Wednesday, August 31, 2005

The Burn

On one of the calendars we have here at work, someone marks thru each day as it passes. So I am sitting here looking at August, with 30 of the 31 days marked out, thinking, what did I do this month. Really.

Figured I'd share some details of the bachelor's paradise that is my life with you. Monday evening, I decided to lie down for a nap around 6. Woke up around 7:30. That was really nice. I don't remember much else about that evening, just sitting around hoping the power didn't go out. Yesterday, since the rain had stopped, I went running. Came home, showered, and fixed tacos. By the way, tacos at home are sooo much better than Taco Bell. Then I ate while watching Tommy Lee Goes To College. I actually enjoyed it, which is odd since I mostly despise reality TV. But I sure don't remember tutors that hot when I was in school. Also watched a little of the US Open, enough to see Andy Roddick lose in the first round, which I really didn't mind.

Sitting in the movie theater Friday night, I wondered to myself why all these people came to the movies. To laugh, I supposed. To be entertained. I guess movies provide a little escape from reality. Much the same reason I always loved going to theme parks. It's nice to escape reality from time to time. Then I wondered something about the line between fantasy and reality. Then I thought about one of my favorite movies, Sleepless In Seattle. Surely that could never happen. Obviously, life is not like the movies. But then I thought, sometimes it is. I mean, people still fall in love. Sometimes. People still experience magical moments once in awhile. Sometimes they even base movies on real life. And then I started thinking that maybe life would be more like the movies if people were only willing to take more chances, more risks. If I was willing to take more chances.

As long as I can remember, I have always had an urge deep down inside to just pick up and move far away, to some city, and find a job, and just start everything over. Is that normal at all? I mean, there's something to be said for contentment, right? Maybe movies poison us and lure us into dreaming of a fantasy world that we can never attain but still strive to, nonetheless, futilely. But there's something to be said for dreams, too. For living life and not just watching time pass by. Right? I'm sorry. I am rambling. This is all really random and raw, and I'm sure deeper inside my head than you want to be, or should be. It's complicated. Or maybe it's simple.

Maybe it's as simple as hopping on a plane and flying completely across the country.

Like in the movies.

Then the twenty minutes of previews, commercials, and theater messages were finally over, and my popcorn was already almost gone.

"Where I come from isn't all that great. My automobile is a piece of crap. My fashion sense is a little whack. And my friends are just as screwy as me..."


  1. I know that feeling all too well. I love the ability to escape at the movies. Reality is suspended for 120 minutes, and you hopefully feel a connection to the story. But life doesn't ever seem to play out that way, does it?

  2. I used to want to run away to NYC. I used to terrify my mother with that. Now, I've determined, I'm too old for that, too set in my ways. The only place I see myself picking up and moving is Florida with all the other old folks and passing my time watching the sunset from the beach. Don't most of our realities start out as dreams? I didn't go to college right out of high school. Going back to college was certainly a dream and at this point so is graduation since it's about 3 years away. I think dreams turn into goals then ultimately reality.

  3. "But life doesn't ever seem to play out that way, does it?"

    But Lass, what if it does?

    Bone, I completely get what you're saying... I was just telling someone this morning 'We only live once, why not make it the most we can?'

    It just gets scary when the ideas, hopes and dreams created in our mind face the brutal reality of life... what will happen?

    I mean, the tutors really weren't that hot when we went to college...

  4. I think life is like the movies for a select few people, and I like to call these people "God Favorites." I'm an agnostic, actually, but the principle still works. On a deeper level, I wonder if those people aren't so lucky just because they've never actually realized that no one's supposed to be that lucky, or maybe it's because they managed to taste the good life once and learned not to settle for less. For what it's worth, I prefer the struggle, and although the idea of picking up and moving spontaneously is always tantalizing for me too, I'm secretly glad that I'm fortunate enough to have attachments in my life.

  5. OC Girl, if it does, then you're one of the damn lucky few.

  6. I get the urge to just up and move cross country several times, or at least travel there. One time I picked up and went to Louisiana at about three hours notice. I just decided that I was going and went. Part of the hold up was that I wanted my son and grandson to go, so I was waiting for them. I have also moved cross country a couple of times and am thinking about doing it again. It is very, very freeing.

  7. Lass- I hope you know that I meant no disrespect with that comment... it's just...

    ... as someone said to me today...

    "It's much worse to never TRY. Is there a feeling more painful than "regret"?

    So, CHASE."

    Maybe something, someone, somewhere is worth it... movie or not.

    Just my thought...

  8. Yeah, life isn't perfect. But I guess I'm just thinking I settle sometimes and get too comfortable in my safe little world. Maybe a lot of people do. Then again, the grass always seems greener somewhere else. But who wants to be left wondering what might have been.

    Carnealian: I still want to run away to NY :-)

    OC Girl: It is a little scary. I'm with ya ;-)

    And yeah, seems like the hot girls who talked to me in college were always asking to borrow a pen or something.

    JC: I really admire you for that. Does seem like it would be very freeing.

  9. Okay, I need to figure out what time you post, on average, so I'm not always the last (and often unseen) one commenting!!!

    But, as for the movies thing... everything that happens in the movies (with the exception of a few extremes, of course) has happened somewhere. Someone fell madly in love. Someone murdered someone else. Someone fell in love, then murdered someone else. Movies is just an extreme account of real life.

    And having the slight, though overwhelming, urge to pick up and move isn't abnormal. We all think about it. Since my boyfriend moved out three days ago, I've been thinking about all of the amazing places I could go, if I wanted to. All I have "tying me down" is my family... I love 'em dearly... so I doubt I could ever leave.

    Other than that though, I'm a free bird. As are you. A "fresh start" is always a nice thing to have. But, be aware of why you desire leaving your life so much, too.

    My mom always told me "sit still". This is a phrase she used with me when I was late in teen years and in my early twenties (even though I still am in my early twenties.) What she meant was to sit still in your life. Deal with what's in your head and the emotions that drive you. Figure out who you are and what makes you tick. STAY PUT!

    My father always ran. He was constantly looking for new women and new homes and new jobs and new cars and new animals and... basically... a new life. (By no means am I assuming you're being flighty... this is just an example.)

    Sit still, for a little while... and decide whether or not you really need a change of scenery, or if you're merely looking for an escape.

    ps. I hate the word verification, Bone!!

  10. I want to run away whenever it rains or is nasty. Then when the sun is out I'm content--a third of the time

    Sometimes a fresh start is just a change of mind set and sometimes it's needed for real

  11. The Blonde: Sorry, the word verification was necessary though. Comment spam was becoming rampant.

    Pia: Do you get tired of people moving to NY?