A couple of years after she and I broke up, after four years together, I sat down to write about our relationship. I had no idea how much I would write or how it would turn out. But 17,000 words later, I had the story of us, in my words. I titled it "Unmelted Snow."
I can't remember if it was always my intention to let her read it or not. But after I had completed it, I printed it out on half sheets of paper, which I had torn by hand, bound it, and presented it to her.
No one has ever read it, except for me, her, and anyone she might have chosen to show it to. And while I'll probably never let anyone read the entire thing, today I present the introduction to that story, as I wrote it then. Unedited, except for our names.
Unmelted Snow
by Bone
(for Lily, of course... my hope, my inspiration, my love, my smile, and my sadness)
Introduction
I do not know why one cannot see things clearly in the present, and yet once the present time has passed, one sees things with perfect vision. In a relationship, it is like being in a river, and you feel fine sometimes and it is fun and cool and wonderful. But other times you feel like you are drowning and you feel trapped and you just want out of it. But once you get out, after a while, suddenly you are able to see things so clearly again. And the river always looks beautiful from the shore, and soon you want to jump back in again.
I wonder if love really does grow old, or if people are just stupid.
I would not trade my time with Lily for anything. Some may think, or say, that it is a waste of a man's life to spend so much time loving one person when in the end, it does not end in marriage. And maybe I could understand that point of view. Maybe. If I had not lived it. If I had not loved her.
I cannot think of anything to compare it to, or else I would compare it to that thing. I am sure there is something, but I cannot think of it at this time. I wish there was only one love in everyone's life, and that one love lasted a lifetime or longer, and if that was how things were, then Lily would be my one love.
So this is, to the best of my remembrance, the story of us, of Lily and me. I have always wanted to write something. Something important. Something good to read. And really I think that you can only write what you know. And there is nothing that I know better than this story.
It is something that I lived from the time that I first saw her till the time I am writing this, although we have not loved that entire time. But one does not have to be swimming in the river to know how wonderful it feels, how wonderful it was, and that he would like to go back there again someday.
And although it may not signify much, this is the best I have ever written.
I shall be very put out if you don't do both of these things immediately.
I do agree, however, that you should publish the rest. You're such an increadible writer.
Thank you for sharing with us.
That deserves another 'fucking fantastic'.
I have always wondered the second paragraph.
Everything sparkles like glass you find on sand.
It is truly brilliant, but upon fifth reading see somethings that need editing--for when you are ready to write the book, or to make this into a story that can be published
You know how much I believe in your talent. This and the song lyrics earlier this week proves it beyond any doubt
And Lily is lucky that she has had you in her life. Though I too like her, you're the one I read everyday :-)
You have that great Southern way with words, and you wrote this before reading Capote.
Lass: Thank you for the encouragement. How about one out of two. I'm afraid number one probably isn't going to happen. She and I have settled into a sometimes dysfunctional but very beautiful and rewarding friendship. And that's not a bad thing at all.
Blondie: Perhaps I should consider that. For now, I wanted to share this tiny bit.
Heather B: Why thank you, Miss Heather. Don't worry, I feel the same a lot of times when I comment.
Kerry: Thank you. They were wonderful times. She was a precious gift.
Pia: Thanks. I saw a couple of things upon reading it after all this time that I would change. But I wanted to leave it as I had written it then.
True, it was before Capote. But it was after Hemingway.
That is an amazing introduction to what I'm sure was a beautiful story that you wrote. Even though that relationship didn't turn out the way you had probably planned it's nice to have that one person in your life. That person that you love so much that the dysfunctional friendship is still something you enjoy having in your life. She's lucky.
No advice this time. Just a sisterly cyberhug.
But since he/she/it is illiterate and stupid, I don't
You write beautifully and I'm sure we would all like to know the details of this, but will this help you any? I don't think so.
What I really would like to see is you with someone knew who makes you write like this. Go find her.
Just a little advice (from a good place, not a critical one) from the other single person in the blogosphere. ;) After my breakup with the man I thought for sure was "the One", my friend Irish got mad at me one day. (This was several months after) She told me that I needed to get over it. That was the theme of the month. The more you linger on it, the harder it's going to be when presented with new opportunities. What I needed was a little push. Ok, a big one, but still. :)
Krista: Thanks, Krista. And thanks for the boo :)
Dorothy: Thank you. No, I don't think you mentioned the pic. But I had already clicked over and seen it.
Pia: He/she/it... lol It's amazing how many of the rude anonymous comments always have some obvious spelling/grammatical error.
Rediculous... I guess that's like diculous again?
Renee: Thanks, Renee. I'm not entirely sure of the same things you're not entirely sure of :)
Sage: It wasn't that hard to get 17,000 words out of four years. I'm glad I wrote it down, because now I've probably forgotten half of what I wrote then.
Carmen: Writing it out always helps. And it all came out rather easily. I don't think I mentioned exactly, but I wrote it four or five years ago.
RedNeckGirl: Thank you for the very kind words. And I think you're last sentence is very perceptive. At least I hope that's where I'm at. That's where I'm striving to be.
Perhaps this is why I cried myself silly watching The Notebook twice this weekend.
Sorry for your hurted piggy.
I watched The Notebook a couple of weekends ago. And that's all I'm saying about that :)