Friday, September 30, 2005

Massage #2, Longwang, etc.

Blogging away while keeping an eye on Mister Longwang.
(Napoleon Dynamite voice) "Gah!" That's so much more creative than Katrina and Rita.

Stay away from my danger
I hope you've all seen that Stuart Larkin skit on MadTV. It's one of the funniest things in the history of television to me. So I went for my second massage yesterday. Going in, I was thinking there was no way it would feel as good as the first time. After all, there's nothing like your first time, right? Wrong! This one was even better. She massaged each of my toes! Oh my good gracious, I had no idea that was such an erogenous zone. My toes are very ero-gen-ic? She also had me turn over for the last five minutes or so. Ruh roh, Shaggy. I cannot even put into words how wonderful the entire thing was. So, coming out, she says something like, "For someone who just recently got his first massage, you sure are getting accustomed to them." Oh yeah! No doubt. Another girl who works there was sitting out in the front area there and she said, "They're addictive aren't they? You just want one everyday." Exactly. You read my mind. Oh, and I remembered to tip her, too. Ten bucks for a sixty dollar massage. Do you think that's good? I had to fight the urge to just hand over my entire wallet.

For the sake of fiscal responsibility, I'm going to try to only go once a month. However, I'm not sure if I can stick to that. I am addicted. My name is Bone, and I am a massage-aholic. Will you please rub on me?

A Big Sweaty Tale, by Bone
You remember my recently developed germophobic tendencies. Or maybe you don't, but that link will refresh your memory. Anyhow, so it still smells really bad in here usually one or two days a week, due, I'm assuming, to Big Sweaty. So I have gotten in the practice of spraying down the studio with disinfectant everyday after he leaves. Well, the other day, Tuesday I think, he comes back in after I have sprayed and evidently smells the Lysol. So he asks me, "Does it smell bad in here?" As much as I would have liked to say, "It always smells bad in here after you've roosted for a few hours", I instead struggled to come up with some false explanation. I looked around the room. Spotting some flowers that someone had received a few days before, I said, "Well those flowers were starting to smell pretty strong, so I sprayed some Lysol." So disaster was narrowly averted, and I didn't even have to give up my Reese's Peanut Butter Cups as a sacrificial offering.

In other news...
Amy Poehler is on Conan tonight! She narrowly missed Bone's top seven celebrity crushes. I'm a sucker for funny girls.

We finally had our first "fall" day yesterday. Very nice and cool. I wish I could box it up and send it to ya.

Well, that's about it for now. Big game tomorrow. I'm nervous. I went by the mall yesterday after my massage. Got a Bama shirt at Hibbetts to wear to the game Saturday. They are a little higher, but they usually have the best Bama stuff.Hope you all have a great weekend. Roll Tide!

"Chantilly lace, and a pretty face, and a pony tail hangin' down. A wiggle in her walk, giggle in her talk, makes the world go round. Ain't nothin' in the world like a big eyed girl, that makes me act so funny, spend my doggone money..."


  1. Sure you were going to tell me about my blog--sure..

    I almost never sweat or I guess girls presperire--which obviously I don't know how to to spell.

    In summer I never used to be able to get on the subway because everybody around me would be sweating, and it would touch me--yick

    A few years ago the cars began to be all air conditioned so I could actually go on the subway without risk of everybody's sweat all over me. and you think it's exciting to live in New York

    We had our first real fall night last night and it was so exciting to sleep in a room that was air conditioned by nature

    Just put up a post I wrote awhile ago but never had the nerve to put up because it insults half my family

  2. I'm so glad you were in love with your massage. I'm tellin' ya, they NEVER get old! They feel that good EVERY time!!!

    It's decided to be hot here again, but supposedly it's going to cool down to the 70's again. I don't really care either way, I just wish it was consistent!

    Oh yeah, I love that you asked to be rubbed on the net...I'm thinkin' you're going to get some takers on that... :-)

  3. So something moved this time, or did you not really mean erogenous? I mean, I like to have my toes rubbed an all, but I don't get turned on from it, at least not from the massage lady...

    LOL! Maybe try scented candles? Or incense?

    Roll Tide!

  4. Pia: I think girls glisten ;-)

    When I visited NY, we were taking the train to Coney Island (about an hour one-way... whose idea was that?) and got stuck on a car where the air was not working. Very sweaty.

    Brunette: They never get old? That's wonderful to hear! I wonder what you call someone who likes massages? Massagist?

    Lass: Does that have to occur for it to be erogenous? Either way, it was a very sensitive area. Delightful. Blissful. Who knew!

  5. I am such a retard...I put this int he comments on your original post about germphobes. I'm blaming it on this freaking cold I must have just caught.

    I am slightly a germphobe. I have stockpiled the anti-bac hand sanitizer from Bath and Body Works. I use it often. I'm not as bad as "the ex boyfriend" or my nephew. They were just down right annoying about it. And now I see why the "public gas" would be an issue for you. I don't think there's any germs in that-although unpleasant!

    Yea, now that I think about it, there's some big sweatys where I work. Fortunately, I don't have to deal with them much. They give me the heeby-jeebies.

    Hmmm, Bo or Luke Duke...I think I was partial to Bo. It's been so long ago, I can't remember. I'm surprised you even noticed there was anyone else in the show besides Daisy. Geez, she was every guys dream! How about Starsky and Hutch. Hellooo Starsky!

    Have a great weekend....go ND...and Bama!

  6. Hey Bone,
    I think that you should find a nice girl that likes to give massages. You will have to learn to be an expert also, but I am sure you are finding out what feels best already. Toes-yes well, hmmmm. Which reminds me that I really need to run get some opie polish as I need my toes done. How are you finding the new apartment now? I hope you are still loving it.

  7. Carnealian: That's cool. I have email notification turned on, so I got your original comment. But now, everyone else can see it ;-)

    I just don't know about Bama this week.

    JC: Yes, that would be ideal. To find a girlfriend to give massages. And I'd return the favor, of course.

    Still LOVE the new place. Thanks for asking, dear.

  8. hey bama, just listened to the newest show, per your request. Funny as usual!!!

    p.s. i also think i discovered what i'm not supposed to know ;)

  9. since Bone is out of town today, I thought I'd let everyone know that we now have screen names for the show.

    If you'd like to be on the segment, "Who's IM'ing Kyle", you can contact us using either AOL Instant messenger or Yahoo Instant messenger. Also, you can send us your phone numbers through IM if you'd like to be part of the "Random Cell Phone Call Segment." As always, due to the time constraints, high volume of IM's, and number of listeners to the show, we can't guarantee that you will actually be on the show.

    AIM: jeffandkyleshow
    YIM: jeffandkyleshow

  10. Crys: Thanks for the compliment.

    "p.s. i also think i discovered what i'm not supposed to know ;)"

    Umm, what does that mean? Oh. Hmm. Nevermind, I think I know. IM me sometime.

    Java: Good job. OK, I'll add all that info to my latest blog entry.

  11. If you do ever end up dating a masseuse, don't try and make her submit to forcible massage! (I'm assuming you of all people will catch the reference...)

  12. Sarah: Absolutely!! Love it! She probably wouldn't want to give me a massage because she gives them all day long.