Monday, June 19, 2006

"You left a stain on everyone of my good days..."

In less than 96 hours, a blogger some of you may know (Me!) will be in (hopefully) sunny Florida. Barring any unforeseen encounters with Alabama's finest, of course, tryin' to catch us ridin' dirty. Called and booked a beach house Friday. Will be leaving Thursday after work and returning Sunday night.

Uh, speaking of ridin' dirty, my sister relayed this story to me over the weekend. (Hopefully this won't hurt my ratings in the 80-99 demographic.)

A girl she used to work with was assisting an older couple who had come into the office. After a couple of minutes she began to notice an awful stench. And its ripeness was growing by the second.

It got so bad she thought it was about to make her sick. So she excused herself and went out of the office to get some fresh air. She told a co-worker about this real-life olfactory nightmare. They speculated as to what it might be.

When she came back in, the smell was all but unbearable. It was an oddly familiar scent but she couldn't quite place it. At long last, the couple left.

That's when she saw it. A big wet spot in the chair where the man had been sitting.

No. It couldn't be... Could it? He couldn't have... Could he?

And all at once she recognized the scent. Urine. He could, would, and did.

She didn't know what to do. She went out to tell the manager what had happened and saw the man walking out the door, big wet spot on the back of his pants, confirming any remaining doubts she may have had.

So, bladder control problems: Sad or humorous? I guess it all Depends on which side of the stain you're sitting on.

Either way, looks like I may have to re-work my rules of public urination.

We close with some Seinfeld dialogue, from "The Couch":
Jerry: Is it...? Could it...? Could he have...? It is!! Poppie peed on my sofa!
Kramer: Are you sure?
Jerry: Well, what is it then? My new sofa! Poppie peed on my new sofa!
Kramer: I'm sure it'll come out.
Jerry: I don't care if it comes out! I can't sit on that anymore!
Kramer: Ah, you're making too much of it.
Jerry: Yeah, you're right. It's just a natural human function. Happens to be on my sofa, instead of in the toilet, where it would normally be.

"They see me rollin'. They hatin'. Patrollin' and tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty..."


  1. *LOL* Too funny! It's one of those situations that's either happened to you, or hasn't. Luckily, I have nothing to share here. =o)

  2. Yeesh! You gotta feel bad for him though. My great-grandfather had a catheter for quite a while. He was 88 years old, and he'd been cooped up inside for weeks. When I came for a visit he begged me to take him to the park. When I put him in the car, the flow-controller on the catheter bag came undone and I got it all over my hands trying to stop it. I was disgusted to be sure, but my poor great-grandfather must have been mortified, so I just handled it. Went in and got paper towels and cleaned up the car, washed my hands, and took my great-grandpa to the park. We made it from the car to a bench. Then we rested. Then we walked to another bench. Then we rested. Then he was exhausted and went home and slept. That was the last time he left the house under his own power. I was glad I was able to take him.

  3. As I was a nursing home social worker--well there's a smell, not that one, that's much worse. It's difficult to describe, and I'm not capable of much rational thought right now

    Old age in America is a horrbile thing--but the man was mobile, and if we're lucky we make to the 80's and above--hopefully mind and body mostly intact

    And laughing about older age is good. Because if we weren't laughing about it we would be crying as we're only seeing our own fears (which I originally wrote as "rears.")

  4. At least he had an excuse (what with him being old).

    I was in a dressing room in a clothing store and I heard a sound like liquid pouring in the room next to mine. I thought it was a little kid pouring out his soda (because there was a kid there with his mom). When I stepped out to tell the salespeople, the little kid and his mom came out of a different room. So I was perplexed. Anyways, I told the store people what I had heard, so they waited for the person to come out of the dressing room. It turned out to be a 20-something girl who hightailed it out of there like nothing had happened. It was pretty gross.

  5. Groovie: Sure you don't :)

    Lass: What a heart-breaking, sweet, sad story. I've been in situations where things that normally would gross me out didn't because it was someone I loved.

    Pia: Seeing our own rears? lol That's funny, for some reason.

    As the song goes, if we couldn't laugh we would all go insane.

    And, at least he evidently had a wife. Which is more than I can say for me.

    Xinh: Ewww. But... why? I'll never stand barefoot in a dressing room again!!

    I had no idea everyone would have a urination story.

  6. I'm pretty sure that everyone's gotta urination story ;o)

    You aren't colored impressed 'cuz I have no idea what you were commenting about on my blog...I'm guess it had something to do with my first chore of the day. Which could be a urination story all by itself...but I didn't do a Poppie.

    My story is there was this lady who came to our Church, she's still a member but now she is in a home. Well every week she came to Church and every week she smelled like urine...from the time that she got there. I don't know her living situation, but she would come to Church with her daughter. I have to wonder if anyone bothered to clean her up before she left the house/home. It was sad and sickning.

    Oh and I learned that for my grandmother learned from some support group that she attended to use condoms with tubing attached for my grandfather instead of diapers...just what I needed to know about him when I was 18.

  7. That is sad if no one would take care to clean her up.

    My comment was from Seinfeld when George was breaking up with Patrice. He said, "It's not you." Then she asked for the truth. And for once, he gave it to her.

  8. I just found the script for that and read it. I remember the windshild coffee table and the Kramer & Tina stuff, but not the Patrice & George stuff...weird how the mind works.

  9. Well, it makes me feel better that you remember part of the episode anyway. I really know way too much about that show.