Interview With A Blogger

Well, I've had lots of requests for this (or no requests at all). Nevertheless, here is my pseudo-interview with Blogger Illustrated:

BI: Hello, Bone. May we call you Bone?
Me: Bone, Mister Bone, or Grand Master B.

BI: First off, congratulations on being named Blogmate of the Month for November.
Me: Uh, thanks. But do I really have to wear this skin-tight turquoise top?

BI: Oh, trust us, you'll get used to it. So, tell us a little about your blog. How did you get started?
Me: Well, like a lot of bloggers, I was not raised in a blogging family. Blogging was not even talked about when I was growing up. It was taboo. I was basically introduced to blogging by a friend and then self-taught myself to blog by reading other blogs and incorporating my own ideas.

BI: Did you read any books on blogging?
Me: No. But I have heard that Blogging for Dummies is good. Also My Kingdom For A Blog.

BI: Do you read any books at all, Master B?
Me: No, not really. I used to read, but now blogging consumes most of my free time.

BI: Have you considered someday writing a book?
Me: Yes, I have just received a $3 advance to begin writing "The Passion Of The Blogger." And also have a rough draft of "How To Get Out Of Any Relationship" which I'm currently shopping around to publishers.

BI: Well, since you brought up relationships, all the ladies out there are dying to know, what's your current situation?
Me: Well, I am single as of this moment. See my last answer.

BI: Is it difficult to have both a successful blog and a successful relationship?
Me: Um, yeah. The blogging is what makes the relationship difficult. Yeah... sure. That's it.

BI: Would you consider dating a non-blogger?
Me: Definitely. At least then maybe one of us would be normal.

BI: What do you look for in a potential mate?
Me: Female is my #1 requirement. Most everything else is negotiable.

BI: Do you feel pressure when you sit down to blog?
Me: Yes. Everytime I place my fingers on the keyboard. I probably always will. I hope so. Because once you stop feeling the pressure, once that entry no longer means quite as much to you as it used to, then my blogging friend, then it is time to quit and pass the keyboard on to someone else.

BI: Where do you get your material?
Me: Dreams, mostly. Visions. Usually in the shower. Alien abductions. Hmm, that's about it.

BI: What do you know about Area 51?
Me: Area 51?

BI: Yes. You know, Roswell.
Me: Roswell? Didn't he sing "Somebody's Watching Me" back in the eighties?

BI: Um, nevermind. Back to blogging. Do you ever go thru dry spells?
Me: All the time. I like to call these spells "blogger's block." It goes in cycles. Sometimes as bloggers, I believe we may enter into the fabled "zone," maybe for a day or two, maybe for a week or longer. But in the "zone", every entry is "on." There seems to be an endless supply of thoughts and ideas just flowing from my brain to the keyboard. I don't know how I got there, and when it's over, I have no idea how to get back, much like getting a second date with a hot chick. It's like one day I'm thinking, "How am I ever going to blog all this?" Then the next day my mind is as barren as the surface of the moon. And what few thoughts I do have are in like hieroglyphics or something, so that I can't even decode them.

BI: Interesting. So, to you, what makes a good blog?
Me: There's really no secret recipe. Most people think a humorous intro, a few senseless ramblings and ponderings, a couple of comical stories, mix in several clever analogies, close with a song lyric, and that's all it takes. But as my father used to say, quality blog entries do not grow on trees.

BI: Your dad really said that?
Me: Uh, no.

BI: So do you strive for humor in your blog?
Me: More times than not, yes. But it's not comedy because I think it is, it's only comedy if the reader finds it funny.

BI: Where did you get the name for your blog?
Me: Obviously, it's a take-off on the old movie trailer slogan, "if you see just one movie this year" or whatever.

BI: Did you consider any other names?
Me: Let's see, there were a few. Um, Single White Blogger... Fingers on the Wrong Keys... Apartment 7... Will Blog For Food... A Seinfeld Fan's Lament. And those are all copyrighted, so don't get any ideas.

BI: As you probably know, it is widely speculated that your blog has landed you on the FBI's medium-risk watch list. How do you respond to that?
Me: I (Koresh) don't know where (Ruby Ridge) silly rumors (Jim Jones) like that get started.

BI: Is that cherry kool-aid?
Me: Sure is. Want some? It's tasty.

BI: No, I'm good... well, it looks like we're just about out of time, Master B. Anything else you'd like to say?
Me: Live from New York, it's Saturday night!

"If heaven was a town, it would be my town, on a summer day in 1985. When everything I wanted was out there waiting, and everyone I loved was still alive..."