Friday, January 06, 2006

The Thin Red Hetero Line

Finally added a "Selected Posts" section to the sidebar. Will probably add some different ones to it from time to time. Also, be sure to check out T's post today. A good week for the Crimson Tide.

Someone described me the other day as "the sensitive, straight male, who knows everything there is to know about Seinfeld and football, and eats at the Cracker Barrel, and is forever trying to figure out what girls like, and what girls might like about him."

Considering this person only knows me thru my blog (and several emails), I thought it quite perceptive. A very accurate brief description of Bone. Hope she doesn't mind that I include it here. It also fits in well with today's post.

As I mentioned a couple of days ago, I am really not good at shopping. And when I say shopping, I mean purchasing clothes. I don't go to just look. I go with the intent of buying. And normally don't leave until I have bought at least one thing. Maybe that's part of the problem. Really though, it's not that I mind going. I don't. I'm just not good at it.

As a generic example, I could pick out three shirts, which really seem great to me in the store. Buy them. And by the time I get home, I only like one of them. And even that one is only OK. I have closets full of clothes I don't really care for. Perhaps part of the problem is that I never try anything on, unless a girl is with me and encourages makes me. If it's my size, I just assume it will fit. And I rarely take anything back. Until recently, I never realized why when I got home, certain clothes just didn't seem to look right. Now I'm learning. Some shirts are fitted. Some are not. Some hang on me like a tunic. There are different collars. Who knew!

So I have pretty much decided that from now on, I am not going shopping unless I have a girl with me. If she likes it, and I like it, and it fits me well when I try it on, I'll buy it. Simple, three-step shopping. And of course, I reserve my right to invoke my "looks a little too gay" veto powers at anytime.

Changing gears, we went to rent a movie over the weekend. One of my suggestions was Must Love Dogs, because I usually like Cusack's movies. And I tend to like romantic comedies. There. I said it. It's out in the open for all the world to see. Anyway, we ended up renting The Longest Yard. So this presents a bit of a dilemma for me if I want to see the other movie.

As a guy, it's difficult to go see or rent certain types of movies without a girl. Romantic comedies being one. I mean, if it's at the theater, I can't really call up one of the guys and ask him to go with me. And hopefully you don't even have to ask why that is. And going alone to those types of movies would be similar to renting them by myself. Although I have done it before, with Serendipity. It would just be more than a bit odd to walk up to the counter in the movie store with Must Love Dogs, You've Got Mail, and Dying Young. Then again, at least if I rent it, the clerk might think I am taking it home to my girl.

So I guess this is what it has come to. Renting movies under unspoken false pretenses. Maybe TBS will have a John Cusack marathon soon. And there's always Lifetime. I mean, pro football.

"Why can't you do it? Why can't you set your monkey free?"


  1. Mmm, John Cusack. I usually like most any movie he's in, even if it's serious like Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil. I think it's cute that you like romantic comedies...just proves the point that your sensitive. Don't apologize for it! And it doesn't make you seem gay. Geesh! Absolutely rule #1 of shopping, try everything on. It's annoying. Let me know when you want to shop, I'll go with!

  2. I don't like to try on things in the store either...
    I normally bring them home to try,
    then they don't fit or I don't like and never end up returning them...
    this is one of my worst habits in the world!

    I saw Must Love Dogs in the theater...
    I really enjoyed it and my hubby liked it also,
    at least that is what he said at the time...
    And he is not gay!

  3. I am such a boy in so many respects. One of them being shopping. I'm a grab and go shopper. Of course I'm way too much of a tightwad NOT to take the clothes back...instead I make up all these excuses as to why I'm returning. My number one excuse? "Uhhh my mom doesn't like the way it looks on her." I had to stop using that one when I realized I was speaking to the lady at Victoria Secrets. Ewwwww

    As for John Cusack...he's amazing. One of the best movies to this day (besides Serendipity) is "High Fidelity." One of his best, although I enjoy them all.

