the people the right to choose any topping they want. Now on this issue there can be no debate.
K: What gives you the right to tell me how I would make my pie?
P: Because it's a pizza.
K: It's not a pizza until it comes out of the oven.
P: It's a pizza the moment you put your fists in the dough.

And George watching Breakfast At Tiffany's at the complete strangers' house. That entire plot is complete hilarity.

Wife: I just came back from Angela's. It's not looking very good for Duncan.
Husband: Aw, that's too bad.
Wife: Yeah, the doctor thinks it's just a matter of time.
George (clears his throat): I'm sorry. I hate to be one of those people, but we're right in the middle of this thing. I can't hear.

Then, after he watches the movie, when he gets together with the book club: "After all, she did get together with George Peppard... I mean, Fred." WOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

"We took one more trip around the sun, but it was all make-believe in the end. No, I can't say where she is today. I can't remember who I was back then..."

The Retching Bachelor

Me? Capricious? Of course not. I mean sure, there may have been one or two occasions in the past when I may have reacted in an impulsive or somewhat immature manner, but those days are well behind me... G. Costanza in "The Stand-In"

Not a lot going on. I ran by to get my oil changed today. (Yes, I still get mad at myself because I don't do that at home anymore.) Also went to have the tires rotated. Rick insisted on doing it for free. He is a really good person. People like that just brighten your day. Speaking of good people, Jonathan said yesterday that Barbara is home, but she's having to go a couple of times a week now to get chemo.

Walked into the front office today at work and the secretary was sitting there talking to her monitor. ROFL It looked like she was hitting either delete or backspace repeatedly with her right hand, and pointing at the screen with her left hand, and I heard her say, "I don't want you up there. Get off there." It was quite funny. I said, "Talking to your computer again? Looks like someone's ready for a vacation day."

What is the deal with chicks and reality shows? There's a research project right there. I went by to see my sister last night and she was watching The Bachelor. That one girl (who didn't get chosen) was puking all over the place. ("Puke, that's a funny word. Can I use that?") Anyway, Dad can't hear, so they keep the closed captioning on their big TV, and when she was throwing up, the closed captioning said "retching" in parentheses. I thought that was funny, too. I bet the CC person has a sense of humor. Anyway, I'm apparently no fun to watch reality shows with, because I'm continually making fun. Like when the guy was saying all this mushy crap, I was like, "Well, I'm about to be retching myself if he keeps this up much longer." And what is the deal with them not getting married? Now, I'm far, far, far from a reality show expert, but I thought the whole idea was that this guy picked a wife from these fifty women or whatever. Last night, he was telling Jessica that he chose her, and he said, "I'm not ready to propose yet." Then what was the point of the show? Might as well bring back the dating game. That's like Regis saying, "Sorry, but we're not ready to give you a million dollars yet. Here's a plane ticket to New York and five hundred bucks." Sorry, hope my little rant doesn't turn off my female readers ;-)

Well, it's nice out today. I think I'm going to go do something outside.

"I hate comin' home to this old broken down apartment. I wish I had a dime for every hole that's in the carpet. I don't want it all, but I ain't got enough..."

In The News #17

Haven't done this in awhile...

J-Mo alerted me to this first story yesterday...

Doctors Discover Why Couple Can't Have Kids

Love this quote: "...(they) were simply unaware... of the physical requirements necessary to procreate." Hmm.. sound like anyone you know? LOL

Air Guitar Sells For $5.50 On Ebay

"The highest bidder was also given a certified letter of authenticity and a partially-used nudie magazine." Mmhmm. Now we know what the $5.50 was for.

Ice T To Produce Hasselhoff Rap Album

Yes, THAT Hasselhoff. Let's see... Here come another man, like no other man, hope they seen me on Baywatch runnin' in the sand.

"I hold it up and show my buddies, like we ain't scared and our boots ain't muddy. But no one laughs, cos there ain't nothing funny when a soldier cries. And i just wipe my eyes..."

Wednesday, May 19, 2004

Short shorts and primitive pergolas

As I reached the door, I turned around to look at her one final time. I began to think that maybe I was wrong. Maybe we could still work things out. Maybe I was making a mistake. About this time she unleashed a verbal barrage of profanities and a series of obscene gestures directed towards me. It was at this point that I realized I was not making a mistake...

Hello blogophiles! How you iz today? Some guy is outside running over the parking lot with this device to pick up nails and screws. What the crap is that? I've been here for 23 months and this is the first time they have ever done that.

Recapping yesterday... I mowed grass and did laundry. Took a much-needed forty-five minute nap. I assure you I am getting really close to narrowing down the list of the top twenty-five Seinfeld episodes. I figure I'll count down one per day. Of course, if you know me at all, you already know what #1 is going to be.

Got this piece of good news from the fashion world yesterday. Shorts slightly above the knee may be coming back in style for guys. Why is that good news, you ask? Well suddenly, I've gone from like 3 pairs of wearable shorts 7 or 8. Woohoo! Oh man, I knew if I waited long enough, this would eventually happen. If tapered leg jeans ever come back, I may never have to buy clothes again. I think I might just tight roll my jeans tomorrow to celebrate.

Jessica #1 IM'd me yesterday. She is apparently going to Kuwait in a few weeks to teach or something. Wow. I assure you that you will not catch my skinny white civilian tail over there, unless it involves military duty. Talked to Jonathan about calling some games. He said the season ends in just a few weeks, but he is supposed to talk to the director about next year. Also said there was an apt. open in his complex. Much more energy efficient than my primitive lean-to-like pergola. The only thing is they're just one bedroom. I currently have a two bedroom. Of course, as Jerry says in "The Robbery", why do I need two bedrooms? I got enough trouble maintaining activity in one. I'm really not even sure what that is supposed to mean.

Something brought this Seinfeld dialogue to mind...
Emily: And you scream in your sleep.
Kramer: I do? There was a man. He was trying to get into my apartment
last night. He was jiggling the doorknob for twenty-five minutes.
Emily: Come on, it was probably the wind.
Kramer: No, no, no. It was a fearless cat burglar.

"I'm fifteen for a moment, caught in between ten and twenty. And I'm just dreaming, counting the ways to where you are. I'm twenty-two for a moment. She feels better than ever, and we're on fire, makin' our way back from Mars..."

In Training?

This is a story I have been meaning to recount. Maybe some of you can provide some insight as to what any of this means...

I stopped by Jessica's one day after work and she was in the shower when I got there. So she said I could go on in the living room and watch TV. Well, I had it on ESPN or something, naturally, and after a few minutes, she comes in there and sits on the love seat. Keep in mind, she never says one word word about the TV. Yet almost instinctively, when she sits down, I pick up the remote and switch it to MTV, which is the channel she always asks me to turn to when I have the remote, and which I basically never watch. Never said a word. I just subconsciously picked up the remote and changed the channel. Hmph. Do you women take some sort of behavior altering classes or something?

