Friday, December 16, 2005

What I Should Have Said to Meg Ryan

Happy holidays, and welcome in to another fun and exciting edition of "What I Should Have Said." Today's contestant once again, you know him, you love him... our very own Bone! On today's show, we find Bone going thru the drive thru at the local Hardees for breakfast. He is very happy, as he has just spent five minutes scraping ice off his car so that he can see to drive to work. This, despite the fact that driving with ice-covered windows and zero visibility is increasingly tempting.

Bone's order: Two cinnamon & raisin biscuits and a medium Mountain Dew.

At the window, we find today's willing accomplice, an extremely cute blonde named... Hmm... well names really aren't important. So we'll just refer to her as Meg Ryan. Meg gives Bone his total. He hands her his money and she hands him his food and drink. When she returns with his change, she sees the accumulation of ice around the car window and says with a radiant smile, "It looks like it snowed on your car."

If you would like to play, using your qwerty keyboard, type in now what you think Bone should have said. Here's one suggestion:

What Bone should have said: "Yeah, wanna come over and help me build a snowman?"

What Bone actually did say: "Yeah..." (and quickly drives away)

Eh, it's too early in the morning to be picking up chicks anyway. Especially very cute, friendly ones...? But I think I will be frequenting ye olde establishment more often. For breakfast only though. Not sure I could stomach a thickburger. Even for love...

Kids say the darndest things...
Switching gears, I thought I would leave you with a light-hearted slice of life. This exchange comes from my Mom via my aunt. My first cousin, who is in kindergarten, was trying to get her grandma's attention the other day. Grandma was reading or watching TV or something, so she resorted to other tactics:

"Some people don't believe in Santa Claus, Nanny."
"Mmhmm."
"Some people don't even believe in God, Nanny."
"Mmhmm."
"The only reason you believe in God is so that you can go to heaven and meet Elvis."

Attention achieved! Sounds like Nanny's been telling some very interesting bedtime stories. Have a great weekend!

"I'm quiet you know. You make a first impression. I've found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind..."

23 comments:

  1. Meet Elvis!!! Bwaaaahahahaha!

    And as for what you could've said to the cute girl, I can't think of anything that doesn't sound like a bad pick up line.

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  2. You could have said,

    "It looks like you are beautiful. Wanna biscuit?"
    *wink*
    "And by biscuit I mean..."

    Oh wait... I think I just came up with the bad pick-up line Xinh couldn't think of...


    Have a good weekend Bone...

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  3. Oh Oh . . .
    Cheezy pick up lines??
    Woo . . . let me think . . . hmmm

    The line was "It looked like it snowed on your car"? Hmmm . . snappy, cheezy, horrid come back that would NEVER get her to go out with you:

    "It looks like snow isn't the only thing to fall from the Heavens last night, angel."

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  4. this comment has nuttin to do w/ Meg or Elvis. It is a short tutorial for printing up address labels.

    Do you have MS Office software or MS Word? If yes, you're set...go to tools and click on Envelopes & Labels...follow the instructions.

    I've got my address list in an Excel spreadsheet. Then I can use that as the data for Word or Publisher to print off the labels...

    Bored out of your mind yet? Good!

    Happy Festivus!

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  5. "why yes it does...wanna taste my snowcream?"

    Dear God, that was dirty. But, it may have worked. I'm not good at quick responses either. I usually have to consult Findley. Anywhoo...I swear, where to you get these stories? Do you smoke crack and make them up? I know better...you're too funny!

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  6. Xinh: Yeah, me neither. My brain doesn't really kick in until... hmmm. Interesting.

    OCG: I actually kinda like the "It looks like you are beautiful" part. What about "It looks like someone wants to go out with me tonight." :-)

    Meghan: Ahahaha!!! (Laughing so no one will know I thought your line actually sounded decent.)

    Renee: Thanks, and Happy Festivus to you! Just six more days~

    Carney: Ashamed to say a couple of snowcream lines crossed my mind. What is it that makes our brains think things that we'd never say or do?

    Where do I get these stories? Welcome to my life :-)

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  7. Bone: No, not snow. My sneezes just froze on the window"

    or

    Bone: "No, that's not snow, my dog just has real bad dandruff."

    or

    Bone: "No, it didn't snow in here, you stupid blonde bitch. You think I'm stupid enough to leave my freakin window open at night in winter?"

    or

    Bone: "Yeah, it's snow. My name's Bone. Wanna find out why?"

    There, that should be enough.

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  8. Is Coyote Mike single?
    Because I'm pretty sure he's hit on me.

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  9. Yes, I am single, but unless you have lived in Nebraska, I have not hit on you . . . yet.

