Tuesday, December 20, 2005

The Contest

Pia is having a contest to decide the perfect song for me. So think about it. What song fits Bone? Click on the link to head over to her site and tell her what you think my song should be. If she gets enough 'ments, she has promised to invite me to her first book signing, mention me on Regis & Kelly, and allow me to do the Pia Reality Tour. OK, not really. But maybe.

So yesterday was holiday shopping with Bone. Went straight to the mall after work. Didn't get home until after 10:00. On the radio, I was listening to some call-in show. They were pretty much talking about the exact thing I mentioned the other day with the Hardees girl. One guy called and said if he met a girl who worked at McDonald's, he'd be excited and tell all his buddies about her. But if a girl met a guy who worked at McDonald's, she probably wouldn't tell her friends where he worked and she'd be telling him everyday to find a new job. I was like, dude's been reading my blog! While we're on the subject, I saw Meg Ryan again this morning. Got her name this time. Her real name.

Anyway, while walking thru the mall with the handles from seven bags cutting off the circulation in my hands, I was stricken with a sudden bout of SNGLAIPOA depression (she's-not-gonna-like-anything-I-pick-out-anyway). It was accompanied by a bit of what-am-i-even-doing-here-itis. Fortunately, that was short-lived.

But shopping for girls is difficult. Clothes-wise anyway. I mean, it's gotta fit just right in all these different places. So maybe it's foolish to even try. I should get something for effort though, right? Plus, in many of these stores, I'm the only guy in there. Normally, being the only guy in a sea of mostly attractive, well-dressed women is not a problem. It's a dream. A fantasy. But I digress...

Let me just say this. If you work in retail, in a women's clothing store or in the women's department, and a guy walks in by himself, especially this time of year, please offer to help him. Because chances are, he really needs it.

On the positive side of this shopping for girls thing, I usually always implore a strategy of finding an attractive sales associate and asking her for help. I did this a couple of times yesterday. In one store, a very helpful (and rather voluptuous) girl even offered to try on an item I was considering. Who am I to stand in the way of excellent customer service. So while I stood there staring trying to decide, she said, "Shopping for girls can be hard." Yeah, like I don't know that.

After shopping, it felt like an Arby's night. So while I was in the area, I called up James (from the first girl I ever called story). He is the only person I know who is anywhere near as big a Seinfeld fanatic as me. We could talk about Seinfeld for hours. He'll be at the Festivus party.

Most interesting item of the day: Metrosexual Cartman

"I'll be home for Christmas. You can plan on me. Please have snow and mistletoe, and presents on the tree..."


  1. Who is this woman you're buying presents for? Should we (or I) be jealous? I'm a little bummed Sir Bone.

  2. Soo...did you pick up any women at Arby's? Moving up from Hardee's eh? :) I LOVE that Seinfeld cd that was quoted about the women vs. mens jobs. So true.

    As far as a theme song goes....you have to think....what would Brian Boitano do? WWBDD. What would Bone do? I'll keep thinking on that one....

    True, the Hardee's gal could be going to school, then again, she could just work at Hardee's. :)

  3. Heather: As long as you're going to continue referring to me as Sir Bone, I'll be forced to... do whatever you say ;-)

    Mappy: What would Brian Boitano do!! I had forgotten all about that one! I am literally sitting here laughing out loud now.

    And you're completely missing the point about Meg. She's cute ;-)

  4. Yeah that was crazy shopping in the mall yesterday. I still think we should have just hooked everyone up with Hickory Farms stuff. Who doesn't like Hickory Farms? LOL

    Hoot Hoot!

  5. The most important question is, of course, what did you get me!!!!!! :P

  6. I am sure that she will know how much effort was put into it and LOVE it. If not I am sure that she will tell you so the two of you can return it, and she can model it for you, not some customer service slut...


  7. I'm impressed that you're even trying to buy clothes for her. That's a minefield waiting to happen. If they're too small, she'll feel fat when she tries them on. If they're too big, she'll think you think she's fat. Oh, the possibilities for screwing up!

    teehee- I'm sure you did fine though ;-)

  8. As a woman, I can say this.
    We are VERY LITTLE IF ANY help at getting the women in your life gifts.
    I spent SEVEN HOURS wandering the mall, various other stores/shops and even a sex shop (don't ask) trying to find my brother gifts for his NEW girlfriend of 2 months.
    Have I mentioned, I hate shopping.

    But I don't agree with Lizzie.
    ALWAYS better to go too small. That way, they look at you and think "I love this man, he thinks my fat ass will fit into that . . wow, he's blinded by love . . gonna keep him."

    Sorry, Lizzie, you know I hate to go against you!

    Oh, and MappyB made me crack up again. LOVE those comments. Hardees to Arbys. Oh holy jayzus.

  9. Java: Yes, it was odd running into you.

    Lass: I sponsored mile 4 of your marathon. Is that not enough? :-)

    OC Girl: Thanks. That definitely helps to ease my concerns.

    Lizzie: Yes! You totally get it. It's almost a no-win situation. It seems like girls need to try on almost everything to see if it fits. Meanwhile, the men's fitting room is probably one of the biggest wastes of space and building materials ever.

    The fact that you're impressed also make me feel a bit better. Thanks.

    Meghan: Well, actually, if I go shopping with another girl, if she likes something and I like it as well, that's good enough for me. I'll buy it. I actually shop much faster when I'm with a girl.

    Sex shop with your brother... is that not a little weird?

  10. Actually . . you would just have to know my brother . . and our relationship. Yes, it could have been weird, but instead it was just hilarious beyond all reason. I adore that boy more than anything in this world.

  11. I'm glad that you got her name but did you get anything else?

    Like a phone number?

  12. Okay...
    First, if you need to to write down my exact sizes and exactly what I want so you will have no problem buying my present I will.

    Second, what's her name? Did you get a phone number? Did you ask her out?
    Come on...
    Tell us more!

  13. I have to say that most often I never liked clothing my boyfriends have bought for me. Or of course, they were the wrong size. My mom was the same way, everything usually went back to the store when my dad bought her something to be worn. I used to think it was mean but now I fully understand. OK, I accept it, we're difficult. That's why something from Tiffany's was on my list, I could never be disappointed by that!

  14. Meghan: Just now thinking about what if my "Would you like me to try this on for you" sales associate worked in the sex shop.

    Pia: No. Unfortunately, her phone number wasn't on her name tag ;-)

    Sherry: You mean you have an exact size? I usually get something like, "Well, I'm a 6. But sometimes an 8. And get a medium. Unless it looks really tight. Then get a large..."

    Carney: Tiffany's? That's the breakfast place, right? No problem! ;-)