Thursday, July 27, 2006

Greetings from Boring, AL

Population, one. I'm Mayor Bone. Welcome to our town. My life.

My apologies for lack of posts. And lack of updates on my day-to-day life. A lot has been going on in my life, and in my head. And evidently the things that are on my mind have taken away any ability I may once have had to create moderately interesting posts. Recently, everytime I've tried to recap my day or my weekend, it ended up being about as interesting as a bingo announcer. You know, "Under the I... seventeen. I... seventeen."

I wanted to blog about last weekend. My Dad's birthday was Friday. I went to dinner with him and his wife, my sister and her husband. I wanted to blog about how much younger he seems now than he did five years ago.

For several years, Dad looked and acted ten or fifteen years older than his age. But now, his attitude is a thousand times better. He walks for exercise almost everyday. He's in better shape. For years, we bought him 2XL or even 3XL shirts. But he told my sister if we got him a shirt this year to get XL.

So much of life depends on our attitude. And he's proof of that. Now he seems younger. He has a lot more life. And he should. He's only 56. He seems happier. And that makes me happy.

While shopping for Dad's birthday, when shopping for anyone really, I sometimes like to reward myself by purchasing an item or two, or, six, for me. Somehow, Dad wound up two DVD's and a cap. I wound up with two DVD's and four CD's--Snow Patrol's Eyes Open, The Outfield's greatest hits, and a couple of Tim McGraw CD's I didn't have.

Sunday afternoon, LJ, Wolfgang, and I drove down to Kinlock. (Thinking it's weird looking at last year's post that we went almost exactly the same weekend.) We rode in LJ's Mustang convertible. When we got there and he was putting the top up, he mentioned that he'd heard a funny noise when he put the top down leaving his house. Turns out, the back window had shattered. Uh, yeah, that would be the funny noise.

Tiny pieces of glass were everywhere. It wasn't funny. But it was. WG and I would say things like, "I forgot to get the sunscreen out of the car. Hey, LJ, give me the keys.... Oh, uh, nevermind. I'll just climb thru the window." That went on the whole day, cause we're mature like that. If anyone can run something in the ground...

I also learned yet another new and astonishing fact about one of my friends. Kinlock has a falls you can slide down. Maybe fifteen feet high. The water is shallow at the bottom there. Only three or four feet. There are also at least three different ledges that people jump off of into the swimming hole. In my best estimation, they range in height from probably 20 feet up to about 60.

The water is obviously deeper where you jump off the ledges. Again estimating, it's probably between seven and eight feet. So we all slid down the falls when we got there. LJ and I swam over, climbed up and jumped off the lowest rock. After awhile, I noticed WG was just sitting and watching everyone. I approached him.

"Why aren't you jumping off the rocks?"
"I can't swim."
"Uhh, then why do you come here?"
"I have fun just watching everyone else."

I can't even begin to... I mean, I'm fine if you can't swim. I can't roller skate. But I don't go to the skating rink and just watch.

Although I will admit, there was one kid there, in serious need of a mansierre, who was providing entertainment for most everyone. He was spry. Doing flips off the lowest rock. I'm not even sure I could turn a flip on solid ground.

Monday was my sister's two-year wedding anniversary. Had lunch with her. She is excited about going to Atlanta next weekend for my cousin's wedding. Because apparently, she's never been to Atlanta! I know I raised her better than that.

Perhaps I'll regain my ability to be moderately interesting and engaging before I lose all my readers. But for now...

Under the O... sixty-seven. O... sixty-seven.

Please, someone bingo.

"I ain't got many friends left to talk to. Nowhere to run when I'm in trouble. You know I'd do anything for you..."


  1. That guy needed a bro, not a mansierre. :)

    That's great that your dad is doing better. I'd be happy if my dad could make it back down to the 3X range. Now he wears 6X shirts.

  2. LOL...I was on my way to comment on the "mansierre"...I just howled over that episode of Seinfeld...and cracked up totally when I read The Big Man's comment. I had forgotten about the Bro! I need to start watching Seinfeld again...
    How old are you anyway? I have a niece that's 19.....

  3. BINGO! woo hoo!

    I think it's so funny that you made fun of his broken window. Sounds like something my friends would do to keep me from screaming over it. :)

  4. Your dad is an awesome man. Did WG even get into the water at all, at least on the edge?
    On our way to the beach this weekend, Britt was very quiet in the backseat. All of a sudden she yelled out "JAPAN!" She was playing with her Leappad with headphones on. Even now, if everything gets quiet, we just say "Japan."

