Tuesday, January 10, 2006

You have to feel my pants

Thought of three more quirky things to add to my list from a few weeks ago.

I have a small television in my bedroom. When you adjust the volume, a bar appears on the screen and expands as you turn up the volume. Along with the bar, a number appears, indicating the volume level. Depending on what channel it's on and whether I'm actually watching or just needing some noise to fall asleep to, I normally keep the volume between 20 and 30. But never on 26. Never. I always change it to 25 or 27. Why? Because 26 is a multiple of 13. I also would never leave the volume on 13 or 39. I don't have a problem watching channel 13, or 26, or 39, or 52, etc. But the volume can't come to rest on any of those numbers. Or something bad could will happen.

Over the weekend, a couple of people informed me that one of the brake lights was out on my car. This may not seem like a big thing. And apparently isn't to some people whom I've almost hit because they have no working brake lights whatsoever. Or turn signals apparently. But, I digress. Anytime a light is out on my car, I have to replace it. Immediately. Until I do, everytime I am driving, it just eats away at me like a buzzard eating away at a carcass in the desert. I think people must think what a loser this guy is to have a light out. Everyone notices it. And they are thinking or talking about it. Trust me. So I went and bought a replacement bulb and put it in yesterday. That's actually about two days longer than I would normally wait.

And lastly, in wintertime, I sometimes like to heat up the clothes I'm going to wear to bed in the dryer for just a couple of minutes before putting them on. (Was it really necessary to indicate that I heat them up before I put them on?) It's actually quite delightful. I suggest you try it. This idea, as many of you may know (or could easily assume), came directly from Seinfeld.

(From "The Calzone")
Kramer: "Elaine, you have to feel my pants."
Elaine: "I'll see ya later."

Jerry: "You got your shirt in my oven?"
Kramer: "I didn't have any quarters for the dryer. Anyway, this is better. And it's more convenient."
Jerry: "For both of us."
Kramer: "And I have a lot more control. I have one shirt going for ten minutes, at 325 degrees."

"I know I'll go thru hell, girl, when you find someone else. But right now I'm in heaven, and I can't help myself..."


  1. Too funny - I do the same thing with the volume on my car stereo - it's digital. But I'm not quite as OCD about it. Only 13, not multiples of. And my tv only has the bar, no numbers, so I don't have to worry about it there, but am sure I'd do the same thing.

    I tend to get very hot when I sleep, so don't know if I'd do the dryer thing. I turn into some weird heat producing mechanism. I'm sure It's actually some natural phenomenon. I keep the vents in my room shut, to block out heat in the winter, and the window is up - to let the cool air in I like it cold, so I can cover up with the blankets and get all cozy. Otherwise, I have a hard time sleeping.

  2. Yeah, you are quirky. The thing about the volume is just plain strange, but I totally get the lightbulb thing. And I love putting on warm clothes. Sometimes Nick will fluff my towel and bathrobe while I'm in the shower then have it waiting for me. He's so totally awesome...*sigh*

  3. I love doing the dryer thing. Now that we moved to a cheaper apartment though, and have to pay for laundry, I am too cheap to walk to the laundry room, and pay a buck to heat my clothes up. So I lay them on the radiator for awhile first. Lovely!

  4. While your post yesterday was hysterical, I like this one more personally---though you could probably easily sell posts like Monday's

    My eleven year old niece has discovered Seinfeld and it's the only show she watches--faithfully every night.

    Can't believe I might have to send her to an Alabaman for advanced Seinfeld lessons;-) On the other hand, it just might make her love the Upper West Side more--or maybe she loves Seinfeld because I live on it; her dad looks like a combination of Seinfeld and Ray Ramano

  5. I remember as a kid putting on jeans right out of the dryer and the snap would be so hot it would burn me. ouch!

  6. Tenacious One: I can't sleep when I'm hot either. And we haven't had much cold weather lately, so I've only done it like once this year. Also, my bedroom at my old apartment got really cold. Here it stays much warmer.

