Wednesday, August 25, 2010

In a parallel world...

I'm afeared Blogust has lost its steam. Or maybe in some parallel universe somewhere Blogust still has its steam and I'm writing like a man possessed... with writing.

I've decided to reassess and adjust my goals. Not that I don't still plan to someday set the world record for most consecutive games of Freecell won and run a half marathon -- although not in the same day, probably -- but I think it is time to put those dreams on hold for a bit.

In another universe, Parallel Me has probably already run a half marathon, backwards, while wearing leg weights and thinking up new higher dreams that I don't even know we have yet.

But here in the yellow sun universe, I need to set some realistic goals that I can reach, preferably without a lot of effort. Things like updating my resume, which is probably about seven years old. And I'm pretty sure was saved on a 5-and-a-quarter-inch floppy disk.

Or how about hanging up the remaining three 2010 calendars, of the six I received last Christmas. That seems doable. Maybe. When I have some extra time and nothing good is on ESPN. Parallel Me probably doesn't even need a calendar. He probably has one on his computer. Or a day planner.

Another goal could be, not having a conniption each day at work. This one may seem a bit far-fetched. Also I'm not exactly sure how much control a person has over having a conniption or not. But, so far so good.

I wasn't sure if conniption was the right word there, so I looked it up: "A sudden, violent emotional outburst generally characterized by a tirade of strong language and signs of frustration and/or rage." Yep! That's definitely the right word.

So I've reassessed and plotted a new course, at least for the short-term. And things are already looking up. For example, earlier tonight I achieved a goal I didn't even realize I had set for myself, when I threw away some turkey bacon (dated June 17th) which had literally turned green.

In a parallel universe, I wonder if that turkey was still good. Parallel Me is probably enjoying a delicious BLT right now while he writes his 25th blog entry of the month.

Sometimes I really hate that guy.

"If I was someone else, would this all fall apart? Strange, where were you when we started this gig? I wish the real world would just stop hassling me..."


  1. hummm this is NOTHING like Bizzaro-world.

    I'm pretty sure both Jerrys would have thrown out the bacon.

  2. Blogust might have lost its steam but Non Parallel You hasn't
    I love this post, and hate to break this to you. Anybody who has gmail has a computer calender. It's very good!!!!!!
    But put up the three remaining calenders and photograph them
    I knew what conniption meant but the dictionary definition makes it sound so strong!

  3. Oh right Renee. I forgot the bacon kind of on purpose....

  4. Who needs Parallel Bone? The original is more than good enough.

    I was shuddering at the green turkey bacon, and laughing at the "I hate him" line. It's difficult to do both in case you're wondering. Kind starts convulsions, which are different than conniptions. ;)

    Hope work gets better, or the updated resume works out fast for you.

    PS: I'm gonna miss Blogust.

  5. A good conniption really shows everyone who's boss!! Or in my case the one who struggles with the boss! Our converstaions begin with "What??" and end with "Get outta here!!"

    These are the last days you will be able to work on self improvement- so come to my birthday party Saturday - it will be memorable- I might throw a Conniption Fit when I see you and you will be sure to circle my birthday in red on all future calendars you get this christmas so you don't miss it ever again!!

    Last days for improvement why?? you know why- FOOTBALL!!!

  6. Seriously, I would just set my goals DAILY. Screw setting goals for the future.

    That only sets you up for failure.

    Enjoy each day as it comes.

  7. I don't know about about parallel you... he sounds like the kind of guy getting married during the Iron Bowl....

  8. I've met the parallel Bone. He speaks highly of you. You're right though, his turkey bacon has no expiration date.

    I don't know if I've ever seen conniption written but it looks wonderful.

  9. Renee - Probably so. But they'd also probably be restocked with fresh turkey bacon.

    Hello. Or is it badbye?

    Pia - I think I shall start occasionally referring to myself as Non-Parallel Me. That's good.

    Well, you keep searching until you find a definition you like.

    TC - I'm sitting here trying to shudder and laugh at the same time, and I did fine with the shuddering but I don't think I can make myself laugh.

    Thanks. Well, there's still a few more days left in Blogust. Maybe Non-Parallel Me will be able to finish with a flourish.

    Daily Panic - I assume you're the one saying "Get outta here!"

    Well sometimes I forget to flip the calendar over and I get a couple of months behind, so I could still miss it, conceivably :)

    Soccer Mom - I think my new goal is to set daily goals.

    Cami - Haha. I hope no version of me -- parallel, perpendicular, whatever -- would ever do something like that.

    Cooper - I've met the parallel Bone. He speaks highly of you.

    Oh, that's so like him.

    Yes, it seems to be a word I hear more than see.

  10. I think buying the Turkey Bacon in the first place is where it all went downhill...
    Love that song! It's always held a special place for the me that hates being told what to do =)
    You should plan on blogging 4 times a week. I think that's a doable goal!

  11. Isn't Blogtember coming up soon???

    I like the idea of there being a parallel you. Mostly because that would mean there's also a parallel me. Which probably means I get a lot more done than I think I do...

  12. Mmmm...BLT. Bread toasted or untoasted?

  13. You can write in a parallel universe, Bone, but just be sure to post it in this one so we can enjoy! You keep us laughing and encourage us to strive for higher goals. :)

  14. a universe whether the here and now or the parallel one shares many great stories from the Bone. but, original Bone is best to have around. good luck with your resume and setting daily/ future goals, whichever works best for you. have a great night.

  15. Oh please! The world can't bear two of you..