Ah, the convenience store. Sometimes it seems like there's one on every corner. An American institution? Well, maybe not. But for rather small-sized stores, they do provide easy access to a wide range of products that consumers may want or need. Until today, I had no idea just what all they do offer...
Almost everyday, as long as I've been at my current job, I have stopped at the same convenience store in the morning. For the past several months, my regular purchase, everyday, has been chocolate milk, bacon biscuit, Mountain Dew, and/or a candy bar. With the candy bar, my total is $4.13. Without, it is $3.27. Also for the past several months, the same girl has been working almost every morning. We have never exchanged much more than typical greetings and tiresome pleasantries. Good morning, have a good day, etc.
Well this morning, I'm not sure if it was the Irish Spring I used in the shower or what, but the following conversation took place as I placed my items, sans candy bar, on the counter:
Her: "Are you married?"
Her: "I didn't figure you were."
(Aofall, what the freak is that supposed to mean. But anyway...)
Her: "Do you want to be?"
(Uh, did she just propose to me? Or maybe she just wants to fix me up with someone else. It's way too early in my day to think about such things. I finally manage to say something...)
Me: "Uhhh... someday."
Then she walks over to the other lady who is working and mumbles something. They both look at me and smile. She comes back with this dreamy look in her eyes, and at this point, I'm fairly certain that it's her that is interested in me. She rings me up and the conversation continues:
Me: "Uhhh, no. I didn't get a candy bar today."
Her: "Oh, I'm so used to you getting one. I'm sorry. Well, just come in and see me tomorrow and I'll give you your candy for free."
(I'm thinking, "You can't just take it off right now?" But at this point, I just want to say as little as possible and get out of there without being violated.)
Me: "Uhhh... OK. Sure."
And with that, I quickly left, before anyone had a chance to get down on one knee. I think she must have been drunk or heavily medicated. (Which, oddly, is usually the ideal time for me to pick up a girl.) I guess I gotta find a new store. I can't go back in there. They can keep the Mister Goodbar. It's not worth it.
Although I suppose it does add a whole new meaning to the term convenience store.
"See that girl with the red dress on? Some folks call her Dinah. Stole my heart away from me way down in Louisiana. Take me back to Tulsa, I'm too young to marry. Take me back to Tulsa, I'm too young to marry..."