Tuesday, November 01, 2005

I think the key is...

(Bone channels Dr. Phil? Or More about Bone than you wanted to know. Probably choice B.)

So I had nine trick-or-treaters last night. Not many, but more than at my other place. There was a group of three, then a group of five, then one little girl. The group of five included one person bigger than me, with a trick or treat bag. What the crap?! OK, if you want to go along with the kids, that is more than fine. Just don't carry a bag. Among the costumes that I can remember, there was a Spiderman, an angel, a ninja, she-devil, and Tinkerbell. To Tinkerbell, I said, "What are you, an angel?" She said, "No, I'm Tinkerbell." The little kids are soo cute! Just makes me want to have one. Of course, not being able to reproduce asexually, there are a couple of obstacles in my way. Then again, I hear kids screaming in restaurants, running wild thru the mall, and misbehaving in general, and, well, I'm glad that I don't.

I know, I know, once I have my own, my whole outlook and opinion will change. And I have no doubt that this is true. I saw evidence of this in a friend of mine recently. He and his wife had their first child and several months later, I asked him to go do something one night. It was something that normally, he always would have been up for. But instead, this time he said he didn't know, and that he might just come home from work and play with his son that night. Which is what he did. Amazing.

On the other hand, I know people who are married. And several of them are having problems, or just don't seem very happy. And though they won't say it, I can almost see that they regret it. I imagine that some of them wish they were still single, or long to be single again. Then I hear single friends wondering if they'll ever get married, almost like they are longing for that. I hate knowing friends are unhappy. I would rather be unhappy if it meant that someone I care about would be happy. Does that make sense? Maybe everyone is like that. It's just that if I know someone I care about is unhappy, that almost always takes precedence to whatever I might be dealing with in my life at that time. When everyone else is happy, I'm happy. Sorry, got off on a little tangent there.

The grass always looks greener on the other side. That saying hasn't been around for eight eons for nothing. It may look better, but more times than not, it probably isn't. Sure, being single has a lot of advantages. Girls. Massages. Sitting around in your underwear. Not shaving for three days. (Note to self: Evaluate my definition of advantages.) If I want to stay out until 4:00 in the morning, I don't have to tell anyone (usually). If I want to get a massage every week, who's stopping me? I can take off and fly across the country or drive down to the beach on a whim. There's no one else to consider. I can date whomever I like, or no one at all.

But there are plenty of advantages to being married and having children, too. I may have said this before, but I cannot imagine someone committing to spend the rest of her life with me, as my partner, as one. Think about that. Far as I know, we only have one life here on Earth. And out of the millions and billions of people in the world, he/she chose you to spend their one life with. That is amazing. And children. How could children not be considered a blessing. I imagine that having children, someone being born into this world who is a part of you, someone who depends on you for their very survival, safety, and well-being, watching them grow and live and learn, would be... awesome beyond words. And I have always said that if I'm never married, that I want to adopt a child someday.

I do wonder sometimes if I'll ever get married. I mean, when my parents were my age, they had two kids and had been married for 11 years! That's just freaky to think about. Not to mention, my clock is ticking ladies! I mean, come on, sure Kenny Rogers had kids at 60, but just because The Gambler can do it doesn't necessarily mean I can. Then it seems like society has the idea that you have to get married. And I hate that. It doesn't bother me. But I've had female friends especially, wonderful girls, tell me they feel pressure if they're not married by a certain age. And that shouldn't be. At all. Then my mind returns to those I know who are unhappily married. So, be careful what you wish for. Boy, I'm just a walking cliche today.

I think the key is finding contentment. Whatever your situation. And finding happiness within yourself, with who you are. Then you'll be able to enjoy being single, or being with someone else, much more. Not that I claim to know it all. Or even very much. These are just my opinions. So for now, I really enjoy the good things about being single. Really ;-) Because I know that one day my life may be different and I won't have those anymore. I'll have new blessings. Different advantages.

I just hope that I still have time to blog ;-)

You had to be there...
(A light-hearted conversation inspired by last night's Tinkerbell trick-or-treater)
"Is Tinkerbell a boy or girl? And if he's a boy, is he gay?"
"Girl. But if it was a guy, definitely would be gay."
"Is she the one with Peter Pan?"
"She was in love with Peter Pan."
"So Peter effing Pan can get a girl and I can't?"
"No, he was in love with Wendy."
"So Peter Pan can get two girls! Great."
"No. Wendy didn't like Peter, Tink did."
"Oh, OK."
"And he liked Wendy. Not Tink."
"I may blog this conversation."

"I hope that I find what I'm reaching for, the way that it is in my mind. I hope that I won't be that wrong anymore, and maybe I have learned this time. Someday I'll get over you. I'll live to see it all through. But I'll always miss dreaming my dreams with you..."


