Thursday, December 22, 2005

Dear Santa

Well, I finished printing out my Airing of Grievance worksheets and my Human Fund donation cards. So I decided to write my Dear Santa letter. Got this idea from Sherry. It actually took longer than I thought it would. And am I the only one having difficulty finding much time to blog these days?

Dear Santa (or Yo Santa Clizzaus... whichever you prefer),

It's Bone. Yeah, I know, it's been awhile since I've sent you a letter. At least like five years. I'm not really writing for myself this year, Santa. I have more than enough. I have the 1,244,375th most popular blog on the internet. Sure it would be nice to break into that top million. But that would be selfish of me. No, Santa, this year I'm writing to ask for some things for my blog friends.

For Buzz... I wish that you bring him a camera so that he can take more pictures of Reagan and update his blog, which seemingly hasn't been updated since the Reagan administration.

For Carnealian... I wish for the ability for her to continue partying well into her early 30's. And that she would never again be a victim of false advertising.

For Cindy and Interstellar Lass... I wish for a beautiful wedding and a happy marriage. And that they won't go the way of so many and let their blogs fall by the wayside once they're married. Perhaps I should share with them the Parable of the Blogger, Santa.

For Coyote Mike... I wish for a cure for his terminal shyness. And the ability to channel Bobby Fischer or Boris Spassky so that he can beat five-year-old child prodigies at chess.

For Crys... Please bring her the ability to understand my restroom rules and movie theater seating etiquette. And also I wish for you to bring her a challenging, suitable job.

For Dea... I wish for more guys and fewer girls to hit on her. Although, really, I don't see the problem. And that her Yahoo pool skillz would someday be comparable to mine ;-)

For Erica... I wish for the time and desire to return to blogging. And commenting.

For Fly Girl... I wish for delay-free flights, good weather, and all those things in the Days of Flight Attendant Christmas.

For GroovyChick... I wish for a super cute motorcycle helmet. And that none of her kitties will run away again.

For Heather B... I wish for an endless supply of pseudo-boyfriends. Perhaps even a real one. And the courage to say, "Because Sir Bone used it in his blog" when people ask why she's singing the same song all day.

For JC... I wish for lots of hugs.

For J-Mo... I wish that you bring him a different girl every weekend... for him to take pictures of, that is. And that he'll not be shafted again anytime soon.

For Kerry... I wish for good health. And the desire to again liveblog American Idol this coming season.

For Kyle... I wish for his parents to hurry up and move out of the house. And that you bring him the ability to successfully recreate the incredible skydiving accident.

For Lil Bootay... I wish for healthy corn and healthy cows. And that she would never try and date any of my friends again ;-) And that you would bring her the ability to dissuade me from hooking up with any of her roomates again. Hmm, on second thought, scratch that last one. It actually wasn't that bad.

For Lindsy... I wish for a man who is kind, funny, and has a job... oh, and is good looking and isn't needy. Oh, and likes to cook, wants to travel, and has the ability to listen. Gee, there must at least... tens of those out there. Oh yeah, and he must have my approval ;-)

For Lizzie... I wish for a Yankees championship this coming season. That is, if the Reds don't have a breakout year. But, let's face it... And for the ability to continue to be ambiguous. And that she'll share details of her dreams about other bloggers. And that she will stop worrying about why she doesn't worry about things she thinks she ought to be worried about :-)

For Mappy B... I wish that her blog would have no future breakdowns. I wish that she have a wonderful and safe trip. And I wish for her future quizzes of the day to be so designed so that I will be able to impress and astound with my knowledge of seemingly unimportant topics.

For Meghan... I wish that she not be exposed to any more public urination episodes. That you bring her the ability to say no to certain babysitting gigs. And for her splendid writing and causticity to continue.

For OC Girl... I wish that she soon be over the soreness caused by her early morning romp on the stairs. Will she never learn? I wish for her to gain the fortune and fame that she deserves for creating terms that we all use everyday now, like blerd and blover. And I wish for her to have the best New Year's ever!

For Pia... I wish for a book deal. Like a gargantuan one, with a big sum up front. So that she can keep her place in the city, and also be able to buy a house out in the country where she can escape and write, like Chevy Chase in Funny Farm.

For Sallwood... Well, Santa, anyone that can drop as many Seinfeld references as she is obviously a well-balanced individual. I wish for her to prevail in the Feats of Strength.

For Sherry... I wish for her to get her braces off soon (even though some of us think braces are cute). And that she might always maintain her youthful aura and remain forever young.

For Tenacious T... I wish that you would bring her someone like this. And I wish for my blog entries to continue to creep into her mind throughout the day, and affect her thoughts and decisions ;-) Oh, and for her and me, please bring a national championship for Bama!

