OK, not really. I wish. But you can pretend you're there to watch the ball drop with these cool Times Square Webcams.

Well, I'm off work today! Woohoo! And I'm about to leave and go watch the game. Looks like I'm gonna end up in Nashville again tonight, for like the 3rd time in the past 4 years. "Should auld acquaintance be forgot, and days of auld lang syne..." What does that even mean?

Hope everyone has a happy and safe New Year's!!

"I guess it's been a good year for roses and aggressions, for flowers and freeways. I guess I'll put a smile on, get a new girlfriend. Yeah, put a new hat on..."

Three-oh
Well tonight was a ton o' fun. Had dinner at Logan's after church. I told Shanna that Thursday is Kyle's 30th birthday, so they did their little thing, then she came over and gave him a surprise wrap-around bear hug (SWABH) from behind. I'm sure he enjoyed that. It was right around this time that I decided it might be to my advantage to joke that it was my birthday, too. What can I say? I'm just a huggy person. Discussed New Year's Eve plans with Shane and Bunny... or just Shane, since Bunny didn't answer her phone.

Eagle Eye
Here is an interesting incident that has happened twice in the past few weeks:
I open my wallet to get out money to pay for my meal. A waitress is standing there and says something to the effect of "Oooo, big bills," referring to a $100 bill in the back of my wallet. Now, I only have my wallet open for maybe five seconds, and the big bills are in back, yet still they manage to spot it, like a freakin' hawk. And the thing is, it was a different waitress both times. Hmmm...

Cowboy Way
Woodson Retires
Dallas Cowboys' safety Darren Woodson announced his retirement Wednesday, after 13 seasons with the team. Woodson retires as the all-time leading tackler in franchise history. He spent his entire career with one team. How rare is that? Woodson was one of the last links to the Cowboys' glory days of the 1990's. That was a time when almost every position in the Dallas lineup boasted a household name... Troy, Emmitt, Irvin, Moose, Novacek, etc. Woodson may never have achieved quite the status of those players, but there is a good reason the Cowboys never let him go. The last few years have not been an easy time for Cowboy fans (or Reds fans, Bulls fans, and Bama fans... ugh), but Woodson never once failed to display the class and professionalism he displayed throughout his career. He will be missed, by the Cowboys and the NFL.

Dialogue
"I got ESPN College Hoops 2K5 for Christmas."
"I believe that is what my 12-year-old nephew got."

"Are you working New Year's Eve?"
"Well, I'll probably pick up a shift, since I don't have anything else to do."

"I had the burrito especiál."
"So... was it especiál?"

"If you search for tenderness, it isn't hard to find. You can have the love you need to live. But if you look for truthfulness, you might just as well be blind. It always seems to be so hard to give..."

I have really, seriously been considering ending my blog at the end of 2004. Would you miss me? I probably could never actually do it. Besides, in the somewhat-altered words of Stuart Smalley: I'm good enough. I'm smart enough. And doggone it, people like my blog. I dunno, sometimes it just feels like my best entries are all behind me.

Nowhere, USA
Well I spent a mostly quiet evening at home last night, for a change. It was nice. I honestly can't remember the last evening I didn't go do something or have someone over. I did have to go out to get a pizza, because our town is sooo crappy that the Pizza Hut here doesn't even deliver. And the Domino's, Papa John's, Donato's, etc. here... well, they don't even exist. Anyway, my pizza tasted really funky. It was near closing time when I ordered, so maybe that had something to do with it. I didn't eat very much of it. I don't know why, but all I could keep thinking of was dog food. And once that thought was in my mind, I couldn't eat anymore. Watched the Best of Will Ferrell DVD that I got for Christmas. Man, I could listen to him do Harry Caray all day long and never get tired of it. There was lots of good stuff on there... the cheerleaders, Jeopardy, the music teachers, George W. impressions.

Two Down, One To Go
Well, as you may or may not know, two of my ex-girlfriends received engagement rings over the holidays. Neither of them was from me. I know it happens a lot, but I think it's completely unoriginal to propose on Christmas. Then again, I clearly know exactly what I'm doing when it comes to women. It's weird, because I dated one of the girls for a little over two years. There were several times I thought that was it, then it just, I dunno, went bad, got old, whatever it does. I'm very happy for her, though. She's a very sweet girl. Plus, she put up with me for two years, she surely deserves something for that.

Anyway, my point of posting this is, people always say that things like this occur in threes. If that holds true, then someone else will be getting engaged soon. Who, oh who, will it be? Well, if it happens to be one girl in particular (those of you who know me know who I'm referring to), then um, I guess maybe I'll be seeing you all on the other side. What?

Dialogue
Actually, monologue this time...
"I'm finished dialecting with you."

"Cough thee not!"

"Is that a... uh.. Doctor Topper? Mmmmm!"

"You might be surprised about the way I think about you. Yeah, you might not know that I dream of you each night. I know it's a lot, yeah, it's something out of nowhere. But it's here and it's true, and as much as I love you, you might be surprised..."

I was dreaming when I wrote this. I think I may start titling my dreams. I'll call this one "The Invisible, Seemingly Harmless Cat-Burglar."

Let me preface this by saying that twice in the past few months I have come home to find the front door to my apartment standing about halfway open. And now I have dreamed at least twice that someone has been in my apartment. The most recent of these dreams occurred last night. My memories of it are fading fast, but here's what I remember:

This dream seems very real, because it starts with me in bed, which I actually am, of course. I see a light coming from the living room. So I get up to go see what it is. The Christmas tree lights are on! I know very well that I have turned them off, but I think that maybe I have forgotten. I look around and see nothing else amiss and go back to bed. The remainder of the dream, similar things continue to happen. A door is opened, the faucet is turned on, the dryer is started, and on and on. I know someone has to be inside the apartment, but I can never see them. And I keep looking for something that might have been stolen, but any valuables I can think of are still there. Again, the freakiest thing about this dream is how it seems so real. The last time I "wake up" in the dream, it is like 5:00 AM, and I think about calling my Dad to see if he will get up and drive over there.

Anyway, whenever I wake up for real, I immediately look to my bedroom door to see if I can see the Christmas tree lights shining from the living room. Fortunately, I don't see them. Whew! These dreams are really wearing me out.

"He says so many times I've tried to call. You'd think it's been a lifetime. It's been two years since I've seen you, but it seems just like no time's gone by at all..."

1. Based on what you got for Christmas, were you naughty or nice this year?
I must've been pretty good, or maybe Santa's just gettin' old.

2. What is your favorite gift that you received this year?
Umm, I guess my new cell phone, although I'll probably come to really enjoy my Curb Your Enthusiasm DVDs.

3. Will you be returning any gifts you received?
Perhaps one. I'm thinking of exchanging one of the pairs of Dockers I got for another color.

4. Will you be regifting any of the gifts you received this year?
Already have. lol And yes, I'll probably be re-gifting the angel stocking hangy things next year to some lucky soul.

5. Any holiday surprises?
Umm, well the cell phone was a surprise. And like three people that I did not expect to, got me a gift, so I did not get them anything.

6. Did you have a white Christmas?
Uh, no. We've had maybe two of those in my whole life. One of my cousins had to drive home from Arkansas though and had lots of snow and ice to come thru.

7. Are you sad or glad that Christmas is over?
Oh, there's always a little bit of a sad feeling when it's gone, knowing it won't be back for another whole year.

