Thursday, February 09, 2006

Third latte discourse

This post is dedicated to Lizzie, everyone's favorite Starbucks-loving-cute-glasses-wearing-bloggette.

Jerry: "Hey, hey, hey! Slow down, Eddie. What what's the matter?"
Kramer: "Oh, they're making faces at me cause I've had a couple of cafe lattes. But I'm entitled to them. I can have as many cafe lattes as I want, that was the settlement."
Jerry: "That's it?"
Kramer: "That's it. You want one George? Cos I can get one for you. No problem. Jerry, you want one? They're delicious. My pleasure."
Jerry: "You've got to stop it. You're all hopped up on the caffeine."
Kramer: "Well, I feel like I'm talking a little fast but it's very hard to tell."

So, I had my first cafe latte Tuesday. And I had my third one today. I've never been a coffee drinker. Well, there was a short time when I was a teenager than I started drinking coffee, but that only lasted for a few weeks. And I tried some kind of caramel-cappuccino-something-or-other a couple of years ago, but didn't care for it.

Well, recently, I stopped by a local coffee shop on a Saturday morning, because I got word there was a cute blonde who worked there. There is. I just got coffee. And then it turned out to be help yourself. There were four kinds, and I had no idea which to pick. Then I had no idea how to work the dispenser. I was squeezing two buttons on the side of it to no avail, when I finally realized there was a lever on top. Whew. That would have been embarrassing. "Um, excuse me, Miss. Could you show me how to make the coffee come out?" That would have to be among the great come on lines of all time.

So Tuesday, I decided to stop by to see her again on my way to work. After all, there's nothing like a beautiful woman to make a man try a latte. (You may replace "try a latte" with... well... pretty much anything there.) Naturally, she wasn't working. Instead, it was some cheery guy who reminded me a lot of Gunther. So since I never actually figured out how to get the lever to stay down on the coffee thing Saturday, I decided I'd order a latte, which they would have to make. This after consulting a friend who determined I would probably prefer a latte to a cappuccino. She was right. It was delicious. After I added some sugar.

Look, I just wanted to get in on this coffee shop craze live everybody else. I'm tired of being the last one to assimilate to everything. I don't have an iPod. No Tivo. No DVR. And I didn't throw away all my tapered leg jeans until like three years ago. And by throw away, I mean, quit wearing. In public.

One concern I do have, however, is possibly looking back one day and wishing I had never started. I wonder if this could be like wanting to shave when I was little. And using Dad's shaving cream and razor because I wanted to be grown up. Then, it was fun. Now, I hate shaving. Every single day. It's so tedious and time-consuming. (Note to self: Never do a google image search for "shaving" again at work. Yikes!)

So what if I become addicted to the caffeine? And can't stop? (I guess that would be what addicted means.) And what about all the side effects that could arise from excessive caffeine intake. Copious urination? What the #&!@ is that? I definitely don't want to mess up anything in that area of my life.

But what if I'm already addicted? I've had three lattes in three days. Gunther has been working each morning. However, this morning, the ratio of female to male customers was 4:1. (With the one being me, for you Auburn fans out there.) You know what that means.

Let's recap:
3D/Gunther + 4F/1M = another latte for me tomorrow (where Gunther is undefined)

All this on top of the fact that Lesley Lu started convulsing at the end of General Hospital yesterday. I don't know how much more I can take. I think maybe I just need another latte.

"You scream and you holla 'bout my Chevy Impala. But the sweat is gettin' wet around the ring around your collar..."


  1. I normally don't drink coffee either; it tastes bitter to me. However, I have friends who are huge coffee drinkers so I usually drink it when I'm out with them. I have to drink the sweetest drink I can get so I usually get a grande caramel macchiato if I'm at Starbucks. Anywhere else, I just get a regular coffee and sugar & cream that puppy up!

  2. Welcome to my world!

    I can assure you, one latte a day does not an addiction make. Wait til you're at 4 or 5 a day like me.

    And now you understand that my love for lattes goes beyond the caffeine. Coffeeshops are basically just bars before the socially-acceptable hour to start drinking. I go each day for the strangely attractive barista as much as I do for the latte.

    p.s. thanks for the dedication. I think that's my first!

  3. try the vanilla latte. they are my favorite. at least as of late. it takes lots of practice to become addicted..fear not.

  4. Well I have to contradict Lizzie about not being addicted on only one per day. I only drink 1 cup of coffee per day...but I can get a killer headache if I try to skip, but it could be the copious amounts of sugar that I put in the coffee too.

