Monday, February 13, 2006

Useless Knowledge

boo' ty li cious (adj.) [booty, buttocks + delicious, tasty.] sexually attractive, esp. in the buttocks.

If I had to use one word to sum up my birthday weekend, that would be it. Although not for reasons you might think. From that definition, I can't help but be reminded of Forrest Gump. ("Bit me right in the buttocks.")

First, let me say thank you for all the birthday wishes, comments, cards, ecards, text messages, IM's, and phone calls. Clearly, I've tried to make it as easy as possible for you to wish me a happy birthday :)

Back to my weekend. Hung out with my old roomate Friday night. Ended up in Nashville Saturday night, where it snowed!! Sure, it wasn't a lot. Maybe a quarter to a half inch. But it was enough to cover most of the ground and the tops of cars and houses. Enough to make a few snowballs. Did mostly family stuff Sunday. I know, I know. Exciting. Pretty soon, you'll all have to have an emergency medical team on hand and an ambulance on call just to read my blog. ("Give me the bullet, Barney.")

There's a peacefulness to a freshly fallen snow. A thin blanket of snow putting a single finger to its lips, almost magically quieting the Earth. To fall from a point so high and to land without a sound... It's softer than soft. I find it inspirational. Driving thru quiet neighborhoods, my head was filled with wonderful prose. Ideas. Memories.

We played this Trivial Pursuit: DVD Pop Culture Edition 2 game Saturday night. For some reason, everyone wanted me on their team. Apparently, there's a widely held perception that I know a lot about pop culture. And apparently, that perception was accurate.

I always claim to have a lot of useless knowledge. But I have always said that half-jokingly. Well evidently, it's no joke. This became more and more apparent as the game wore on. I was answering questions about everything from Oscar de La Hoya to Monk to "Wanna Be Startin Somethin" to War Games. However, it was not until the "For The Win" question that it became ever so crystal clear that I know way too much. About nothing. The question asked, what word, inspired by Beyonce and meaning sexually attractive, became an official entry in the dictionary in 2002?

We all sat there for a few seconds of clueless silence. Finally, I said the only thing I could think of. The only word that popped into my head. Never dreaming it would be right. Everyone laughed.

They laughed even louder when the correct answer, my answer, popped up on the screen. I have way too much useless knowledge.

"And if I had to walk the world, I'd make you fall for me. I promise you, I promise you, I will..."


  1. Of COURSE it was booty'licous...come on now. Now I am a little worried about the fact that you knew that...but I'm also a little worried that I knew "The Promise" at the end of this blog entry.

  2. Wow--what a usefully useless talent to have.

  3. If you're so useless - DON'T YOU DARE GOOGLE THIS - WHat's an aglet

    Yes, I'm drunk.
    So what, Gus, I got drunk in my ownh house in my own glass.

    Oh yeah, and what's that from? :)
    Lurvs ya!

    PS - for the last two hours I've heard nothing but Garth Brooks, Tim McGraw and Alan Jackson. Pure Southern babeeeee.

  4. This paragraph is just beautiful! "There's a peacefulness to a freshly fallen snow. A thin blanket of snow putting a single finger to its lips, almost magically quieting the Earth. To fall from a point so high and to land without a sound... It's softer than soft. I find it inspirational. Driving thru quiet neighborhoods, my head was filled with wonderful prose. Ideas. Memories."

    And, game on, you, me and Trivial Pursuit. I reign queen round these parts.

    Glad you had a good birthday complete with your own snow!

  5. you should check out john doughty, musician. his lyrics are mellow, yet strange. most of your lyrics i recognize, we have similar tastes in music..check him out if you get the chance. i think he used to be part of soul coughing ("walk around in circles, walk around in circles, walk around in"). anyway..just a tidbit. happy upcoming vday.

  6. The fact that Beyonce inspired an addition to the dictionary is the most distrubing thing I've heard all day.

  7. Well Happy Birthday.

    And look how useful that "useless" information was. Not only did you win, but you got some good laughs.

  8. Audra: "The Promise"... very good! I have a feeling we'd never fight over the radio in the car :)

    Southie: I guess it does come in handy on rare occasions.

    Meghan: Ah, the joys of drunk commenting. We have word verification, but no comment breathalyzer ;-)

    Carnealian: Thanks. I thought of doing a whole entry on post, but instead awkwardly put one paragraph about it in with the bootylicious post. Oh well.

    You're on for Trivial Pursuit. I wonder if you can play online.

    AW: Thanks, I will try and check that out :-)

    Tara: She's an enigma. A mystery wrapped in a riddle. Or something.

