Tuesday, July 25, 2006

What I miss

You know what I miss?

That feeling of security. The feeling that comes after you've been together awhile. When you know that no matter what problems arise, what petty arguments you might have, you're gonna work thru it. That you're on the same team. Fighting for love. Not fighting against each other.

Being on double dates and shooting knowing glances at each other across the table. Glances that say, "Can you believe these two" and "I'm ready whenever you are" and "Let's get out of here."

When she knows what I'm thinking. Even when I'm not thinking it. When I can't figure out what type of food I'm in the mood for, and she makes the perfect suggestion. And it seems she knows me better than I know myself.

I miss birthdays and holidays. I miss Christmas Eve, after all the family stuff is done. Coming back home, just us two. And just being. Talking. Hanging out.

That's my favorite time. When it's just us two. Almost to the point where hanging out with other people often seems like a chore.

Tracing the outline of her face with my finger over and over and over. So that if I ever lost my sight, I would still be able to recognize her.

I miss spontaneous road trips. Her falling asleep in the passenger seat. And me watching her and smiling.

Surprising her. Seeing that look of happiness on her face. Standing beside her. Carrying her when she needs it. Stepping back sometimes and letting her shine.

I miss knowing someone will be there. No matter what each day brings. No matter what goes wrong in my life, or what goes right. She'll be there to listen. To share in the joy and the pain. We'll be there for each other, thru the peaks and valleys.

Falling asleep each night knowing there is someone in this world who loves me with everything she is. Knowing she doesn't want anyone else. And neither do I.

That's what I miss.

"I think we should try. I think I could need this in my life. I think I'm scared. I think too much..."


  1. Oh Bone! How long has it been since she left? I'm sorry I missed out a lot!... I may not know and fully understand whatever happened between you and her but reading your blog, sometimes I see myself either in you or her. It pains to see that after all those year as you used to say in your other post, the pain is still there or is it just the memory? from the way I read things its like the pain just won't go away and I bet even the tears won't stop. But Bone, life doesn't stop there and you need to go on and move on. I pray to God to give you the strenght and guidance to be able to do so...I know the feeling...it's so crushing sometimes to know someone is suffering intensely as I once did and I can't do anything abt it but just read on! Do take care!

  2. Bone,

    All I can say is I hope you'll find that feeling again. I mean, I know you will but I hope it's sooner rather than later. Hang in there.

  3. Bone, you make your feelings come alive. it's beautiful

  4. At least you have all those things to miss. Sigh. I don't think I've ever felt that way about anyone. Attraction, yes, but not what you write about.

    Thanks for the comments today. Maybe the reaction to being called a "pretty thing" depends on who it comes from. ha ha. Although it wasn't the "pretty", it was the "thing" that I had a problem with. Well, that and the weird waiter it came from.

    Oh, and the shirt says "Ripcurl Australia" - it's my favorite casual shirt. I got it in Sydney. I feel like it makes me a cool surfer girl, even though I can't surf. (I plan to take a lesson in Hawaii in January when I go. Though the shark thing is still an issue, so I might be able to surf on LAND)

    You should grab some friends and join us in Lost Wages. We always know how to make things interesting! I think Dorothy might have a conniption if we actually met! ;)

  5. VanillaSkies: Thanks. I don't think it's pain. Just missing and longing for a feeling I once felt. Just something that came out.

    Lizzie: Thank you. I'll always hang.

    Pia: Thanks, Pia. They're the easiest thing for me to write about. Usually.

    Carmen: No prob. I've been behind on my blogging and blog reading. Trying to catch up.

    Like the shirt.

    Dorothy's hard to beat.

  6. love that song and the artist.

    The sadder part about that Bone, is that when you're together for so long you begin to take all of that for granted. You just slide into the groove of the daily grind and barely acknowledge eachother. And you begin to miss all that you had, wondering if you'll ever have that again. For some this marks the end, for some others this is where you just live with it.
    However, sometimes you get lucky and something happens that makes you remember it all.

    When you get that again remember that it takes work to keep that alive. Remember that while bringing her flowers all the time can make them loose their significance, not bringing them at all can make her resentful.

    Men need to feel needed, Women need to feel cherished.

  7. The fact that you miss it is a blessing, Bone. It means you know she's out there and that you won't settle. You are further down the road than you realize. There are so many that don't even have it to miss. Convinced the fairytale doesn't exist, the settle into a mediocre at best relationship.

    The first step is "identifying Florence". You've just done that. Congratulations. Now get your Jason Priestly butt to Vegas and just see. (Of course, I mean that in the nicest possible way).

  8. reading this post makes me miss all those things about being in a couple. it has been too long. the feeling does come around again, and sometimes it can surprise you. see now, the next time it comes, you'll feel it even more powerfully.

  9. Great post - and description. It's great to have a partner to walk through this world with hand in hand. Someone to make you laugh. And someone to be there when there is nothing to laugh about. Someone to just share the everyday "nothing" even. It's good stuff.

  10. Renee: You're exactly right. I had it. And lost it. It's so easy after awhile to take it for granted. Perhaps that's why we go thru certain trials. So that we learn not to take it for granted.

    Dorothy: I always wondered if most people just settled, but a few held out for the dream.

    And, um, please refer to me only as "Brandon Walsh" in the future ;-)

    Ms. Sizzle: Thanks. I think I'll appreciate much more, too.

    Tenacious One: Exactly. Those "nothing" moments or hours or days. Sometimes they're the best.

  11. Tracing the outline of her face with my finger over and over and over. So that if I ever lost my sight, I would still be able to recognize her.

    I love this sentiment. That's perfectly beautiful and makes my heart ache.

  12. Can you fly to PA so I can hug you? OK, I'll fly down there. You deserve to find a woman that will love you like you need and want to be loved. She's out there. With every goodbye, there's something for you to learn. I hope you learn and move on. I know that doesn't make the pain and lonliness any better. Know that we've all been there, or will be there at some point in our lives. We've all survived. You will too. And I think your writing will grow with this experience. Keep your pen and paper around....good thoughts will come!

  13. You will find that feeling again someday .....

  14. Beautifully written.....you have a way of expressing yourself that is an amazing gift. I understand what it's like to miss someone, sometimes it's not necessarily the person we miss but what they represented in our lives. Although, I know that my husband and I splitting up is the right thing for all of us.....I still miss him. Hopefully we will all find what we are "missing" in our lives. ~Hugs~

  15. I'm thinking about you Bone. I know the longing is the worst. The acute part of grief does end...but I know the longing is what lingers and it's difficult to deal with sometimes.

    Sending some healing thoughts your way.

  16. Lass: Thanks. That's my favorite line, too.

    Carnealian: You are right. Everything you said. It's possible I will be doing a Hug Bone Nationwide Blog Tour at some point. I'll let ya know ;-)

    Amber: Thanks.

    RedNeckGirl: Thank you. No matter how well I'm doing, there are always times when I miss those things about a relationship.

    Chickadee: Thank you. I'm doing fine. It's not all the time. Just from time to time :)

  17. This...

    Tracing the outline of her face with my finger over and over and over. So that if I ever lost my sight, I would still be able to recognize her.

    ...this, makes me weep. Makes me feel something I havent felt in years, but somehow I cannot put it into words like you can.

  18. M: Thank you for letting me know it moved you. Very nice comment. Like I said, it was my favorite line, too. Honestly thought the entire post paled in comparison.