Tuesday, February 28, 2006

"You must remember this..."

She was lying on her back. On her bed. By the open window, which let in the cool night wind. It was March. Or April. I had been coming over like this for a few nights. After work. After midnight. I was never sure if her parents were OK with this. Or if they even knew. I would find out later the answer to both was no.

I wasn't sure what this was. But I knew I liked it. I knew I didn't want these nights to stop. We would just talk. For hours. About everything or nothing at all. Then I would leave.

On this night, there was a pause in the conversation. I couldn't tell you now if it was five seconds or five minutes. Probably somewhere in between. The radio played softly in the background, as it always did on these nights. The room was dark, as it usually was. But I could see the silhouette of her face. Against the background of the moonlit night. Which I had never noticed being so bright.

I looked at her. She appeared to be looking straight up toward the ceiling. I supposed she was thinking. I wondered what about. Her lips were slightly parted. I just sat there. Staring at her.

Then without even thinking, I leaned over her body and pressed my lips to hers. It just seemed right. I kissed her. For the very first time. She didn't kiss back. Told me later it was because she was so surprised.

It was the most truly spontaneous first kiss I've ever experienced. Never wondered if I should. Never wondered if she wanted me to. I actually don't remember thinking about it much at all. Which is odd for me. I usually overthink everything.

I don't remember if we kissed again that night or not. It's irrelevant anyway. But from that moment on, our relationship was never the same. A little over two years after that kiss, we were engaged. Two more years, and we weren't anymore. Four times around the sun is a lot for anyone.

Sometimes a certain wind. A certain time of the year... I'll be driving with the windows down. And that same cool night air will hit me. And remind me. And I can almost see her silhouette. Just beyond the headlights. Just beyond my grasp.

It wasn't my first kiss. Nor my last. But out of ten thousand kisses, there are a precious few that you never forget.

"I worked so hard for that first kiss. And a heart don't forget something like that..."


  1. "It wasn't my first kiss. Nor my last. But out of ten thousand kisses, there are a precious few that you never forget."

    That may be the first time I've ever read your stuff and thought: He should have ended it there.

    I'm all about the song lyrics, but Tim can't say it better than you just did.

    I hope that we've all had those first spontaneous kisses that we never forget. Remembering the old ones make the new ones that much sweeter!

  2. Totally agree with Meghan. Why use other peoples words when yours are so beautiful?

    First kisses are something most of us forget to think about. We do, but don't enough--at least I don't

    Thanks for reminding me.

  3. As always, I'm swooning. Beautiful story. I hope that one day I can find someone that remembers our time together so fondly.

  4. "I had a barbeque stain on my white t-shirt, she was, killing me in that miniskirt"

    Great post, it is special to remember those random great kisses.

  5. You certainly know how to make a woman's heart ache. First kisses are the best kisses.

  6. Meghan: I guess sometimes the lyrics add to the post. Sometimes they don't. Just a long-standing tradition.

    Pia: Thank you. Was hoping to bring back memories.

    Carnealian: You sure are swooning a lot lately. Is there something you need to tell us? ;-)

    MappyB: Thanks, B. And excellent lyric recognition by you and Meghan, by the way.

    Lass: Is that a good thing? :)

  7. Great post. It's strange how that works. Just like an old song or familiar scent, you wake up one day to a change in the season - a time of year - and suddenly you are somewhere else altogether.

  8. That was an excellent read.
    To be honest, I can't remember my very first kiss very well, but I remember the ones with those special few. I guess that's what it's all about.

  9. 'Lass is right. Carn too. You have a way with words.

  10. Bone- What a great post! I love the part of the first kiss where you haven't quite touched their lips to yours yet, but you can smell their sweet breath and the energy between the lips and it is so soft and gentle and wonderful.

    Good times.

  11. "Four times around the sun is a lot for anyone."

    Sure is. You can say that again. (Don't really say it again though when you respond to my comment. That would be too easy ;-))

  12. Tenacious Transporter: You are right. Another place and time.

    Heather B: I don't remember my first one real well. Just remember a porch light being turned on and off repeatedly.

    Alison: Thanks. Hopefully that'll come in handy at Sosyampum Industries.

    Dorothy: Thanks. Yeah, sometimes there's a literal spark. Ouch!

    Lizzie: Well then what am I supposed to comment? Grande Skim Latte!

  13. I blogged last week about a similar subject, the most magical kiss I've ever had... I don't remember my first one kiss that well, but I do remember the boy's last name, Love.. I kid you not!!

    Funny that you would use the title of a classic song "As time goes by" from a classic movie no less, Casablanca, where the guy DOESN't get the girl in the end and end it with a Tim McGraw hit where the guy "kind of" gets the girl in the end...

    "You must remember this a kiss is still a kiss, a sigh is just a sigh, the fundamental things apply as time goes by"

  14. I was on the way over here to congratulate you on the 24-Seinfeld connection you commented about on my blog, but I just read this post. Good stuff, buddy. Powerful.

  15. it's funny how a certain time of year or smell or a certain day will always be burned into your memory...for me it's february 10th...nine years ago he walked away and i didn't have the guts to tell him how i really felt...great post...loved the "four times around the sun"

  16. Great Post!!!
    Can't you go back and get her??????
    I want a happy ending for you.

  17. Beachgirl: "As Time Goes By." Very good. I used to use Love to make reservations.

    Southie: Thanks, man. I'd still like to have the congratulations on the Seinfeld/24 connection :)

    J: Thanks for stopping by. That was one of my favorite lines, too. Actually went back in and changed it just to include that line.

    Sherry: Nah. It's not like that. Someone else waits for me. Of this, I'm sure.

  18. You have a very vivid memory (mine are usually fogged up by the wine I consumed that night). Imagine how much Carnelian would be swooning if you ever write about the first time you had sex with a girl.

  19. Tara: Is that a request?

  20. This is really good and so reachablel to a lot of us. I realted to what you say about four times around is too much for anyone...and being reminded with the cool night air. The sad thing is you can never go back, not really. Years later, I still feel the same cool night air or other remembrance and I know I can never go back...I waited and tried, it never happend. Beautiful, but there is always someone else, not the same but better. Maybe you'll get the happy ending. :) Great writing.