8. What is one thing you'll always remember about this Christmas?
Probably just having the gang over here to exchange gifts. That was cool. I always wonder if we'll be able to get everyone together each year.

9. What are your plans for New Year's Eve?
Don't know. I've been invited to one thing so far, so if nothing else comes up, I guess I'll go to that. I never do anything exciting for New Year's. I don't really think this holiday was created for us who don't drink.

10. Will you make any resolutions this year? Do you know what they will be?
Probably, although I've usually forgotten them by January 10th. I need to work on being on time for everything. And I need to start getting in bed earlier. And getting in better shape.

"She left Oklahoma for California, sunglasses on the brim of her hat. Smoke was pourin' from that old Cadillac, but she wasn't turnin' back..."

Well, if I had a dime for everytime those three words have been uttered, I'd have... um... well... about ten cents. With everyone in town for the holidays, "the gang" met up for our mostly annual holiday gathering. After church last night, I met everyone at the steak house for dinner. Then we came back to my apartment, exchanged gifts, watched Shane give a live diaper-changing demonstration in my living room floor, and watched a good bit of the Friends home videos (not THOSE Friends, our friends). A great time was had by all. My only regret is that we didn't do some type of Festivus celebration, with an airing of grievances. Here are some pics:

The usual suspects... can you believe I let these people in my home? (not pictured: Ronald Reagan)


Ski Bunny & Me (in my festive Santa hat) I'm not sure what Shane's doing. I don't think I wanna know.


Ski Bunny & Kyle


"Everywhere someone's getting over. Everybody's lied to someone. People still use other people With a crooked smile..."

Well, I lined up most everything I got for Christmas on the couch. So here is a little Christmas collage. As usual, I got so much more than I deserve. See how many items you can pick out ;-)




And here is a closeup of some of the goodies:



My favorites? Hard to say, but I love my hooded Nautica sweatshirt, the Curb Your Enthusiasm DVDs, and my sister got me a new camera phone. Sweet. Oh, and of course, the Michael Jackson "#1's" CD, which I was a bit embarrassed to buy for myself, so I had to ask for it for Christmas.

"So when your done doing whatever, and when your thru doing whooever, you know Denton County will be right here waiting for you. Come back to Texas. It's just not the same since you went away. Before you lose your accent, and forget all about the Lonestar State..."

When is the best time to open presents?
Christmas morning.

Have you been naughty or nice this year?
Mostly naughty. I try to overcome it by doing a few nice things ;-)

Real tree or imitation tree?
Imitation. Although I hear real ones have a better chance of catching fire and burning down the house.

Favorite Christmas cartoon character?
Charlie Brown, I guess. Or Snoopy.

Did you ever write Santa a letter?
I think I did, once or twice. Oh, Santa!! I thought you said Sandra ;-)

Buy any Christmas presents online?
Yeah, but so far, usually only a couple a year. That will probably increase as I become less social.

Save the ribbon and paper or rip right through it?
Let her rip!

Sharing Christmas with family this year?
Always, fortunately.

Ever ride in a one horse open sleigh?
No, I think I've only been on a real horse once.

Ever roast a chestnut on an open fire?
No, but I have a marshmallow... and a hot dog.

Favorite Christmas pie?
My favorite pie period is cherry, but no one ever makes one.

Favorite Christmas song?
Winter Wonderland.

People on your Christmas list; more or less than ten?
It's right around ten, actually.

Will you have a white Christmas this year?
When pigs fly.

Do you believe in Santa Claus?
Of course. As long as he keeps signing those tags "To: Jeff From: Santa", why wouldn't I?

Who would you like to kiss under the mistletoe?
Um, a cute, single female.

Who gives the best gifts?
Mom. My sister does good, too. I've had a couple of girlfriends who gave awesome gifts, as well.

Do you send Christmas cards?
Yep. I think I sent the most I'd ever sent this year, which ended up being about 18 or 20.

What color best represents Christmas?
Hmmm, I dunno. Green, blue, red, white. I like 'em all.

Do you own any Christmas music?
Yes, I have three CDs, I think.

How many Christmas parties will you attend this year?
Well, they're more like gatherings. There's the work one, and the friends one, and then three or four family things.

Does the postal worker get a gift this year?
No. No one really needs mail. Pay your bills online. Send your greetings and letters by email, telegram, fax, etc.

Giving a present to a pet?
No, but I should've.

Your shopping: All done, half-way done, just started, not yet started?
Well, it's 5:00 PM Christmas Eve, so I'm done. Just finished the last few things today, though ;-)

Merry Christmas to you all! I'm off to do some family stuff. It'll be over before ya know it.

"Strings of street lights, even stop lights, blink a bright red and green, as the shoppers rush home with their treasures. Hear the snow crunch, see the kids bunch, this is Santa's big scene..."

Yesterday was jam-packed. We exchanged gifts at work. I got a Bama shirt, some Three Stooges DVDs, a tie, and some candy. Tammy also played a trick on me by re-gifting the angel stocking hangy thing she'd got at the company party Tuesday night. See, she had gotten like the matching one of what I'd gotten at the party, so she re-wrapped it and gave it to me yesterday as a prank. It was pretty funny. Regifter! She got me other stuff, too, though. That was just a gag gift.

Shop, shop, shop
After work, decided to do some more shopping. Stopped by the cutlery place, the mall, Books a Million, Wal-Mart, and the mall again. Wal-Mart was crazy. The Dr. Pepper girl was up there. That is the second time I've seen her in like the past two weeks. Weird. Also saw a girl that Kyle and I both knew, Stephanie. I knew her from like ten years ago, or more. I was like, "Wow, you've lost a ton--- er, you've slimmed down quite a bit." That's a tricky situation, because you don't want to make them feel like they used to be gargantuan or anything, but you want to pay a compliment to make people feel good about themselves.

Also, they left two items I purchased out of my bag, so I'm pondering whether or not to venture back up there today. I went to CVS and the Wal-Mart here today and I believe I am now officially done shopping. I even finished up my wrapping this morning, except for maybe one or two gifts. Ended up at Applebees late last night. Donna made me some hot chocolate. Jessica was up there so I was asking her about her new nephew and stuff. Wished them all a Merry Christmas and got home about 11:30.

Holiday shopping tip #1
If you require a rascal to scoot around Wal-Mart, you might want to get your holiday shopping done before December 23rd. Riding that thing around at 0.5 mph when there's barely enough space to even walk is not a good idea. To make matters worse, there were two ladies in a row doing it. It was like a rascal convoy.

Holiday shopping tip #2
Nobody wants any of those little wooden executive desk gifts that have like felt on the bottom, and some little game or knick-knack on them. They may look really neat in the store, but no one really wants them. They're all like ten bucks. So just save your money, or better yet, wrap up a ten dollar bill. Your giftee will be much happier. Use these and my other holiday tips to make this holiday the best ever.

"Since it was Christmas, I thought you might call. Or have you stopped thinking about me at all?"

It's finally here! December 23rd, a Festivus for the rest of us! I wish you a most wonderful and joyous Festivus. All newcomers to the holiday are welcome, as Festivus has no religious, racial, or other prejudices. For more on the holiday, check out my earlier post, here.