"Little darling, it's been a long, cold, lonely winter. Little darling, it feels like years since it's been here. Here comes the sun, here comes the sun, and I say it's all right..."

Tuesday, May 18, 2004

The Evermore Rising Cost of Driving

For I am but a lonely soul, sitting barefoot on a deserted beach, and her memory is like the tide. Every once in awhile, the tide comes in, and I love the feeling of the waves washing over my feet. Sometimes the sun shines. Sometimes it is cloudly. Sometimes I forget. Then I feel the water rush over my feet once more, and I smile. I remember. Then she goes back out to sea again...

I have been paying for gas exclusively with my check card the past couple of weeks. I figured up yesterday, after I filled up with $21, that since May 8, I have spent $79 on gas. What the freak! (Jackie Chile's voice) It's grievous, oppressive, outrageous!!

We went to the ballpark last night and were supposed to watch Jessica's cousin play softball. Unfortunately, it rained. But seeing all those people out there got me to thinking about calling games. I have been asked a couple of times in the past to take the test and become an umpire. It's good extra money, and I think it would be fun. Anyway, I may call Jonathan and see when they are giving the test again. He has called games for the past five or six years.

The Mango was on last night. Great ep.

K: I faked it.
J: What?
K: Yeah.
J: You faked it? Why would you do that?
K: Well you know, if it's enough already and I just wanna get some sleep.

K: You know this whole place is going downhill. I could have came in here last week with a bad plum, but I let it go. ROFL

J: So what's her name?
G: Karen.
J: Is she nice?
G: Great.
J: So you like her?
G: I think so.
J: You don't know?
G: I can't tell anymore.

"Gonna hold who needs holdin', mend what needs mendin', walk what needs walkin' though it means an extra mile. Pray what needs prayin'. Say what needs sayin', cos we're only here for a little while..."

Monday, May 17, 2004

Today's haul and a lesson from Dad

Single guy goes to Wal-Mart... The Five For Fighting CD was on sale for like $9.96. Also got a box of trash bags and a half dozen donuts. That was it. Am I single or what? Wal-Mart really is America, ya know. There's not many things more American than Wal-Mart.

Went to get my haircut. Tried this new place which is like two minutes from where I work. It was called Beauty Company, so it wasn't the most masculine I've ever felt, but the girl was cute and did a nice job. My hair's kinda hard to mess up though. I think I may start going there all the time. Also went to get fitted for my tux, thus spending more money I don't have.

Today I will close with a lesson from my youth. This is a story my Dad told me...

There was a boy who went off to college. His dad gave him a set amount of money and told him not to waste it, because that was all he would get for the semester. Well, after just a few weeks, the son had squandered all the money, mostly on things he didn't need, so he wrote a letter home which said, "No mon. No fun. Your son."

A few days later the son received an envelope from home. Thinking it must be some more money, he hurriedly opened it. Inside he found a letter from his father which said, "Too bad. Too sad. Your dad."

The end

I'm not sure what the lesson in that story was. But it was always a favorite of mine, along with the one about the little boy who cried wolf and the wolf ate him. Such loving, reassuring tales. Is it any wonder I turned out the way I did? Now, I can't wait to procreate myself and pass these valuable lessons along.

"I've got the brains. You've got the looks. Let's make lots of money..."

In De Yungle, De Wild Yungle, De Lion Sleeps Tonight

Sometimes I just want to go Crazy Joe and Soup Nazi on this phone all at once. I want to take a hatchet and smash it to tiny pieces, then mail the pieces to the descendants of Alexander Graham Bell with a note that says "Here's what I think of your little invention!!!" Serenity now!!!

(sigh) Much better. So, how was your weekend? Not bad here. Starred in my own personal version of Meet The Parents Saturday night at the Guadalajara Grill. Nothing like a mariachi band singing Sweet Home Alabama. Or The Lion Sleeps Tonight. "In de yungle, de wild yungle.." Oh man, that was funny.

Got a nice treat yesterday as the local Fox affiliate aired a couple of Michelle Pfeiffer movies. That's like Christmas in May for me. Glad to see the Pistons and Kings win yesterday. There for awhile, all my teams were going down faster than the SS Minnow.

Went to Applebees after church last night. Sat with Beth. She was all like "I haven't seen you in forever." I heard that a lot this weekend, since I had taken a two week hiatus from the place. Kyle and Kristina had their camera phones out in full effect. Sheesh, I'll kinda be glad when those things get banned, or at least the novelty wears off. Everywhere you turn there's a phone in your face. Kyle is all like trying to show me baby pictures he has taken with his camera. I'm like dude, you need a girlfriend or something.

Oh, we were watching SNL the other night, and Jimmy Fallon said it was his final night. (No, not his final night on the face of the Earth, his final night on the show.) That's the first I heard about that. I guess he's off to the land of short-lived sitcoms and less than successful movies.

Saw a little boy waiting on the school bus this morning on my way to work. His little brown puppy had followed him to the road and was jumping on him. It was sooo cute. It made me remember a time when I was young, and I couldn't have a dog because my parents didn't want to fool with one. So I never got to experience the joy and warmth that comes from having a pet. Therefore I grew up cold and distant and dysfunctional, a bit capricious, with a fear of commitment and fear of letting go. And it's all because I never had a dog when I was little. I'm sorry. Was that out loud?

Today, let's close with a random completely normal haiku:

Life is simply this
Michelle Pfeiffer, I love you
You're so hot to me

(I know you're counting syllables with your fingers. I was, too.)

"And if you said this life ain't good enough, I would give my world to lift you up. I could change my life to better suit your mood, because you're so smooth..."

Word Assocation (attempt #2)

I'm not sure how fun this is anymore...

Playoffs:: NBA
Morris:: Brown
Break up:: Break down
Eggs:: Bacon
Parker:: Brothers
Hardy Boys:: mystery
Deluxe:: edition
Protection:: survival
Girl Scout:: cookies
Salsa:: seltzer

(from unconscious mutterings) Man, I used to love the Hardy Boys. Joe, Frank, Chet, Iola, Biff, Professor, Mary Ann, Ginger... oh wait.

"I got so caught up I forgot she told me. Her and my girl, be the best of homies. Next thing I knew she was all up on me screaming, yeah yeah yeah, yeah yeah, yeaah..."

Saturday, May 15, 2004

Four-day-old pizza, an interesting trifecta, and getting to work on time

Blogging away while eating re-heated leftover pizza from this past Tuesday. Mmm, not bad. Tastes a little funky. Ah, I'm sure it'll be fine.

