Monday, August 13, 2007

The Boost Up

Please stop over and wish Pia a happy bloggiversary. I'm checking with Miss Manners right now to see what the appropriate gift is for the 3rd bloggiversary.

Summer has been forcing my hand lately, off the track and into the water. I only went running two nights last week, and spent most of the weekend not very far from the cool relief of H2O. I never remember us having this many 100+ degree days in one year.

I went swimming at my sister's this afternoon. While that was mostly uneventful, there was one noteworthy event. We were floating around and out of the blue she asked, "Do you ever watch Scott Baio Is 45 & Single?"

Sigh. What a proud moment in the life of a big brother. I'm not ashamed to admit I nearly became emotional. Just thinking for all the mistakes I've made, I must have done something right, you know? *sniff*

Saturday, Little Joe and I spent all day at my friend Jamie's house on the lake. Ten hours of swimming, boating, eating, reapplying sunscreen, repeat.

Also, I encountered a girl there who said she'd met me previously, though I have no recollection of such a meeting. And I mean, really, what are the chances I wouldn't remember meeting a girl?

Several of us went out to eat that evening at Mister Bean's Barbecue, owned by professional boxer Butterbean. He was there so we got to meet him. Normally I'm not a fan of people named after vegetables, i.e. Carrot Top, but Mister Bean seemed like a really nice guy.

Coincidentally, we'd been talking earlier in the day about the most famous person we'd ever met. Jamie's was Jimmy Carter, LJ settled on Jose Canseco, and mine was Faith Hill. I feel safe in saying none of those rankings changed after our visit to Mister Bean's.

After supper, we came back and swam a bit more. That's when the idea of jumping off the roof of Jamie's dock crossed my mind. I asked her if anyone had ever done that. She said a couple of people had, but that it was a bit tricky getting up there. You either had to stand on the railing of the pier and pull yourself up, or climb up the ladder of the slide and step across about a four-foot gap to the roof. I opted for the latter, or ladder.

It was a bit tenuous getting from the slide to the roof, but jumping off was worth the risk. You know, because I'm 34 and apparently still amused by the same things as a 16 year old.

I kept trying to get LJ to jump, but he was quite hesitant, claiming since he was shorter than me, it would be harder for him to get on the roof. Jamie urged him on saying, "Oh come on, Bone will give you a boost up."

Ah, yes, the boost up. That most ancient and reliable of methods for hoisting a human being skyward. The boost up is performed by clasping one's hands together in a virtually unbreakable grip, then turning them upside down like a stirrup. The climber puts his/her foot into the hands of the booster-upper and is lifted to higher ground.

It is unclear who invented the boost up. Some think Noah gave his wife a boost up into the ark. Others say no, that the ark had that big handicapped-accessible ramp. They surmise that perhaps Aaron gave the first boost up when Moses planted a dusty sandal in his brother's hands to get started up Sinai.

However it began, the boost up has endured for ages. I don't remember anyone ever teaching me how to do the boost up, it just seems I've always known. Maybe it's as instinctive as survival, blinking, or turning the channel whenever a Pauly Shore movie comes on. Someone needs to get somewhere vertically, there are no ladders or footholds around, your hands automatically go into position.

With the knuckles acting as a locking mechanism, not allowing the hands to slip apart, the boost up is virtually foolproof. I've never seen one fail.

I mean, think about it. Have you ever heard of someone getting injured and when you ask what happened they say, "Well, Bill was trying to give me a boost up, but it just didn't work?"

I didn't think so.

Anyway, after I had jumped about four or five times Saturday, LJ finally decided to give it a go. He stood on the rail of the pier while I proffered a trusty stirrup. And while the story would probably be a bit more entertaining if there had been a mishap, that did not happen. My friend clambered onto the roof, the beneficiary of another successful boost up.

Accidents happen. Ladders fall, feet slip, people go hunting with Dick Cheney. But the boost up never fails.

That's pretty much it for my weekend. I'm not sure what's on tap for next weekend, but after watching Scott Baio tonight, there may be a cuddle party in my near future.

"Man, it's a hot one, like seven inches from the mid-day sun..."


  1. I only walked two nights last's been muggy here. I wish we had a pool or a lake around here for me to jump in (although I can't imagine jumping off the roof of anything...apparently, as I've gotten older, I've gotten a lot more chicken. Don't want to break a hip or anything, you know ;)).
    Have a great week...

  2. I'm with Jennifer on the being more cautious in my old age. I don't think that I was ever a fan of doing anything too dangerous (so yeah, I was a big chicken) but hey, at least I've still got all my parts in one piece and the only bone I've ever broken was my tailbone...twice.

    The swimming sounds nice. I miss being able to swim in a they're all filled with snow melt and will freeze you instantly!

  3. "...people go hunting with Dick Cheney..." that got my day started with a laugh.

