Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Rocky Horror?

This past weekend, I watched no fewer than four movies. Which is probably more than I've watched in the past year combined. Two I'd seen. To Kill A Mockingbird and The Exorcist. The other two I had not. One, another Ben Stiller classic not worth mentioning. The other, Wait Until Dark, which was splendid.

I've always thought that scene in The Exorcist, when Jason Miller is running around the track, could've just as easily appeared in Rocky. Except with Paulie or Mickey sitting in the bleachers instead of the detective.

After watching it again this weekend, the old cogwheel started turning. I began to ponder the similarities between the two movies. What I have uncovered borders on eerie. I hope the following will serve to inform and to illuminate the mind.

Let's begin with the two actors. Stallone and Miller. Born roughly seven years apart, both in New York. Both Catholic. Dark hair. Deep set eyes. Take a look.

Then the characters they play. Miller's Damien Karras is told he looks like a boxer in The Exorcist. And Stallone's Balboa, well, obviously.

Karras was a Catholic priest. And I'm almost certain Stallone crossed his heart or did the sign thing in at least one of the Rocky movies.

In The Exorcist, the priest Miller is assisting dies, inspiring him to cast out the demon himself. In Rocky III, Balboa's trainer, Mickey, dies. Inspiring him to defeat Clubber Lang, and perhaps cast out some of his personal demons.

I've always thought how easily the two actors could have been reversed. Perhaps it might even have been advantageous.

Surely, Miller is taller than Stallone, thus eliminating the need for all those weird camera angles of Stallone to make it appear he is somewhat close to the height of his opponents.

Let's face it, Stallone isn't the most versatile of actors. But even he could surely muster a loud, hoarse "Regan!!!" or two during the exorcism. It wouldn't be much of a change from his famous "Adrian!!!" in the Rocky movies. And, he'd probably be better than Miller at making the scenes look real where he is punching Linda Blair.

Can you imagine Sylvester Stallone shaking Linda Blair and yelling "Raaayguuuhn!! Get in meeee!!" Now that's entertainment.

And who knows, had he played the role of Rocky Balboa, Miller's film career might have taken off and gained him the recognition he deserved. And had Stallone starred in The Exorcist, maybe he would have been taken more seriously as an actor. Or, maybe not.

But it doesn't end there. What about the actresses? Surely one can see the similarities between Rocky's Talia Shire and The Exorcist's Ellen Burstyn.

Can't you see Burstyn sitting in the stands at a fight, gradually joining the rest of the crowd in chanting "Rocky... Rocky... Rocky..."

What we have here is an eerie connection. The running. The sweatshirts. It always seems to be gray and rainy a lot in both movies. The boxing and Catholic overtones. Similarities in actors and actresses. But here's the capper. You'll need to sit down for this, if you're not already.

Jason Miller's son is Jeremy Miller.
Jeremy Miller played Ben Seaver on Growing Pains.
Ben Seaver had a brother named Mike on the show.
Mike had a friend named Boner.
Boner's father's name on the show was... get this...

Sylvester Stabbone.

I. Kid. You. Not.

I just blew my mind.

Coincidence? I think not! And while we're on the subject, do you think me watching The Exorcist this weekend had anything to do with me stumbling down the stairs Sunday night? Jeepers creepers!

Friends, I might possibly be on the verge of a discovery so ginormous, a possibility so daunting, it would be like the Kennedy assassination, the UFO mystery, and who framed Roger Rabbit rolled into one.

Although I'm not quite sure where Carl Weathers and Dolph Lundgren fit in just yet.

"So many times, it happens too fast. You trade your passion for glory..."


  1. Nu Nu Nu Nu Nu Nu Nu Nu

    A little twilight zone action going on there. Freaky. Bizzarro even. Was a two-line phone involved in any way? Now that would be the clincher for me.

    Dude, I posted my picture and not even a comment. Is it that bad?

  2. You've got a lot of time on your hands. Oh well, better than watching hour upon hour of Tim Gunn and Heidi Klum. Though you're a male and you might actually enjoy hours of Heidi Klum.

  3. Grooviechick: As used here, or in general? :)

    Dorothy: I'm still researching it. The post, not your picture.

    Heather B: I think we've established that I do indeed have a lot of time on my hands.

    As for enjoying hours of Heidi, there's no "might" to it ;-)

  4. Wow. You had to go a long way for that one. :)

  5. That is weird...someone has had a lot of time on his hands. 6 degrees of weirdness. Hee hee

    Yeah, I get what you're saying about the selection of cards...I just wish he would step over about a foot and look at the section that says "WIFE" on it. Maybe he should just forget the card all together...then maybe I wouldn't get bothered... just buy my a great big huge diamond and we'll call it even, no card necessary. :D

    I can hear the "GACK!" noises coming from you already. hee hee

    Actually dinner was very nice and it was enjoyable and the picture frame is growing on me. Honestly I did tell him that all I wanted was dinner AND A NICE CARD... so one out of two isn't bad. he he

  6. Time on your feet, I think Heather & Renee meant :-) The picture of your toe on IYROOBTY, makes me think of the split pea vomit scene in.....Not really, but....

    When you did your whole six degrees thing you left out something big, something important, something that makes the six degrees much more personal to you

    Sylvester Stabbone--Bone--don't know what that means but sure you could figure out the degree of separation

  7. I'm hiring you a date.

  8. OK, that's weird. However, quite clever of you to come up with these similarities.

    The Exorcist scares the crap out of me. I cannot watch it alone. I read the book in high school and specifically remember asking my father what a phallus was. He either played dumb and thought I'm not explaining it, or really didn't know...thankfully!!

  9. Lass: Not really. It's all up here within the confines of my brain :)

    Renee: Looks like he could get you something from the wife section, at least. Tell him to look for one that says wife, has a whole lot of writing in it, and get it. He probably doesn't even need to read it.

    Pia: Sylvester Stabbone to Bone. Hmm. Good thought. I'll get to work on that. Maybe it will lead to a follow-up entry.

    Blondie: Finally! Make her cute. And... well, I have some other requirements. But I'll email them to you.

    Carnealian: They became more obvious to me as I pondered this over the past three days.

  10. ummm Bone, if Blondie is hiring you a date, she aint gonna look like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman...cute gals don't need to get paid.

  11. wow this one i wouldn't have ever put but i do like your attention to detail. :-)

  12. Maybe you need a change of scenerey. Maybe a nice desertcape out west with Wayne Newton, the Eiffel tower, and a pyramid. I hear some friends are getting together in like, six days and some change to go there. Maybe it'd be good for you. Although the broken toe could be the reason you were into this Stalone/Miller connection. Carnage does weird things to people everyday. Look at the Phantom of the Opera, the Joker, Mr. Freeze. Quick! Get thee some fun. Oh the humanity!! ahhhhhhhh!

  13. I think maybe Dorothy is right...a little vaca in the desert might do you and your toe some good.

  14. Renee: Well then, I guess I'll resort to my old methods. Wowing them with my sense of humor. It's gotten me this far...

    RedNeckGirl: I'm nothing if not detailed. And over-analytical. If that isn't obvious.

    Dorothy and Renee: Oh no. Not this again :-)

  15. Welcome to Cantakajokeland! I'm KIDDING dear Brother . Besides, you'd get a really crappy airfare price now with only 6 days notice. Probably no rooms either. You'd end up sleeping all hunched over the "Wheel of Fortune" slot mumbling something about a "system" with a 90-yr.old chain smoker playing your machine with your cup full of tokens.