OK, next week is the two-hour season finale! Which means this week is, uh, the pre-finale?
Recapping Day Six: 3:00 AM - 4:00 AM...
With CTU still under siege, a couple of the Chinese take Josh away. B3 (Billy Bob Brosnan) backhands Nadia as she tries to intervene. Was I the only one to yell "Booyah!" or other comparable expression of delight here?
As all CTU employees are being led to a holding cell, Jack plans an impromptu attack. He breaks out of line and takes out a guard, then shoots a couple of others. Even Morris gets in on the action, putting a sleeper hold on one guy. Who knew Morris had a background in the WWF! Seriously, Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake would be proud.
Finally Jack chokes B3 then breaks his neck for good measure. Ricky arrives on the scene just in time to take out one guy who is about to shoot Nadia. To recap, Nadia is the reason Milo is dead. Jack, Ricky, and a field team take off down the tunnel after Josh.
Josh is brought to Cheng's Perpetually Moving Headquarters (CPMHQ). Jack's father calls and talks to Josh:
"I'm taking you away from this ungrateful country. Some place we can both start over."
"Where?" Tahiti? Bora Bora? I hear Kazakhstan's nice this time of year.
"China." Oooh, close! China: Land of Confucius, human rights, and Yao Ming.
As Cheng and his men are leaving to deliver Josh to Jack's father, Jack pops out of the tunnel and begins firing. He shatters the window of one of the cars, causing it to swerve and hit a pole. A chase on foot ensues.
Cheng leads Josh up some stairs to the rooftop. Josh breaks away from Cheng and runs onto a catwalk. To clarify, we're not talking Right Said Fred here. We're talking a narrow, elevated passageway between two buildings.
Jack catches up to Cheng, who has run out of bullets. Josh, who is hanging on for his life beneath the catwalk, yells for help. Jack rescues Josh, but Cheng escapes. Josh informs Jack that he talked to his grandfather.
Cheng calls Jack's father to tell him he lost Josh. Jack's father says no deal on the component. Oh, I get it. So Cheng is the banker. Jack's father is the contestant. Who is Howie Mandel? Morris? And where are the twenty-five hotties?
Outside the Family Inn, Tom is watching in agony as Lisa and Bishop fornicate. When they're done, Lisa goes to freshen up. Although personally, I think that's a lost cause. Bishop picks up her PDA, then gets a suspcious look on his face. He confronts Lisa. She breaks open a bottle of wine, literally, over his head. Bishop backhands her. Tom orders the federal agents to move in. They apprehend Bishop as he is choking Lisa.
At CTU, a man identifying himself as Ben Kram from Division tells Nadia he's been sent over to investigate what went wrong during the security breach. Well, Nadia was in charge, for starters.
Tom calls to tell Daniels that he got Bishop to send the fake information to his Russian contact saying that the U.S. had destroyed the sub-circuit board. He also informs Daniels that Lisa was injured and is unconscious. Daniels is upset. You don't hold hands with someone and then get over them just like that. I don't care how they treat you.
Daniels and Karen go into the Telepresence Suite and raise Russian President Suvarov on the horn. Daniels tells Suvarov that the sub-circuit board has been destroyed. But Suvarov calls his bluff, saying he had surveillance set up on Bishop, so he knows exactly what went down.
Suvarov says if the U.S. hasn't recovered the sub-circuit board within two hours, the Russians will take military action. Daniels remarks to Karen, "We're about to go to war over a piece of circuitry." Exactly! Now do you see why it's so hard for us to get excited over this season? Whatever happened to suitcase nukes, nerve gas, and Chloe? Ah, the good ol' days.
On his way back to the White House, Tom gets a call from Jack's father. You know, because Tom's in his five. He asks to speak to the Vice President. Jack's father tells Daniels he wants his grandson and clear passage to the country of his choice in exchange for the sub-circuit board.
Again, deal or no deal? Karen says no deal, calling Jack's father a sociopath who can't be trusted. But Tom says it's a risk worth taking.
Out at the location formerly known as Cheng's Perpetually Moving Headquarters, Jack calls Marilyn and lets her talk to Josh. Then as he is leading Josh to a car which will take him to CTU, an agent tells Jack he has a call.
When Jack goes to take the call, Ricky grabs Josh and leads him to a waiting helicopter. Josh is yelling, "Uncle Jack!" Can you imagine if Jack Bauer was your uncle? Trouble with that bully at school? Just tell Uncle Jack. Suddenly, the bully just stops showing up for class. Calls are made to his house, but his parents don't answer either. Jack tries to get to Josh, but is restrained by several CTU agents. Ricky and Josh board the helicopter.
Morris putting one of the Chinese in a sleeper hold.
Nadia and Lisa getting backhanded, at different times and by different men.
More action this week. Still, at the end, I pictured Jack running and latching on to the helicopter skids as it took off. That would have been slightly more exciting, don't you think?
The episode was too predictable. There were no surprises, except for maybe Jack's father calling Tom and making the offer to the Vice President.
Virtually no Chloe, again.
"And... finally. We're done."
Said by Tom, as he watches Lisa and Bishop finish up their business. Based on the circumstances and the way he said it, I found this to be one of the funniest 24 lines ever.
Did you know...
In 1986, Brutus Beefcake and Greg "The Hammer" Valentine lost the WWF Tag Team Title to the British Bulldogs at Wrestlemania 2.
Despite saving the country at least four times today, Jack will have to break out of Holding and/or go against the oval office to save the day one more time.
In a touching season-ending scene, wearing a Darth Vader Mask/Voice Changer, Jack confesses to a frightened Josh, "Josh, I am your father."
Is Ben Kram legit? I mean, he got from Division, wherever that is, to CTU in like an hour from the time the breach occurred, at 3:30 in the morning. Not to mention the suspicion of bringing a new character in the next to last week of the season. Hmm...
Why in the world does Nadia have such a huge role this season, while Chloe has been virtually just part of the scenery in several episodes?
Why was Cheng so averse to having casualties at CTU?
"Yeah, on the catwalk, on the catwalk. Yeah, I shake my little tush on the catwalk..."