For Tiffany... I wish that you would bring her the time and desire to blog again, so that her last entry would not be a "Dear Bone" letter.

For Xinh...
I wish you to bring
Her a gay boyfriend this year
That's her wish, not mine.

And a year full of creative haikus :-)

Finally, for all the lurkers out there... I wish that you would bring them the courage to post a comment, even anonymously. I know you're out there. I have site meter, stat counter, and CIA-tracking software. So say hi!

And for everyone... I wish good health for you and your loved ones, contentment, love, and many comments for your blogs.

I'm sorry if I've forgotten anyone. Just leave me a comment and I'll add you.

Merry Christmas from Bone!

"Guess my life's moved at near light speed, since I started this wild and crazy run. Such a long way from that first birthday. Merry Christmas, everyone..."


  1. Merry Christmas!!

    Dang that's quite the list!

    I'll tell you what else is quite the list... all the equipment I gotta bring and set up at your house to do a broadcast (recording) of the show Friday night at the Festivus party!

    Yahoo Webcam in full effect for those who can't attend!

    This is gonna rock!


  2. AWWW thanks! You're the best!
    See you at your party this weekend (I think it's this weekend). :)

  3. Well, thank you Bone!
    Now, what about wishing me that Bama Championship next year?
    Come on...
    On top of getting rid of the braces and staying young forever and ever...

    You know, my maiden name is BRYANT...
    Now do you know who my Grandfather was??

    Merry Christmas!

  4. That was a sweet list! I do still need a super-cute helmet and Santa is going to be good to my kitties, so they better not run away!!! *L*

    Oh yeah and Merry Christmas Bone!

  5. Java: I think it will be a good party. Will try to post some pictures.

    Lindsy: Yes, it's this weekend! It's tomorrow night. Festivus, December 23rd. Don't be late.

    Sherry: Well I wasn't sure you were a Bama fan since you claim Texas as your home ;-) Yes, I know all about your grandfather. I bought my Mom a book about him for Christmas actually.

    Groovychick: Well, at least you're still commenting occasionally, even if you have stopped blogging :-)

  6. I nearly peed my pants when I read the "airing of grievances" line. When do the feats of strength begin? Don't tell me you have a festivus pole in your living room. I toyed with the idea of sending out festivus cards to my colleagues with a donation to the human fund note in them; they would not have gotten the joke though- except my friend Brian ( by the way).

  7. From your fingertips
    to Santa Claus' mail bag.
    What a nice wishlist!

  8. Thanks friend. ;-)
    Though, I'll have to think seriously on the boyfriend thing, but then again, good things come to those who wait.
    And have a great party tomorrow (I'll be there in spirit. And you better be playing some choice selections from the Bad Boy 2 soundtrack)

  9. Thanks, Bone!

    I love my presents! And in the Festivus spirit, I will wish for the Reds to have a break-out year and will do my best to maintain my ambiguity ;-)

  10. i could be the man for Lindsey . . . except for the good looking part. think she could overlook that?

  11. Tara: Yeah, I like to say "Happy Festivus" to different people to see what their reactions are. But no matter how many confused looks I get, it's always worth it when I find that one person who knows what I'm talking about. Thanks for stopping by.

    Xinh: So do you count off syllables on your fingers like I do? :)

    Heather: You're welcome. Already pondering what song I shall plant in your head next ;-)

    Lizzie: Embrace your ambiguity. After all, we clearly all love it anyway ;-)

    Coyote: Tip #1: It's Lindsy, not Lindsey. Need to learn that first :-)

  12. Bone, you're so sweet. Thanks for the holiday wishes...damn that false advertising! I hope your holiday is full of things that should be recorded in the Guiness Book of World Records!

  13. What the freak! You forgot me...after all this time. No more Festivus for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Lil Bootay

  14. Really looking forward to your festivus party. Thank you, thank you, thank you for your wish

    For you I wish--that Jerry Stiller will show up at your party as that will open the door to many many more things.

    Oh and your bedroom door thing--freak me out--it really is number one in my list

    Have wonderful, wonderful holidays

  15. Carney: Thanks. Yes, I'm hoping for a huge domino display this year?

    Lil Bootay: Well, I really only included semi-regular commenters and people whose blogs I read :-P I'll go back and add you though.

    Pia: Thanks for the wish. TBS showed the Festivus episode of Seinfeld last night. He is just classic. Happy holidays, Pia :-)

  16. You seriously rock.
    Thank you for the wishes you sent to Santa on my behalf and everyone elses!
    I hope you have the merriest of Christmases and the happiest of New Years, sweetie!
    Be safe!