    Chickadee: Thank you!! I knew my knowledge of Family Ties would come in handy one day.

  9. I absolutely LOVE Trivial Pursuit! It's such a great game. You either leave feeling like a total winner, or like a giant loser, but at least you had fun!

    I'm also that girl that loves bar trivia nights too!

    Happy Belated Birthday!

  10. I'm no good at Trivia. I always second guess myself. Same thing with gambling. I could be a rich woman by now...

  11. I feel like a total schmuck. I didn't know it was your birthday. Happy belated birthday!

  12. That anything inspired by Beyonce is in the dictionary is a horrible shock to me. Blah.

    Glad you had such a great birthday!

    Happy Valentine's Day!

  13. Mappy: OK, if we find an online Trivial Pursuit game, I'm expecting you to be in!

    Tenacious T: Always go with your first instinct. I guess. Or you could do like George Costanza. And do the opposite. If every instinct you have is wrong, then the opposite would have to be right :)

    Lizzie: Thanks. It's OK. You'll know for next year ;-)

    Lass: That's two votes for Beyonce not being the next Webster. Happy Valentine's Day to you!

    Did no one notice or like my word etymology? Tasty buttocks, people! That's funny!

  14. Oh...what will they put in the dictionary next? A friend of mine was told that she was bootylicious once when we were in college. I'm not sure if she took it as a compliment or not but it was an unfortunate scene to witness.

    Happy birthday! (belated as it may be)

  15. Bone-

    Can men be bootylicious? If so, I think I know an Alabamian (is that what ya'll are called?) who has a tasty buttocks indeed.

    You paragraph on snow was breath taking. I stopped and reread it a couple of times... you have a talent Bone, please know this. and get submitting your stories!!!


  16. OH and

    PS- Bone, will you be my Valentine?


  17. My son likes to wiggle his butt in the air. He thinks he is bootylicious.

    Happy Birthday !

  18. Nothing left to say

    yes your paragraph on snow was more than breathtaking. Yes you should be submitting. Am totally in awe of your natural talent. Awesome

    Challenge you to any virtual trivia contest

  19. See Bone, something quiet and magical about the snow, right? Did you take the opportunity to walk among the evergreens and let go?

    The Promise- Gosh! I am now 18 and at my first freshman mixer. Or watching Napoleon Dynamite on a Sunday afternoon with my kids.

    I love that "Font of Useless Knowledge" thing you have going. My husband has the same gift. Ask me sometime why the words "Ted Nugent" make him blush.

  20. Krista: Unfortunate scene? Wish I could have been there. Was that on Cops?

    OC Girl: Tasty buttocks? *blushing* OCG! (That is a good thing, right?)

    And yes, I'll be your Valentine. Or, Blalentine. Whatever the case may be ;-)

    M: That's oh so cute :)

    Pia: Thank you. And I believe we are getting up enough interest for Bone's First Annual Bloggers East of the Mississippi Trivia Challenge.

    Surrender: I prefer the 18 memory. I think I was in ninth grade. And trying to find a way to tell Jamie Gordon that I liked her. It spoke to my soul.

    It almost frightened me how much useless knowledge I have acquired and didn't even realize.

  21. Happy (belated) birthday, Bone!
    I'm sorry I'm late in the well wishes - I'm glad you had a nice time and I hope you have a terrific year!

  22. Bone- you are only a year younger than me. I guess it didn't speak to me till I was being spoken to a lot. That song and "Forever Young" played at every campus event until grad. Good times. Good times.

  23. want to market the hearts together? i'm sure together and with help we could make a whole interesting bag full of reject hearts. what could they be called? did you check out john doughty yet? might not be able to find it because i lied..he's mike doughty. and ironically the song that's getting most air play right now is called 'bustin' up a starbucks'. anyway..HVD

  24. Happy belated birthday!

    Thanks for putting "Bootylicious" in my head. Just when I had finally erased it from memory. ;)

  25. Cindy: Thanks. It was a good one.

    Surrender: Hmm. Could have been 10th grade for me. Things get hazy after fifteen years or so for me. Actually, things get hazy after fifteen minutes usually for me.

    AW: AW Bone Candy Co?

    Oh, you gave me the wrong name. You just wanted to test me to see if I'd really google him didn't you? That was clever ;-)

    Big Man: Bootylicious should be a staple of your vocabulary. Or maybe not.


  26. Bone-

    It is a good thing... a better thing when my hands are on it...



  27. OCG... you leave me speechless ;-)

  28. no, wasn't on purpose. for some reason i've had john stuck in my head for weeks..when really its mike. weird for sure, but still worth checking out.