The unofficial Festivus theme song
I thought about trying to write a Festivus song, maybe to the tune of White Christmas. Something like, "I'm dreaming of a white Festivus, with every grievance that I write..." But I think the mood of Festivus is summed up by a popular Huey Lewis & The News song. Reminisce with me if you will: "You don't need no money. Don't take fame. Don't need no credit card to ride this train." Here's hoping you feel the power of love on this wondrous Festivus. Hmm, maybe there should be a nationwide contest held for a Festivus theme. Then again, if it had a theme song, it would just become amalgamated with all the other holidays. So nevermind.

Search string absurdity
As you might imagine, Festivus has been a popular search for my site recently. Here are a few recent searches, some more normal than others:

- festivus airing of grievances dialogue (you've come to the right place, my friend)
- seinfeld fans and festivus party and knoxville (Why wasn't I informed of this?)
- steve o in wildboys (I'm his stunt double.)
- molotov cocktail diagram (Hmm, I thought I deleted that post... what?)
- mousepad loni anderson (Happy clicking!)
- swiss colony beef log recipe (Makes a young boy scream and shout...)
- "peanuts in a bottle"
- harry caray audio ferrell (I WISH I had that.)
- thongage (How is my blog the #4 site on alta vista for this?)
- seinfeld trivia "what book is newman reading" (That would be "Alive.")
- what does the phrase "ten two and four" mean? (It's a Dr. Pepper thing.)
- trivia/35 % of people do this in their kitchen and living room (Ummm... wrap gifts?)
- problem of bone weakness among astronauts
- kournikova
- richard dean anderson dating 2004 (Allow me... why?)
- Veronica Varekova (I never can spell that right.)
- corey deuel profile

"I know that time is standing still, I hear that old cliche. And I'm more convinced it does until that one december day..."

One of the absolute best things about this time of the year to me is the look in a child's eyes when they see Santa Claus or even when you just mention him. It's awesome.

The first gift
Well, the office Christmas party was last night. It wasn't too bad. There were several single guys there. No single girls. But at least... eh, whatever. Saw some of the guys I played softball with this fall. They were all asking and joking about my ankle. I received my first gift of the holiday season. They always draw numbers and give away six or seven small gifts. Last night was my first time in three years to get one. It was a very heavy angel wall-hangy-thing, with a hook on it that one of the girls there told me was to hang my stocking on. It'll go great with the absolutely nothing that is currently on the wall of my apartment. Come to think of it, actually it was my second gift. The first was a gift card to Parisian's that I got yesterday morning.

Shop, shop, shop
Went to the mall after that. Picked up a couple more gifts. Gave Kyle a call, but he'd apparently had a rather severe shaving mishap. I remember the words "spurting", "jugglar", and the phrases "getting dim" and "lost a lot of blood" during the conversation. The cute Hickory Farms lady was working, so I oogled... over the sausages and cheese. Well, I guess Kyle somehow got stitched up, because he, Jeremy, Lee, and I wound up at Applebees. Tonya finally broke down and revealed the deep, dark secrets of Leatherman. As she said, "He has a basement, and you don't want to go in it."

"It's pronounced, thermometer"
I bought a pedometer yesterday at Wal-Mart for like four bucks. Well, I decided to use my new svelte ankle brace and go running yesterday, and try out the pedometer. Well it was my very first time to ever use one, so I was just going to test it and see how accurate it was. I just went for a short run and when I got done, the pedometer read 1.43 miles. So last night, before I came home, I drove the route in my truck and the odometer read 1.4 miles. Pretty close for my first time. I had set my stride length at 42 inches. So apparently, that's pretty accurate. Exciting stuff, huh?

"It's the most wonderful time of the year, with the kids jingle-belling, and everyone telling you, be of good cheer. It's the most wonderful time of the year..."

Well, Jeremy is home from California for the holidays. Met him and Kyle for dinner last night at the steak house. So we're talking about various topics and Jeremy makes the following statement: "I'm not sure, but I think I may have had a date." Well, we were all laughing like there was no tomorrow. But besides being incredibly funny at the time, it brought up a good point. What exactly constitutes a date?

As a single person, I have often found myself in situations where I wasn't really sure if what was happening was actually a date. There have been times when what I thought may have been a date clearly wasn't a date in the mind of the girl, and vice versa.

You may find this hard to believe, but I have a sneaking suspicion that sometimes girls may not even decide whether or not it is a date until they're right in the middle of it. Then they're like, "Wow, he DOES look like Steve-O, this IS a date" or "Ugh, he really smells like an old gym shoe, we are definitely JUST friends." I know that is hard to believe, and maybe I'm wrong, but that is one theory I have.

So anyway, in your mind, what makes it a date? And I'm not talking about the obvious factors. Obviously, if there is significant lip contact or one party ends up pregnant, it was more than likely a date. I'm talking about cases where it isn't so obvious. I would like to hear your thoughts, because most of the time with girls, I have no idea what's happening. And also because just asking her if she considers it a date is just too hard... or too easy. Whichever.

"Here's to the nights we felt alive. Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry. Here's to goodbye, tomorrow's gonna come too soon..."

OMG, this iz pretty fun 2 play around with:

English-to-12-year-old translator

ThE oNlY tHiNg MiSsInG iS aLtErNaTiNg CaPiTaL aNd LoWeR-cAsE lEtTeRs.

"Things just get so crazy. Living life gets hard to do. Sunday morning rain is falling and I'm calling out to you, singing someday it'll bring me back to you..."

I dreamed (is it dreamed or dreamt?) that I was going to take a Christmas card by an ex-girlfriend's parents' house one night, because I didn't know how to reach her. For some reason, I had to drive around the house to make sure her dad wasn't home. Apparently, he didn't like me. The front door was open and her mom was home. She was like, "You'll have to hurry because ______ will be home soon." I can't remember what name she said, but she was talking about the dad. Then she heard a car coming and was like, "That's him." I figured I'd sneak out the back door (not that I've ever snuck out of/into a girl's house before... caddddsssshhhh!!!!), but before I did, I asked her to give me the girl's cell phone number. For some reason, even after I woke up, I precisely remember the number she gave me. It was (313) 351-7556. What is up with that?

Anyway, back to the dream... I got out into the backyard and had to scale a fence. Apparently, I also lived in the same neighborhood they did, because other people were out in their yards and were yelling at me like they knew me. I was running really, really fast, then I heard the girl's brother chasing after me. I finally got really tired and just stopped. I told him not to tell his dad who it was.
The end.

So what does all that mean? Why can I so vividly remember that number? Maybe I should just call it. Or maybe I should just call the last seven digits, since it's a Michigan area code. Perhaps my destiny awaits on the other end. So again, it's (313) 351-7756. If this is your phone number, and you're a fairly attractive girl, or if you just happen to have any of these digits in your phone number, please contact me.

"We've gotten too complicated. It's all way overrated. I miss the old and outdated way of life..."

I finally uploaded some photos... (click for larger image)

Here's the Ice expedition group:
(L to R: Kyle, me, Sarah, Melody, some dude, Shane, Ronald Reagan)



Here's a sample of the ice sculptures...



This is the view from the top of the ice slide. Fun!!!



A random pics of presents 'neath my tree...



"Guess my life's moved at near light speed, since I started this wild and crazy run. Such a long way from that first birthday, Merry Christmas everyone..."

It's been a long couple of days...