    Don't feel gay for liking "those type of movies" it was actually a non-homosexual, hot guy that got me into Romantic Comedy. :)

  4. Maybe you can watch the John Cusak marathon with a little "roll tide" action as picture in picture. Ahh technology. Or you could do it the other way around, just as long as you get your fix.

  5. Carney: I must agree trying on is the way to go, but still not sure I'll do it if I'm shopping by myself.

    Sherry: Yeah, I never return things either. 'Cept for these khakis with cuffs my Mom got me for Christmas. Cuffs? Really now. Maybe if I rented Batman Begins and Must Love Dogs, it wouldn't seem so bad.

    Audra: I don't return much, but when I do, I try not to give an excuse, unless they ask. As for Cusack, I think he's very underrated. Or underappreciated maybe.

    Heather: Picture in picture is an option. Maybe could find some sort of in-demand movie service.

    Boy, someone in Washington, D.C., really likes me :-)

  6. Just do what my guy friends do.

    They can't stand people at the video store thinking they are girlie.
    So they turn their cell phone off.
    Hold it up to their ears.
    And act like they are talking to a girl:

    "What movie did you want to see? Must love dogs? Is that some cheezy girl movie? I don't want to get that. Oh really? You'll really give me a blow job if I get it? Hell, yeah, it's in my hand as we speak."

    Sad, childish, but should prevent anyone from thinking you're renting a chick flick for yourself.

  7. I never knew guys had phobias about renting chick flicks. Most guys I know have absolutely no problem renting porn, but you're telling me they get embarrassed to bring Must Love Dogs up to the counter? I don't get you guys.

  8. I actually watched Must Love Dogs this past weekend and really enjoyed it! As for being embarrassed by renting romantic comedies...maybe you should join Netflix. I am not personally a member but have several friends who are. It seems like a good deal and then you would no longer be embarrassed at the video counter. The movies are just mailed to you and nobody will ever have to know who you are.

  9. had a closet full of clothes that somehow I never managed to return. Finally began realizing I could save much money if I just did that.

    Never thought about the guy renting chick flick film problem before, but I can see it can be a growing one

    Really good post Bone. Very perceptive. Agree about Cussack

  10. I have one word for you, NetFlix. You can rent all the romantic comedies you want, without seeming "gay."

    Cusack is great. I like every movie I have seen him in.

    I completely agree with you about shopping for clothes. I am a big fella, and it is even harder for me to buy anything that will fit. Whenever I wear something for the first time, I usually get a bevy of women's opinions before I even think about wearing it again. Some female friends and ladies I work with have threatened to do a makeover on me. Kinda like Queer Eye For The Straight Guy.

  11. Meghan: Eh, I'd forget to turn my phone off or something and it would start ringing right in the middle of my fake conversation.

    Lizzie: Well, it could just be me. It's just odd. That's all.

    Krista: That's probably not a bad idea. I don't rent movies that often though. Then again, I might if I signed up for that.

    Pia: It is a growing problem. Maybe not as bad if I know exactly what I want and go right to it. Then they might believe I'm just getting it for my girl. But if I look around for half an hour, then bring something like that to the counter... not good.

    Big Guy: OK. That's two votes for NetFlix. Yeah, I thought about the Queer Eye thing. Almost mentioned it in the post somewhere. But didn't.

  12. Trust me, if you signed up for Netflix, you would start renting movies left and right.

    When I signed up for Netflix, I never rented that many movies. Now, I've got almost 50 movies in my queue. Because it becomes addicting to be able to rent and watch old tv shows, funky foreign films, etc. Plus, even if I've seen a movie in the theatre, I like to rent it on DVD because then I can watch all the little extras and commentaries.

    And the nice thing is that you don't have to wait in line at the video store or battle someone for a DVD if it's the last one on the shelf.

  13. larsonbuckeyefans1/07/2006 06:03:00 AM

    It's true,netflix is awesome.As for all embarrassing moments with cashiers,a good tip is to make this sort of comment during the transaction:"I hope this is what she(he)wanted"....and smile.Go Buckeyes.

