The vacuum monologues

Thanks to Pia for mentioning me on her site the other day. I only wish that I would've had a better post up for people to see if they clicked over :-) If you haven't read Courting Destiny, you should check it out. I love her tales of New York, past and present. And her writing is truly splendid. Now, on with today's entry...

I push the loud, unwieldy contraption across the carpet, taking care to run it over every visible piece of dirt, dust, and debris. Trying to complete the task as quickly as possible. I hate loud noises. Vacuums, lawn mowers, anything that is loud. When I was little, and Mom would start to vacuum, I'd go to another room or outside. I hate yelling. I like music loud sometimes. But that's about it. I see a piece of something over by the recliner. I run the machine over it once, twice, three times. It's still there. I reach down to pick up the stubborn item, as if it is purposely not cooperating. I examine it as if trying to decide why it won't "go," then inexplicably decide to toss it back on the floor and give the vacuum one more chance...

I really need help cleaning. Not cleaning so much. I can do (most) all the tasks. I just don't know what to do, or how often to do it. I noticed some dust the other day on the little baseboards at the bottom of the wall. I mean, how often do you clean those? What about the refrigerator? How often do you clean the inside of it? And dusting. Is it OK to dust shelves with a feather duster, or should I take all the items off and spray it with Endust everytime? (Lass, remember when you made this offer?) Someone should write a cleaning manual or something, sort of like a car maintenance schedule. Daily tasks, every other day, bi-weekly, weekly, monthly, etc.

"Any fashion, grooming, cooking, cleaning, courting, whatever advice you need, I'm happy to throw in my two cents." Lass, remember when you made this offer? ;-)

Got called into work Saturday, the only blip on an otherwise wonderful, relaxing weekend. Sitting around yesterday, I realized Bunny had been home from South Carolina all week and I still hadn't seen her. So I called her and we went out to dinner at Oh Bryan's. (If only it was always that easy.) We went by Wal-Mart, then I brought her back here to show her my place. That actually gave me motivation to clean yesterday. After that, I went to hang out with some other friends. Ended up not getting home until a little after 5:00 this morning. So it was a good night. Or a bad night. Depending on your definition :-) I really needed to unwind, and that sure was a lot of unwinding. Although I'd never played pool like that before ;-)

I can scarcely read thru a blog entry anymore that I'm not reminded of something from some episode of Seinfeld. Not sure what that means, and don't want to analyze too deeply. "The Wink" was on the other night. Kramer tries to get an autographed birthday card back from a little boy in the hospital. A few lines:

Kramer: "Alright. What if I tell Paul O'Neill to hit a home run tomorrow, just for you?"
Kid: "Paul O'Neill would do that?"
Kramer: "For you, he would."
Kid: "Would he hit two home runs?"
Kramer: "Two? Uh.. sure kid, yeah. But then you gotta promise you'll do something for me."
Kid: "I know. Get out of this bed and walk again."
Kramer: "Yeah, that would be nice, but I really just need this card."

(later)
Kramer: "Oh, by the way, George. Tomorrow night, Paul O'Neill has to catch a fly ball in his hat."

OK, just finished up my shrimp lo mein and egg rolls. Gonna put the leftovers in the fridge and maybe get in bed early. As I was telling someone earlier this evening, when I was a kid, I hated leftovers. Now, as a bachelor, leftovers are like sacred treasure. Then after I said that, I wondered what exactly is sacred treasure. Oh well. My fortune tonight? "A cheerful letter or message is on its way to you." Oh yeah? Well, it better be pretty freakin' cheerful.

"We cannot live together. We cannot live apart. That's the situation. We've known it from the start. Everytime that I look at you, I can see the future..."