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  10. ah, back to the blogging now that mine is back up. how selfish of me.
    i love meghan's response, that's great! my big question though, is, why would you want to date a girl that works at hardee's? unless you want free cinnarolls for life. how shallow is that of me though. dang. was that outloud?

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  11. LOL - I've been to Nebraska, but haven't lived there.
    But you're bad come on lines are achingly familiar. :)

    Oh God, still laughing at MappyB . . so great that someone thinks my line was Great . . even better was the "why would you want to date a girl at Hardees" question. So glad I'm not the only semi-snob!

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  12. Coyote: I like the last one. Sort of.

    Meghan: Is he single? Did you just read his lines?

    Mappy: I imagined that she's going to school at night. Maybe she wants to be an actress. Or a news woman. You're right about the Hardees though. Perhaps a girl who works at Krispy Kreme.

    Meghan: Yes, I figured someone would ask why. I'm reminded of a Seinfeld bit:

    "Women need to like the job of the guy they're with. If they don't like the job, they don't like the guy. Men know this. Which is why we make up the phony, bogus names for the jobs that we have. 'Well, right now, I'm the regional management supervisor. I'm in development, research, consulting.' Men, on the other hand, if they are physically attracted to a woman, are not that concerned with her job. Men don't really care. Men'll just go, 'Really? Slaughterhouse? Is that where you work? That sounds interesting. So whatdya got, a big cleaver there? You just lopping their heads off? That sounds great. Listen, why don't you shower up and we'll get some burgers and catch a movie.'"

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  13. I would never use lines like those. I actually don't use lines. I just hide in my apt and hope a woman will show up at my door needing a shower and to make a phone call :P

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  14. Odd.
    Very odd.
    I have an ex who POINT BLANK told me if I had gone to med school (dream #1) instead of grad school for speech path (dream #2) he would have married me.

    I also know a guy that won't date a girl that doesn't have a job that grosses at least $35,000 a year . . he says that way he knows she's not after him for his money. Ha ha! Like he has any.

    Coyote - honey, hermits never find women. Those stories you read in Playboy, Penthouse and Maxim are the deluded writings of shut ins, they're embellished through the use of whiskey and pot. Baby, get out there and get you a girl. It's cold in Nebraska.

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  15. Coyote: Um, any luck so far? :-)

    Meghan: Perhaps your friend is looking to become a house husband?

    And I can't help but be reminded of another Seinfeld episode. Geez. Maybe I have a problem.

    Kramer: "Here George. Get a Penthouse Forum."
    George: "I'm not getting a Penthouse Forum."
    Kramer: "Why? That'll make great dinner party conversation. We'll read the letters at the dinner table."
    George: "Oh, that's nice."
    Kramer: "Come on, did you ever read one of these?"
    George: "It's not real. They're all made up."
    Kramer: "Oh... it's real."

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  16. You should have said:

    "It's too bad I hadn't met you before I scraped most of the snow off. You're already look like an angel...so you'd make beautiful snowangel's"

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  17. Make that "You already look like an..." lol

    sorry for the typo!

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  18. Aww...that was totally sweet and totally cheesy and didn't at all sound like a creepy pick up line!

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  19. Oh my! What an exciting weekend was had by Bone! Let's see. I'm not good with the pickup lines either. I'm not sure I ever used one. Let me get back to you on this one...

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  20. Maybe I should get some of the mags Meg mentioned, so I would know what not to do.

    Actually, I just have terminal shyness.

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  21. I think the fact that her comment had me saying "Here's your sign", might have something to do with her employment situation, Bone. Although saying "Naw, I just like to keep the snow up here so dogs can't pee on it" might have been fun. Or, drive through tomorrow with a "Will you go out with me?" sign on your windshield, that way you won't actually have to talk to her.

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  22. Feenix: That wasn't so bad. Have you used that before? ;-)

    Xinh: Taking notes... cheesy better than creepy. Thanks.

    Lass: Yeah, me either. I need like a panel of ten girls to advise me on such matters. Sort of like the three wise men lifeline on Super Millionaire.

    Coyote: I'm thinking of developing a panel of girls to advise me.

    Sallwood: Well, OK. But that means I'd have to take down my "No Fear" and "These colors don't run" signs ;-)

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  23. Where or where was your festivus pole when I was looking online for one as a model for Festivus cards last week? I made 5 original card designs (I couldn't come up with 10, so I had to print each twice) for Dave to give to his friends at their party tomorrow night (it's being held early due to travel plans). Are you as excited of Festivus and it's 'Feats of Strength' and 'Airing of Greivances' as some others I know? It's going to be fun time for all I'm sure!

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