  5. Those falls sound great. I've only ever seen something similar in Ocho Rios, Jamaica. Though I've never actually been to the falls. I can't imagine not being able to swim. I live for the water and once I'm in the water, you can barely get me out. Everyone should know how to swim!

    Keep your chin up...

  6. It's just a support garment for fuller-figured men. I'm one of those that teases to lighten too. My friend and I took the church youth girls camping. At church camp, on the last night, the bishop or leadership from each unit come for a testimony meeting and some serious dutch oven eats. Her husband was that leader. They um took a long walk to the car after. 2 hrs. later, he drives her back. I was shamelessly making jokes about "going for a walk" or choices and consequences "Making your bed and lying in it" .

    My BH won't swim either. He almost drowned in a river on a canoeing trip when he was a Ute. I mean youth.

    You know how to get a 90 yr. old lady to say the "F" word. Get another one to shout "BINGO".

    How about Calzones for lunch. I'll have Newman pick them up on his route, unless it's raining. Then I'll have Kramer do it after he dries his clothes.

  7. FAWK!

    *mutters while walking away* I just needed B-4... *kicks a stone*


  8. Big Man: Eh, I don't care for bro. It's too ethnic :)

    Jennifer: You definitely need to start watching Seinfeld again. My blog would make much more sense then ;-)

    Um, I'm 33 :)

    "You know I like my girls a little bit older..."

    Carmen: Ah, finally. We have a winner.

    Yeah, I figure the damage had been done. When there's nothing else you can do about it, might as well laugh about it.

    GroovieChick: Aww, that's cute about Britt.

    Yes, he slid down the falls once. Into the water that's like 3 feet deep. Then climbed out and never got back in again.

    Carnealian: I love places like that. Completely natural. Often secluded. Free of charge.

    Chin is up. Thanks, sweetheart :)

    Dorothy: Yeah, I remember thinking, he can't be too comfortable with those things clanging around.

    A calzone sounds good. Just make sure it's from Paisano's. And be sure the guy at the counter sees you leave a tip.

    Rae: LOL

    Thanks for bringing back the word ver.


  9. First - I think your "boring" is still more exciting than my "ALIVE!".

    Second - I love bingo. (Okay, that's a lie.)

    Third - Watching people jump off of rocks and swimming is a much more exciting experience than watching people roller skate... bad example! Just being in the environment with you guys was probably increadibly amusing for your water timid friend.

    Forth - Hang in there. We're here cause we love ya... not cause you tell good stories.

  10. Bone--you're never boring. The part about your father is very very touching. About your friends--funny--very funny. Love learning about the town---and the falls. Would be scared to death--and I'm an excellent swimmer

    And your sister is very lucky to have you--though honestly, you didn't raise her right :-) Never been to Atlanta. At least I've been to the airport :-)

  11. Make sure to give Kramer some cash this time for the calzones! Now I'm hungry...where are you hiding those calzones George! I know you've got them in here...I can smell them!

    Those falls sound like a spot I went to in WV once...very fun. There has to be a place like that in CO somewhere.

    Hey did you see my squash?

  12. Boring is as boring does. I don't even know what that means. But hey - Kinlock looks fun. I have been to Bankhead, but not that portion. Maybe I'll have to take the dogs to check it out while I'm home. They love to go swimmin'. And I'm sure 2-3 weeks with mom and dad will find me looking for ANYthing to do. :)

    I'm the worst about buying gifts for others and coming home with my fair share.

  13. Blondie: Well, my life's not boring. Especially this past week. I just thought the way I told it was.

    Of course, there wouldn't be a problem if I could blog everything. But for one reason or another, I can't blog certain things that were much more entertaining.

    Pia: Yeah, but we're like three hours from Atlanta. I couldn't believe it.

    Renee: Yes, I saw your squash. Did you get rid of your refrigerator and go all fresh food? Fresh fish, fresh fowl, fresh fruit. You buy it, you eat it.

    Tenacious One: You should check it out for sure. It's a fun little spot. Email me if you need directions.

  14. You are a very interesting guy, Bone. And I liked what you said about age being all about attitude. I think it's very true.

  15. I'm just glad you're OK! I was startin' to get worried 'bout ya.

    I think that sounds like a fun weekend! We don't have any natural waterfalls like that around here.


  16. Crystal: Why, thank you, Miss Crystal :)

    Lass: Yeah, figured I'd better update or people would begin to wonder :)