    A popular sport out in Utah - when I lived out there - was cliff jumping. Exactly what it sounds like. You hike up a mountain, go to the edge of a cliff, and jump. I am so cautious though (it's humorous actually). I would first step in the water, swim down as deep as I could to check for jagged rocks or low banks. Once I had approved the area, I would climp up and jump off. I've had help from a booster many a time.

  4. Bone you must be so proud of your sister. Did you explain how you're emulating Scott?

    Dan Quayle was one of your better throw-away lines

    Is there a person who reads IYROOBTY who can't pass the Bone age vs the Bone maturity test?

  5. Jennifer: Yeah I don't remember it ever being so hot at night for this long. Haha, I shouldn't laugh. Next thing you know I'll be hobbling around with a bad hip.

    Renee: Eh, it was only probably 10 feet or so above the water. I thought about yelling "Ollie Ollie oxen free" before I jumped in, a la Newman into the health club pool. But I figured no one would get it.

    Charlotta-love: Ah, no worries, I do that sometimes when we go to Kinlock, because the water where we jump off there is usually only seven or eight feet deep. But the lake is supposedly sixty feet deep where I was jumping Saturday.

    Pia: No, I didn't tell her about the parallels of Scott's life and mine. She probably would have told Mom, then Mom probably would have been worried and called me asking me what was going on. I don't need the hassle right now. They'll find out eventually.

    Most regular readers should easily be able to pass the Bone age versus maturity test :)

  6. Do you know how bad you could have hurt yourself jumping of a roof into the water! Not to mention the extreme drought that we are currently experiencing has all lakes several feet below their normal level. Come on Bone you are 10 years older than I am, and you are giving me no hope that men eventually mature. And then, you taunt a friend to endanger himself too! Shame shame Mr. Bone I am disappointed. *I am halfway joking with this, but still very serious. That was a very dangerous thing to do. How do you expect to run if you are paralyzed?*

  7. i've got to check out this show. chachi! (is that how you spell it?)

    i want to jump in a lake. that sounds fun.

  8. Bone!!! My favorite blogger friend....check the blog, you have an assignment! =0)

  9. I, too, have been guilty of watching Scott Baio's show. I am now mortified, horrified, and disgusted with myself for ever once having even the tiniest crush on Chachi. He of the feathered hair and Wawawa! He's but a shadow of his former self. Must be from being shallower than a kiddie pool.

    Next summer. You and me. Jumping in some form of H2O together.

  10. We have really had a mild summer considering how bad it can be in Oklahoma. The June monsoon season we had kept temps down... so it spoiled us a bit. Now its 100 plus every day!

  11. I'm here to tel you that boosts up fail...

    My dear husband doesn't know his own strength. I have a VERY tall horse. I needed to mount from the ground at a horse show (in front of people, while dressed in white show clothing), so he offered a boost up. He gave me one, alright. He boosted me up and over the other side. I was a little too boosted... more like launched.

    And given that I was riding a horse, and horses are not bathroom trained, I'll bet you can imagine what nice soft squishy stuff there was to break my fall on the other side. My white show clothes did not remain white.

    Moral of the story: I now mount from the ground unassisted, or I look for a nice chair, rail or other solid object to use as a mounting block. I do NOT accept my husband's offer of a little boost.

  12. Melanie: you are giving me no hope that men eventually mature

    Yes, if that's what you're looking to me for, you're probably not going to find it O:)

    Sizzle: Yes, I believe that is correct. Last night at the cuddle party, some lady started singing the Happy Days theme song, "Monday, Tuesday, Happy Days..."

    Scott interrupted her, "It's Sunday, Monday, Happy Days. If you're going to sing the theme song, get it right."

    OK Chick: Oh goodie. I just love blog assignments.

    Scarlet Hip: He's definitely been shallow. It appears he's really trying to change though. I'm watching and meticulously taking notes :)

    Kerry: We're having the hottest August I remember here.

    Gay: Oh no, don't ruin my perfect image of the boost up. So technically, it didn't fail. It just needed to be harnessed :)

  13. You got four or five laugh-out-louds from me on this post, mister Bone.
    And while I could tell you each one that made me giggle, this was my favorite:

    Accidents happen. Ladders fall, feet slip, people go hunting with Dick Cheney. But the boost up never fails.

    No, wait, actually, this one:

    What a proud moment in the life of a big brother. I'm not ashamed to admit I nearly became emotional. Just thinking for all the mistakes I've made, I must have done something right, you know?

    Actually, it might have been more like this one...

    Maybe it's as instinctive as survival, blinking, or turning the channel whenever a Pauly Shore movie comes on.

    Yeah, that one. :)
    GREAT post, my friend.
    Glad you enjoyed the water and the sun and the food and the friends. Times like that make WORK a little more worth it, huh?

  14. Only you would find a proud and defining moment with a family member in regards to Scott Baio. *sigh* I'm not sure what to think about you anymore.

    I've never had the Boost Up fail me. Nor have I ever witnessed it's failing. It seems improbable. Impossible even. I wonder if your commenter just DREAMED it failed and has convinced herself of it's truth. Hmmm . . .