Friday
Left here about 3:30 headed for Nashville. A group of seven of us went to the Ice fantasy exhibit up there. It was definitely neat, however, I'm not sure it was $15 neat. $15 for about five minutes at 15 degrees Fahrenheit. Prostitutes don't even get those kind of rates... do they? Anyway, the most fun part was that they had three slides made of pure ice that you could slide down as many times as you wanted. Of course, if you did try going down more than a couple of times, I think that you would probably develop some degree of frostbite. Seriouslah. Shane, Sarah, and I went down the slides. Melody and Kyle stayed at the bottom and watched Ronald Reagan. I got home about 2:45 this morning. I took some pictures of the ice stuff. I might try and post a few of those later, since I know you're soooo very interested.

Speaking of nuts... the funniest part of the night occurred when we went to Opry Mills. We ate dinner at the Alabama Grill (where they had a VERY lame house band, by the way). Then Shane gets the bright idea that it would be funny to fly down the mall pushing an empty stroller, poppin' wheelies and such, because people would think there was a baby in the stroller. So, he takes off up this little ramp right in the middle of the mall. About halfway up, he loses his to-go plate which was sitting underneath on a little rack. So there's like a hamburger and tomato and fries lying in the middle of Opry Mills. Then some people started coming over to see if the baby was OK. ROFL It was great.

Oh, be sure to check out our pre-launch astronaut picture on Kyle's blog. (Payload Commander Bone is on the far right.) They handed out these giant blue parkas (as you can see). Well, when you come out of the exhibit, they have these pictures for sale lying on this table. At first glance, my honest reaction was, "Why are they selling pictures of the Space Shuttle crew?"

Saturday
Slept until about Noon. Went to CVS and finally bought a slightly smaller and more flexible ankle brace to wear when I run. Picked up another Christmas gift. Went over to Decatur and helped LMV film some of The Nutcracker at The Princess Theatre. Afterward, we all went to Logan's for dinner. It was.. something.

Dialogue
"You should just start buying stuff for her."
"No, Kyle's already tried that several times. Doesn't work."

"He's got a girlfriend. This is the end of life as we know it."
"Why does that make you mad? You should be happy for him."
"I don't know... we had a pact!!!"

"Excuse me, um, you never finished giving me your phone number. I believe the first three digits were 2-5-6, but I never got the other seven."

"My wife Sandy looked over at me and she said, you're gonna get to see your momma for Christmas, aren't ya?"

"Cos what you did, you know, was wrong, and all the nasty things you've done. So baby, listen carefully, while I sing my comeback song. You lied to me. She said she'd never turn on me. You lied to me, but you did, but you do..."

General Hospital
I took advantage of my off day to try and figure out what's happening on General Hospital. Well, besides not recognizing about a third of the people I see, something is going on with Laura. Luke just said she was dead, then it showed Bobbie at some house talking to some woman who had her back to the camera all the time, and she was calling her Laura. Somehow, Skye was at the window watching all this, so after Bobbie left, she walks in, then tries to call Luke and tell him she saw Laura, but naturally her phone cuts out before she can. Does anyone have any idea what's going on?

"So long ago I don't remember when, that's when they say I lost my only friend..."

My 'Wrap' Career
I went to Huntsville after work yesterday and shopped for about three or four hours. Got most of my shopping done. Shot pool at the Brick, then it was dinner at Logan's, and a little more shopping at the mall and Wal-mart. I developed a migraine about the time we arrived at Logan's. Ugh. It was my first one since August 4. (I looked it up, because I knew I had blogged about it. lol)

I took off work today. Slept in until 1:00 PM! It's not that bad though, because I was up until 4:00 this morning wrapping gifts. I'm a decent wrapper, but apparently I'm a bit slow. I started wrapping a little after 1:00 and stopped about 3:30. I just now went in there and counted, and I only got 16 gifts wrapped, boxed, or bagged. Still have several more gifts to wrap and a few more to buy. A group of us are going to visit the Ice Fantasy exhibit in Nashville tonight.

Slow down, please
It's coming. It'll be here and gone before you know it. All the planning, decoration, anticipation. And then it'll be another year before it comes again. Seems like Christmas gets here faster every year to me. I'm going to try and slow things down this next week, spend quality time with family and friends, enjoy each moment, and just soak up the season.

"I'm not a kid anymore but I still believe, that those miracles occur. That's not something up his sleeve. And the reindeer pull the sleigh, and the elves still make the toys, Santa gives away to all the girls and boys..."

"Please remain seated until the ride has come to a complete stop. Exit to your left and down the stairs, and enjoy the rest of your stay here at Opryland USA."

Much conversation over the past week has centered around Opryland, so the natural and expected result of that is for me to do a blog entry about it.

Opryland is part of my heritage. When I was growing up, there for awhile, it seemed like we went there every summer on vacation. (That's probably because we did.) We went so much that my sister and I would complain and beg to go somewhere else. I guess we tired of it. But like a girlfriend you date for a long time and get used to, then you think it's getting old so you dump her, it's not long before you start to miss her and realize how special she really was. By then, it's too late.

If you visited Opryland, I'm sure you have your own opinions. If you never visited, I will try my best to describe it. Opryland wasn't the best theme park. It definitely wasn't the biggest. But to me, it was the perfect size, small enough that you could pretty much do everything you wanted to do in one day, but big enough that there was plenty to keep you entertained. And it seemed to do a better job than most so-called "theme" parks do as far as actually sticking to a theme. There were several theatres in the park that offered live shows throughout the day. The talent level was off the charts. Many country singers started out at Opryland. Lorrie Morgan, Diamond Rio, Chely Wright, Lonestar, and Ty Herndon are among those that come to mind.

My favorite ride was probably one of the water rides. The Old Mill Scream and Grizzly River Rampage would usually cool you off. There was a bridge that went over the bottom of the Old Mill Scream, which is how you would exit the ride. The cool thing to do (at least when you were a kid) was to stand on the bridge and wait for the rafts to come down. You would absolutely get blasted with water. (Or maybe I was the only one who did that. No, I distinctly remember other kids around.)

The first time that I was old enough to remember going to Opryland, one of my uncles went with us. He tried to get me to ride the Wabash Cannonball, but I chickened out. Then as soon as we left, I regretted it, and that's all I talked about on the way home. Other favorites of mine were the Flume Zoom, Rockin' Roller Coaster, and Chaos. It seemed like Chaos was often down or not working exactly right when I was there though, but the scariest part about it to me was just standing in line, because the entire ride was enclosed in a building and the lines were down these narrow corridors, and they had steam coming out of the walls sometimes and alarms sounding and such. The ride that always scared me the most was the skyride. I'm not sure if it had another name, but it was those little skyboxes that took you clear across the park on those wires. I was always afraid the wires would break or we'd get stuck in the middle.

Another good thing about the size of Opryland was that you didn't have to spend quite as much time in line for the rides as you do at other parks. It was rare that I waited an hour. And that was usually only for the newest rides. The Wabash Cannonball, Grizzly River Rampage, and Screamin' Delta Demon always seemed to have the longest lines to me. There was always good food at Opryland, too. And games. That is where I honed my nearly famous skee-ball skills.

Opryland's final day of operation was December 31, 1997. It was completely torn down the following year and the Opry Mills shopping complex was built in its place.