    Let us all know how Festivus goes!!

  17. sorry. It was late, spelling is hard, and my keyboard isn't working right. Please choose one of the above excuses as most plausible.

  18. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  19. Sir Bone-

    I would like to thank you for the wishes of better morning romps. I am sure that by New Years all of that shall be taken care of and I will have learned my lesson, Sir.


    Happy Festivus - you will be in my thoughts - my favorite blerd blover.


  20. i was forgotten too lil bootay :(

    no, i don't comment everyday, but seriously bone, my feelings are hurt! :D

    p.s. maybe bone and ocg could create the definition of a blobsession...

  21. Meghan: Thanks, dear. Hope that you have a happy and safe holiday, too. Will definitely recap Festivus and maybe post some pics.

    Coyote: I'll take "spelling is hard."

    "Yeah. I'll take ape tit for two hundred."
    "That's not ape tit. It's apetít... oh, nevermind."

    OCG: You are quite welcome. A comment from OC Girl calling me "Sir Bone"... that was my Christmas wish ;-)

    Crys: You're not forgotten!!! You're wedged between Coyote Mike and Dea. Hmm, I really don't envy your position there ;-)

  22. did you just add that? it wasn't there before :P thanks though. i need a job :(

  23. Wait..why would I want my Yahoo Pool Skills to get really bad to be like yours?
    I..just..don't..get that.

    And thanks so much for reminding me that I'm a chick magnet. *cries* It's a gift I don't want! I should let you have it, seeing as how you need it and all (:

    Luh ya! Have a good weekend.

  24. Thanks Bone! Though part of your request foe me was a bit selfish, eh? But I wish the last part will come true for both of us....and soon! Roolll Tide!

  25. yikes spelling! (I got nervous reading about your affinity for spelling corrections)'s FOR me, not foe.

  26. Crys: Well, I didn't have it on the original post. I added it when Lil Bootay posted her comment, but before you posted yours :-)

    Feenix (aka Dea): OK, so you do usually win in Yahoo Pool. But, Aofall, I don't play it for hours nonstop. You are a chick magnet.

    Tenacious One: Selfish? Ohhh! You thought I meant I wanted Santa to bring you me for Christmas ;-) Roll Tide!!!

  27. Merry Christmas and Happy Festivus Bone! Thanks so much for remembering me in your letter to Santa! That's so sweet. I hope all your Christmas wishes come true too. Like maybe one for a cute girl...

  28. I do count syllables out on my finger. It's just easier that way. Yet sometimes, I still get it wrong, as a certain someone pointed out to me. ;-)

    And I'm confused by one thing: are Cindy and Interstellar Lass marrying each other? Or did you mean that you want them to have beautiful weddings and great marriages to their respective spouses?

  29. Thanks Bone, I asked Santa to send you a cute girl before the end of the year! Merry Festivus and Happy Christmas!

  30. Thank you, Bone.

    And I wish for you holidays filled with magic and joy!

  31. Lass: Thanks. I'll let you know how the cute girl wish goes.

    Xinh: Respective spouses. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

    Yes, I was thinking there was a syllable missing somewhere :-)

    Crys: Thanks. A cute girl before the end of the year, huh? I have a good feeling :-)

    Fly Girl: Thank you. May you enjoy the same :-)

  32. Merry Christmas J-Dizzle!!

  33. Hey Bone
    Happy Festivus doesn't really sound right; as it's a still evolving celebration, I thought of "snarky pole." Meant in a good way. Think Jerry Stiller, I mean Mr. Constanza will like it

    So Snarky Pole and Happy everything else

  34. Arlene: Merry Christmas, Brizzle!

    Pia: Snarky Pole, huh? Definitely fits Frank Costanza. It is still evolving. I should start a Festivus-only website. I would like to know how many people actively celebrated this year.

  35. Thank you for including me in your letter to Santa this year! I feel very honored to be remembered - even though I have been a lax blogger recently. Sorry, Sir Bone. :-) I will do my best to update the blog, even with the wedding, moving, etc going on this year. It would be a bit easier, however, if Santa had gotten a deal with Dell this year for a new computer for me. Oh well. I'll do my best.

    Apollo, Bella and I wish you a very happy New Year - with a very productive for you. ;-)

    You're very sweet!

  36. Sorry I was away, Bone. Kids are out of school, and I'm taking time to enjoy fetal position after my triumph during feats of strength (story to follow in the next few days). Thanks for the Santa wishes. I got what you asked for.

  37. Cindy: Thank you and the kitties very much! As one of my few readers from the early days, I hope you keep blogging.

    Sallwood: Congrats on your win. Hope that you have managed to recover from the holidays.