    But being addicted is so not worth trying the decaf...that stuff is swill! cutting back can be done.

    Also a plus to not being addicted to coffee is the breath issue and since you're trying to pick up cute blonde, you could order a water or something non-breath threatening.

    Come see the answers to your questions! fefyfomanna: You're questions Answered here on today's Thursday 13!

  5. I really don't think addiction is an issue at this point. However, we all know you have those OCD tendancies, so you may want to see if there is a support group in your area for caffeine addiction. Don't you guys have Starbuck's down there? I was going there every morning for months! Now I don't go at all. I get tired of the same old, same old.

    Your inability to work the coffee thingy would have been a perfect "in" to the cute blonde. Where is your head???

  6. Xinh: Coffee without sugar for me would be like unsweetened tea. If I'm gonna drink something with no flavor, I'll drink water :)

    Lizzie: "Wait til you're at 4 or 5 a day like me."

    Kinda looking forward to it. *Looking around your world* It's nice here. Can't wait to lock myself out of my house.

    AW: Your suggestion will be taken under consideration.

    I want to be careful so as not to order any non-manly drinks. Some of those -ino/-ato/-atte names are somewhat suspect.

    Renee: Love your bunny pictures!!! Thanks!

    Carnealian: I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna do it... Urgh.. OK, it's tendencies. Not tendancies.

    You did that on purpose didn't you? Curses!

    Really? You think? A perfect in? Maybe you're right. I think I need some lessons or something.

  7. Oh sweetie- welcome to the wonderful world of lattes!! I'm so proud of you... Did you get the cute girl's digits???
    I wasn't sure they had lattes in Alabama...hahahaha...
    Love ya!!

  8. Sorry 'bout the red on the site, Bone. It was just for the V- day 13, and the pink wouldn't work with the font color on their template, so I juiced it. But I did dub you on my site as Sir Bone of Latte.

  9. I'd keep going until Gunther hits on you. Hopefully some hot chick does it first.

  10. I think one latte a day equals a completely normal person. I do not consider that an addiction. You just need to sit back and enjoy the latte...don't ruin it by thinking about equations and addictions and whatever else you mentioned. haha.

    You should try a chai latte sometime. Those are excellent!

  11. The previous comment is from me. My blog url is happyredhead...don't know why it published that instead of my name.

  12. My comment didn't take

    You are addicted to both lattes and GH--would worry ;-)

    Loved the links: failed the Auburn test; the post was great too

    Studies show that coffee increases brain function, and reduces incidents of colon cancer--though that might just be for women

  13. Beachgirl: Haha. Yes. First, indoor plumbing. Now lattes. What will they think of next?

    Dorothy: Yes, it was burning my retina :) Sir Bone of Latte? I like.

    Lass: That sounds like a good rule of thumb. Keep going until I get hit on by a guy. Then change coffee shops.

    Krista: Chai latte. OK. Got it. These are gonna be hard to remember.

    I'll be fine. I'm sure I'm just in that intermediate stage of limbo that we all go thru between our 3rd and 4th lattes.

    Pia: Yes, but the question is, should I be more worried about the lattes or the GH?

    Hmm, so it's a trade off. Increased brain function and less chance of colon cancer in exchange for bouts of copious urination.

  14. also..chai lattes..but they have a little bit of a christmas spice type flavor..great when its cold.

  15. I wouldn't be too worried about being addicted to GH. My dad got hooked on that soap way back in the 80s. He quit watching some time ago but then got back into it when he retired.

  16. I've never been a big coffee drinker either. I usually drink it when I have a cold, but that is about it. Those frou frou versions of coffee freak the crap right outta me.

    "Excuss me, I would like to order a Mocha Grande Tapioca Cocoa Mucho Zihuatanejo Butterscotch Ipecac Carmel Latte." That sound about right? :)

  17. Try ordering decaf. It tastes the same and you won't get addicted. I drink half decaf coffee in the morning which I make in my own coffee pot. I refuse to pay $4 for a cup at starbucks when I can get a shitload of it at the store for that price. I'm not addicted to the little bit of caffeine that is in there, but I am addicted to a nice warm travel thermos in the car with me on freezing cold Chicago mornings.

    the word ver below is horrifying.

  18. AW: Two votes for chai lattes. Do you say the ch- like children or like shanghai?

    Xinh: I am really getting back into it, just the past couple of weeks actually. Bringing Lesley Lu back and giving her a bigger role was brilliant, IMO. Add that to the return of two Scorpios, and excitement is back in Port Charles. (Did I really just type that where anyone in the world with internet access can read it?)

