Thursday, December 01, 2005

The convenience store

Ah, the convenience store. Sometimes it seems like there's one on every corner. An American institution? Well, maybe not. But for rather small-sized stores, they do provide easy access to a wide range of products that consumers may want or need. Until today, I had no idea just what all they do offer...

Almost everyday, as long as I've been at my current job, I have stopped at the same convenience store in the morning. For the past several months, my regular purchase, everyday, has been chocolate milk, bacon biscuit, Mountain Dew, and/or a candy bar. With the candy bar, my total is $4.13. Without, it is $3.27. Also for the past several months, the same girl has been working almost every morning. We have never exchanged much more than typical greetings and tiresome pleasantries. Good morning, have a good day, etc.

Well this morning, I'm not sure if it was the Irish Spring I used in the shower or what, but the following conversation took place as I placed my items, sans candy bar, on the counter:

Her: "Are you married?"
Me: "No."
Her: "I didn't figure you were."
(Aofall, what the freak is that supposed to mean. But anyway...)
Her: "Do you want to be?"
(Uh, did she just propose to me? Or maybe she just wants to fix me up with someone else. It's way too early in my day to think about such things. I finally manage to say something...)
Me: "Uhhh... someday."

Then she walks over to the other lady who is working and mumbles something. They both look at me and smile. She comes back with this dreamy look in her eyes, and at this point, I'm fairly certain that it's her that is interested in me. She rings me up and the conversation continues:

Her: "4.13."
Me: "Uhhh, no. I didn't get a candy bar today."
Her: "Oh, I'm so used to you getting one. I'm sorry. Well, just come in and see me tomorrow and I'll give you your candy for free."
(I'm thinking, "You can't just take it off right now?" But at this point, I just want to say as little as possible and get out of there without being violated.)
Me: "Uhhh... OK. Sure."

And with that, I quickly left, before anyone had a chance to get down on one knee. I think she must have been drunk or heavily medicated. (Which, oddly, is usually the ideal time for me to pick up a girl.) I guess I gotta find a new store. I can't go back in there. They can keep the Mister Goodbar. It's not worth it.

Although I suppose it does add a whole new meaning to the term convenience store.

"See that girl with the red dress on? Some folks call her Dinah. Stole my heart away from me way down in Louisiana. Take me back to Tulsa, I'm too young to marry. Take me back to Tulsa, I'm too young to marry..."


  1. Bone,

    I would be wary that your candy bar might have a Cracker-Jack present of sorts attached to it when you go in tomorrow...

    Congratulations... she found her Mr. Goodbar

    (crying myself to sleep at the lost chance of you)


    "someday somebody's going to ask you... a question that you should say yes to"

  2. Perhaps the items and the lack of ring on your finger is what lead her to believe that you were single. Not that those items necessarily scream "single guy" but maybe she figures you're not getting your breakfast cooked for you buy someone.

    Any particular reason why you're quick to dismiss this girl as a potential love interest? I mean, besides the obvious "drunk at work" issue?

    Now, having said that, I'd probably be really skeeved if some clerk at the 7-11 came onto me like that too.

  3. I think she was interested!

  4. And you passed up this prime opportunity! I mean come on Bone! She's throwing herself at you! Unless she's related to you. :P Even then, she could be.

  5. OCG: Cracker Jack toy? I hope it's a book of those temporary tattoos. I always liked those best.

    Don't cry, ladies. Fortunately, I was able to escape with all of my eligibility and most of my innocence in tact.

    Nice lyrics. Funny. Real funny ;-)

    Xinh: I guess I just figure there are slightly more subtle ways to indicate interest other than "Are you married? Do you want to be?"

    Having said that, if she had been extremely hot, I might be engaged right now :-)

    Lindsy: Oh, she was interested.

    Lass: Your dating your relative jokes are so old ;-)

    And if I got engaged everytime someone threw herself at me... hmm... forgot my point here.

  6. While I was working at a convenience store, a gentleman came in and bought a Dr. Pepper, decided I was cute, left, and then came back and claimed it had spilled out of his cupholder. He asked me out. I switched my class ring to the other hand and turned it around so that only the band showed. He was cute enough, but seriously, who wants to date someone who will a) lie during the introduction and b)would ask out someone he had barely only glanced at, not to mention c) he just had a creepy "too innocent" look about him. His name was Ted. Maybe that was it...

    Personally, I'd sue the store for sexual harassment. I know a good lawyer.

  7. So that explains why you were too busy for a Thursday 13... fending off marriage proposals. ;o) So she wasn't hot and from your tone, you seemed offended.

    If you wish to continue to get your breakfast at this store you could buy two breakfasts and imply that the other one is for your "amore" who is waiting in the car...then donate the extra breakfast to a homeless person... or is that too much work?

  8. Honey, I can just drive down the street to Hershey and get you a big ole box of Mr. Goodbar's. Now, will you marry me?

  9. Though I'm not very friendly with my candy bars, if say you were to give me candy bars, then maybe I'd have to ask you to marry me. Like, some take 5's would be awesome.

  10. Sallwood: I seriously thought your story was going to end with, "and I have been married to him for five years" or something.

    Ted? Eww, that is a scary name...

    "I switched my class ring to the other hand and turned it around so that only the band showed."

    We've all done that, I'm sure.

