Friday, January 19, 2007

24 Hours of Bone

Someone (Zeus, to be specific) left a comment on my 24 recap the other day asking a question that I will now attempt to answer.

The question was: "I'm curious, but I just never understood how someone would make a television series based on twenty-four hours. How exciting could each hour be?"

The answer, if you're Jack Bauer, is: exciting beyond your wildest imagination. However, if you're Bone, the answer is... well, I'll let you judge for yourself.

The following takes place in my life between the hours of 3 PM Thursday and 3 PM Friday.

3:01 PM: Leave work. Drive to bank. Check to see if I'm being followed. All clear.

3:05 PM: Arrive at bank. Cute teller is working.

3:07 PM: She seems to be taking too long. What's going on? I look inside. She appears to be eyeing me suspiciously. In my rear-view mirror, I see a van approaching from behind.

(Cut to commercial...)

3:09 PM: And we're back! Turns out she was just helping another customer. I drive away, failing to get her digits, or her MySpace address.

3:15 PM: Go to get haircut. Make sure to sit with my legs together and my arms inside the armrests, thus ensuring there are no awkward moments.

3:37 PM: Arrive home to find a cat lingering outside the door. Check the cat for a tracking device. It's clean.

3:38 PM: Look in the fridge and find some leftover chicken to feed the cat.

3:39 PM: Cat won't eat chicken at first. So I go upstairs to get my camera to snap some pics of 'Nan.

3:41 PM: When I get back outside, the chicken is completely gone. Good kitty.

3:55 PM: Photo shoot done. I upload pic to my blog. Then decide to go running.

4:05 PM: Arrive at park. Nan and I run 2 miles. The only song I can remember her playing is "Don't Stop Til You Get Enough."

4:40 PM: Back home, I hop in the shower. While singing "I don't want no scrubs..." the thought crosses my mind that this is an apartment. And I wonder if my neighbors can hear me singing.

4:40:12 PM: I decide to stop singing until I check with CTU. And by check with CTU, I mean, make a further determination as to whether or not my neighbors can hear me.

5:22 PM: While going thru old bank envelopes I had cleaned out of my car earlier, I happen upon something unexpected. My eyes get huge...

(Cut to commercial.)

5:23 PM: And we're back! (Had to add some drama.) I found $50, which has apparently been in my console since September. Well, my day is getting more exciting all the time.

5:24 PM: I ponder what to do with this "found" money. Decide to put it all on Captain Nemo in the third at the track.

5:25 PM: I remember we don't have a track.

(WARNING: Things are about to become slightly less exciting...)

6:31 PM: Drive to my sister's. She is having computer problems. (OK, here's where Jack has one small advantage over me. One call to Chloe and his computer problems are solved. I did know a girl named Chloe one time, but she changed her number... unrelated to me.)

9:32 PM: Get home in time to see the last half of Nashville Star. Wow, that last girl (Meg Allison) sucks!

10:57 PM: I laugh out loud at #6 on Letterman's Top Ten Messages Left On Fidel Castro's Answering Machine: "Mel Gibson here. I think we both know who's responsible for this."

12:52 AM: Do my "nightly" exercises... What? Sit-ups, crunches, and push-ups!

1:08 AM: Go to bed.

7:45 AM: Alarm goes off.

7:45:01 AM: Hit snooze.

7:54 AM: Alarm goes off.

7:54:01 AM: Hit snooze.

8:03 AM: Alarm goes off.

8:03:01 AM: Hit snooze.

8:12 AM: Alarm goes off.

8:12:01 AM: Hit snooze. (Hmm, I wonder if Jack ever hits snooze. Come to think of it, I wonder if Jack ever sleeps.)

8:21:00 AM: Alarm goes off.

8:21:01 AM: Wake up.

8:21:02 AM: Wish I could go back to sleep for about four more hours.

8:48 AM: Get to work. (I'm a guy.)

9:14 AM: Dad calls and asks if I want to meet him for lunch.

11:57 AM: Have lunch with Dad.

2:29 PM: Leave work early. Get home in time to see General Hospital go off just as someone is about to shoot Sonny Corinthos.