I have been getting to work late quite a bit lately. Not today, but during the week. Gotta start getting in bed earlier. If anyone says something, I'm just like, some of us have lives and things to do and we can't be worried about being at work at some trivial predetermined exact time. Geesh.

Reminds me of The Busboy... "But now I must go. For today I am starting my new and wonderful job. And I am very late. Thank you, thank you, thank you all."

Shot pool and ate at Applebees last night. Wow, that sounds a lot like Thursday night. Talked to Bunny. She has a cold. Read her blog for more on that. Wow, all my NBA teams are fading fast. I'm such a great prognosticator. Who needs the SI cover jinx? It's the Bone's Blog jinx.

I experienced a Jessica trifecta yesterday. (It's not quite what you think.) Jessica #1 (who I went out with 3 times like a couple of years ago) IM'd me yesterday for the first time in probably six months or a year. Then I saw Jessica #2, which is the Jessica I've been out with a few times here recently. And I saw Jessica #3 (Beth's sister) at Applebee's again last night. All in the span of like 12 hours. Did I mention that Jerry Seinfeld's wife is named Jessica? Coincidence, I'm sure.

(random Gatorade commercial excerpt)
Sometimes I dream, that he was me. You got to know that's how I dream to be. I dream I move. I dream I groove. Like Mike. If I could be like Mike. I wanna be, I wanna be like Mike.(/end random Gatorade commercial excerpt)

Random funnies:
"I've never noticed those apartments. Would that be a good place to live?"
"I wouldn't advise it, but whatever you wanna do."
"Hmm. Lots of vans, 1980-something Cavaliers, and two-toned cars. Maybe I'll look elsewhere."

"A rose in a box, wrapped up in dreams. A card that explains how much your love means. A table for two, with soft candlelight. The words I love you, somewhere in the night. I meant to do that. Does that mean a thing? If you wanted songs, then I meant to sing..."

Friday, May 14, 2004

Misuse of technology

Congress Targets Camera Phone Pervs

(snip) "In December, a Sammamish, Wash., man pleaded innocent to a charge of voyeurism after being accused of using a cellular telephone camera to take photographs up a woman's skirt. Jack Le Vu, 20, was released on $25,000 bail. A witness told investigators the man pretended to scan a grocery store's shelves as he followed a 26-year-old woman in a supermarket. He periodically crouched with his camera phone extended beneath her skirt and snapped photos." (/snip)

I'm all about some beautiful women, but some people are just sick. I'm all for it. Lock 'em up.

"I needed money cos I had none. I fought the law and the law won..."

Six Years Later

Today marks six years since the final ep of Seinfeld was originally aired, the infamous Finale, on May 14, 1998. I guess the gang is out of prison now. I wonder what they are doing. For no matter what the skeptics say, we all know those characters really existed.

Perhaps Kramer has gone back to concentrating on Kramerica Industries, with CEO Darren at the helm and chicken wire-o-plenty. Or maybe he has settled his second strike at H&H Bagels. Perhaps Brandt-Leland is again looking for a young intern to work for free. Or maybe he's training roosters full-time now, winning big bucks at underground cockfights.

What about Jerry? Is he still doing stand-up, or did he finally take George and Kramer's advice and enter the Bloomingdale's executive training program? Maybe he has retired and moved to Florida to be near his parents and sell Wizards at discount rates. Or is he mentoring Banya full-time now?

Then there's Elaine. Are her and Puddy still dating off and on, or did they finally rock that drink machine back and forth enough times that it finally fell over? Is she still churning out that pointless drivel at J. Peterman? And what about George? Surely, he hasn't kept his job at Kruger Industrial Smoothing for the past six years. Then again, he seemed to fit in perfectly with the incompetent Kruger. Does he still see the Rosses from time to time? He's probably sitting on the sofa in his underwear taking big bites out of a battery-sized block of cheese.

And what about me, us, the fans? Most of us are out of therapy now, I think it's safe to say. Six years later, and we still trudge along, clinging to syndicated reruns. We look forward with great anticipation to the November release of the DVD, the light at the end of the tunnel, the white whale. Some sad fans still use George's "Believe It Or Not" answering machine message on their phone. Not that there's anythinig wrong with that. Meanwhile at night, I dream of successful ricksha businesses, profit-making deposit bottle schemes, and of course, Sue Ellen Mishke, the braless wonder, the O'Henry candy bar heiress. As Jackie Chiles might say, voluptuous, sensuous, delicious!

"For what it's worth, it was worth all the while. It's something unpredictable, but in the end there's right. I hope you had the time of your life..."

Trouble in the Proj?

Millions (thousands...hundreds..ok, tens) sit in front of their pc's, waiting, clicking refresh over and over and over again. Just waiting. His mind racing, his heart pounding, he places his fingers over the correct keys on his dusty old qwerty keyboard, and begins to blog. That's what it's like to be me. That's the pressure I'm under. You have no idea what it's like. How'd you like to start your day with that?!

When I got home last night, there were two cop cars in the front parking lot, and about 7 or 8 people (cops included, I assume) standing out in the little courtyard area in front of the apartments. I was thinking (a)domestic dispute, (b) break-in, or (c) they were there to confiscate my computer. What? It was like an unexciting, small-town episode of Cops. This was at like 10:30. The lady across from me was sitting on her porch and I was like, "What happened?" Turns out someone across the street had been using water from the outside faucet of one of the apartments and the tenants had finally complained. That was all it was. I guess it's good it wasn't anything bad.

Went by to see Jessica for a couple of hours before she had to go to work last night. Then went and checked out the new billiards place. It was OK. The best part was the price, just $3 per person per hour. And our quality of play was well above average. The tables and cues were definitely well-used, but they had obviously re-covered the tables. However, the well-advertised Simonis cloth was not all it was cracked up to be. I don't think that was Simonis. It was a bit of a letdown. Kinda like thinking you have a date with Cindy Crawford, and when you show up, it turns out to be Cindy from The Brady Bunch.

K and I headed to Applebees after that. I had not been up there in a couple of weeks. Sat with Donna. I had wings and fries. Jessica #3 came up there and gave me a hug. I haven't seen her in a month or more probably. Derrick also walked in as we were about to leave. His food came out in like two minutes. I looked down there and yelled at him, "That's probably not a good sign."

Watched the 4th quarter of the LA/San Antonio game up there. What an unbelievable finish. Duncan's shot was just off da hizzle. I had a loud outburst when that went in and everyone was like, "What happened?" Then Fisher's shot was even more unbelievable, even though I do not think it is possible to catch the ball, turn around, and get off a shot in 0.4 seconds. LOL I was for the Spurs ;-) But what a great finish.

