Dear Santa (or Yo Santa Clizzaus... whichever you prefer),
It's Bone. Yeah, I know, it's been awhile since I've sent you a letter. At least like five years. I'm not really writing for myself this year, Santa. I have more than enough. I have the 1,244,375th most popular blog on the internet. Sure it would be nice to break into that top million. But that would be selfish of me. No, Santa, this year I'm writing to ask for some things for my blog friends.
For Buzz... I wish that you bring him a camera so that he can take more pictures of Reagan and update his blog, which seemingly hasn't been updated since the Reagan administration.
For Carnealian... I wish for the ability for her to continue partying well into her early 30's. And that she would never again be a victim of false advertising.
For Cindy and Interstellar Lass... I wish for a beautiful wedding and a happy marriage. And that they won't go the way of so many and let their blogs fall by the wayside once they're married. Perhaps I should share with them the Parable of the Blogger, Santa.
For Coyote Mike... I wish for a cure for his terminal shyness. And the ability to channel Bobby Fischer or Boris Spassky so that he can beat five-year-old child prodigies at chess.
For Crys... Please bring her the ability to understand my restroom rules and movie theater seating etiquette. And also I wish for you to bring her a challenging, suitable job.
For Dea... I wish for more guys and fewer girls to hit on her. Although, really, I don't see the problem. And that her Yahoo pool skillz would someday be comparable to mine ;-)
For Erica... I wish for the time and desire to return to blogging. And commenting.
For Fly Girl... I wish for delay-free flights, good weather, and all those things in the Days of Flight Attendant Christmas.
For GroovyChick... I wish for a super cute motorcycle helmet. And that none of her kitties will run away again.
For Heather B... I wish for an endless supply of pseudo-boyfriends. Perhaps even a real one. And the courage to say, "Because Sir Bone used it in his blog" when people ask why she's singing the same song all day.
For JC... I wish for lots of hugs.
For J-Mo... I wish that you bring him a different girl every weekend... for him to take pictures of, that is. And that he'll not be shafted again anytime soon.
For Kerry... I wish for good health. And the desire to again liveblog American Idol this coming season.
For Kyle... I wish for his parents to hurry up and move out of the house. And that you bring him the ability to successfully recreate the incredible skydiving accident.
For Lil Bootay... I wish for healthy corn and healthy cows. And that she would never try and date any of my friends again ;-) And that you would bring her the ability to dissuade me from hooking up with any of her roomates again. Hmm, on second thought, scratch that last one. It actually wasn't that bad.
For Lindsy... I wish for a man who is kind, funny, and has a job... oh, and is good looking and isn't needy. Oh, and likes to cook, wants to travel, and has the ability to listen. Gee, there must at least... tens of those out there. Oh yeah, and he must have my approval ;-)
For Lizzie... I wish for a Yankees championship this coming season. That is, if the Reds don't have a breakout year. But, let's face it... And for the ability to continue to be ambiguous. And that she'll share details of her dreams about other bloggers. And that she will stop worrying about why she doesn't worry about things she thinks she ought to be worried about :-)
For Mappy B... I wish that her blog would have no future breakdowns. I wish that she have a wonderful and safe trip. And I wish for her future quizzes of the day to be so designed so that I will be able to impress and astound with my knowledge of
For Meghan... I wish that she not be exposed to any more public urination episodes. That you bring her the ability to say no to certain babysitting gigs. And for her splendid writing and causticity to continue.
For OC Girl... I wish that she soon be over the soreness caused by her early morning romp on the stairs. Will she never learn? I wish for her to gain the fortune and fame that she deserves for creating terms that we all use everyday now, like blerd and blover. And I wish for her to have the best New Year's ever!
For Pia... I wish for a book deal. Like a gargantuan one, with a big sum up front. So that she can keep her place in the city, and also be able to buy a house out in the country where she can escape and write, like Chevy Chase in Funny Farm.
For Sallwood... Well, Santa, anyone that can drop as many Seinfeld references as she is obviously a well-balanced individual. I wish for her to prevail in the Feats of Strength.
For Sherry... I wish for her to get her braces off soon (even though some of us think braces are cute). And that she might always maintain her youthful aura and remain forever young.
For Tenacious T... I wish that you would bring her someone like this. And I wish for my blog entries to continue to creep into her mind throughout the day, and affect her thoughts and decisions ;-) Oh, and for her and me, please bring a national championship for Bama!
For Tiffany... I wish that you would bring her the time and desire to blog again, so that her last entry would not be a "Dear Bone" letter.
I wish you to bring
Her a gay boyfriend this year
That's her wish, not mine.
And a year full of creative haikus :-)
Finally, for all the lurkers out there... I wish that you would bring them the courage to post a comment, even anonymously. I know you're out there. I have site meter, stat counter, and CIA-tracking software. So say hi!
And for everyone... I wish good health for you and your loved ones, contentment, love, and many comments for your blogs.
I'm sorry if I've forgotten anyone. Just leave me a comment and I'll add you.
Merry Christmas from Bone!
"Guess my life's moved at near light speed, since I started this wild and crazy run. Such a long way from that first birthday. Merry Christmas, everyone..."