Tuesday, January 17, 2006

(Pseudo) Weekend Recap

Someone suggested that I follow my most recent post with something lighthearted. So I decided to recap my very busy weekend, reprising a feature we like to call Bone's Pseudo Weekend Recap.

Friday, I was at the CDC all day. (Insert funny comment about my rash here.) For those of you unfamiliar with this term, CDC stands for the Centers for Disease Control. Except I wasn't at their DC headquarters. They have an underground annex at NORAD. For those of you unfamiliar with this term, NORAD stands for... No... Overseas... uh... Actually, you know what? I believe that's all classified information. So I had to fly to Colorado. I had volunteered to be the first human test patient for a new bird flu vaccine. It wasn't too bad. And there's only about a 30% chance that it could actually develop into full blown bird flu. Easiest fifty bucks I ever made.

Saturday, I spent most of the day at Cape Canaveral. NASA enlisted me as an advisor on the Pluto mission. The way they see it, landing a space probe on Pluto is pretty much like hitting a sparrow with a bottle rocket. And since I'm one of the few people who's actually done just that, they asked for my input. By the way, you didn't hear this from me, but don't get your hopes up on this whole thing. You might have heard the launch was postponed yesterday. Why? It was windy. And you can't accurately shoot bottle rockets when it's windy. Trust me.

And finally on Sunday, I participated in my first ever NFL game, filling in for one of the Indianapolis Colts offensive linemen. It was great fun mixing it up with the Steeler guys play after play. Kimo von Oelhoffen, Joey Porter, and those guys. Joey even pulled the old "Hey, is that Jennifer Aniston" trick on me. I can't believe I fell for that one. You know how it goes. As I'm standing there peering into the stands looking to catch a glimpse of Jen, he blows past me to sack our quarterback, Peyton Manning. And I'm sure you heard what our quarterback said after the game. Something to the effect of, "I'm trying to be a good teammate here... let's just say we had some problems with protection." Hey, prima donna! I'm not the one with the 3-6 career playoff record! Maybe you can get your daddy to force the Colts to trade your entire offensive line. Besides, I'm only 185 pounds. Plus, I think I might be coming down with something. Give me a break.

As you can see, it was quite the weekend. All this, not to mention my continuing responsibilities and duties as a key member of Team Aniston.

"I was dreaming when I wrote this. Forgive me if it goes astray..."


  1. Oh my goodness my weekend was similar to yours. Friday night I started out in NYC eating dinner with some friends, and then I had to make a quick stop in DC to shop with the Bush Twins. I finished it off in Martha's Vineyard for a quiet brunch. Man, we?re so cool!

    Let me know how the bird flu goes...I might need that vaccine when I get back from Europe.

  2. Geez, and I thought my weekend was fun! I must try harder this weekend. Hey, next time you're hanging around with the Steelers, can you give Troy Polamalu or Jerome Bettis my phone number??

  3. Lindsy: Um, you were supposed to call me the next time you flew to NYC. Next time you see the Bush twins, be sure to give Jenna my blog address.

    Carney: Actually, and I was very shocked at this, your number was on the Steelers locker room wall. I went over to congratulate the guys after the game and saw it.

  4. Whatever you do...don't let the CDC talk you into being an Ebola test patient. That sucked. It took me FOREVER to cough that kidney up.

  5. *insert funny comment about rash here* I love it. And good news, it's gone! Today is my last day on the 'roids though, so we'll see.

    Sounds like a good weekend. I'm suprised you weren't at Britney Spear's baby blessing, I knew you were supposed to be meeting up with your new Godson this weekend.

  6. Again, it seems that everyone else's weekend was much more exciting than mine. Actually, I take that back. I had a very exciting weekend. It involved a lot of red wine Saturday night and a full day in pajamas on Sunday. See, better than yours!

  7. Love it! Great post. And great article. Freckin' Peyton Manning...what a huge whiny baby. I hate (I would strikethrough hate and say "strongly dislike", but don't know html and your previous instructions were inadequate).

    And you darn sure better be glad it was Jen you were looking for! :)

  8. Audra: LOL Actually I signed up for the frequent volunteer program.

    Mappy: Augh! I forgot! Guess I should work on my Godfather impersonation. I'll make her an offer she can't refuse ;-)

    Lass: All day in pajamas trumps almost everything else ;-)

    Tenacious Blog Fan: Yes, I almost did an entire entry about the Manning family, but it sounded angry. So I just worked it in here.

    And I'm firmly on the side of Team Aniston (aka The A Team).

  9. OMG Bone!!! I can't believe I didn't see you! I was playing for the Steelers... I even got a sack in past you... sucka!


  10. Bone, your vicious comments about Petyon Manning have rolled me right off the edge! A minute ago, I was just pouting quietly. Now I'm going to grab my fifth of Jack, drink it straight until I cry, and try not to blog about this horribly depressing event. The playoffs are an ugly business, my friend. :) (good post)

  11. I thought that testing was done through Van de Lay Industries. Your on the edge! Throw the FiberCon out the window, baby! Maybe you'll get lucky and get to turn this into a Pilot for NBC.

  12. OCG: There are certain situations in which it is advantageous to the male to let the female win ;-)

    Spanky: I completely understand. Football is very important around here as well. Do what you must.

    Sherry: Don't be. I brought you back an "I went to the CDC and all I got was the bird flu" t-shirt.

    Sallwood: Haha. It seemed much more exciting than blogging about my orthopedic back pillow. Next weekend, I'm thinking about bootlegging some movies. I just remembered while replying to you that I had a dream about prison last night.

  13. so that's what happened? the nicest coach in the league lost to the meanest because you were playing? gosh, bone, way to go.

  14. Uh-oh, no post yet today. Does this mean it developed into full blown bird flu?

    Also, the idea of you playing for the Colts is funny, but the idea of OCG sacking Peyton Manning almost made me spit out my latte. No offense to OCG or anything. I'm sure she's a fabulous, er, sacker? What is that position called?

  15. Crys: Dungy does seem like a nice guy. I like Cowher, too, though.

    Lizzie: You, drinking a latte? Get out!

    Actually, I think Peyton enjoyed it much more than OCG. She told she would've much rather been sacking Tom Brady. Although that would have been more of a gentle takedown.

    Oh, and PS: It doesn't matter what that position is called. I think I like sacker better :)

  16. Bone- A gentle takedown indeed...

    Or I wouldn't mind finding A.J. Feeley in my sack... or sack him... whatever..

    He went to Oregon... and his last name is what I would let him do to me.

    hee hee