And there you have it. A day in the life. I think we can all agree I should have my own TV show. Sure, maybe my life's not quite as exciting as Jack Bauer's. But I think there's an audience for it. I would format it something like The Amanda Show. Because let's face it, there's been a huge void on TV since it went off the air.

"For another nine minutes, let the world stop. Steal a few moments from this old clock..."


  1. And this post proves exactly why I never turned on this show in the first place. I definitely remember thinking, "Am I going to have to watch him sleep? Is that why this is considered such ground-breaking television?"

    I think I would appreciate your show more for the simple fact that within everyone's life, we see a little bit of our own. For me, that's comforting. The universal life experience.

    Thanks for the laughs today!

  2. I think I like the part where you would have called Chloe the best.


    Zeus, I think you have to watch the show in order to really understand this post. Or understand why the show is so interesting. It's REALLY hard to explain, sort like how Twin Peaks was hard to explain.

  3. LMAO.

    You don't even want to know what 24 hours in my life would entail.... (a little sneak preview) at least 1/4 of it is petting/walking my dog :)

  4. "don't stop til you get enough" is a most excellent work out song. not that i work out. um. anywaaaay. . . this post is hilarious. i'd watch your show.

  5. Please tell me that when you publish your book, you'll let me know so I can buy it. I need to laugh like this more often. :)

    Isn't the most exciting part of any TV show watching someone "sleep?" Oh, you meant sleep. Nevermind then.

  6. I think you're definitely television worthy.
    Movie star looks make up for no plot, no decent acting and other asundries.
    Look at the popularity of "What About Brian." :)

  7. You're schedule from 7:45am to 8:21am looks alot like mine..


    It normally takes 2 hours to get my hair done and she doesn't even change it (well except for applying the color) and I have to admit that she takes FOREVER to blow dry it. But still, you can be cut and home in less than a half hour??? No fair!!!

  9. it still upsets me greatly that you get to work at 8:48 and leave before 3 PM (that's 9:48 to 4 PM EST). Yup seriously jealous about that but then again your 24 hours almost makes my life look intersting. ;-)

  10. Zeus: ...within everyone's life, we see a little bit of our own...

    I really like that. And don't worry, I wondered the same thing when I started watching.

    Hotpinksox: Thanks. And yes, it's a show you just have to see to believe.

    DC: Aww, that's cute, DC. And that reminds me. I forgot to include the part of my day where I feed my fish, watch my fish, wave to my fish, dance for my... well, nevermind.

    Ms. Sizzle: It was on as I was passing a walker, and I was thinking, I hope they can't hear what's on my headphones :)

    TC: Mmhmm, what sorts of TV shows have you been watching, Miss Chica? Watching the premium channels, are we?

    Elizabeth: Your comment had me laughing out loud. My sister and mother watch What About Brian. I've never seen it, but I figured the same thing.

    Burg: Love snooze. Hate getting up in the morning.

    Renee: Well, I am a guy. But to be honest, this was probably the fastest haircut I'd ever had.

    Heather B: That was an isolated, highly uncommon occurence. Besides, I've accrued 105 hours and 30 minutes of sick time.

  11. Wow! And I thought my day was exciting! I ain't got nothin' on you.

  12. My students think I am crazy for not watching "24". I told them that of course I have, but I had to stop. The anxiety that show gives me is just too much, no matter how awesome I find Jack Bauer.

  13. I don't watch TV, Mr. Bone. Well, with the exception of the Badger basketball game I am currently parked in front of. And the cartoons I watched with my nephew this morning.

    However, if there was a "we," then maybe. There's only one way to find out... ;)

  14. You're more creative than a three year old with cat litter and crayons.

  15. 24 - best show ever. I watched it for the first time last season. I thought, "I'll just watch the first episode and see what all the fuss is about." I was hooked by the first commercial.

    And no to those who asked, you do not watch Jack sleep. Jack never sleeps! He is a superhero!