"Punch the clock, head for home, check the phone, just in case. Go to bed, dream of you. That's what I'm doin' these days..."

Thursday, May 13, 2004

The End?

Here we were, after all these months, the nights, the days, the phone calls, the arguments. After so many times of almost ending it, we were finally about to do it. I knew it was for the best, and I'm sure she felt the same. But still, while on the outside my actions and words indicated I was ready to go and that I no longer cared, inside my heart was clinging to her as tightly as it could. And while initially, the physical body may win that battle. In the long run, the heart will still be holding on, long after she is gone. When I can no longer see her face, hear her voice, smell her perfume, look into her eyes, my heart will still feel her, long for her, remember her, love her.

There is always that moment when you feel like you still have a chance to save it all. And you think that maybe if you just say "I'm sorry" or "I don't want this" or "I love you" that maybe, just maybe, everything will be OK. I mean, is it so bad to apologize even when you don't feel like you were wrong? Is it so wrong to give in and lose one battle in order to save months or years spent building a relationship? No, it is not wrong. But it is difficult. It is a hard thing to swallow one's pride. But pride is not much of a companion.

How did we get here? When did we stop fighting for each other and start fighting against each other? That is the million dollar question. And I have no answer. I suppose that it starts with something small. Some seemingly insignificant moment when maybe I did not return her "I love you," or maybe I hung up the phone on her, or maybe I forgot to call to say I was going to be late. And once one person stops giving one hundred percent, stops living for the other, it is only a matter of time before the other becomes weary of trying to sustain the relationship by himself.

Anyway, back to the moment. Maybe I could stop it. I probably should stop it, or at least try. Looking back one day, I know I will see so many times when she was reaching out to me, just begging me to pay attention, to change things, to right the ship. Yet we just sailed on, slowly going down with the ship and acting as if we never saw the treacherous waters raging around us.

And suddenly I remember. I remember the girl I fell in love with. I remember every sweet thing she used to do. I remember us, before we became her and me. And I love her. And so I say it. "Let's not do this. Can't we work this out?" But then her face is strange. Her mind is made up. I can see it without her ever saying a word. It is too late. Her body is there, but she is already gone. And in that instant, my heart sinks to the pit of my stomach. It breaks. My eyes water. My life, my world, my best friend, my partner, is gone.

And then the phone rings. And I wake up. All at once I realize it was all a dream. Everything is OK. Wrong number. I hang up and call her. I wake her up. It does not matter. I have to tell her. I tell her I love her twenty times. She has no idea what has gotten into me. But that is OK. She is here. She is wonderful. Life is good. And I am thankful that it was only a dream. And I make a vow to myself to try harder, to do better, so I will never have to face the end.

"Now it seems to me some fine things have been laid upon your table. But you only want the ones that you can't get..."

How to tell if you have a girlfriend (Four easy questions)

I was watching "The Virgin" last night. Love this Jerry/George exchange:

J: What's your phone call frequency? Are you on a daily?
G: No, Semi-daily. Four or five times a week.
J: What about Saturday nights? Do you have to ask her out, or is the date implied?
G: Implied.
J: She got anything in your medicine cabinet?
G: There might be some moisturizer.
J: Aha. Let me ask you this: Is there any Tampax in your house?
G: Yeah.
J: Well, I'll tell you what you've got here. You got yourself a girlfriend.
G: Ahh, no. No. Are you sure? A girlfriend?
J: I'm looking at a guy on a semi-daily with tampax in his house and an implied date on Saturday night. I would like to help you out, but...

That is great. A very underrated episode, I think. Not much happening today. Raining off and on. Looks like we may try out the new billiards place tonight. Everyone is invited. I imagine it will happen around 7ish. Shoot me an e or gimme a call if you wanna come. This is gonna be great, the next best thing to a weekend-long TVLand "Welcome Back, Kotter" marathon.

I'll leave you with one more funny exchange from last night's episode. George and Kramer discussing ordering some Chinese food:

G: I'll tell you what. Why don't we just get a couple of dishes and we'll just share 'em?
K: OK. What are you getting?
G: I'm gonna get a Chow Fung.
K: What's a Chow Fung?
G: It's a broad noodle.
K: What do you mean, a broad noodle?
G: It's a big, flat noodle.
K: Well I don't want a big, flat noodle.
G: What kind of noodle do you want?
K: Who says I want a noodle?
G: Alright, look. I'm getting the Chow Fung. You don't have to have any.
K: Alright. I'll get pea pods and you can't have any of my pea pods :-D

"I never liked the rain until I walked thru it with you. Every thunder cloud that came was one more I might not get thru..."

Wednesday, May 12, 2004

Seinfeld, Reggie Miller, and Richard Dean Anderson

Sometimes I wonder if I'll just blog 'til I die... That's deep.

Don't you hate when you get those random IM's from Jen or Megan or some other chick with a webcam? And then you click on it and they ask for your credit card number. I hate that. Not gonna trick me with that one twice. What?

Just got finished watching the Sein on Leno. He did a little stand-up bit. That was pretty good. I think my favorite was the Jihad E. Coyote bit. Tried to watch some NBA tonight. I can thing of at least five other known boring activities I'd rather be doing than watching Indiana and Miami. Now the Kings and T'wolves are on. Is Bobby Jackson hurt? Must be. Rick Adelman has got to be one of the top three best playoff coaches of all-time. Oh, wait. Man, Reggie Miller and Vlade Divac have been playing for quite awhile. I'm reminded of an Elaine quote: "I didn't know Cheryl Miller's little brother played basketball."

Have you seen the Bounty commercial with the pool balls and the pitcher of water? What is the deal? A roll of paper towels, like eight billiard balls, and a half gallon pitcher of water -- didn't MacGyver fashion a crude howitzer out of those very materials in one episode? But I guess it's nice to know if I'm ever having to transport some pool balls over a short distance on a single paper towel during a downpour, that I'm OK.

The second WPBA tournament of the year was on ESPN2 last night, the one in San Diego. I was watching Allison play Dokovic. Man, Allison had a slightly different hairdo. It was really cute. She was lookin' all kinda hot up in there. In other news, I think it's about time for a beach trip, my friends. I kept putting it off last year and never made it down. The time is right. The nights are humid. So, let's plan it.

"Summers and winters scattered like splinters, and four or five years slipped away..."

Seinfeld on Leno

Jerry Seinfeld will be on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno tonight (5/12) on NBC. Don't miss it!

"Master of the house, solding out the charm, ready with a handshake and an open palm..."

National Limerick Day

Today is National Limerick Day, and a limerick I shall write...