    Normally I'm not a fan of people named after vegetables, i.e. Carrot Top, but Mister Bean seemed like a really nice guy.

    I'm still unsure why, but this line cracked me up. You just don't hear a lot of vegetable inspired nicknames these days. I think I'll start calling a friend of mine Pinto. Just 'cause.

    Others say no, that the ark had that big handicapped-accessible ramp.

    Dear, sweet, funny, Bone. Have you not seen the historically accurate (of course they are!) paintings and pictures of the Ark? Assuredly the ramps depicted were true, horses and elephants do not climb stairs. Neither do giraffes. And poor penguins . . how could they ever waddle up a flight?!?

    Mrs. Noah trudged up the ramp just as the animals did. It was the only way to assure that Mr. Noah wouldn't sneak a peek up her dress. :)

    Great post, as always. This is where I come when I need a laugh.

  15. Nick is loving Scott Baio is 45. That one friend of his though is a total creepoid. The one that took condoms to the cuddle party. Blech.

  16. hot hot hot everywhere...

    I woke up a few minutes ago at 3 something am. hot.

    Our air conditioning is off - good reason to wake up. Or bad reason.

    Something's wrong - oh goody.

  17. I never quite mastered the boost up either on the boosting or the boostee part. And that's crazy jumping off the roof like that. If I was there, you would have gotten yelled at. Are you trying to kill yourself??

    One of your friends met Jose Canseco? Can he introduce me?? ;)

  18. I just remembered, I watched a Pauly Shore movie this weekend! I think it was Son-in-Law or something like that. I thought it was a funny movie. Then again, my friends don’t really allow me to pick movies out anymore. On another movie note, I did watch The Holiday this weekend and it was GREAT! The little old man was such a hoot; you really must watch that if you haven’t already.

    As a former cheerleader, I consider myself an expert on the boost up. I am here to tell you it can and does fail! Picture this… Practice begins in an old gym at 9pm (because cheerleading isn’t a sport and therefore not important enough for scheduled gym time) The team is tired, they have been in class and worked all day now it’s time for practice. There is a new routine to be learned and it involves the boost up! Attempt one – The knuckles slip apart mid-boost! The flyer slides down the back of the base and lands on the booster. Attempt two – To much oomph! The flyer over shoots the base and lands on the front spotter. These mishaps occur all the time in cheerleading practice. Usually not in public due to the fear of the next days practice if a screw up occurs, but in practice all the time.

    However, I guess you could argue that the frequency of the boost with cheerleaders is far more than the general public and therefore should happen on a more frequent level. Same reason that people who drive all day have more accidents that the rest of the driving population 60-70% of their day is spent on the road compared to the 10% of other people. Wow if I could ramble like this on my own blog instead of your comment page I bet you would like that more… Ok I’m going now!

  19. Blondie: Thanks, dearie. If I've brought laughter to your life, then my day's work is complete :) And yes, I'm always working for the weekend.

    Avery Laine: Um, any particular reason you chose Pinto?

    I figured the artist's renderings I'd seen were accurate, but I wasn't 100% sure. And I'd never considered the poor penguins! Thanks for bringing that to my attention.

    Thanks :)

    Lass: It's really interesting. Oh yeah, Johnny Vee, or whatever his name is. I think he's at least 75% of Scott's problem.

    Shelby: My AC went out one night a couple of months ago. Fortunately, they were able to get out and fix it the next day. It's sweltering here.

    Carnealian: I would've gotten yelled at, huh? That's OK, I'm used to being in trouble O:)

    I doubt he still has any contact with Jose. lol If you do meet him, be wary of the greeting. That arm bash can be painful if you're not ready for it.

    Melanie: I never thought about cheerleaders using the boost up. Maybe they invented it! Perhaps I should go to the local college and do some further boost up research.

    Oh, and thanks for the movie recommendations :)

  20. I have never partaken of the boost up... never. I suddenly wonder if I'm missing out...? Hmm.

    And if a cuddle party is part of SBI45&S, I really may have to change my cable plan when I get home. Sigh.

  21. You watch Scott Baio??? I am SHOCKED, Sir Bone! Never would have guessed it, I mean the way you talk about him non-fucking-stop. I would've been none the wiser.

    Now I'm off to think about the giant handicap accessible ramp on the Ark. Because obviously Noah was ADA compliant.

  22. You are so funny...I get multiple chuckles out of every blog post! Perhaps Scott Baio should star in a new reality show called "Celebrity Boost Ups". They'll all compete to prove that their boost up is indeed the best of all the D-list celebrities in Hollyweird. Could be fun! :~)

  23. Hey Pia, I need to know what's an acceptable gift to buy myself for my 1st :) Thanks, that'd be great!

  24. TC: Yes, you are. Have you at least witnessed a boost up involving other people?

    Heather B: I figured that would come as a shock. I try not to talk about Scott more than a few times a day :)

    Fledgling Poet: There's a reality show for everything else. Might as well create that one, too :)