Betta Talk

If there seems to be a hop to my step these days. If I seem happier, more energetic, and generally more agreeable, I can explain. Genie Francis Will Return To General Hospital. That's right, GH fans. Laura's back! And all is well with the world. (Although I need to email MSNBC, as they seem to have an error in the story. The fictional town of Port Charles? Yeah, I don't think so.)

Bone: Welcome in to our first edition of Betta Talk here at If You Read Only One Blog This Year. I'm your host, Bone. Today's guest is my Betta, Pablo Picasso. So named because he has no ears. And I mistakenly thought Picasso was the artist who cut off his ear. So actually, we should be talking to Vincent right now.

Pablo: I hate that name.

Bone: Last week, we took reader questions for Pablo. And today he will attempt to answer them. Shall we begin?

Pablo: Why are you holding a microphone?

Bone: Very well. First up is Heather B. She asks, "Pablo, where is Bone headed off to?"

Pablo: Ha. Him go anywhere?

Bone: Moving along. Carmen has a few questions for you. She asks, "Have you ever seen Finding Nemo?"

Pablo: No, Bone doesn't like animated features. I keep hoping it'll come on cable one night when he's in the office.

Bone: She also wants to know, "Do you try to escape from your aquarium?"

Pablo: Funny you should mention that. Just tried that the other day actually. Didn't work out too well. Don't think that I'll be trying that again.

Bone: "Do you do any tricks?"

Pablo: Feed me enough pellets and I'll do anything.

Bone: And Carmen's last question is, "Do the bubbles tickle?"

Pablo: I just pretend it's my own personal hot tub.

Bone: OK, Pablo, next we have a couple of questions from Larsonbuckeyefans. "How did Bone get his nickname or is Bone in fact his real name? And also if you don't mind, will Troy Smith win the Heisman next year?"

Pablo: Like everything else in his life. From Seinfeld. I don't really know about the Heisman. Bone thinks I like sports because I look at the TV when ESPN is on. But that's really my cue for him to please turn it to Animal Planet. Never works.

Bone: OK. Up next is Renee. She wants to know, "Does it bother you that Bone is leaving you to go eat..." Uh. Tell you what. Let's come back to that one. Lass has a good question. She writes, "Hey Pablo, tell the truth...does Bone snore?"

Pablo: Not so much. But sometimes he screams in his sleep.

Bone: I do not... do I? These questions are supposed to be about Pablo, not Bone. So let's try and stay focused here. One of our newer readers, Ms. Sizzle has a very fish-related question. She asks, "I am curious. Do you have any reservations about swimming around in your own poop?"

Pablo: Yes. Would you enjoy eating a food pellet that was floating ten inches from your own waste? But I don't get much choice. Fish have restroom etiquette rules as well.

Bone: Hey, there are hundreds of Bettas in Wal-Mart that would love to be in your tank right now, mister.

Pablo: It's enough with the microphone. Really. No one can see us.

Bone: OK. Crys is up next, Pablo. Crys is apparently a Betta-owner as well. She writes, "Pablo, do you sometimes sleep on the rocks and look seriously depressed? I was just wondering because Mr. Wiggles, my red betta, seems to like it down there? I've often asked him if everything was okay and twirled his jar a few times to see if he was still alive."

Pablo: Well, we do have to swim around in our own poo. Haha. No, I'm kidding. He's probably just cool. Under control. Like me. We like to be relaxed. Don't like too much stress or excitement.

Bone: Hilarious. He'll be here all week, ladies and gentlemen. 24/7 actually. At The Tank. OK, our next reader has evidently been reading her Pablo bio and press kit. It's MappyB, and she wants to know, "What does Bone do that makes you the happiest? Dance for you?"

Pablo: Actually, that only serves to frighten me. He appears to be convulsing and I think at any moment he is going to pass out. Not to mention, he's usually in his underwear. I like it most when he feeds me. And when we nap together.

Bone: Is it any wonder I love this little fella. OK, Pia has several questions, Pablo. First, she wants to know, "Can Bone sing?" And be careful how you answer this one. Remember who holds your food pellets.

Pablo: Well, Bone likes to sing. I'll just leave it at that.

Bone: She also asks, "How many eight track players does Bone own?"

Pablo: None. But he does have a dual-cassette player so that he can still make mix tapes.

Bone: Not that I still do that. Anyway. Pia's final question is, "Why do you think Bone's still a bachelor?"

Pablo: He's sitting here on a Thursday night, holding a microphone, talking to his fish. For starters.

Why do you think he's still a bachelor?

Bone: OK, next up is GroovyChick. She writes, "I've always wondered, you live in water. We live in air. We drink water. Do fish drink air? My betta, Bloo, takes sips of air and spits them back out. He would like to get together sometime for some freeze dried shrimps and pellets, to talk about how ugly girl Bettas are, if you are free."

Pablo: Freeze-dried shrimp? Why wasn't I told about this?

We do need air. Always leave your fish some space at the top of its tank. Or we'll suffocate.

Bone: OK, Pablo, we're almost done here. So you can get back to your busy life of swimming around and staring at your reflection. The Big Man has a fashion question for you. He asks, "Will it ever be fashionable to wear my MC Hammer pants again?"

Pablo: If Bone has anything to do with it, it will. And the Michael Jackson zipper jackets as well.

Bone: And our final question is from SurrenderDorothy. "OK Pablo, answer me this. Are you the master of your domain?"

Pablo: I am the aristocrat of the aquarium. Bone made me say that.

Bone: Well, that's all the time we have for today. Thanks for your questions. Maybe we'll try and do this again sometime. For now, I think Pablo and I might take a nap. Which basically means me lying down and him eventually getting tired of swimming around and settling in the bottom of the tank on the side nearest me. It's kinda sweet, really.

Hope you all have a wonderful weekend.

"Do you believe that everything I say is really true? Well, what's the difference? Don't you think everything's against us, that there's much too much to lose?"