Anyhow, here are some links I've found over the past couple of days:
ThrillHunter.com - This is the quintessential Opryland page. One person's tribute to Opryland. Lots of pictures and info. A great site!
Opryland Timeline - A timeline of when rides were added and such.
Roller Coaster Database - Some pictures and info on a few of Opryland's roller coasters.
Old Indiana Fun Park - This is where several of Opryland's coasters went to die. Includes pictures of the Wabash Cannonball, Chaos, and others rusting away in a field. Sad.
Where Are They Now? - July, 2000, article from The Tennessean. Includes info on some of the old Opryland rides that were moved and reopened at other amusement parks.
Terra Server Image of Opryland, March 1997 - This is fun to play around with and see if you can pick out various rides and such.
Opryland Map Brochure from 1989 - It's interesting and helpful to compare this to the terra server image.

"Sometimes I don't know why this old world can't leave well enough alone..."

...raise your hand... or your grocery receipt. Whichever.

Today's grocery list
12 pk. Sun Drop - $3.79
Hamburger Helper (Cheeseburger Macaroni) - $1.99
Oreo Double Stuff (Mmmm) - $3.59
Jeno's Crisp-n-tasty pepperoni pizza - $0.99
Half-gallon skim milk - $1.39
Loaf of store-brand bread - $0.79
Tax - $1.13
Total = $13.67

Scenes from a Subway
I was craving a meatball sub Monday night, so I went to Subway about 9:00 PM.
"May I help you?"
"Yeah, I want a six-inch meatball sub..."
"We're out of meatballs."
"Alright. Ummmmm, well how about the cold cut trio?"
"What kind of bread?"
"Ummm, parmesan oregano."
"We're out of parmesan oregano."

Good grief, I felt like I was at that KFC during the WPBA trip two years ago where they were out of everything and I was just like, "Well, why don't you just tell me what you do have?" Or just give me whatever you have and I'll eat it. How about that? BUT, the Subway girl was cute, so I was very understanding, as you might imagine.

Recap (There will be a test.)
I passed out on the couch yesterday after work for nearly three hours. Woke up in time to meet Kyle at Logan's for dinner. There were lots of hotties out doing their holiday shopping. Have I told you lately how I just love this time of year? Went to Books-a-Million after that and found a couple more gifts. Stopped by to see my sister and my puppy on the way home. Got home about 11:15. I'm probably not even half done with my shopping. I think I am going to try and get a big chunk of it done tomorrow after work.

Oh yeah, I got the title of my truck in the mail today! It takes so little to excite me these days. OK, it's off to eat some double stuffs. (Cartman: "What I really like to do, is I like to take the tops off of two cookies, and then put them together and make quadruple stuffs.")

"I wonder if she thinks about Jackson Hole, nights beside the fire and angels in the snow. So many times I've wondered does she think of me that way. I didn't ask, and she didn't say..."

Kournikova Marries Iglesias

In a related story, the publicist for Bone said that the longtime blogger would have no comment at this time.

"He said, last night I ran into Jenny. She's married and has a good life. Boy, you sure missed the track when you never came back. She's the perfect professional's wife..."

I was mailing out my Human Fund cards yesterday and I realized that it would be appropriate to do a blog entry about the holiday of Festivus. Hopefully, for those who are new to the holiday, I can enlighten you by sharing some of the traditions and history behind this wonderful day.

Early days
The holiday of Festivus can trace it's beginnings back to 1997, and "The Strike" episode of Seinfeld. The founder of Festivus is Frank Costanza. The Queens, New York, resident had become fed up with all the commercial and religious aspects of Christmas.

Let's hear how it all began in Frank's own words: "Many Christmases ago, I went to buy a doll for my son. I reach for the last one they had, but so did another man. As I rained blows opon him, I realized there had to be another way! The doll was destroyed. But out of that, a new holiday was born, A Festivus For The Rest Of Us!"

Although not required, you may choose to have someone recite this most famous of all quotes before beginning the Festivus celebration. Since those early days, I daresay tens of Seinfeld fans and others have begun celebrating Festivus each year. Now let's look at some Festivus traditions:

The Aluminum Pole
"Is there a tree?" Well, that is one of the most common questions I get about Festivus. The answer is no. Instead of a tree, all you need for Festivus is an aluminum pole. It requires no decoration, as the Festivus founder found tinsel distracting. Unlike a heavily decorated, lighted tree, the pole will not take away from the real meaning and other aspects of the holiday. Aluminum was chosen because of it's very high strength-to-weight ratio. The Festivus Pole should be placed in clear view of everyone taking part in the Festivus celebration. Another part of the genius in choosing an aluminum pole is that it's very easy to take down, and may be kept in a crawl space or some other small out-of-the-way storage area.

The Airing of Grievances
Once everyone is seated at the Festivus Dinner, it's time to tell your family (and other guests) all the ways they have disappointed you over the past year. This is known as the "airing of grievances." It's an integral part of the holiday. Each person should have an opportunity to voice any gripes, complaints, or problems they have with any other person present at the dinner. Traditionally, the airing of grievances begins with the host or head of household. It might begin something like this: "Welcome, newcomers. The tradition of Festivus begins with the airing of grievances. I got a lot of problems with you people! And now you're gonna hear about it!"

The Feats of Strength
Once everyone has eaten, it's time for the finale of the Festivus celebration, the "feats of strength." This is probably the most entertaining part of Festivus. The feats of strength is a physical contest between two people. Traditionally, the head of household will choose someone at the dinner for the honor of taking part in the feats of strength. Those two will then engage in a phsycial battle, described by some as a primitive form of wrestling. Festivus is not over until the head of household has been pinned. Some neo-Fesivites have altered the rules to allow any two people at the Festivus dinner to take part in the "feats of strength." This is OK, as long as two basic rules are adhered to. (1)Two, and only two, persons should participate in the feats of strength. (Otherwise, everyone is fighting, and there is mayhem. And mayhem has no part in Festivus.) (2)Festivus is not over until someone is pinned.

Other info
Festivus is traditionally celebrated on December 23rd. However, since at it's core, Festivus is dissident and unconventional, it may be celebrated on any day. After all, it's not about giving reverence to a particular day. It's about... well, I'm not sure what it's about. But here's hoping you have the best Festivus ever, and may you come out on top in the Feats of Strength.

"Since we've no place to go, let it snow, let it snow, let it snow..."

This was a little odd... I went to get a haircut after work today. Gina was cutting my hair, so we started talking about Christmas and trees and decorations and lights and such. Well, she asked if I'd ever been to the Opryland Hotel, so we talked about that a bit. A couple minutes later she was like, "I miss Opryland. I don't know why they had to tear it down." Hmm, I thought. I was just talking about Opryland in my blog today. Then, to top it all, right before she was finished, she said, "And before I could drive, I used to LOVE those little cars they had where you could drive around the little path on. You know what I'm talking about?" Ah, yes, the Tin Lizzies. Funny, I was just blogging about them earlier today. I thought that was quite the coincidence.

"And I've done all I can to stand on the steps with my heart in my hand. Now I'm starting to see, maybe it's got nothing to do with me..."

Search String Absurdity
Today's contestants:
2nd runner up: "lyle menendez wedding picture" (Does someone think they may have missed the boat?)
1st runner up: "peppard puppy prison" (Could Hannibal still be alive?)
And today's winner: "my lactating sister's tasty milk" (That's just wrong on so many levels. Why in the world am I the #11 site for this search? Maybe I should rethink my subject matter.)

Amusing?
Sometimes, when I'm behind a really slow car, I want to pretend that I'm riding the Tin Lizzies at Opryland and just ease up and bump them along. Either that, or I wish that the park attendant would come hop on to their car, hang on with one arm, and floor it. Of course, even when you floored them, they were only going like 6 mles per hour.

