Sunday, November 07, 2004

Gotta Getcha Some

Blogging away while somebody somewhere is wondering why you never hear about a psychic winning the lottery...

You gotta see the bay-bee
It's been a hectic weekend so far. Headed up to Nashville after work Friday afternoon. Shot some pool. The guy undercharged us, so we played an hour and a half for like $2.50. There were way too many hotties downtown, so we left...?? After that was the obligatory stop at Famous Dave's. The new parents met us up there for dinner. We ended up going back to their place and I ended up holding the baby the entire time. Yep, that's it. I gotta get me one. It's funny how babies and old people are so much alike: Sleep a lot. Don't really know what's going on. Use the bathroom whenever you want.

Saturday
Most of yesterday was taken up at the Bama game. I slept until nearly Noon. (Very nice.) Left for the game around 1:45 and got home about 11:30. It was good. The weather was great. It was good and cold by kickoff time, great football weather. Bama won 30-14, and for the first time ever, the Alabama dance team came out at the end of the 3rd quarter, dressed in black shorts and houndstooth hats, and danced in the end zone. The best part was that they danced to parts of Paradise City, Sweet Child O' Mine, and Welcome To The Jungle. (OK, so that wasn't the best part, but it was still cool.) I think I could get used to this. lol

All My Exes
During an IM conversation with ex-g/f #12b Friday:
Me: "So when are you getting married?"
Her: "May 14th"
Me: "Hang on a second while I stab this letter opener thru my skull."
Me: "I mean, congratulations."

Other funnies
"How much is your DSL?"
"I really have no idea. My parents pay for it."

"You usually know what they drive before you've even talked to them."

"It's not captain. It's cap'n."

"Some things in this world, man, they don't make sense. Some things you don't need until they leave you, then they're things that you miss..."

Friday, November 05, 2004

Interview With A Blogger

Well, I've had lots of requests for this (or no requests at all). Nevertheless, here is my pseudo-interview with Blogger Illustrated:

BI: Hello, Bone. May we call you Bone?
Me: Bone, Mister Bone, or Grand Master B.

BI: First off, congratulations on being named Blogmate of the Month for November.
Me: Uh, thanks. But do I really have to wear this skin-tight turquoise top?

BI: Oh, trust us, you'll get used to it. So, tell us a little about your blog. How did you get started?
Me: Well, like a lot of bloggers, I was not raised in a blogging family. Blogging was not even talked about when I was growing up. It was taboo. I was basically introduced to blogging by a friend and then self-taught myself to blog by reading other blogs and incorporating my own ideas.

BI: Did you read any books on blogging?
Me: No. But I have heard that Blogging for Dummies is good. Also My Kingdom For A Blog.

BI: Do you read any books at all, Master B?
Me: No, not really. I used to read, but now blogging consumes most of my free time.

BI: Have you considered someday writing a book?
Me: Yes, I have just received a $3 advance to begin writing "The Passion Of The Blogger." And also have a rough draft of "How To Get Out Of Any Relationship" which I'm currently shopping around to publishers.

BI: Well, since you brought up relationships, all the ladies out there are dying to know, what's your current situation?
Me: Well, I am single as of this moment. See my last answer.

BI: Is it difficult to have both a successful blog and a successful relationship?
Me: Um, yeah. The blogging is what makes the relationship difficult. Yeah... sure. That's it.

BI: Would you consider dating a non-blogger?
Me: Definitely. At least then maybe one of us would be normal.

BI: What do you look for in a potential mate?
Me: Female is my #1 requirement. Most everything else is negotiable.

BI: Do you feel pressure when you sit down to blog?
Me: Yes. Everytime I place my fingers on the keyboard. I probably always will. I hope so. Because once you stop feeling the pressure, once that entry no longer means quite as much to you as it used to, then my blogging friend, then it is time to quit and pass the keyboard on to someone else.

BI: Where do you get your material?
Me: Dreams, mostly. Visions. Usually in the shower. Alien abductions. Hmm, that's about it.

BI: What do you know about Area 51?
Me: Area 51?

BI: Yes. You know, Roswell.
Me: Roswell? Didn't he sing "Somebody's Watching Me" back in the eighties?

BI: Um, nevermind. Back to blogging. Do you ever go thru dry spells?
Me: All the time. I like to call these spells "blogger's block." It goes in cycles. Sometimes as bloggers, I believe we may enter into the fabled "zone," maybe for a day or two, maybe for a week or longer. But in the "zone", every entry is "on." There seems to be an endless supply of thoughts and ideas just flowing from my brain to the keyboard. I don't know how I got there, and when it's over, I have no idea how to get back, much like getting a second date with a hot chick. It's like one day I'm thinking, "How am I ever going to blog all this?" Then the next day my mind is as barren as the surface of the moon. And what few thoughts I do have are in like hieroglyphics or something, so that I can't even decode them.