  1. You've got it right on the money Bone. And out of the millions and billions of people in the world, he/she chose you to spend their one life with. That is amazing. That is something amazing. And people take it for granted. They worry about themselves being happy all the time, not wondering if the person they are with is happy, or if they're doing something that's causing that unhappiness. Committing yourself to someone and taking care of that responsibility and that privilege are highly underrated. One day, some girl will be lucky enough to have that privilege with you and it will be worth the wait. :)

  2. Look, Jeffrow.

    You need to stop HINTING in your blog... the answer is still "brbatiwlyn!"


  3. Haven't we all said we're lining up to be with you?? Oh wait, that was to be Kelly/Nelly with you. Either way ;-)

    You really did go off on a tangent tonight. Marriage/relationships must really be on your mind tonight/today. Sorry, I assume my time is your time. Damn, I guess it's not really ALL about me.

    So I think even I'm confused by the Peter Pan/Tinkerbell. You'll have to explain it to me later. God, the more I talk to you and Meredith and J-Mo, the more I want to come visit!!!!

  4. I have been having this very struggle for many years. I always knew I wouldn't be married before 30 and I was o.k. with that. I'm still not married, never have been and now I'm approaching 40. I used to feel like such a loser, but like you, I notice those around me that are married aren't that jazzed about it anyway. They look at me with envy because I can do what I want, when I want. I guess the grass is always greener, but I'm very thankful that I never had to go through the pain of divorce or have to raise children on my own. I guess we have to be thankful for what we are given, there is a purpose in it.

  5. P.S. The song lyrics...love this song...Cowboy Junkies version. Killer!

    Oh, and excellent choice on the Cure CD. I love the Cure. Hope they tour again. Always go with Amazon...they're so darned cheap!

  6. Lass: And from my point of view now, it's easy to see those things, but I've been guilty of taking people for granted in the past. It's so easy to do.

    Maybe I'm a little too idealistic.

    Feenix: idekw2s2u. Don't make me tell everyone that you're now stalking my friends in chat rooms.

    Brunette: Yeah, not sure where that came from. I think just certain things and situations cause you to think about marriage and kids more.

    Carnealian: Wow, I can tell from your comment that you totally got where I was coming from in that post.

    Yes, Cowboy Junkies. You are correct. And I think I've learned my lesson. Amazon it is!

  7. I'm still not ready to let this go...I was thinking about my friend who is almost 50, never married. Her mother makes it a point when someone asks if Deb is married, she says, "no, but she dates." Just so no one thinks she's gay.

    And, another thing, maybe this is just a girl thing, but everyone bugs you when are you getting married. When that happens, then, it's when are you going to have kids. What can they bug about after that? What, you're life is over and now you can die? There is more to life than getting married and having kids. It seems that it's more acceptable to be divorced than to have never been married. Then, there is something wrong with you. Well, there is plenty wrong with me but give me a break. OK, I think I've gotten it all out.

  8. I married early for my time and area (real Seineld land--Long Island)

    We were so young and cute or something people would feature us in marriage symposiums because, uh, they just did.

    The marriage didn't last because we idealized the other too much

    Still do. All these years later, he's one of five people in the world I can call anytime and expect him not to curse--wouldn't anyway--doesn't

    But the point is that different things are right for different people.

    I too want everybody to be happy, and used to be surprised when I couldn't please everyone and make everybody feel good

    Learned differently but I would still help the people who hate me worst in the world if they needed it

    Know you would Bone and that's one of the things that makes you so irresistable in your blog

    And yeah--don't buy into the one man/one woman thing, except in my parents case of course because they were my parents

  9. Carnealian: I've had several single female friends tell me similar things. My Mom used to mention grandkids, but now that my sister is married, I guess she figures it's just a matter of time now. I think there's definitely more pressure put on females though. How society looks at those things... well, that's a whole other blog entry.

    My blog descrip used to be something like "Spokesperson for single people everywhere." :-)

    Pia: "But the point is that different things are right for different people."

    Yes. And everyone is different. (What, I'm quoting people's comments now? Geez. What a blerd I am.)

  10. I know what you mean. I'm getting ready to try the other side out now though - getting married is scary, just as you said. How can one person commit to another for a lifetime?
    You are a considerate person - from reading your blog for a while now, you're a person who, if you did take a person for granted, would wake up to the fact and do something about it. You wouldn't let it continue without trying to fix the problem. You have a lot to offer someone - when you're ready and the person is the right person for you.
    Sitting around in your underwear is definitely an advantage of being single. And there are sooo many others. Enjoy while you can. Every day is a blessing - just as it is.

  11. #1. Being married definately has its advantages too- like having someone to come home to and talk to every single night, someone that cares to listen. (That's my favorite!)

    #2. What is up with people asking "So when's the baby?" Um, I've been married for 5 months now- newlyweds don't have babies! Plus, what business is it of yours what we are doing in the bedroom??? HMMMMM??????

    #3. Sitting around in your underwear is always more fun with someone else! That's an advantage of being married too. ;o)

  12. Cindy: Thanks. I'm far from perfect. Made many mistakes in the past, and still do. But hopefully I've learned from those.

    Congrats on your engagement!

    OK, I'm gonna get some pants on and go out.