Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Lookie, lookie, lookie...

Look what I found: Robin Scorpio's blog (Yes! From General Hospital! Thank me later...)

And don't forget, the Seinfeld DVD's came out today! I'm sure there's a Seinfeld fan somewhere on your holiday list.

OK, I'm not quite sure where to start with today's story, so... I'll just start. I was chatting with a friend yesterday about nothing in particular, when the conversation suddenly took an interesting turn...
Her: "Did I tell you that my pest control boy asked me out, and then like three weeks later he came and sprayed and kissed me when he left? WTF?" (*NOTE: "WTF" is a common internet phrase, usually indication a state of disbelief or bewilderment brought about by an unexpected occurrence.)
Me: "Whoa! No you did not. That's hilarious. Can I blog that?"
Her: "I guess."
Me: "On the lips?"
Her: "With tongue!"
Me: "Wow! So are you doubling up on your pest control coverage now?"
Her: "You better believe it."
Me: "So did you go out with him?"
Her: "No."
Me: "It's kinda like on Seinfeld that time when Jerry dates his maid. She comes over, doesn't clean, they sleep together, and he pays her before she leaves."
Her: "Well, he does spray and we didn't sleep together."
Me: "So he asked you out, you didn't go, and he comes over to spray for bugs and just kisses you? I think I've seen stuff like this on the internet, www.eroticexterminators.com.

Meanwhile, in a town not too far away, I had stopped off at the grocery store this afternoon to pick up a few things. I was over in frozen foods, where I had just selected a frozen pizza and placed in my cart, when I noticed a lady looking right at me, almost like she knew me. "I hate to bother you," she said. "But there's a carton of vanilla ice cream on the top shelf way in the back," she continued, pointing. "Do you mind seeing if you could reach it for me?" Now, let me just say here, that we as men love situations like this. If a man says he doesn't, he's either lying, or just a jerk. As Seinfeld said, we all kinda think of ourselves as some sort of low-level superheroes in our own world. Anyhow, back to our story...

I sprang into action, seizing the desired frozen dairy product with little difficulty, and handing it to the fair maiden awaiting at my side. She thanked me, and I proceeded down the aisle, which I suddenly noticed was populated with several females. And they all seemed to be looking my way in admiration. (OK, so maybe I just imagined the "in admiration" part.) I know it's not that big of a deal, but hey, we can't all be kissing bandits. And those shelves are kind of high. And fairly deep. Not many tall, virile young men in the grocery store at 4 in the afternoon. Perhaps I'll start stopping by more often.

"There will be no white flag above my door. I'm in love, and always will be..."


  1. Well, I will be buying the Seinfeld dvd's and hopefully the Simpsons as well. Love these shows and they are a must for the dvd collection.

  2. Oh my. I don't know what to say about this. Bone, you're going to make some GH groupie a very happy woman one day. :P

    I think that's super sweet of you. I wouldn't expect anything less from the Bone-meister. You coulda scored a date out of that you know. She didn't have to ask you...she could have asked a store employee. I think she was flirting. You could be the grocery-kissing-bandit. :)

    *sigh* I love Dido...

  3. First, I need to sign up for a pest control guy pronto! Second, I need to start asking cute guys in the grocery store for help. I never try the helpless routine generally because I can't stand it when women do that. But, I may have to rethink my strategy.

  4. Thomas: Thanks for the comment. Always good to have a fellow Seinfeld fan stop by.

    Lass: "you're going to make some GH groupie a very happy woman one day."

    No one has ever said that to me before. That being said, I think you may be right :-) Hmm... she could have been flirting. Eh, I don't have time to worry about such things, I think there may be another damsel in distress over on the dog food aisle.

    Carnealian: Yes, yes. Ask for help. We love it, I assure you.

  5. Sir Bone-

    Do you make house calls?

    I have somehow gotten some items on a very high shelf in my house, and now while trying to retrieve them for the holidays I can't seem to get them down again.

    If you find yourself this way, feel free to pop on buy... I'll have my step ladder awaiting your arrival.


  6. Hey there..Just make sure when asked to retrieve something you respond with "As you wish" to complete the whole fairytale Princess Bride fantasy. ooo, just got a chill thinkin about it. I may go home and put something on a high shelf before BH gets home tonight. ;~D

    "For wauve, Twoo wauve"- The Impressive Clergyman in The Princess Bride. I highly recommend. Swordfights, pirates, Andre the Giant, Peter Faulk, Cary Elwes, Billy Crystal, what's not to love?

  7. Damn! I clicked on the Robin Scorpio blog, then went to the ABC GH site and am now reading recaps from previous years.

    I will not get sucked back into GH. Will...not...

  8. I read Robin Scorpio's entire frigging blog--thanks Bone, but refused to go the GH site

    How can Jason have AIDS; or does he? I'm confused as he had that entire transformation since the accident and must have been tested for everything in the world. His parents are both doctors

    You see Bone you see? You have me really caring about GH and I gave it up a long time ago

    Have a great Thanksgiving

  9. oh forgot. Really never knew that men liked to get things for women from the top shelf--basically because most men I know are scared of heights ;-)


  10. Sometimes, during my unemployed days, I'd go to the grocery store to pick up men. I wish I were kidding. So if you're ever over at the Trader Joe's in Bethesda at 4 PM give me a ring..;-)

  11. OCG: I cannot resist a damsel in distress. Yes, I think house calls are OK, at least from what I've seen on Desperate Housewives ;-)

    Sallwood: "As you wish..." Got it! I'm new to this whole knight in shining armor thing, but I'm a fast learner.

    Xinh: Yes. Yes, you will. I think I'll place a link to her blog on the sidebar. Maybe even a whole GH section.

    Pia: OK, if you're not willing to go to the GH site and do some reading, why should I help you? ;-) I think Jason still just has brain damage from the accident. It may have been reaggravated or worsened recently.

    You have to come back! Leslie Lu is all grown up now and Luke is trying to get her to come live with him. She's gonna be just like Laura! Plus, I need someone to discuss it with, and tell me what's going on :-)

    Heather: As you wish ;-)


    Maybe I'll have to make an exception and come back to read more of your stuff... this page is just so fun to look at!

    Miss ya, Jeff!
    Happy Thanksgiving!!!

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