World's Worst Limerick Of All Time
by Bone

Random thoughts sometimes I write
In thunderstorms, I fly a kite
Trains are loud
Lions are proud
I need a tan, my legs are white

Feel free to contribute your own ;-)

Today is also National Nightshift Workers Day. Having worked nights for many years of my life, I feel a special kinship for all nightshift workers. So, in closing, a song...

"Gonna be a long night. It's gonna be alright, on the nightshift. You found another home. I know you're not alone, on the nightshift..."

Tuesday, May 11, 2004

Oh man, I'm at the wrong blog again...

So, do you like the blog changes? I changed the comments yesterday. Since Blogger is now offering their own comments, I decided to go with those, and took off the Haloscan comments. That's why there's no comments on any posts prior to yesterday. Maybe when you surfed over today, you thought you were at the wrong blog again, sorta like Kramer in "The Nap" when Jerry has cabinets and a counter built in the middle of his apartment: "Oh man, I'm on the wrong floor again."

The only bad thing about the comments now is that if you're not a blogspot user, it is going to post as Anonymous, I think. But you can just type your name underneath your comment or something if you'd like :-)

I did save the old template though, so I can revert back to that one if I decide I don't like the new look. (Be nice if it was that easy with chicks.) So, new or old? Tell me. And I'll continue to tinker. It's all a journey.

"City girls just seem to find out early, how to open doors with just a smile..."

Houston, we have air!

If you blog, watch Sportscenter, and watch a Seinfeld or two, that's a full day right there...

AC is fixed at home, as of yesterday. Whew. Sorry I was such a baby for a couple of days there. I walked in from work yesterday and it was like going directly from the surface of Mercury to the cool highlands of southeastern Greenland. Well, maybe not that cool. Didn't get to enjoy it much, as I went over to Dad's to cut the grass. After that, I came home, showered, then headed to D-town. Jess and I had dinner at Princeton's. Crappy service, as per usual. Saw Jennifer M (aka Rainbow Brite), formerly from Applebees, up there. There were three older men sitting at a table across from us. Jess was like, "That's you, Kyle, and J-Mo in 20 years", as they were ethnically proportioned much like the three of us. They were all trying to flirt with RB and stuff. That's soooo not us. Oh wait.

I went to Wal-Mart to take advantage of the gas that was "only" $1.79. The attendant speaks to me, so I try to be friendly, and I'm like, "Well, you know we're in trouble when Wal-Mart gas goes over two dollars." He's like, "Yeah, except we're not Wal-Mart. We're Murphy USA." What the freak? Who cares? See if I try and be friendly next time.

Saw an interesting site as we were driving down Central Parkway, there where it intersects 2nd St., near the plumbing/accounting place (no kidding, that's an actual business). There were two cop cars and a Fast And Furious wanna-be car sitting in the parking lot of the deserted shopping center there. Or, I guess it could've been the NASCAR officials telling him his rear spoiler was too high. Geesh. Later, while switching back and forth from John Tesh to Delilah (oh, you know you listen to them, too), a commercial came on with Delilah advertising for the On Star system. I'm like, you know I don't even have automatic door locks. I don't think on-star is for me. I mean, I'm hand-cranking my window up and down, ya know.

Good news o' the day... A new billiards place opened up yesterday. It's just a couple of miles from where I work. They're advertising Brunswick tables and Simonis cloth. That's the cloth of champions. I've always wanted to play on Simonis. Oh man. What is this salty discharge coming from my eyes? This is gonna be great! They are opening Monday-Saturday 11A-11P right now. That's perfect.

Lil Booty called Sunday. Her flight from KC got delayed and she ended up spending Friday night in Chicago. Glad she's home safely though. Update your blog, girl! Otherwise, I've been slowly watching my NBA playoff picks go down the toilet.

"Fifteen, there's still time for you. Time to buy and time to lose. Fifteen, there's never a wish better than this, when you only got a hundred years to live..."

Another Restaurant Black-listed?

Woman Finds Rat In Soup At Cracker Barrel

Well, rat soup IS one of your heartier soups. Did she crumble crackers in it? Was it a cup or a bowl? Oh, crackers in a bowl. That COULD be a meal.

"When you're alone, and life is making you lonely, you can always go downtown. When you've got worries, all the noise and the hurry seems to help, I know, downtown..."

Monday, May 10, 2004

The C Word

Putting the usual meaningless minutiae on hold for a bit...

Jonathan informed me yesterday that Barbara went to the doctor and they found some cancer. I don't know much more than that. He said they weren't planning to do surgery, just chemo and medicine. She is sooo sweet, good as gold. Better. I spent a lot of time over at their house when I was younger, and I just love her to death. Oddly, I saw her for the first time in a year or more just a couple of weeks ago. Anyway, she was still in the hospital, as of yesterday. I don't know for how long. I know some of you know the family. Thoughts and prayers would be appreciated, I'm sure.

I hate cancer. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it!! I had a dream last night that I went to see her, and that she was really weak and stuff. Why can't we find a cure or do more to prevent it? I guess that a lot of cases can be treated successfully. It's just a terrible thing. I hope she will be OK. Of course, look at me. I didn't even participate in the relay for life Friday. What am I doing? Nothing. I'm pathetic. Selfish. Pathetic.

Nice game, pretty boy!

No High-Fives For Cubs Alou

That's a little gross right there.

Same story, a slightly more humorous take

"Lookin' for a girl, I ran into a guy. His name was MCA. I said howdy. He said hi..."

Nocturnal Phantasm #504B

Dreams... lucid dreams... why you punish me?

Well I dreamed I was back in high school last night, as I am prone to do from time to time. To start out, my teacher was one of my college computer professors. Then, in the midst of the dream, he turned into Gabe Kaplan, or more likely, Mister Kotter. I guess it was some sort of math class, and apparently I had skipped the entire semester and was planning to just show up for the final and pass the class (as I was prone to do... what?). So anyway, there are a bunch of very complex greater/lesser than problems and equations and I can't figure any of them out. I can almost remember the format of the questions, but not quite. The class starts at like 4:00 PM and everyone is done by like 4:45. I still haven't figured out the first question. I've written down a few answers, but keep erasing them, because they're wrong. Alicia Johnson is in the class and tries to help me. Then, the professor tells me I can finish the exam in his office, but not to let any other teachers or students see me. (My recollection of the dream begins to get hazy here...) For some reason, I go to the bathroom in the 7th grade hall of my middle school. There are a couple of people I know in there, but I can't recall who they are now. That's all I can remember.

So, let's see, in the past couple of weeks, I've dreamed about Lance Armstrong, Gabe Kaplan. You see the pattern here? OK, well, me neither. Why can't I dream about Charlize Theron or something?