BI: Interesting. So, to you, what makes a good blog?
Me: There's really no secret recipe. Most people think a humorous intro, a few senseless ramblings and ponderings, a couple of comical stories, mix in several clever analogies, close with a song lyric, and that's all it takes. But as my father used to say, quality blog entries do not grow on trees.

BI: Your dad really said that?
Me: Uh, no.

BI: So do you strive for humor in your blog?
Me: More times than not, yes. But it's not comedy because I think it is, it's only comedy if the reader finds it funny.

BI: Where did you get the name for your blog?
Me: Obviously, it's a take-off on the old movie trailer slogan, "if you see just one movie this year" or whatever.

BI: Did you consider any other names?
Me: Let's see, there were a few. Um, Single White Blogger... Fingers on the Wrong Keys... Apartment 7... Will Blog For Food... A Seinfeld Fan's Lament. And those are all copyrighted, so don't get any ideas.

BI: As you probably know, it is widely speculated that your blog has landed you on the FBI's medium-risk watch list. How do you respond to that?
Me: I (Koresh) don't know where (Ruby Ridge) silly rumors (Jim Jones) like that get started.

BI: Is that cherry kool-aid?
Me: Sure is. Want some? It's tasty.

BI: No, I'm good... well, it looks like we're just about out of time, Master B. Anything else you'd like to say?
Me: Live from New York, it's Saturday night!

"If heaven was a town, it would be my town, on a summer day in 1985. When everything I wanted was out there waiting, and everyone I loved was still alive..."

Thursday, November 04, 2004

The End Of An Era

The Last Days
(Taps plays. It's raining. Many Few are gathered. Women are dressed in black.)

You may be asking yourself what the above phrase means, the end of an era. Does it mean...
This is my final blog entry ever? Unfortunately for you, no.
This is my final day on the face of the Earth? Unfortunately for me, no.
I am finally getting married? Unfortunately for..um.. no one, no.
It means that very soon, jstowry@aol.com will be no more. After probably 7 or 8 long years, I will be changing internet providers. I made the call (actually it was an email) to BellSouth yesterday and finally ordered DSL. The old account has served me well, from the early days (when Shane and Kelly were the only two people I knew online) to the most recent email I sent (an email notification change to russianbrides.com), it's been fun. But I must move on. Now as soon as I get a DVD player, CD player, and color TV, I will be up-to-date. What?

Million to one shot, Doc
Yesterday was nice. Work was super busy. We got the latest ratings and they are the highest they've been since I've been here, so everyone was in a good mood because of that. I don't want to jinx it though. Then some lady had made peanut brittle for us and and it was REALLY good. After church last night, I fixed some Hamburger Helper for a late supper, and ate as I watched Seinfeld. The Fusilli Jerry was on last night. Man, that is a great ep. Kramer gets the wrong license plates and Frank has an "accident" with the fusilli. lol The Bottle Deposit (Pt. 2) was also on last night:
Elaine: "Well, have they called the police yet?"
Jerry: "No, they won't call the police."
Elaine: "What? Why not?"
Jerry: "They're afraid they'll get in trouble for misusing a mail truck. Kramer doesn't want a record."
Elaine: "Kramer has a record."
Jerry: "Not a federal record."

As far as the novel goes, well, let's just say that since Notepad doesn't seem to have a word counter (or anything else much for that matter), I've had to improvise. I "stole" a copy of Office 97 off of Ebay for $69 last night. Pretty sweet, huh? Things are really falling into place now. Wheels are in motion.

Monday Morning Church
OK, so the past couple of days, over half the searches I've gotten hits from have been for this song, like 10 of the last 17 or something. So here's a link to the lyrics.

There was also a rather disturbing search for "George Bush is sexy." Uhhh... yeah. Wow.

"When my smile gets old and faded, wait around, I'll smile again. Started out clean, but I'm jaded. Just phonin' it in. Just breakin' the skin..."

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

Your Daily Divershown

Seinfeld Trivia
Wow, it's been a few days since I've done this. I can't believe no one has complained. lol Here's today's question: To what state do Kramer and Newman plan to take the bottles they've collected to get the 10 cent refund?

Friday's answer: The Human Fund ("The Strike")

Problem?

What's wrong with this picture? Posted by Hello

So I finish up laundry last night and these two items remain. How does this happen? I paired all the other socks and this is what's left. I don't understand. I'm no good at laundry. I have a bunch of crimson Bama sweatshirts that previously had white lettering, and they now all have pinkish lettering. I even washed them by themselves. Help. Please. Someone. Anyone?

Relaxashown
Finally got around to watching the Best of Sandler SNL DVD last night. Wow, I had forgotten about so many of those characters. The opera boy. Cajun Man. Rejecshown. Depresshown. Intoxicashown. Good stuff.

