The following situations are true. They have not been embellished, because they need no embellishment. They are simply, sadly, actual bits and pieces of my life...
I presented these situations to two or three girls over the past couple of days, and for some reason, they all started laughing. So I figured I'd share them here. The responses I received included "You are definitely a bachelor" and "I'm only laughing because I know you're being serious." These are the types of real-life dilemmas I find myself in on a daily basis. Enjoy:
Story #1: Help Me, Jared
I slept in late Saturday because I did not get home from the concert until nearly 3 AM Saturday morning. Woke up about Noon. So it's about 3:00 in the afternoon, I'm still in my jammers, and I start to get hungry for some lunch. I didn't want to have to get ready and go anywhere. Well, on Tuesday, I had gone to Subway for supper. I got a foot-long cold cut trio, but only ate half of it, so I put the other half in the fridge. That was the only thing in the house that really sounded appealing to me at that time. My question for you is: Is that sandwich safe to eat after four days?
Here's what I did:
I really was not sure about it. I mean, I thought, don't people keep sandwich meat in the refrigerator for weeks at a time? Well, I got it out and unwrapped it. I smelled it. It smelled OK. I tasted a pickle. It tasted OK. The only thing that looked amiss was that the lettuce was kinda brownish and really stringy. So, based on the texture of the lettuce, I threw it away. Found some Chef-Boy-R-Dee ravioli and microwaved that instead.
Story #2: Do you have a lactose secret?
Earlier Saturday, I was wanting some cereal for breakfast. I had some Cap'n Crunch, but when I got the milk out of the fridge, I saw that it was dated January 14th. Saturday was the 15th. So, I smelled it. Smelled OK. So I ate a bowl of cereal and all was well. My question for you is: What is your standard milk policy? Is it OK to drink it a day or two after the date on the carton? What about three days? Four? Do you strictly go by smell only, no matter what? Or do you not even chance it, even if it's the same day as the date on the carton? And how do they know that is the day anyway?
"Don't wanna tangle with you, I'd rather tangle with him. I think I'm gonna bash his head in. This shouldn't concern you except that, just don't expect to get your bloody black backpack back..."