Tin Lizzies? Why do the amusement park rides all have these bizarre names? Many now have like three or four multi-syllable words. Sometimes they rhyme. I think they just want to see if they can actually make people say these names. And the funny thing is, when you're inside the park, it doesn't seem the least bit odd to say something like, "Hey, let's go ride the Yellin' Swellin' Magic Magellan."

Tips For Charity
We got our bell rung last night at Applebees, in more ways than one. I was the first one to arrive, and since I hadn't been there in a month, everyone was asking where I'd been. It's nice to be loved, or something. Well, Beth is a mommy, Davina is engaged, and neither of those have absolutely anything to do with me. So that's good... I guess. Kyle and Cassie showed up later. We discussed everything from my Santa hat to Kyle's family tree to holiday movies. Davina and I were both excited about the new Charlie Brown Christmas movie. Oh, and how can I forget, she told us that the Applebees Christmas party was going to be at Leatherman's Fortress of Privacy, and that for some reason, a lot of people weren't going. Go figure.

When I got home, Miracle on 34th Street was on AMC!! So I watched the end of that and wrote out about two-thirds of my Christmas cards. And I was once again able to listen to my 80's online station, so I'm hoping my computer problem is fixed, because that was one of the sites that had been getting hijacked.

"We used talk about the weather, make it nice together, days would last forever..."

(from Unconscious Mutterings)

Plot:: thickens, climax
Farce:: fake, scam
Unexpected:: surprise, visitor
Siren:: sound, song
Ben:: uncle, michael jackson
Freshman:: sophomore, hijinks
Quicksand:: sinking, thick
24 hours:: notice, seven days
Spunky:: chick, brewster
Vicious:: lies, killer

"12-12-84, ten o'clock at night. Funny how you can remember certain moments in your life. I wish I could go back, to take back the words I said. Though it's been years since that night, they still echo in my head..."

Swiss Colony Beef Log, that's what Christmas is all about
What is it about hot women that just make you want to open your wallet? We were at the mall Friday night and I stopped at the Hickory Farms stand just to browse. Some guy comes over to try and sell me something and I brush him off. So as I'm about to leave, this very attractive blonde lady asks if I want a free sample. So I'm like, "A sample of what?" (OK, not really.) So I tried some cheese. As soon as she started in, I knew good and well that one of us was gonna be walking out of that mall with a beef log. Well, long story short, I ended up buying a beef log, a thing of cheese, and some wheat crackers. It's been two days and I've eaten two crackers.

Hijacked
I spent the better part of Saturday downloading and running various programs and searching online forums, trying to get rid of this annoying browser hijacker that has been on my system for a few weeks now. I found that many people had experienced the same thing, but everyone seemed to have a different idea of how to solve it. I ran Ad Aware SE, Spybot S&D, Hijack This, About Buster, BHO Demon... that's all that I can think of right now. I finally tweaked Spybot to where it would locate it and delete it, but then it was somehow recreating itself within minutes (usually seconds). So, I still don't know if I have it permanently fixed.

I think we're going up to Applebee's tonight. They're having their annual Tips For Charity night. I always try to go to that. If you tip $10 or more, they'll ring a bell for you. lol Wheeee!!!

Dialogue
J: "What does that sinking boat signify?"
K: "Uh, that's a metaphor for my life."

S: "Why did you come up here if you've already eaten at The Brick?"
J: "We just come to see you."
S: "Yeah, right."
J: "No, really."

J: "Are you gonna do something?"
K: "Like what? It's eleven o'clock."
J: "No, I mean are you gonna talk to her?"
K: "Oh, well no. Let's go."

"In the fights they had he'd cover up his ears. Thought big boys don't cry, fought back all the tears. Mama'd use her make up, to hide the bruises on her face. In the morning they'd pretend that there'd never ever been a trace..."

You probably don't want to find these items under your tree this holiday season. Nevertheless, there are gifts here for the young and the old.

Ten Unpopular Holiday Gifts:
- Desperate Housewife Barbie.
- Ralph Nader brand egg-nog (made with 1% lowfat milk).
- Hungry Hungry Limbaugh
- 8-pack of AA batteries that reads "toys not included".
- Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Ron Artest. (Comes with a free "I went to a Pistons game and all I got was sucker punched by Jermaine O'Neal" t-shirt. Very popular for the litigious one on your holiday list.)
- Abu Ghraib-me Elmo.
- Charro-Pet (Just add water and watch her grow.)
- Dick Cheney-autographed defibrillator (First one thousand orders receive one share of Halliburton stock at no extra charge, so this one might not be so bad.)
- Jihad Hotties 2005 Swimsuit Calendar.
- Neverland play set, with Slumber Party Michael and four young boy action figures. (Angry Parent and Defense Attorney action figures sold separately.)

"If you want to call me baby, just go ahead now. If you would like to tell me maybe, just go ahead now..."

Finally! I got a new computer at work, with 3D Space Cadet Pinball, not that I would ever dream of playing that at work. (insert loud thunder sound effect here)

A Christmas Card From Bone
Due to popular demand... or maybe just because I've seen this on a few other blogs, I decided to do this. If you would like to receive a real-life xmas card from me (that's US Postal Service, not an ecard), just email me (jstowry@bellsouth.net) with your name and mailing address and I'll send you a real card (as long as demand doesn't exceed like a hundred or something :-P).

String up the lights and light up the tree
Do you know what these lines are from?
"I'm so excited! I'm so excited! I'm so... scared."

"So Slater was right, you ARE taking pills!"

"I don't know if I'll ever get over Kelly."
"Excuse me. Do you believe in love at first sight?"
"On the other hand, I absolutely believe in love at first sight." :-D

If you said "Saved By The Bell", you are correct! There is nothing like hanging xmas lights while quoting lines from SBTB and singing New Kids On The Block songs. ("Step by step, ooo baby, gonna get to you girl.") That's what I spent most of yesterday afternoon doing. ("Tell me you'll stay, never ever go away.) Last night, we went to Huntsville and had dinner at Tim's Cajun Kitchen. Mmmmm, it was good! If you live around here and have never been, I'd highly recommend it. I had the seafood gumbo, cajun fries, and side salad.

Rock Em Sock Em
We were in one store last night that had the classic games Rebound and Rock Em Sock Em Robots. I was really tempted to get one of those. I can't believe they still make those games. Lee Glenn and I used to play Rebound all the time, although I can't really remember how to play, and I'm not sure if I ever really knew how. And Rock Em Sock Em Robots was just the coolest. I mean, their heads pop up when you hit them. You can't beat that when you're seven years old. Ah, the good ol' days.

"There'll be many a rooftop that won't hear the sound, of the reindeer's hoof stomp and Saint Nick touching down. When he wraps up a package of peace for the world, there'll be Christmas for every boy and girl..."

Just because a girl sends you a Christmas card does not necessarily mean she loves you. It doesn't even necessarily mean that she wants to go out with you. Most of all, it doesn't mean that she wants you to kiss her the next time you see her. Take it from me.

The return
Well, the most accomplished distance runner in my apartment complex hit the road again yesterday, for the first time since this happened. I didn't run far, between a mile and a mile-and-a-half. And it was more of a slow jog. But I just had to see if I could get back out there yet. I'll be honest, it hurt a little. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever have full range of motion back in my ankle.

