Has it really come down to this? Blogging email jokes? Sad. Pathetic, really. Well, at least I'm not cluttering up your email inbox with this. Except for a handful of you, who so foolishly gave me your email addresses ;-) (K, we should have tried the zoo one a few years ago at the Atlanta Zoo, rather than trying to pick up the two hotties with the line, "So did you enjoy the Giant Pandas?")
How to maintain a healthy level of (in)sanity:
At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer
at passing cars. See if they slow down.
Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
Everytime someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "In."
In the memo field of all your checks, write "for smuggling diamonds."
Finish all your sentences with, "In accordance with the prophecy."
dont use any punctuation
As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
Order a diet water with a serious face whenever you go out to eat.
Specify that your drive-thru order is "to go."
Sing along at the opera.
Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.
Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Bottom.
When the money comes out of the ATM, scream, "I won! I won!"
When leaving the zoo, starting running towards the parking lot, yelling "Run
for your lives!! They're loose!!"
Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the poor economy, we're going to have
to let one of you go."
"And now you crossed that line, you can't come back. Tell me how does it feel now. It's too late, too much to forget about. Can't stop now. Tell me how does it feel..."