    Lass: Yes, it's also good to do when you first get out of the shower. Or you can heat up your outfit for work in the morning :-)

    Mappy: Kramer used Jerry's oven. You use the radiator. Brilliant!

    Pia: Yes! I love to see the youngsters brought up right :-) I will gladly impart my Seinfeld knowledge upon anyone.

    Uisce: Oddly enough, I remember doing that, too. That snap was like ten thousand degrees, like a cattle brand. Why was it we were always having to put on jeans fresh out of the dryer?

  7. I almost missed a post where you want us to feel your pants...good lord, where have I been all day?!?

  8. My favorite part of that episode is when the baker refuses to accept Kramer's change and Kramer does this mock-Italian dance where he kicks the counter. It's great.

    I use the dryer to occasionally unwrinkle my clothes.

  9. Hehe. My thing is #6. Anything like 666, 66...yes I grew up Catholic with the fear of God in the evil #6. I'm making a sign of the cross right now as I type this so that I am not struck down for typing the aforementioned numbers.

  10. I often turn the tv on to fall asleep. While I'm not as psychotic as you about volume numbers, etc. the volume has to be just right. Not numerically speaking because you know that's way too mathy for me. Anyway, the remote to the tv in my bedroom has issues. The keys stick and don't get all gross on me about that. It's an old remote. So sometimes when I try to turn the volume up or down, it keeps going like to the point where it may be blaring. This can be kind of amusing if a bedfellow is sleeping...

    The rest of these issues...I really suggest you seek help. Although you should continue to write about them because they are quite amusing!

  11. Heather: I was beginning to wonder myself ;-)

    Southie: Yes, the dryer is good for that. I also like the George/Newman exchange that ends with George doing a Jerry-like "Newman!"

    Chickadee: I remember pumping gas once and the gallons would up at 6.66, so I squeezed the handle just a bit so it would roll to 6.67.

    Carnealian: Yes, that's what I figure. At least my abnormalities can bring laughter to the world.

    Bedfellows, huh? Sounds like you lead quite the exciting life, Miss Carney.

    jneor... Oops, old habit.

  12. I don't know if you kids remember or even ever heard of Sears Toughskins jeans. They were popular (I suppose) when I was a kid. I probably could have used the dryer trick not only to heat up the pants but to SOFTEN them as well. When they named them Toughskins, they weren't kidding. I was out on the playground one day and wiped out on the pavement (I have no idea what I was doing) and landed on a knee. The Toughskins were unfazed. Not even dirty. On the inside though, my knee was all skinned up.

    "Ooo... that's gonna leave a scar. But at least the jeans still look like new."

  13. ooooo I love clothes fresh from the dryer and I loved that episode of Jerry too. I could just smell the yumminess of Kramer's clothes coming from the calzone oven (I used to work in a few pizza places and one had a real brick oven!)

    I have something that I'm just in love with though... a heated mattress pad...like a electric blanket only it goes over the mattress. I like to heat up the bed (dh does this for me when he tucks in) and then turn it off. The bed is all nice and toasty...it's almost as good as... *blush* well you know...

    I don't have a quirk about the volume number on the TV, but our TV seems to. The amount of volume seems to jump drastically between 3 & 4, it's almost mute at 3! And then depending on what other noise is going on the TV is set between 7 and 15. 15 is for when the furnace kicks in.

  14. As though I didn't already think I was a freak.
    You point out that I'm an even bigger one.
    I "dry" my clothes before bed and before I go to work in the winter. It makes them warm and snuggly.

    If I'm between channels 16 and 30, the volume level has to match the channel number. Scary, I know. THIS is why I let "guests" control the volume while I'm not looking at my house.

    I know nothing about changing lights on vehicles. Sorry.

  15. J-Mo: Can't say as I remember those. I think I wore Osh Kosh B'gosh.

    Renee: You can't even hear my little TV until it's up to about 10. I wonder why they even put the first 9 levels in there.

    Meghan: Wow, the volume has to match the channel. Suddenly I don't feel quite so odd ;-)