"Can you teach me about tomorrow, with all the pain and sorrow running free? And tomorrow's just another day. And I don't believe in time, wasted, time, walking. Time, you ain't no friend of mine..."

Sunday, May 09, 2004

Happy Mothers Day

Happy Mothers Day to all the mothers who read my blog... if there are any.

Last night was a really blessed night. After work, I said a short prayer on my way home. I won't go into great detail, but I have no doubt it was answered. It is really amazing and very humbling when that happens.

Shane and Mel were in town from Nashville yesterday, so they headed this way and I met them at the steak house for dinner last night. Shane and I were talking about everything from LMV to radio to music to DJing to weddings. So as we were getting ready to leave, this guy sitting behind us was like, "Excuse me, did I overhear you say you filmed events?" You could just see Shane's ears and eyes perk up. Looks like they may well have gotten a gig filming a private school graduation later this month. It was neat to see how all that developed. As we were leaving, he asked if I might be interested in editing some videos. I told him of course I would, since it looks like they are going to be pretty busy this summer. Always try to help friends out. One stipulation: I'd have to get a new computer. I'm not sure how well all that would work on my 400 mhz, 64mb RAM dream machine. Anyhow, I'm not sure how serious he was about that, but we'll see.

Shane asked if I had heard from Bobbie (as he is prone to do), which eventually led to this funny:
M: "So you do want to get back with her?"
S: "I'll answer that. Yes!"
Me (laughing): "That's going in my blog."

As Jessica and I were going to Wal-Mart yesterday, I had been listening to this Coast to Coast AM radio show with Art Bell. (K got me started listening to that.) Well, we got in the truck and it came on and she's like, "What are you listening to? You're such an old man." So she immediately reaches to change the dial (as she is prone to do), and realizes it's on AM. She's like, "Oh my gosh, it's AM!! Make it stop!!" So I had to switch it to FM. That was funny.

Looks like we're doing Mothers Day activities this evening after church, as my sister has to work today, I think. I'm really getting used to having no air. It's like a 24-hour sauna in here. You know, I should make a list of the top ten things about having no AC. For one, it motivates you to spend more time outside.

"But in her darkest hour, Bobby Darwin's daughter sees that she was wrong, about where God came from, and that He's been here all along..."

Saturday, May 08, 2004

Bone's Exclusive, Long-Awaited NBA Playoff Picks

OK, I know the second round is already underway, but the first round only had one series go longer than 5 games anyway. It was very uninteresting. Plus, it's easier to pick the second round winners if you wait until a couple of games have already been played in the second round ;-) Also, let me preface this post with the following statements:

I have not watched an entire quarter of NBA basketball all season.
I have not watched an entire NBA game since MJ's 2nd retirement.
However, I was into women's underwear way back when Marv Albert was flipping thru his first Victoria's Secret catalog. What? And I have as many NBA titles as Karl Malone and Kiki Vandeweghe (that's van-duh-way, not van-duh-wejee) combined. So, on with the preview, or whatever you wanna call it.

I got two words for you: Da Spurs

To me, they are the team to beat, even though they're only the 3 seed in the West. I know, I know, they're already up 2-0 on the Lakers, so that's easy to say. But seriously, I've been saying since the playoffs began, why is no one really talking about the Spurs? They've won 17 games in a row now. They have the experience and players who don't choke down the stretch. They are almost always the most focused team on the court. TP's gotta keep playing big though. I do think whoever wins this series goes to the Finals, cos if the Lakers get things turned around and somehow win this series, that will obviously mean they are playing very well.

I look for Sacramento to get by the Timberwolves in round two in what should be a tremendous series. Minnesota has a nice team, but really, their marquee players have still never really won anything, have they? Cassell, Sprewell, KG. I don't know how the Kings slipped to the 4 seed in the West. Who would've ever thought Brad Miller would be a key addition for anyone, high school, college, or pro? But he has been a nice player for them.

In the East, it's a 3-team race. Indiana should handle Miami. They just swept a team (Boston) that had no business being in the playoffs. And now they face a team who had no business being a 4 seed, and has no business being in the 2nd round. I say it will go 5, but the Heat have been good at home, and could extend it further. I think Miami is quite probably the worst 4 seed ever. Ever. They play hard. They made a nice turn around this season. But a 4 seed? Not having watched a game all year, I was shocked when I opened the paper and saw the Heat were the four seed in the East. There's probably nothing that says more about the state of the NBA today than that fact.

The Nets/Pistons series is a tough one to pick. I'll give the edge to the Pistons, purely based on coaching. They've always seemed just a scorer short of moving to the next level. Maybe Rasheed can provide that this year. The Nets have that playoff and finals experience to draw from, but I think the additions of Larry Brown and Wallace give Detroit the edge.

In the conference finals, San Antonio will defeat Sacramento. I tend to think it won't even go 6, but just because it's the conference finals, I'll say 6. The Kings will display their usual playoff chokage, usually reserved for when they play LA, to the Spurs this year. And I will go with the Pistons over the Pacers in the East in 7. This should really be a good series, even if it is a bit ugly. Larry Brown and Rick Carlisle. The Wallace boys against J.O. and JBend. (I just made that nickname up.) I could go either way on this one really. Then the Spurs beat the Pistons in the finals, as George Gervin just goes off! Laimbeer, Rodman, and the Bad Boys can't stop him. Oh wait. I'll say Spurs in 6.

There you have it. And remember, I picked one of the final four teams correctly in this year's NCAA tournament ;-) So if I didn't pick your team, you're probably in pretty good shape.

"Sittin' witcha friends as ya'll reminisce about the days growin' up and the first person you kissed. As I think back, makes me wonder how the smell from a grill can spark up nostalgia..."

Gone Too Far

Lawyer In Cottrell Case Mugged, Files Stolen

Wow, this has really gone too far. It's like something you'd see in a movie. If you haven't been following this whole story, you probably won't think this is a big deal. But it's been a big story around this region for a few months now. Hopefully, in the end, some semblance of justice will be served.

"One more day down. Everybody has those days. One soft, sweet song's just enough to clear my head. Fall on real life. Is anybody left there sane? If we slide on over and accept fate, then it's bound to be a powerful thing..."

It's gettin' hot in hur

Well, the air went out at home. I kept noticing it was getting a bit toasty today and the central unit was not cutting off at all. I checked the inside temp and it was like 80, and kept climbing and getting hotter and hotter. I had the thermostat set about 73. The temp outside topped out at about 90 today. So, needless to say, I have been sweating like Donald Rumsfeld undergoing intense congressional questioning. I think I probably sweated off about five pounds today :-) Anyway, I'm at work now. It's actually kinda nice, since I have air here. Might just stay the night here at the compound... or not.

