Thursday, June 01, 2006

Office mascot

A conversation between the secretary and me, overheard this morning somewhere deep inside Building A at Branch Davidian East, also known as, where I work...

"Bone, I have a surprise for you. It's in my office."

I get out of my chair and follow her down the hall, my curiosity peaked. What could it be? A hot, new voluptuous college intern? Are they finally going to extend the doors on the bathroom stalls all the way to the floor for some real privacy? Maybe those men in black suits and sunglasses are here to talk to me again...

We get to her office and she points to a chair. In it I see the cutest little brown puppy ever lying in a cute little puppy bed.

"Aww, it's so cute!" I say, as I kneel to pet it.
"Rocky got it for me." Rocky, her husband. The puppy appears to be sleeping. Its stomach moving up and down as it breathes.
"What kind is it?" I ask. Softly petting its head, not wanting to wake it.
"It's a little Dachshund."
"Hmm. I've never seen one that small."
"I know. Ain't he cute?"
"I love it! Are you gonna bring it everyday?!" I ask hopefully.
"Yeah!" I'm very excited now.
"It's so cute!" I say, as I stand up to go back to work. Then I see the wicked, deceptive, evil smile on her face.
"It's not real."
She starts laughing, picks it up and turns it over. It's completely stiff. And flat on the bottom.
"Augh!!" I'm crushed. "I thought it was real," I speak almost pleadingly now, in a can-it-please-be-real tone.
"But... but... I was so excited!" Now I'm more like a child who's just been told there's no Santa.
More laughter.
"I was even afraid I was gonna wake it up!" I say, almost angrily.
Still more laughter.

Augh!!! They fooled me, Jerry. It's not being fooled that bothers me. I can take a joke better than most. It's just that my hopes were crushed, like a tiny ant by a heartless sledge hammer. I'm so disappointed. I wanted a puppy. It looked so real. Even now, I just went out to see it again. It's still "breathing."

On the bright side, I guess my role as office mascot is safe for a while longer. Oh, let's face it. There is no bright side. What kind of sick, demented person came up with the idea for a puppy who fake breathes?!

"Don't say you're easy on me. You're about as easy as a nuclear war..."


  1. That was such a rotten joke. I probably would have discovered the joke quicker because I wouldn't have been able to contain myself and would have been picking up the "sleeping" dog at once. Oh well. It just makes you all the cuter. Dogs are a lot of work. Think hard before you get one!

  2. *ROFL* I love that you are most upset over it "breathing." You guys have too much time on your hands! Can I have a job like yours?

  3. Not laughing..seriously I am not laughing. I would of fell for it too.
    nope not laughing lol :)

  4. Heard a very similiar story a little while ago. This was much funnier. Very funny

    Please, ask the secretary if they can be found online. Need a new imaginary dog

  5. Carnealian: It could not have worked out more perfectly. I didn't pet it too much to discover it was hard plastic underneath. I didn't pick it up. They all know I LOVE dogs. Etc.

    Groovie: OK, but we've only had working toilets for probably about 39 of the past 52 weeks. Seriously. I never blogged about the outhouses in our parking lot. I'll have to do that.

    Linda: Go ahead. Laugh it up. I can take a joke.

    I just want a puppy.

    Pia: A new imaginary dog? I'm not telling Toto! And someone said they thought Cracker Barrel sold them. How do you like that :) If so, I might boycott. For a couple of weeks anyway.

  6. lThey sell those at Cracker Barrell on the Beltline. Now I know what to get you for Christmas. "Didn't I get you that for Christmas last year?" LOL

  7. for serious? it breathes?! that is pretty creepy.

    puppy should never be used for practical jokes. that's what spiders and frogs are for.

  8. Well, howwww rude. Hmph. LOL. I've never heard of a fake puppy.

    Are you plottig your revenge yet?

  9. Know the feeling Bone. About a month of so ago, for Secretary/Administrative Assistant's day, I forgot and ran into a florist and picked out the by far the best looking orchid. She left it on her desk--and about a week later I asked when those other blooms were going to open... That's when I found it it was a silk orchid. I felt pretty stupid, but she promised me that it would last longer than the plant I sent her last year.

  10. Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahhahhahaha.

    This is great.

  11. I laughed out loud at Sizz's comment... and I was equally disheartened to find that you didn't have a real puppy in the office. :(

    I think you should get a [real] puppy!

  12. Kyle: No! The only kind of puppy I want licks your face and craps on the floor. If you know where I can find one of those.

    Ms. Sizzle: I'm with you! And yep, they breathe. Found this site. I think they're meant to be playful pretend companions. Not used as cruel jokes on unsuspecting puppy lovers who can't have pets in their apartment :)

    Chickadee: Haven't come up with anything good yet. I'll have to wait a few days. She'll be expecting it right now.

    Sage: Thanks for sharing, and trying to make me feel slightly better. I mean, I'm gettin' old here. I can't tell if a dog's real or not. (Obviously.)

    Blondie: Glad you enjoyed it. Entertainment at my expense. There's really nothing like it :-)

    OCG: I told her the only way I would forgive her is if she did get a real puppy and bring it to work everyday. So we'll see :)

  13. That is SO sad.... I would feel like you do... ): I wanna puppy too.

  14. I've seen those and frankly they're a bit freaky! Darly thought they were cuter than cute though. but she also wants Scamps & this dog with a cold nose too. DH says no cuz we have Lilly (who did something so weird today that we're all freaked out!)

    I'm sorry that you didn't get a real puppy Bone. I'm guessing they're not allowed in your building.

  15. I've played a lot of office jokes but I've never thought of the whole fake puppy thing. Hmm...I'll have to keep that one in mind. I feel your pain though. I'm one of the most gullible people and fall for stuff all the time. I've just learned to laugh at myself and move on.

  16. Reminds me of the time I went to the Museum of Death in San Diego. A cute dog was sleeping at the front desk and I reached down to pet it. I asked the receptionist the dog's name and she said it had been so-and-so but had been dead for 15 years. What kind of sick, demented person stuffs his dead dog and puts it on display? I guess the kind of person that would run a "Museum of Death."

  17. Feenix: Well, hello stranger! I thought you might have fallen off the face of the Earth. (Not really, it's just something people say.)

    Renee: I concur. A bit freaky indeed. What did Lilly do? Did you blog it?

    Krista: She got me good. No doubt. Hook, line, and sinker.

    Lizzie: I'm glad my post was able to remind you of such wonderful memories as your visit to the Museum of Death :-)

  18. I think that's a rotten joke. I would have been pissed off too.

  19. What a terrible thing to do to you! I would've been pretty PO'd myself.

  20. Lass: Thanks for the empathy. It was rotten.

    Carmen: Welcome back :)

  21. That was NOT funny. That was cruel. Some practical jokes are kinda ok, but that one just BIT. Shame on her!


  22. Circe: Wow, I've never seen you huffy before. Could you take care of her for me? ;-)

  23. Occasionally the 'huf' arises and overwhelms me occasionally and pulling that joke on you did it. Grrrr........!

    I'd be happy to 'take care' of her for you hon.