Well, let's see, I don't know what else I could tell you about yesterday. I suppose I could tell you that I cooked some chocolate oatmeal cookies, but then, that wouldn't seem very manly. So I won't tell you that, or that it actually crossed my mind to post the recipe. Hmm, I think I need to work on my truck today, change out the plug wires or something.

The little things
Here are two things I want for Christmas that I probably won't get:
- An autographed pic of Stephnie Weir, because, well, I love her (I'll also settle for a poster, letter, or personal phone call)
- Milli Vanilli CD

They shouldn't cost very much at all, but would probably be very hard to find. However, if you were to find either item, I'd gladly pay you for it :-)

The Good Stuff
"I'd go out with her... if she asked me."

"Why, because most of their houses are made from Adobe?"

"Suddenly, I feel a bit odd."
"Nah, it's completely normal for two 30-year-old men to be shopping together in the little girls clothing department."
"I feel like people are staring... even moreso than normal."

"And it's hard to love. There's so much to hate. Hanging on to hope, when there is no hope to speak of. And the wounded skies above, say it's much too late. Well, maybe we should all be praying for time..."

Nine people. Three days. Six Flags. Braves game. Atlanta, 1999.

The following is the kind of story which brings tough, hardened men to their knees, makes women weep like babies, and causes children to grow up faster than they were ever supposed to, shredding the naive view of the world they once had. This, as Don Henley might say, was the end of the innocence.

(From hereon, I will simply use "Atlanta" to refer to this trip.) Of the eight persons besides myself in Atlanta, I had known or been friends with four of them for varying lengths of time. I had never met the other four.

On the surface, it was just any other road trip. I figured I would have a good time, tolerate a few new people who I would likely never see again, then go back to my life. Little did I know what was to come, and that Atlanta would always be tied to the things that happened during that fateful year.

Looking back, I would say that the changes actually began a couple of months prior to the Atlanta trip, at my birthday party in February. There I met someone who I became friends with, and she and I remain friends until this day. That was the beginning. The next few months would see a nearly complete rearrangement of my core group of friends. That is a big occurrence in one's life. For whatever reasons, after Atlanta, things changed. Prior to Atlanta, I was engaged. Within two months after Atlanta, I was no longer engaged. All nine of the persons who went to Atlanta were single at the time. Today, five of the nine are married. Two of the people in Atlanta began dating as a result of the trip, and eventually married each other.

That is what makes Atlanta so significant and such an uncommon experience. It seemed to have a profound effect not only on me, but on all of us. I daresay most of the nine persons there could point to that trip as a turning point, or at least as an important event in their life. So what happened, you might ask? Well, we all agreed to never discuss in detail the events that occurred between the dates of April 31 and May 2, 1999. Suffice it to say that sometimes things happen that change who you are and how you view the world forever. In the years since, I have thought many times about Atlanta '99. Do I ever wish I could go back? Well, sometimes I ponder what things would be like if I had never gone. But that is simply a waste of time, because I did go. It did happen. And things have never been the same.

The dictionary defines the word "nexus" as "a means of connection, a link or tie, a connected series or group." At the time, there was seemingly nothing all that significant about that trip. But over the past five years, Atlanta has become symbolic of the drastic changes that took place in the months prior to and following that trip. There were old friends that I do not see as much anymore. There were new friends with whom I would eventually spend more time. In a way, it was the past and the future, all together in one place, for one time only. Atlanta, 1999. The nexus of my life.

"Lay your head back on the ground. Let your hair fall all around you. Offer up your best defense, cos this is the end of the innocence..."

TV alert
Jason Alexander will guest host The Late Late Show (formerly Craig Kilborn) tonight (12/6) on CBS.

Jerry Seinfeld will be on David Letterman Thursday night(12/9). This is a rerun of his appearance from last month.

The 100 Most Memorable TV Moments
TVLand and TV Guide ranked Seinfeld's 1992 episode "The Contest" as the 20th most memorable moment in television history. The episode is sandwiched right in between Bill Clinton's "I did not have sexual relations with that woman" at #19 and the US Olympic Hockey team's Miracle on Ice at #21. Not bad, eh?

TVLand will countdown the Top 100 over five nights, beginning tonight at 10:00 Eastern. I assume they'll do #100-81 tonight, highlighted by Brenda and Dylan's special moment on 90210 at #99. I'm so (Steve Sanders) glad I (Kelly Taylor) never got (Donna Martin graduates!) into that (David Silver) silly teen (it was never the same once Brenda left, although Tiffany Amber Thiessen wasn't bad) show. See the entire list here.

"Confessin' all our secrets and laughing out loud. So high up on that mountain, I thought we'd never come down. It was a dream we were living in, and I was the happiest I'd ever been, in Telluride, the snow falling down..."

"O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree, something, something, something, something..."



I put up my tree today, and there it is. Went and bought some wrapping paper and bows and boxes and name tags and such at the wonderful Wal-Mart. Now all that's left is the shopping.. and the wrapping. Don't you wish you could just slow time down this time of the year. It goes by much too fast.

"Of all the gifts, love is the best..."

I think that pretty much sums up Saturday. Went to Nashville. Discovered that it's still there. That's good to know. Shot some pool at Buffalo Billiards (free before 6 PM on Saturdays!) I think I found my game. It's cut throat. Since there were three of us, we played several games of that. I was the cut throat king. lol Here is the dialogue I want to share with you from yesterday:

"There's one of those um, hot women, with her little boy!"
(Someone rolls the windows down. Why, I'm not sure, except that yelling from our car is the best idea we've come up with so far.)
"Wow."
"She could be waiting on her husband... Yep, there he comes. Abort! Abort!"
(Laughter ensues. Window rolls up.)
"Abort, retry, fail?"
"Abort."
"You know, the retry option on that never did work."
"That's true. Never. And I never understood the difference between abort and fail."
"Oh, there is no difference. Either way, you end up going home alone."
"Are we still talking about computers?"

"Do you need some time, on your own? Tell me, do you need some time, all alone? Everybody needs some time, on their own. Don't you know you need some time, all alone..."

...by Bone Sandler

Ode to the Blog
When work gets too busy and I need a rest, I blog
When I should be studying for a really big test, I blog
When I should be trying to lose some weight, I blog
When it's been two months since I've had a date, I blog

When George W. Bush wins yet again, I blog
When the dollar is worth far less than the Yen, I blog
When something happens, or nothing at all, I blog
Winter, summer, spring, and fall, I blog

When the Lifetime movie moves me to tears, I blog
When I can't find reruns of Seinfeld or Cheers, I blog
When I wake up from a dream-filled sleep, I blog
And before I pray the Lord my soul to keep, I blog

"Every Christmas day makes every other day seem long. And what seemed would never get here, has so quickly come and gone..."

This morning at work, I thought that I had forgotten to put on my deodorant. Things were getting a little sweaty. I use Mitchum, you know, "so effective you could skip a day." Well, I thought we were about to get to test out that little slogan. But, alas, something kicked in and everything was OK, so I must've had some on. Aren't you just so very glad you know that.

Chestnuts roasting?
What little things do you do each year around the holidays? Perhaps there are some that are unique to you, your family, or your region. Here are some things that I try to do every year:
- Watch "Miracle on 34th Street." It's my favorite holiday movie.
- I also try not to miss "A Charlie Brown Christmas." It's great.
- Go see the lights at the Opryland Hotel in Nashville. This usually ends up happening like every other year.
- Go to the mall on Christmas Eve. Even if I'm done shopping, I just like to be out on December 24th, just for the feeling and excitement in the air.
- I try to wrap at least one gift in aluminum foil. I'm not sure why.
- Danish Butter Cookies. Mmmm. And pecans. And candy canes. And chocolate covered cherries.
- I try to take at least one night and just drive around and look at lights around here.