  14. Do you love your monkey or do you love me?

    I have an idea... "Hey lady, here's twenty bucks, would you pick up Must Love Dogs and you can keep the change"

  15. Yea, I gotta say that I hate trying on clothes too. I only go clothing shopping when I'm in a certain kind of mood. A mood when I have a lot of patience. LOL. There are times though, when I will go shopping and won't try clothes it's a spontaneous trip and there are some nice looking pants on the clearance rack. So if the pants don't fit or they look stupid, it's no biggies cuz I'm only out 10 bucks.

  16. Xinh: Well, I went to the website last night. Looks convenient. Inexpensive. But do I really want to do something that will probably only keep me home even more? Probably so.

    Buckeyefans: Hmm, I like that! Very subtle. And your Buckeyes looked great in the bowl game.

    Uisce: Haha! I'd actually thought about that idea. Lingering outside the video store, paying strange women for petty favors. Each movie would cost me like 25 bucks, but I can see myself doing that, for sure!

    Chickadee: Yeah, if I got something expensive that didn't fit, I'd probably take it back. Actually, I've had two shirts and a pair of pants in my closet for at least a year or two that still have the tags on them.

  17. puHilarious!

    "the sensitive, straight male, who knows everything there is to know about Seinfeld and football, and eats at the Cracker Barrel, and is forever trying to figure out what girls like, and what girls might like about him."

    This pretty much describes me, except that we don't have Cracker Barrels around here.

  18. I like the "Three Step Shopping" concept!
    Do you really think the kids at the video counter care what you're renting? If they're anything like the ones here, they're talking on the phone or in their own world!
    I've never seen Must Love Dogs, I'll have to check it out.

  19. If you lived in Chicago, I'd give you my phone number and tell you to call me when you want to go shopping. There is nothing I love more than going shopping with other people and helping them spend their money. I'm awesome at it. People tend to end up spending a lot more money than they normally would when I tag along, but they never regret it. What was the last good movie the 'Cuse made? Gross Pointe Blank? He's a Chicago guy, so it's mandatory that I like him. Not his sister though; I don't have to like her. Not even a Chicago girl is expected to like that woman. Jeremy Piven too. Love him. Sorry for the mini-post on your post! Oh and, yes, we do have cracker barrels around here (Southie).

  20. Southie: I especially liked the "forever" part. Wonder if she's trying to tell me something.

    Veronika: Yeah, they're mostly like that here, too. Still, I feel odd about it.

    Tara: Well, I liked Serendipity, obviously. And no worries. Mini-posts are always welcome.

  21. I hear you on the renting movies thing. I like action-adventure movies, but during my single mom years couldn't rent them because the only other people in my home were 6 and 4. The thing I like about them most is that they tend to be highly cerebral (like Matrix) and it's fun to discuss afterward with your hubby,friend, or whatever. But I didn't have one, so I missed a lot of good stuff. I found that while I was single, I also didn't watch football as much, again because the kids weren't that into it and there wasn't really anyone to hang out with then. I like to watch the romantic stuff when I'm home alone, just because I love the fairytale "love-in-the-movies" relationships. John Cusak is also a favorite of mine. I do have to insist on the left armrest though, and I drink grape juice and eat peanuts during "Breakfast at Tiffany's", especially when viewed in the home of perfect strangers because they rented it first and I have a book club meeting at 7 pm.

  22. Oh, George is hilarious in that entire episode!! I think I'm gonna have to pull out my DVD's and watch that one this afternoon.

    "After all, she did get together with George Peppard. I mean... Fred."

  23. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  24. Thanks for the plug Bone. I like John Cusack too. And usually even his romantic comedies don't qualify as "too gay to rent alone." I don't know why. He just seems the bumbling idiot, rather than the Casanova. He's more comedy than romance. It's more about his odd thought processes and witty banter than anything else.