Tuesday, July 18, 2006
The hurt
Sometimes you have to suffer before you can write. Sometimes you have to get cut so that you can justly describe the pain. Sometimes you have to bleed to remember that you can still feel.
I didn't think it could happen again. I thought I was safely close to the shore. I thought my feet were firmly planted. But sometimes, you venture out further than you realize. And before you know it, a wave hits you like a brick wall, turns you upside down, and leaves you gasping for air.
And there's that old familiar feeling in the pit of your stomach. The emptiness and pain. It's been so long, I had forgotten how truly awful it feels.
I toss and turn all night long. Making deals with the devil to try and get some sleep. Because sleep is the only relief. But sleep doesn't come. No matter how many sleeping pills I take.
I feel like throwing up, but I can't. I feel like I should cry, but I won't. I vow I'll never let myself feel this way again. But I will.
It just hurts. And there is no cure. Except time. The slowest antidote ever created.
You win. I lose. But we both know you didn't play fair.
Not that anyone ever does.
"Make you stay wide awake. This is how a heart breaks..."
I didn't think it could happen again. I thought I was safely close to the shore. I thought my feet were firmly planted. But sometimes, you venture out further than you realize. And before you know it, a wave hits you like a brick wall, turns you upside down, and leaves you gasping for air.
And there's that old familiar feeling in the pit of your stomach. The emptiness and pain. It's been so long, I had forgotten how truly awful it feels.
I toss and turn all night long. Making deals with the devil to try and get some sleep. Because sleep is the only relief. But sleep doesn't come. No matter how many sleeping pills I take.
I feel like throwing up, but I can't. I feel like I should cry, but I won't. I vow I'll never let myself feel this way again. But I will.
It just hurts. And there is no cure. Except time. The slowest antidote ever created.
You win. I lose. But we both know you didn't play fair.
Not that anyone ever does.
"Make you stay wide awake. This is how a heart breaks..."
17 Comments:
"If you don't expect too much from me, you might not be let down."
Name: Bone
Location: Alabama, United States
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a good cry might do you some good. you don't have to tell us about it but do it all the same.
take care.
is rebellion because you already hurt, you just don't want to. So cry, then Sleep, because your capacity to appreciate joy just got greater.
But the only real good thing about being wounded is the ice cream. All the ice cream you can get.
Pia: Finest ever? Do you have any idea what you're saying? :)
Dorothy: What a wonderful well-written comment. I especially liked "because your capacity to appreciate joy just got greater."
Thank you.
Tenacious One: First time I'd seen the sun come up in awhile.
I'm visiting from Pia's place.
This post touched me. I was just thinking recently that no matter how smart, grown up, and wise I think I am, I'll still keep getting tossed and pounded by the wave....it seems that hurt is the risk that comes with opening yourself to people/life.
G: Thank you. Pia apparently sent me lots of visitors today :)
Katie: No, I haven't had any problems with AIM lately.
Teresa: Thanks for the nice words, and thanks for visiting.
VanillaSkies: Thanks. Part of me was relieved I could still feel that way.
Redneck Girl: Yeah. Wasn't that a song, prayin' for daylight? How true.
Jen: Oh, cool. I guess you can't improve on some things. I used to tear the corners off mine and make spit wads out of the foam.
Remember your strength. As you know, you can find solace in writing and in talking with others.
I'm here if you need to talk.
Lass: We wouldn't have the ability were it not useful for something. I guess.