Occupashown
Work has been increasingly busy. I've been busier than Dennis Rodman's tatoo artist. (OK, that's a somewhat outdated analogy these days. Well, you come up with one, and I'll insert it.) As a result, I have yet to begin my novel. I feel like Chevy Chase in "Funny Farm", except I don't have the hot wife. So if things don't pick up soon, this could mean... um... derelictshown? (For the novel, not my love life. Or for both. Whichever.)

We had a pact! (Seinfeld Conversashown)
I did get to see some good Seinfelds yesterday on TBS, The Engagement and The Voice...
J: "Well, you know, we were having dinner the other night, and she's got the strangest habit. She eats her peas one at a time. You've never seen anything like it. It takes her like an hour to finish them. I mean, we've had dinner other times. I've seen her eat corn niblets, but she scooped them."
G: "So she scooped the niblets, huh?"
J: "Yes. That's what was so vexing!"
G: "Uh huh, uh huh. What about the pact?"

K: "I don't wear a watch."
E: "Well, what do you do?"
K: "Well, I tell time by the sun."
E: "How close do you get?"
K: "Well, I can guess within the hour."
E: "I can guess within the hour and I don't even have to look at the sun."
K: "Yeah."
E: "So what do you do at night?"
K: "Well, night's tougher, but it's only a couple of hours." :-)

"The end is coming, she don't even feel it. It's a strange sensation, I'm almost happy. Well I believe, that I'm just plain tired..."

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

In The News

With the mainstream, aristocratic media covering the election, here are some stories you might otherwise miss today:

Trick-or-treaters Get Beer Tossed In Bags
Trick or treat... or beer?

Student Evicted For Urging Fat Girls To Take The Stairs
I know this is probably wrong, but I find it quite funny.
(excerpt)The fliers read: "9 out of 10 freshman girls gain 10 to 15 pounds. But there is something you can do about it. If u live below the 6th floor take the stairs. Not only will u fell better about yourself but you will also be saving us time and won't be sore on the eyes."(/excerpt)

ROFL You have to admire his creativity anyway. Right? Right? Ri-... Nevermind.

Idaho Man Arrested For Stealing Underwear
Walkin' 'round in women's underwear... la la laaaa. How do I even know that song?

"Lacy things, the wife is missin'. Didn't ask, her permission. I'm wearin' her clothes, her silk pantyhose, walkin' 'round in women's underwear..."

Election Day

Today is Election Day in America. Be sure to get out and vote. I know all the name-calling and criticizing can be frustrating, but this is the your chance to be heard (assuming your vote is counted and not thrown out or lost, and that you are not forbidden to vote by challengers stationed at many precincts across the country, and are not intimidated or scared away by said challengers). As a demographic, young people are some of the least likely to vote. I can only imagine the change we could bring if young people, ages 18-30, as a whole, got out and voted. I truly believe America is at its best when everyone votes and has their say. Plus, you get that kewl "I Voted" sticker. Also, I think it is federal law that employers are required to give their employees two hours off today to vote. I think. Well, try it and see. What?

Check out electoral-vote.com. This guy has comprised an electoral map based on the final polling numbers, and will supposedly update with the official results. Of course, there'll only be seventy-four television channels providing continuous coverage all night, I'm sure. But he also includes some other interesting factoids, including comparisons to polls in the 2000 election.

"Faith, hope, and love are some good things He gave us. And the greatest is love..."

Monday, November 01, 2004

Monday Madness

Do you.....

1. Code your own website or use a template?
Template, with a few added tweaks of my own.
2. Use a digital camera or a film camera? If digital, do you print your own pictures, order them online, or send them out?
Digital. Wal-Mart.
3. Make your own cards or buy them at a card shop?
Buy them. I make my own money in the attic, though. What?
4. Draw your own graphics or get them from the internet?
Internet, unless ASCII art is required, then I create my own.
5. Take showers or baths?
Showers. What, I wanna sit in a tepid pool of my own filth?
6. Make your own candles or buy them? And are they soy or paraffin?
Yeah, I make my own candles, and knit my own sweaters. Right. I buy them. I'm not sure what they're made of, I always assumed it was wax.
7. Celebrate Halloween or not?
Yes, I don't have a problem with it.
8. Sleep in on weekends or get up early even if you don't have to go to work?
Well on the rare occasion I don't have something to do on Saturday, I sleep.
9. Correct other people's grammar, or just let it go?
Mostly let it go. I'm much more likely to correct someone's spelling online.

"Who am I fooling? There's no need for me to pretend. I might sail forever, and never find that island again..."

Da Crew

Is "da" still cool to say for "the"? I know it was in the 80's, with Da Bulls and Da Bears on SNL. Oh well, I'll just pretend it is, like most everything else I do. Anyhow, here is the crew from Saturday. I dare say there is nothing these eight brave, resourceful souls can't film. From left to right: Shane, Paul, Jeff #2, Kyle, Sara, Me, Jenna, and Tag. (Thanks to Shane via Kyle for the pic.)


The Crew Posted by Hello

"We're not gonnna take it. No! We ain't gonna take it. We're not gonna take it, anymore..."