You know what I miss?
That feeling of security. The feeling that comes after you've been together awhile. When you know that no matter what problems arise, what petty arguments you might have, you're gonna work thru it. That you're on the same team. Fighting for love. Not fighting against each other.
Being on double dates and shooting knowing glances at each other across the table. Glances that say, "Can you believe these two" and "I'm ready whenever you are" and "Let's get out of here."
When she knows what I'm thinking. Even when I'm not thinking it. When I can't figure out what type of food I'm in the mood for, and she makes the perfect suggestion. And it seems she knows me better than I know myself.
I miss birthdays and holidays. I miss Christmas Eve, after all the family stuff is done. Coming back home, just us two. And just being. Talking. Hanging out.
That's my favorite time. When it's just us two. Almost to the point where hanging out with other people often seems like a chore.
Tracing the outline of her face with my finger over and over and over. So that if I ever lost my sight, I would still be able to recognize her.
I miss spontaneous road trips. Her falling asleep in the passenger seat. And me watching her and smiling.
Surprising her. Seeing that look of happiness on her face. Standing beside her. Carrying her when she needs it. Stepping back sometimes and letting her shine.
I miss knowing someone will be there. No matter what each day brings. No matter what goes wrong in my life, or what goes right. She'll be there to listen. To share in the joy and the pain. We'll be there for each other, thru the peaks and valleys.
Falling asleep each night knowing there is someone in this world who loves me with everything she is. Knowing she doesn't want anyone else. And neither do I.
That's what I miss.
"I think we should try. I think I could need this in my life. I think I'm scared. I think too much..."