Today was the first day in I don't know how long that I didn't have to set my alarm clock to get up. Watched "Down Periscope" for like the fifth time. It was on TV. So was Kelsey Grammer not ever in any other movies? I can't remember any. "Naked Gun 2 1/2" was coming on after that. I find Leslie Nielsen to be rather hilarious. Watched just a few minutes of that. "Read" some of the Reds game online. It has been really nice out the past few days. Got out and washed the truck today. Tried out this new blue coral foam pad thing. It worked great for about half the truck, then it ran out of soap. Probably go back to the old traditional ripped up old tshirt and car wash solution in a bucket full of water next time. And of course, it's always nice to have car care expert J.W. Namie to consult. When I got done washing the truck, I took a shower. But when I got out, I immediately went back to sweating because it was so hot in there.

Well, I don't have much else. Shot pool and ate at Logan's last night. It was pretty sweet because Brandie comped my tea. For some reason, she charged K for his lemonade. That was pretty funny, since he always has to sit with her. I tried to get a picture of the Shane lookalike, who has transferred from Applebees to Logan's. He walked out into the lobby, so I got K's camera phone and sauntered over to get a toothpick and see if I could inconspicuously snap a picture, but he had left. That was pretty funny, in an odd sort of way. I promise he is Shane's long-lost identical twin.

Weekend funnies:
"Either way, I think it's best if we just stay here."

"Look at these red bumps that have come up on my arm."
"Eww, what is that? Hepatits? Syphilis?"
"I don't know. Chlamydia?"

"Now I come to you with open arms. Nothing to hide. Believe what I say. So here I am with open arms, hoping you'll see, what your love means to me..."

Friday, May 07, 2004

You might be a redneck...

If you've ever put gas in your car from the gas can for the lawnmower. If you used a funnel to do it, that's even worse. If you MADE your own funnel, well then there is no doubt. Apologies to Foxworthy, but someone just told me they were about to do that today, and I found it funny. And yes, I have done it :-)

Looks like the Friday Five is no more. First, Friends and Frasier. Now, the Friday Five. I guess there's nothing left for me to do but fly up to Niagra Falls and recreate that waterfall scene from "The Fugitive." What?

Recapping my day... I went for a run yesterday after work. Ran to Wal-Mart to get a Mothers Day card and a few other things. Sawed off my right arm to exchange for a few gallons of gas. (For real!) Got a ham & cheese sandwich and nachos from Cardinal and spent the rest of the evening at home. Watched Friends, etc. I have to work Saturday :-\ Must go get fitted for my tux for my sister's wedding this weekend, as well. The fun rarely stops 'round here. Don't forget your mother this weekend ;-)

Random funny (courtesy of K):
"We talked for about forty minutes... about everything EXCEPT what she was doing this weekend."

Was watching "The Nose Job" last night. One of my favorite parts is when Jerry begs Kramer to give the girl's phone number back and he throws the pieces of paper it was on into the air, and Jerry is like on his knees trying to piece them back together. Kramer is standing there shouting at him:

"Look at you! Look at what you've sunk to! Look at what you've become! Look in the mirror, cos you need help, Jerry. You need help, because I can't stand by and do it anymore. It's turning my stomach! I can't stand around here watching you destroy yourself. It's eating me up inside!"

Then Kramer walks out and slams the door and two seconds later he comes right back in to get some cereal and a bowl. ROFL

"So when you're in doubt and needing someone, baby, call my line, call me anytime. I'll be there for you. I've been searching high. I've been searching low. Baa ba ba ba, baa ba ba ba baby, don't forget my number..."

Thursday, May 06, 2004

The End of Something...

Stealing the title of a Hemingway short story...

Well that was actually nice. No big surprises. A few laughs. Nothing too profound. Just nice. I think it is important to leave a good feeling in the minds of fans. That is something that Cheers did. Something that Seinfeld failed to do. Just leave everyone with a nice, warm feeling that even though the show will not be coming on anymore, somewhere these characters' lives go on, just as they always have. Why is it so important to 50 million people that Ross and Rachel be together? I do not know. It just is. And that is OK. There is nothing wrong with giving people a good feeling, even if it comes from something that in the big scheme of things, isn't all that important. Right?

It was pretty sentimental, I guess. Maybe that is why Seinfeld ended like it did. There was never a single, serious, make you say "awww" moment in the entire series. So it made no since to change that for the finale. They kept showing the promos for the Frasier finale next week. Like I said in the earlier post, this feels like more than the end of Friends and Frasier. It feels like the end of something more. I guess when a show is popular for several years, it becomes a small part of people's lives. Eh, I hate change. Why can't things stay the way they are for very long? "Sometimes I wish change would just leave well enough alone..."

Now, I guess I am going to watch Leno to top off this night of Friends. Let me get this straight, Leno is filmed in the afternoon, so really, this is filmed before the finale aired right? Hmm. The Black Eyed Peas are performing on here. Shouldn't it be The Rembrandts? I think that would be better. Definitely a little sad to see the friends go.

I'll leave you with a funny from the highlights tonight, when Rachel was telling Ross she was pregnant:
Rach: "Condoms only work like 97% of the time."
Ross: "What?! Well they should put that on the box."
Rach: "They do."
Ross: "No, they don't!!" (gets up and goes to get a box) "Well they should put it in huge black letters!" ROFL

"So no one told you life was gonna be this way. Your job's a joke. You're broke. Your lovelife's DOA. Feels like you're always stuck in second gear. When it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year. I'll be there for you..."

Year 2, Day 2 of the Great Blogging Experiment

If you have a strange affinity for O'Henry candy bars, this blog's for you...

Gas prices at the Shell station I go to over the past week:
Friday - $1.73
Monday - $1.75
Wednesday - $1.79
Today - $1.85

These are some good times we're living in, my friends. Or something. What's the nicest thing you can give Mom for Mother's Day? How about a full tank of unleaded? It's probably the most expensive gift she'll get anyway.

Wow, ESPN2 pulled a quick one on me last night. I was blindsided. They put the billiards tournament we went to on TV last night, unexpectedly. It was like I was in the public shower, leaned over to pick up the soap, and BAM, the Deuce snuck up behind me. (OK, so it's not really like that at all.) Anyway, I can tell you now where to look if you want to catch a glimpse of the Nibbler. When the camera is at the foot of the table, looking towards the head of the table, I am to the right, just above the word "Sams" in the Sams Town logo on the arena. I am wearing a black shirt, and in the second row. If you know your players, you can look between Eva Laurence and the guy in the black sitting next to her, and I am behind and right between them. lol There is a quick pan shot of the crowd after Allison makes a combination shot to go up 3 games to 1, and I am standing up clapping right before the camera cuts away. I assume the matches will still be on Saturday, at Noon, 1 PM, and 2 PM.

