Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Stupid philematophobes

Today's entry stems from an article I was reading on MSN.com the other day. Now, according to this article, the five most common fears, or phobias, are:

1. Fear of snakes (ophidiophobia)
2. Fear of giving a speech (glossophobia)
3. Fear of heights (acrophobia)
4. Fear of rodents (musophobia)
5. Fear of flying (aviophobia)

Whatever happened to the fear of dying? You know, good ol' kickthebucketophobia. Ripophobia. (These are all medical terms. No need to concern yourself with them.) I thought that used to be right up there near the top. Are people not that concerned about buying the farm anymore? Does the thought of having your blood drained and your eyelids sewn shut not bother anyone anymore? Perhaps everyone has joined that we're-gonna-live-forever cult. Maybe I'm the only one who hasn't. ::Looking around suspiciously:: I better google it, just to be sure.

The article also mentions some less-common fears, such as:
Pteronophobia - fear of being tickled with feathers. (A fear? I've known someone with an affinity for that.)
Philematophobia - fear of kissing. (I went out with a couple of girls who apparently had this, although I wasn't aware of it at the time. Stupid philematophobes.)
Gerontophobia - fear of old people.
Peladophobia - fear of bald people.
Geropeladophobia - fear of old, bald people. (Seriously.)

Seems there is a name for almost every possible phobia. But just in case, I have come up with a few suggestions of names for some lesser known phobias:

Fear of old, bald people with pacemakers: cheneyophobia
Fear of excruciatingly irritating voices: drescherophobia
Fear of bad toupees: trumpophobia
Fear of having an unpopular blog: zerocommentophobia
Fear of bad acting: keanuphobia
Fear of loud, crotch-grabbing, fat women: roseannophobia
Fear of medicine: cruisophobia
Fear of being attacked by pro basketball player: artestophobia
Fear of a drunk driver crashing into your house: pianomanophobia (Say that one out loud. It's fun!)
Fear of talking like Snoop Dogg: izzlephobizzle
And last, but not least...
The fear of being massaged by another man will from now on be known as: bonephobia

Oh, and bonus points for the first person who knows where today's lyrics are from.

"So look long at that Christmas tree. It may be the last one that you see. Decorate your house in green and red, cos someday you'll be dead..."

20 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hmmm, not sure what happened to my last comment ;-) Anyhoo!

    Hilarious! I love the izzlephobizzle!! Cracked me up!! You're a funny guy!! No wonder the show rocks :-)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Those are great!! :-) Had me laughing already this morning.

    What about germophobia? Was it not on the list? Wierd.

    Are the lyrics from South Park?

    ReplyDelete
  4. That's a lot of phobias! Thanks for the visit. Yes, darn, the texans won. Hope the first draft pick will still be ours. We need it. Roll Tide!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Brizzle: Thanks for letting me pre-eblogulate to you last night ;-)

    Yeah. The show. About that. We need to do one.

    Cindy: Thank ya. And yes, the lyrics are from South Park. A bit deranged, though they be. Ten thousand points for you!

    Jill: Roll Tide!!! Ah, it warms my heart to hear those words.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hey I knew what song the lyrics were from!!! Well with a little help from my friend Google I knew.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Ha, great post, Bone. :) So what I've never understood is that most of the phobias seem to be fear of death deep down (like why would you care about heights unless you thought you might fall from them?). Then should plain old fear of death be reserved for people who are afraid of dying with no cause? Or maybe if you're aviophobic or something you just get the bonus phobia of fearing death too.

    ReplyDelete
  8. SO funny!! Cruisophobia, LoL!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  9. These are great phobias! I love your own 'creations'! I don't think I've ever had a fear of kissing...

    ReplyDelete
  10. Not only is "the funny" back – it just hit me full F'n throttle... thank you for that...
    (Onion is now eyeing me suspiciously, pondering how these spec sheets are so humorously thrilling…)

    I def have no fear of kissing... is their a term for fear of not having you lips and tongue entangled with another’s?
    ocgwantsboneophobia…”
    hmmmm will have to think about that one…

    ReplyDelete
  11. You are dating the wrong girls!

    Great post! Very funny!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Lindsy: You're spending entirely too much time with your friend, Google.

    Sarah: Good point. Not sure about that. I guess flying is related to heights as well. I mean, if planes flew ten feet off the ground, I'm sure aviophobia would decrease. Of course, then they'd be like hovercrafts. And that would def be cool.

    Erica: Thanks ;-) Cruisophobia can also be the fear of someone jumping up and down on your furniture. Maybe that would have been funnier.

    Lass: That's good to know. Maybe it was just the fear of kissing me... after the "lip" incident and all.

    OCG: Always love reading about your interoffice adventures.

    "ocgwantsbone" - Now that doesn't sound like it should be a phobia at all to me ;-)

    Carnealian: "You are dating the wrong girls!"

    Yeah, I figured that out, fairly quickly. Thanks :-)

    ReplyDelete
  13. Is pre-ebogulate a word, or is it on it's way with your others? Just curious ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  14. Well, Kyle & I created pre-eblogulate. So feel free to use it, but it's copyright J&K (and if I knew how to make the little C with the circle around it, I would do so here.)

    ReplyDelete
  15. Yes, if I knew how to make the little c with the circle around it would be all over my blog

    Am especially proud of bringing the vibrator rating sytem to chick flics to the world

    Love the phobias; have the popup book of phobias--begins with a dentist, but no fear of being an unpopular blog which of course is always foremost in my mind; along with fear of becoming a homeless person who talks to herself--common New York fear

    Fear not of being rejected but of making a fool of myself by sending my stuff out at all. I can go on...but

    One more: fear of watching Seinfeld in case I relate too much; we're both Upper West Siders from Long Island

    I rejected a "small" apartment in the Beresford; it seemed to be the happiest day of Seinfeld's real life when the board accepted him for a large apartment

    ReplyDelete
  16. I totally just went and did some aesthetic work after I read your comment.

    ReplyDelete
  17. fear of having an unpopular blog. ha ha.

    people are afraid of kissing? because they worry the person has a lizard tongue? or halitosis? weird!

    ReplyDelete
  18. I thought it should be Boneophobia...not bonephobia. But I guess Boneo sounds too weird huh?

    had no idea who's lyrics those were...thought I would have to check with Lindsy's friend Google. I'm too old for that South Park.

    ReplyDelete
  19. For copyright...

    I "&"-copy for HTML or control-G for a Mac. Don't know about PC's, though.

    My favorite is the izzlephobizzle, though cruisophobia isn't far behind (I kind of like the multipurpose usage for that one...)

    --Gay

    ReplyDelete