Monday, October 31, 2005

Seinfeld on Halloween

Quick weekend recap... Not a real exciting weekend. This was the first Saturday that I have been home and haven't had to work or a Bama game to go to in quite awhile. I took full advantage by lazing (Is that a word? Well, it is now. I'm submitting it to Merriam-Webster.) around most of the day. I did buy a new CD Saturday night. And wow, looking at the amazon.com price, I got screwed at FYE... FYI. Ended up hanging out with friends Saturday night. A late night Halloween trip to LaGrange was debated for an hour or more, before being decided against. (I was all for it.) Got home at about 3:45 AM. But that was daylight savings time, so in reality, it was only 2:45 :-)

EDIT: My phone just rang. Someone named Desiree showed up on the caller ID. I don't know her, but she sounds quite fetching. At last, 555-BUTT is paying off!

Hope you all have a spooktacular Halloween!!

As is tradition, here is the Seinfeld bit on Halloween, from I'm Telling You For The Last Time. Wonder if it's illegal to post this? Hmm. Probably. Oh well, fits in with the rest of my life:

"So the first time you hear the concept of Halloween, when you're a kid, it's like your brain can't even... What is this?! Who's giving out candy? Someone's giving out candy? Who is giving out this candy.... Everyone that we know is just giving out candy?!!!! I gotta be a part of this. Take me with you. I wanna do it. I'll do anything that they want.... I can wear that! I'll wear anything that I have to wear. I'll do anything I have to do. I will get the candy from these fools that are so stupidly giving it away.

So the first couple of years I made my own costume. They of course, sucked. Ghost. Hobo. No good. So I'm begging the parents, you gotta get me one of the ones from the store. The cardboard box, the cellophane top. So one year, third year, finally got a Superman costume... not surprisingly. Mask included in the set! Remember the rubber band on the back of that mask? That was a quality item there, wasn't it? That was good for about 10 seconds, before it snapped out of that cheap little staple they put it in there with. The thinnest grey rubber in the world. You go to your first house, trick or snap. It broke. I don't believe it.

So I had my Superman Halloween costume. I was physically ready. I was mentally prepared. And I assumed, that when I put this costume on, I would probably look exactly like the Superman I had come to know on television and in the movies. Now you remember these costumes, it's not exactly the super fit That you are hoping for! You look more like you're wearing Superman's pajamas, is what you look like. It's all loose, and flowing. Neck line kinda comes down to about there. And you got that flimsy little ribbon string holding it together in the back. And of course my mother makes me wear my winter coat over the costume anyway... I don't recall Superman ever wearing a jacket.

So you're going out there, you know, and the mask keeps breaking. So the rubber band keeps getting shorter, and keeps making it tighter and tighter on your face. You can't even see. You're trying to breathe through that, remember that little hole? It gets all sweaty in there, and the mask starts slicing into your eyeballs. I can't see, I can't breathe. But you gotta get the candy. Let's keep going. About a half-hour into it, you take the mask off. Bing bong! Yeah, it's me. Gimme the candy. I'm Superman. Look at the pant legs. What's the difference.

Remember those last few Halloweens? Getting a little too old for it. Just kind of going thru the motions. Bing Bong! Come on, lady. Let's go. Halloween, doorbells, candy. Let's pick up the pace here. They come to the door, they always ask you those same stupid questions. What are you supposed to be? I'm supposed to be done by now. You wanna move it along with the Three Musketeers. I got eighteen houses on this block alone. You just hit the bag, we hit the road. That's the routine.

Sometimes they gave you that little white bag, twisted on the top. You know that's gonna be some crap candy. It's gotta have those official Halloween markings on it. Hold it lady, wait a second, what is this? The orange marshmallow shaped like a big peanut? Do me a favor, you keep that one. Yeah, we got all the door-stops we need already. Thank you very much. We're going for name candy only this year."

"I believe your most attractive features are your heart and soul. I believe that family is worth more than money or gold. I believe the struggle for financial freedom is unfair. I believe the only ones who disagree are millionaires..."

9 comments:

  1. I am SO glad I don't celebrate Halloween.

    No tights this year, okay Jeffrow!

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  2. I am happy your phone number is finally paying off for you, however, if you didn't act upon the call, then it might be a little awkward calling her back.

    Happy Halloween!!

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  3. I did get to watch a little of The Scariest Places on Earth last night. Then I got freaked out. On our PBS channel was an entire hours worth of cemetery tours. Not a scary tour, just informative. I love cemeteries! Check out my pics on my blog if you don't believe me. I'd love to go to La Grange! I would have definitely gone and probably been completely freaked out but it would have been fun! By the way, the one that you thought was above ground, actually isn't. Here's what it is. It's actually a table stone. Back in the day, people used to go to the cemetery for say lunch after church. They'd set up lunch on the table stones.

    And, finally, I got a funny phone message yesterday too. It was a guy calling from some health service organization telling me to reschedule my psych appointment. However appropriate, I don't see a psychiatrist. Thank you!

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  4. Happy Hollow's Eve! The most exciting thing that happened was that I got a virus on my computer through using aim...argh.

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  5. feenix: You don't celebrate it? Then why... ;-)

    tiffany: Maybe I should have answered. "555-BUTT, Manuel Labor speaking."

    carnealian: Very informative comment. Thank you. Lunch at the cemetery?

    I didn't watch a single scary movie this weekend. First time in a long time I haven't rented one or at least watched one around Halloween.

    crys: Oh. Yeah. Sorry about that ;-)

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  6. Did you get any trick-r-treaters at your new place last night? It was my first Halloween in the house, but I only had my nephew show up. But, that's probably because I didn't get home until late. Oh well. :-) I have a zillion miniature tootsie roll suckers now - and Reeses Peanut Butter Cups. My coworkers are going to be so happy when they see the candy jar today! :-)

    Hope you had a fun evening - and the Seinfeld bit is, as always, hilarious. Thanks for posting.

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  7. Yeah, I had nine. It's kinda sad when you can remember exactly how many trick-or-treaters you have. But that's more than I had at my old place.

    I, too, have lots of candy leftover. Peanut M&M's, Gummy Savers, and bubble gum. I feel a dentist appointment coming on.

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  8. What!?!? No Hershey's Special Dark? Those are my favorite...my mom and I used to bribe my younger sisters and brother for first dibs on their candy bags to search for any. We were pathetic...

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  9. Ewww. Those were my least favorite. In the Hershey's miniatures bag, my sister and I would pick out the regular Hershey's, Mr. Goodbar, and Krackel, and my Dad would eat all the special darks.

    Oh well, I guess you and I could be like Little Miss Muffet... or Little Jack Horner... no, Jack Sprat! That's it.

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