    Big Man: Exactly. What about a soy latte? That sounds pretty hardcore. Soybeans. Farming. Hard work. That's kinda manly. Or maybe I'm reaching.

    Tara: Actually, I probably already need the caffeine, since I was previously drinking a Mountain Dew most mornings.

    For me, I think it's more about the social aspect and starting my morning with a routine and interaction with the other humans. Sorta like Lizzie said.

  19. Dude, my dad's a 6'2", 200 lb., ex Army man. If he's okay to admit he watches a soap, you should be too. :-)

    Chai is pronounced with the CH as in CHurCH. It sounds like CH-eye. I'm not a big fan of Chai tea when it's warm. I definitely prefer the Chai Iced Teas and the Chai blended drinks.

  20. I was feeling left out because I hadn't posted a comment yet... then I realized that I can't really contribute much... I had to cut all caffeine out of my diet :( and before that I wasn't a coffee drinker...

    However I can say Bone it takes a big man to admit that he likes soaps ;)


  21. I'm not a big fan or latte...
    But give me a cup of coffee with just creamer in it and I'm happy as happy can be.
    Several cups a day habit going on here...
    And I do mean "several".
    Good news is that researchers now claim somthing, something, blah, blah it helps fight breast cancer... And that gives me a reason to drink it.

    BTW ~ I'm here reading blogs and having my 2nd cup of coffee this morning.

  22. xinh is right, chai can be hot or cold, but i like it both. if i make it at home, like from a mix, i go cold. mostly because i'm usually pressed for time in the am. other people make it for me warm. and i like it better when there's snow on the ground..i can't really see drinking it when its hot. ch-eye.


  23. Xinh: I saw chai on the menu today. It's listed between coffee and cocoa, not under the lattes or anything.

    Rae: Either a big man or a stupid man. lol Thanks though.

    Sherry: And I'm responding to comments while having my 1st latte of the morning, 4th all-time ;-)

    AW: When I first glanced at your word verification, I thought it said "yo momma."

    No danger of snow being on the ground here :(
    (Maybe if I really don't expect it, it'll come.)

    wawsblpz... I think.

  24. Look for me on TV Monday. I'll be at Luge and Curling...say that to yourself..Luge and Curling, Luge and Curling. Got it! Gooood.

  25. I love the use of Beastie Boys lyrics in the morning. All of this coffee talk gives me a headache (much like what coffee in general does to me). Everybody I know that drinks coffee everyday is I stay away from the stuff. It kinda freaks me out when my housemate is shaking because she ran out of coffee. Very similar to the effects of heroin I used to endure. Plus, I truly just cannot stand the taste of it. As for the Starbucks, coffee, yuppie craze I tend to stay away from them. I'm not selling out (I say this while I'm wearing GAP jeans, go figure). But I'm sure if there was a hot guy involved I'd have to have a Strawberries and Cream from Starbucks everyday...unfortunately the only hot guy that works at Starbucks here is a guy I used to there goes that.

  26. Bone, you're becoming quite popular! I don't know if I will be able to stay in your same league - 25 posts! You Rock!

    Ask your Starbucks for a cup of Fair Trade coffee and see what they say. Mine won't give it to me, like they're supposed to. Bitches.

  27. Lindsy: I'll be looking for you. Be careful! Bring me back a shirt or something.

    Audra: Bonus points for you for recognizing the Beastie Boys lyrics :) They were on Letterman the night before, so they were in my head.

    MappyB: Actually, I pay most people to comment. You're one of the few who still comments with no compensation :)

    Fair Trade? I guess I could try that. I have no idea what that is.

  28. I can't take the caffiene in the lattes and cappacinos. My heart races in a scary way and my hands just shake. I think Starbucks has some great Lattes. (I don't care much for the cappacinos...I can't even spell the word) and they offer most of them in that's what I get.

    I took an Anatomy and Physiology class back in the day when kids had to walk uphill both ways in the blinding snow to and from school. And from what I remember, your body has an antidiruetic hormone that regulates how much urine you create (I think the hormone originates in the adrenal gland? I can't remember). and caffeine turns that hormone off, so you pee a lot. And run the risk of dehydration. That's obviously why the doctors and newspeople tell you not to drink caffienated beverages during the summer if you're going to be outside all day.

    Keep in mind if you're trying to watch your figure that those cappacinos and lattes are loaded with fat and calories.