Friday, May 20, 2005

Movin' on

Tomorrow, a girl I dated for a little over two years will get married. That was the second-longest relationship of my life. (I was with the girl I was engaged to for a little over four years.) Obvious commitment issues and questions aside, it is just a little weird for me.

We started out in a long-distance relationship, about six hours apart. We would drive to see each other as much as possible (part of the reason I have driven my truck over 167,000 miles). Things were really great. We were just too far apart. The worst part about a LDR is that moment when you've been together for a couple of days or whatever and you have to leave, and you know you won't see each other for awhile. It breaks your heart all over again every single time.

Anyhow, after 18 months of that, she transferred schools to be closer to me. Yep, it was serious stuff. For the majority of the relationship, I thought this was it. We got into that comfort zone in a relationship where you just know neither of you wants anyone else. There's seemingly no danger of either one of you leaving. It's just assumed you're gonna be together. It's a wonderful place to be.

Well, somehow what we had always wanted to happen was not as good as we had always thought it would be. Now less than an hour away from each other, we just weren't getting along. Our biggest obstacle had been taken out of our way, but for some reason when things should have been easier than ever, they were harder instead. Long story short, things went wrong, and they never got back again. I blame only myself. Sometimes I think that I was discontent during that time with my own life and it affected our relationship. Sometimes I wonder if on some subconscious level if I was still afraid to completely commit. I honestly don't know. I felt incredibly guilty about the whole thing ending. But she always had this amazing ability to find happiness no matter the situation. So that's what she did. She stayed around here, met her soon-to-be-husband, and I'm extremely happy for her.

That's life, I guess. Things change. People move on. I'm still here.

"I hate summer, winter, fall and spring, red and yellow, purple, blue and green. I hate everything..."

4 comments:

  1. Interesting song choice for this post...

    I hope you find the person who makes you feel like you want to be with them forever. There's more to it than that, and I know you know that. But really, I wish for you all the best.

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  2. Thanks, Cindy :-)

    I'm sure things will work out when they are supposed to. Until then, at least I have my fish.

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