Guess I will watch the Friends finale tonight, even though I have only probably watched 3 or 4 new episodes over the past two years. Much like that pesky friend who won't ever leave your house, it has probably stayed around too long. But really, this is sort of the end of Must See TV as we know it. I mean, think about the Thursday night shows over the past 20 years... Cosby, Cheers, Seinfeld, Friends. Now what? Is this the death of the sitcom? Friends is not my favorite show by any means, but it's sort of sad because it kinda signals the end of an era, I think.

Maybe I'll try to start that Top 20 Seinfeld episodes countdown this weekend. Don't hold me to it, though ;-) You know, I didn't get as many hits from Entifadah Qanbar as you would think.

Daily funny:
"You should start your own fanclub."
"Uh, I think someone has to start one for you. That's kinda like giving yourself a nickname. And I would never do that."

"You know I'd fight for you, but how can I fight someone who isn't even there? I've had the rest of you, now I want the best of you. I don't care if it's not fair. Cos I want it all, or nothing at all..."

You are sooooooo good lookin'...

The great sneeze survey

24% of Americans typically sneeze twice in a row. That's me! I'm a double sneezer. Do you sneeze once, twice, or three or more times?

"Unless, she's one of these multiple sneezers and he's holding his 'God bless you' in abeyance until she completes the series."
"Well I don't think she is a multiple sneezer, because she sneezed again later and it was also a single."

"You know, if you want to make a person feel better after they sneeze, you shouldn't say 'God bless you.' You should say, 'You're sooo good lookin'."
(However, sometimes if you say this to a girl who is not a big Seinfeld fan, instead of it being funny, it just sounds odd.)

"This country needs more people like you."
"Don't sell yourself short, saying 'God bless you' to every Tom, Dick, and Harry at great personal risk."
"I believe strongly in that, as you know."


"He's quick with a joke, or to light up your smoke, but there's someplace that he'd rather be. He says, Bill I believe this is killing me, as a smile ran away from his face. Well I'm sure that I could be a movie star, if I could get out of this place..."

Wednesday, May 05, 2004

One Year Anniversary

Uno de enero, dos de febrero, tres de marzo, quatro de abril. Cinco de mayo, seis de junio, siete de julio, san fermin. Faa la la la la la la...

Well, it was one year ago today, May 5, 2003, that upon the urging of Kyle, I began to blog. To commemorate, I thought I would reprint that scintillating first entry. So, without further adieu, here she be:
- 2003 MAY 5 MON (8:45 AM) -

Well, another Monday, and I'm back at work. Didn't do much Sunday. Watched the NBA playoffs. Neither team I was for ended up winning. Watched "RED DRAGON" over the weekend. That's pretty good. I feel fully recovered from my bout with STREP THROAT last week. Got some antibiotics last Wednesday. Be watching for me on TV next Monday and Tuesday, May 12-13. The BILLIARDS TOURNAMENT we attended is going to be on ESPN2. I'll be sitting behind the table, in the second row, underneath the "N" in the huge ESPN banner. Hopefully you'll be able to spot me. I was wearing the navy and gray shirt which I'm wearing in the picture with ALLISON on the main page.

"I'm not crazy I'm just a little unwell. I know right now you can't tell. But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see a different side of me. I'm not crazy I'm just a little impaired. I know right now you don't care. But soon enough you're gonna think of me, and how I used to be."

Hemingway it was not. But from small things great things one day come. Or something. You think the past year has flown by, but in a way it seems like longer than a year since we watched Red Dragon. I used to capitalize key words and events. Funny, I was talking about the WPBA tournament being on last year, too. And yes, the lyrics have been there from the start. Hopefully, the posts have improved in some way. Did I think I'd be blogging for a year? No. Have I thought of quitting? Not really. Sometimes I wonder if I stopped, if anyone would miss me. And there have been a few days when I've had blogger's block, but it has never become a chore. If and when it does, that's how I'll know it's time to get out. Like a great athlete walking away from the sport he loves. What? It would be interesting to see when I put the first "what" or "oh wait" in there.

I blogged on AOL from May 5-July 25. My last blog entry there was when Amber had shingles. Wow. Then I switched to Angelfire. Had lots of downtime problems there, so I moved to Blogspot on October 29th, and I've been here ever since.

AOL - 3441
Angelfire - 2018
Blogspot - 5042
Total - 10501

Definitely not the biggest blog, nor the best. But hopefully not the worst either. Anyway, I'm glad you found me. Thanks for reading. Feel free to leave comments, suggestions, or a happy blogiversary wish ;-) And be thankful that you have access to my dementia.

"Well I guess it's been a good year, for roses and aggressions, for flowers and freeways. And I guess I'll put a smile on, get a new girlfriend. Yeah, put a new hat on..."

Just three miles from the rest stop...

Well, here's the nocturnal phantasm from last night...

It starts out like I am watching a music video, or maybe more like a vacation promo commercial. The Buddy Jewell song, "Sweet Southern Comfort," is playing, and there's this little kid and his dad walking along a wooded area by a river or creek or something. Well, there is a dog caught in the brush by the river, so the little boy reaches down to free the dog, except all of a sudden it's me reaching down to free the dog. Then, the river is gone and replaced by a clearing, with a parking lot and a welcome center or rest stop or something. So we walk over there, and there is a bicycle in the parking lot, which apparently belongs to Lance Armstrong. So the little boy turns Lance in for biking outside of the boundary where he is apparently supposed to be biking. They fine Lance $1,000, and the little boy gets $500 of it as a reward. (What the crap?) So then I walk into the rest stop or whatever it is and Lance comes out of a hall and waves to us. The next thing I know it's me, Kyle and his mom (that sounds about right), and some girl. I'm not sure who it was. It seemed like a girl I knew, or maybe a combination of girls I know. Anyway, she is sitting in a chair and is starting to feel a little sick. So Kyle remarks that she probably has "ty." So I'm thinking, typhoid? And I'm like, "What?" He says, "You remember when you had it, you knew you were going to get the flu." So I said, "Oh yeah." Well, Kyle's mom is urging her to take some medicine. So not wanting to get sick, I pop a 1000 mg Vitamin C, and offer one to her. She chews it, instead of just swallowing, and it is yucky. Then I walk outside, thinking I've already caught what she has, but hoping I haven't. Then I woke up.


"Just three miles from the rest stop, and she slams on the brakes. She says I've tried to be, but I'm not, so could you please collect your things. I don't wanna be cold. I don't wanna be cruel, but I gotta find more than what's happenin' with you, and if you would open up the door..."