  16. Also, snooze is my best friend. I love snooze almost as much as sleep.

  17. I like your workday! I want a job like that. Arrive at roughly 9am and leave by 3pm!? What is it you do my love... hook me up!!!!! ;)

  18. Lux: I must admit, this was probably my second most exciting day this week :)

    ThursdayNext: I can understand that. It's pretty stressful. At the end of last season, I'm thinking it's finally over and all is well and I can relax for a few months. Then Jack gets kidnapped by the Chinese. Urgh.

    TC: Well, you seemed to be alluding to something or other with your first comment. I saw where your Badgers won. Congrats.

    Blondie: Well, I do love to color.

    Brooke: Last season was my first season to watch, too :) They kept promoting it during the Super Bowl, I think. So I watched and got hooked.

    Kerry: Well I'm not sure how indicative this is of my typical workday.

  19. Not a big fan of 24, but B enjoys it and it's not Star Trek so I will sit through it with him. Though I agree with you, you should have your own tv show. I'd definately watch :)

  20. Check the cat for a tracking device.

    I'm just happy that you didn't go into detail on exactly how you checked the cat for tracking devices. :)

  21. It was my assumption. And memories from days when I did watch TV. And maybe I was just teasing you, to see what kind of comment you'd make about how exciting/not exciting watching you sleep (or "sleep") would be...

    Gracias. It's been a great season so far! I saw Alabama beat Georgia too: close game! Then again, do you watch basketball or only football?

  22. LOL, one can certainly tell that you're single. Any spouse hitting a snooze button like that would never need a snooze button again.

  23. LOL...dude, you hit the snooze more than I do! And I thought I was the queen of the snooze button.

  24. Jen: Well, that's very unselfish of you.

    Big Man: Ha. Just be thankful I didn't find one :) Disclaimer: No animals were harmed during this post.

    TC: Yes, I watched the basketball game, too. That was an exciting finish, if a bit stressful.

    Actonbell: Hmm. Would there be yelling? Or physical contact?

    Chickadee: I think my average is 4 or 5 times per morning. I just want to sleep!

  25. Question for all of you snooze button people... WHY????? Why do you do it? It breaks up your sleep! Set your alarm for the real time you want to get up, and you get, what, an extra half hour of sleep? Non-interrupted sleep too!

  26. Bone you are too funny! And I agree with Chica....sleep till the bitter end. I bet if I recorded a day in my life, it would be quite boring. More boring than you think yours is. Like for example....I'm going to scoop out the cat litter box since I'm detecting a foul odor wafting through the air.

  27. First and foremost, it scares me that you know what the Amanda Show is, as that's something my 9 year old GIRL watches ;-)

    I totally think you have your own show!! We'll call it 24 hours of J-Dizzle!!

  28. riveting stuff Bone, riveting stuff. ;)

  29. Wow. No Scrubs huh? Your own personal tribute to Lisa Left-Eye, eh?

    I think I'd rather watch a show with Bone than with Keifer though. He annoys me.

  30. Okay...this post cracked me up! I'm laughing out loud right now. It could just be that I've had a horrible week and I desperately need something to laugh at but I think it's pretty funny nonetheless. I have to say that 3:15 pm is my favorite time of your day. I also had never read the "awkward moments" post before and I was laughing twice as hard once I finished with it.

  31. I think you would have a definite hit on your hands Bone! I for one would watch... ok I lie, I would probably not watch. I just dont watch TV much. I sit here and surf blogs... ugg

    very funny post btw!

  32. TC: I've considered that. But, I figure the snooze habit is too hard to break. So no matter what time I set my alarm, I'd end up waking up forty minutes later.

    Carnealian: Wow, thanks for sharing that. Sounds like a 24 hours of Carnealian post is long overdue.

    Arlene: Hmm, perhaps I should have kept that to myself? Oh well.

    Carmen: Riveting? Yes! That's precisely the word they used in one of the 24 promos! I've made it!

    Lass: Oh, Lass. Don't go chasing waterfalls.

    Krista: It's probably just that you've had a horrible week. More than likely. But thanks, Krista :) Glad you enjoyed my super-awkward haircut moment.

    Kate: Hmm. Well, maybe I'd also do a 24 hours of Bone podcast. Would you watch then? ;-)