I am going to try and put my tree up at some point this weekend. I usually have it up by now, but haven't really had much time. I think I'm going to Nashville tomorrow, so it'll probably be Sunday. But no tinsel. I find it distracting ;-) As the holidays draw nearer, we'll also be discussing the history and traditions of "A Festivus for the rest of us."

Scenes from a convenience store
Yesterday at the store, there was a very attractive blonde in front of me. The lady who runs the store asked her how she was and she was like, "I'm OK." The owner was like, "Just OK?" And she said, "Yeah. I'm still married to the same man, and he's still the same way." Well, as you can probably imagine, that made me want to go get my .45 and pretend it was a water gun and that I was very thirsty. What is the deal? Seems like there a lot of unhappily married people. I did read today where 23% of women ages 30-34 have never been married. I'm not sure how that helps me, but it can't be bad, can it?

Busy Benny
Things have been hectic... Jack called last night and said I could come by and get the money for the tickets. So I stopped by there. They are putting their house up for sale. Then Kyle called and was at Logan's, so I decided to drive up there. Bizarro Shane came in while we were there, carrying a case. I was like, "There's Shane with his laptop." That never gets old... to me anyway. When we paid, our server was like "I've been waiting forever for you to pay with a card so I'd know your name!" You can imagine how silly I felt when I realized I had never introduced myself. That's so unlike me... or typical of me. Whichever.

Stopped by to see my sister on the way home. I also got to see my dog, Sam. He had stayed at my parents when I moved out years ago, since I can't have pets here. But this past weekend, my sister and her husband moved him out to their house.

Random thought from last night: If a guy tells a girl who doesn't know him very well that he doesn't drink, it comes off sounding like such a line, even if it isn't.

Enjoy your weekend!

"Like when I open my eyes, when I lay down at night. Every moment, ever since the day you said goodbye. But you'll never know, cos I keep it inside. How am I doin' without you? Of course, I'm all right..."

One of my friends, who shall remain unnamed (she lives in Virginia and her name rhymes with "money"), has a roomate named Monica, whom I've never met. We were discussing last night the possibility that her roomate is the infamous Monica Lewinsky. From that, this was born.

Signs Your Roomate May Be Monica Lewinsky
- Has has an overweight, somewhat masculine friend, named Linda.
- Watches C-Span and curses loudly anytime a certain Senator from New York is shown.
- When you mention you're thinking of visiting the White House, she says, "Don't bother. What do you need to know?"
- Frequently accuses you of tape recording her conversations
- Once in the pool, you noticed a "Slick Willie" tatoo on her buttocks.
- Owns an unusually high number of berets.
- All the time asking you for hints on getting pesky stains out of her laundry.

"I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter, and I gave forgiveness I'd been denying. He said, someday I hope you get the chance to live like you were dying..."

Bravo recently completed its countdown of the 100 Greatest TV Characters ever. Archie Bunker ("All In The Family") was named the greatest television character ever, followed by Ralph Cramden ("Honeymooners"), Lucy Ricardo ("I Love Lucy"), Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli ("Happy Days"), and Homer Simpson. The Seinfeld Cast was grouped together as one and ranked 6th by the network.

Eric Cartman finished a disappointing 19th. "Respect my authoritah!!!"

Here's the complete list. They will rerun the countdown on December 30th.

"What a rotten day this turned out to be. I still can't believe she'd leave so easily..."

The Magic Number (Guys Versus Girls)
Have you ever noticed how easy it is for a girl to get a guy's phone number? Today, some unnamed girl (well, she has a name, but I won't reveal it here) asked if I had a cell phone. I said that I did. Then she asked if she could have my number. I was like, "Sure." And she was like, "So it's that easy, huh?" That started me thinking, when things are reversed, I don't think it's usually quite that easy. That brings to mind this infamous quote: "We should practice getting girls' numbers by getting guys' numbers."

The Tiny Day-to-Day Accomplishments Of An Humble Blogger
Big thanks to Shane for his help on working out some code to expand/collapse text. I don't know a whole lot about html. Almost everything I know I have learned from blogging. I was very excited when I got that working. How sad is that?

Nice Jicamas
Have you heard of Rachel Ray? Well, she's more than just a pretty face with a nice figure and sexy voice. Where was I going with this? Oh yeah. I got to watching her "30 Minute Meals" program yesterday on the Food Network. Very interesting and entertaining. Check it out sometime. Although I can see me doing the exact same thing in my kitchen and it taking at least twice as long. There would also be a big mess.

The other problem I have is some of her ingredients. She was making her Heck of a Jicama Salad yesterday, and I was thinking, who has a couple of jicamas just lying in the fridge. I'm lucky if my grocery store has cucumbers. I can imagine the look on the manager's face if I asked if he had any jicamas :-) Actually, I may just try that.

Breaking news fast last
Blog is 2004 Word Of The Year

Yes, but check out #10... "Online visitors to the Merriam-Webster Collegiate site were asked to nominate their favorite word, and "defenestration" won. The act of throwing someone or something out of a window was also the 10th most looked-up word online."

Defenestration!!! As Tammy would say, that's my word!

Oral Communications Translated Into Text
"His blog is so boring. It's like the tryptophan of blogs."

"You don't like it, do you?"
"Well, I mean, they can be gay if they want to. At least they don't shove it in your face."
"No, I mean the hot chocolate."
"Oh, it's OK."

"You get what you receive."
"I think it's you get what you give, or something."

"I could walk, but I'll just drive. It's colder than it looks outside. It's like a dream you try to remember but it's gone..."

I was reading this article in Dear Abby the other day. (No, I don't read Dear Abby everyday... really.) I found her response a bit disturbing. What do you think?

DEAR ABBY: My 16-year-old daughter went to a party at a frat house where she was given a great deal to drink. Feeling "woozy," she went outside. One of the "boys" she had been talking to went with her and suggested she go back to his room to lie down. She had known this fellow before that night and trusted him. She was drunk, and he had sex with her. It was her first time. She claims she tried to make him stop, but he wouldn't, and she couldn't make him. Shouldn't the young man be punished in some way? I feel something should be done, and I also worry about him doing this to some other girl. Would this constitute date rape? -- CONFUSED IN VIRGINIA

DEAR CONFUSED: You're darn right it was date rape. And the "something" you should do is call the nearest rape crisis center and get help for your daughter. You should also inform the police. I'm sure they'll be interested to know that minors are being given alcohol and taken advantage of at that fraternity house, as well as the name of the man who assaulted your daughter. You're absolutely correct that he's likely to do it again."

What in the crap? What about the mother who let her daughter go to the frat party in the first place. Maybe I was just raised differently than a lot of people. Maybe I was sheltered, but I don't really think a 16 year old girl should be going to a frat party. When I was in school, 16 was like the minimum age most parents would even let their daughter go out on a date. Solve the following equation and you'll see why this is unwise:

16 year old girl + frat guys + alcohol = ???

What do you think is going to happen? It's a frat party. There's a better
chance of alcohol being present than there is of George Bush mispronouncing
a word during any given speech. Those are pretty good odds.

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