    Renee: Not offended, really. Just more shocked. And then it makes me a little uncomfortable to go in there now. And I've been going there longer than she's been working there. So it's my place. She should be the one that has to go to Reggie's. I should get to stay at Monk's.

    Carnealian: Two proposals in two days! Um, could I see the ring.. .er, I mean, the candy bars, one more time? ;-)

    Heather B: I've already had two proposals. Third time's a charm? I just had my first Take 5 this week. Had never tried it before. Funny you should mention it.

  11. Okay Bone if it were 3AM and you had been out all night, would you have had the same reaction?

    It's Friday. I think you should be a good single boy and go out tonight, someplace with pretty girls and a loud jukebox or a good bar band

    Sometimes the best girls get up and begin dancing alone, not because they're drunk or lonely but because they feel like dancing. Sometimes they want to meet somebody but don't want to be overt about it.

    Know this is a long way from the convenience store, but it all circles back to the same place.

    And I can't believe that I just gave you a patented trade secret. Only for you Bone ;-)

    Liked the story very much, very Bone

  12. For some reason, when you wrote about the red dress, the following song came to mind, and I had to write it down. Kind of like Cartman in South Park when he hears the 'I'mmm saiilllling away....'. Sad, yes, I know.

    'Just cuz she dance the Go-Go
    that don't make her a ho, no
    back seat witht the red shoes on-n
    we goin to the dis-co
    we gonna eee-lope
    to me-e-e-xico
    called up my momma
    said i'm in love with a stripper yo'

    1st time reader, and poster. I won't make anymore obnixious posts. I just had to get the song out. Ah....I'm free now...

  13. Definitely go out tonight Bone. Find you a nice little lady to hang out with for the evening. Enjoy yourself and relax.

  14. I think we're starting to see why you're still single. LOL Just make a move. Go for it. As the owl says, "hoot hoot"!

    It's great to be back, 2 weeks in Hawaii without a computer has really left me out of the loop with everyone!

    We gotta get back on schedule with the Jeff and Kyle show!


  15. Pia: If it had been 3 AM..., I might be a different man right now :-) Rule of thumb: I don't make marriage arrangements before Noon.

    Ooo, a secret from the women's handbook?!

    My main issue is, when I go out like that, it's usually to Nashville. There's just a lot more single girls there. So I'm two hours from home base, and while it's possible to find someone to hang out with for the evening, anything more than that is difficult...

    Brandi: Always great to have new readers/commenters. Thanks for stopping by and come back anytime.

    "I'm sailing away
    Set an open course for the virgin sea
    Cos I've got to be free
    Free to face the life that's ahead of me..."

    Lass: Bone will be fine. Although the next lady to propose to me might just be in trouble.

    Java: Just got word from The Owl. The show has been cancelled :)

    I'm kidding! No one panic!

  16. Dude! Find another convenience store!!! What a crazy! Actually in college I worked as a bank teller and on several occasions I was asked out by customers. Very creepy.

  17. Haha, I actually know someone who met her husband while she was a teller at a bank.

    That brings up a good question: Where do you prefer to be asked out?

  18. Wow...imagine your excitement if you had known The Blonde and I slept together too!!! hahahaha. Nice visual for you ;-) The show kicked ass. So nice to have you guys back!! And your singing, kicked ass!!!! I expect more christmas songs (and NOT southpark ones!!) next week :-)

  19. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  20. I was out on Fri. evening, and a guy who was visiting town struck up a conversation with me. I don't know what part of the small talk led him to say it, but minutes into the conversation out he came with,"Do you want to be married?"

    Your blog popped into my head, and I started laughing hysterically. (Poor Guy). It was so weird...I couldn't help it.

    I think girls are much more used to such odd occurances, though. Of course, I don't have to see him everyday...but doubt he'll ever bother to ask again. ;)

  21. Arlene: Well the South Park ones are retty much the only ones we know all the words to. Thanks for listening.

    Tenacious T: "Your blog popped into my head, and I started laughing hysterically."

    Now that's exactly why I blog. So that I can randomly pop into your head throughout the day :-)

    OK, I think I am definitely going to do an entire post on this subject. "I think I am definitely?" That sounds decisive.

  22. Nah Bone, I married the guy I met on the internet. Almost 4 years now. Not the craziest proposal. He was a Bishop of a congregation at the time, and he "issued a call to serve" while I was curling my hair in the bathroom. Incidentally, my son had asked for a daddy for Christmas the year before. Got one.

    The weirdest one would have to be a toss-up. I must've been some hot commodity I wasn't aware of in college. I received 8 proposals in one week. One guy even proposed after like 10 minutes because he heard me singing while in my practice room( used to be an opera singer). Another guy was the roommate of a guy I dated once my freshman year. He declared I was THE ONE, after one dinner at a chinese place and a long walk. My first husband did one of those personalized greeting cards. That was really quite cool. Too bad he went all criminal and stuff.

    Thanks for the stroll down amnesia lane.

  23. "He declared I was THE ONE, after one dinner at a chinese place and a long walk."

    Perhaps it was something in the fortune cookie?

  24. So,

    I think it was too early in the morning for you to be a really good judge about what happened, but yes, it does sound like she was about to pop the question ;)

    Maybe you should be flattered. Or not.

    I think you should atleast go back and get your Mr. Goodbar. You can do it!