Monday, September 26, 2005

Apartment #7

"Everything remembered is dear, endearing, touching, precious. At least the past is safe. Though we didn't know it at the time. We know it now because we have survived."

I'll never have to go back there again... Cleaned out my old apartment yesterday. Jonathan and my sister helped. Without their help, I'd still be there. It was a lot of work. Not to mention there were tornado sirens going off in town as we had several tornado warnings from Rita passing through. And we had no radio or TV at all, leading to this:
"I wonder if it's heading this way."
"Well, we should know within the hour."

In the midst of packing things up to move over the past couple of weeks, there have been several reflective moments. I came across many items that I had completely forgotten about. Sometimes I would catch myself pausing for a moment, just sitting there remembering, and smiling...

I thought about the night I proposed to her, as she sat in the bedroom floor, putting together this puzzle I used to have. And the look on her face when I surprised her with a ring.

I thought about the night we lost it, sitting on the couch, both in tears, as she gave the ring back to me.

I remembered having a roomate for the first year and a half I was there. No food was safe.

I thought about the time Bunny's psycho ex-boyfriend came in without knocking, accusing me and everyone else of causing them to breakup.

I thought about the time the cops almost broke down my door because everyone thought I was dead.

There was the time we filmed the Look Mom, No Life pilot, our closest brush with fame, which turned out to be not very close at all. And I discovered that it's not really that difficult to memorize lines when you shoot each scene ten or fifteen times.

There was the night M and I suddenly just decided that after two years, it just wasn't working. And I remember as she walked out feeling that this was something that I was going to miss.

I thought about how I used to sit there singing along to the digital cable music channels as T laughed at me. She must have been in love.

There was the Dodge-Dart-yellow stove (which fortunately died and had to be replaced) and green refrigerator. Those I won't miss.

And of course, there was my surprise birthday party when I turned 26. I never had a clue what was going on. That will always be one of my favorite memories...

I was the last one to leave yesterday. I walked thru every room making sure I wasn't leaving anything behind. They were empty, far as the eye could see. But they were full of memories. A few I mentioned here. Some probably shouldn't be mentioned. And some are stuck between the pages of my mind, just waiting for me to come across them again. I think I am learning quickly that it is OK to have memories and to cherish them, as long as they don't interfere with the present. The past is part of who we are. I just wonder why it often seems so much better now than it did at the time.

Before I closed the door, I took one last look back inside. For the past eight and a half years, this was where I had slept (almost) every night. Of course it was more than that. It had been home. And home is important, no matter where it may be.

"Sit here on the stairs cos I'd rather be alone. If I can't have you right now, I'll wait dear..."

10 comments:

  1. Wow - very powerfully said, Bone. "it is OK to have memories and to cherish them, as long as they don't interfere with the present" - I definitely agree.

    Thanks for allowing us in on your thoughts and memories. Very endearing.

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  2. Those are a lot of great memories Bone. And you're sure to gather new ones at the new place. I can look at different times in my life and see distinct chapters. What's so wonderful, is that you're the one that gets to write each new one, and add and develop characters along the way.

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  3. I am very melancholy about saying good bye to a person, place or even a thing because of all the memories attached. I have that same feeling of "why didn't anyone tell me these were the good old days when I was living them?" I know my friends and I can sit and laugh for hours over the stupid crap we've done. That's why memories can be so fun! You almost made me cry on this one...I'm just teetering on vile today so that's why I didn't. :)

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  4. Cindy: Thanks. Sometimes things feel really personal when I am writing. Almost painfully personal. But once they're out there... I just think it's good. And the nice comments always help.

    Lass: Yep! This chapter is over. A new one begins. I don't think there's anything wrong with reading over the old chapters from time to time. But I need to enjoy this one as it's being written.

    Carnealian: I really didn't think this entry was very good. I began it last night, then woke up at 3:30 this morning and wrote the largest part of it. But it's always heartening to know that someone relates to what I am saying.

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  5. You were there for eight and a half years? Wow... that's a purty long run.

    Again, if I comment on everything that I want to, my reply will be much to long to stomach... so I will be breif.

    Nice post, Bone x5...

    xoxo

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  6. Wow, this post was so on target for me today. "as long as they don't interfere with the present." That was the part that I needed to see. Thanks.

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  7. Blonde: Please comment as much as your heart desires. Yes, that is a long time to live somewhere. But I simply despise moving.

    JC: So glad you got something from it :-) Hope all is going well.

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  8. Man, yea she must have been in love, Those digital music stations can be a killer. ;-)

    "I've been sitting here, trying to find myself..I get beside myself. I need to rewind myself..."

    It always good to relive old memories, but it'e even better to make new ones!!

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  9. What an amazing look into you and your heart. You revealed so much in this post. My God, you were like a country song...I could feel every one of the emotions you wrote about. I could almost cry thinking about you taking one last look around. What amazing memories you have. You're right to hold on to them too! I don't think people realize just how important memories are...anytime I've moved, I've always done so in a rush...I hate things that hurt, so I avoid them like the plague most of the time. I guess age will make that better, or at least that's what I keep telling myself.

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  10. Tiffany: Yeah, I was very comfortable in her. That is a very good thing.

    Brunette: Thank you. Sometimes I think I like dwelling on the pain. Or at least I have at times in the past.

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