Friday, February 05, 2010

Pride goeth before (and after) a fall

The improbable sequence of events that led to me googling "how to get blood out of clothes" is unimportant and rather unremarkable. Nevertheless, before the blog paparazzi buries me beneath a mountain of rumor and innuendo, allow me to elucidate.

I went to a basketball game. Walking up the bleachers, I banged my head on an unfortunately placed electrical box which was mounted to the underside of one of the support beams that runs across the coliseum. Not wanting to cause a scene (read: suffer any further embarrassment), I shook it off and sat down.

Well, I evidently misunderestimated the severity of the blow. An hour later, noticing it was still hurting, I rubbed my head and felt something wet. I'd run into a friend at the game, so as we were leaving I took off my cap and got her to assess the damage. At the time, I wasn't quite able to place the look on her face. But in hindsight, I now know it as the I'm-really-trying-not-to-alarm-you-but-how-are-you-still-standing-because-there-is-blood-spurting-out-of-your-head look.

Oh, I exaggerate. A little. It was just a tiny lava-like trail of blood streaming down my head. I felt like Rocky. The worst part was that I had quite a bit of blood on my cap, which was white. If it had been a shirt, I wouldn't have cared, I would have just thrown it away. But this was my favorite Bama cap. This was serious.

By the way, you come across some odd and interesting things googling "how to get blood out of clothes." Things you would rather not have known. Things like, "Karen and I opted to have our children born at home, so naturally we have had to deal with a lot of blood." Ugh.

The next day, as fate devilishly licked her lips, I was scheduled to run a 5K in Nashville. Not knowing much about head trauma, but seeing that the bleeding had mostly stopped and there was only a little seepage now, I just assumed I'd be OK. And I figured if I did pass out, I'd at least have my weekly blog entry whenever I did finally regain my facilities.

And so, I ran. With a bandage on my head, I ran. I felt like Rocky, again. Not for any particular reason, mind you, I just always kinda feel like Rocky.

In other running news, I think I've just about talked myself into doing a half marathon at some point this year. And I figure if I put it on my blog, it will be more likely to happen, because everything I put on my blog happens. Well, except for that year-end post that I never quite got around to. And the decade retrospective...

I know some of you are probably saying, Bone are you crazy? Whatever would possess someone to run 13.1 miles voluntarily? Is it some deep-down, burning desire to push myself to the very limits of what I am physically and mentally capable of, and beyond? Child, please!

I'll tell you what it is.

When I got home from my 5K, I was feeling pretty good about myself and my time of 23:03. Then, the next day arrived... as days are wont to do. And one of my Facebook friends posted that she had run a half marathon.

A girl!!!

And so, I am going to do the half marathon for the same reason that many men have done things that didn't always make good sense down through the ages: pure, old-fashioned stubborn male pride.

And please pray for my sake that she never decides to run a full marathon.

For now, I'm off to find some baking soda, hydrogen peroxide, and meat tenderizer. Hopefully, one of these tips works. I guess if nothing else, I'll be all stocked up for the next science fair. Or home childbirth.

"I just need some time, some time to get away, from all these rumors. I can't take it no more. My best friend said there's one out now about me and the girl next door..."


  1. A girl!
    I know you're kidding, so it's okay. There was a tough one I used to run, and I swear that Dot's chicken corn soup (which they served after the race) was worth running 13 miles for.
    Good luck!
    The blood part made me ill. I'm sensitive. It's hard getting blood out of clothes, even if it's diluted blood. How did that go?

  2. I can't believe no one saw your white hat turning red and didn't say something to you!!!! That's just crazy.

    Eludicate? I felt like I was back in a foreign language class and having to guess at the meaning of a word I didn't know based on the contextual clues that surrounded it :) You're still killing people at Scrabble, aren't you?

    The line about how your friend looked at you - I laughed and laughed. And drew a couple of weird looks. But I just kept laughing.

    I'd say it sounds like you're all better now, but anyone who is thinking of running a half marathon definitely bumped their head too hard to ever be "all better." ;-)

  3. I have pretty good luck getting blood out of clothing with Zout. that stuff is magic!

    I'm glad to hear that you didn't pass out during your race...and I think I know the 1/2 marathon runner...unless you know more than one. ;o) You can do it.

    hummm did you do an accident report at the scene of the carnage? They need to know that folks are getting injured there...even if it is embarrassing for guys. Folks could sue them.

  4. Not really sure about the meat tenderizer I would imagine cleaning it off, and some ice would be fine.

    I say go for it you can't let a girl ......

    Throw the clothes away. It's easier.

    When you do your full marathon call me...;)

  5. ok that's fine, i just added a lot of different emo backgrounds at my blog

  6. Funny, as always. Thinking about girls and marathons, I have several women friends who've run them and a couple are older than me!

    The next time I'm in the Florida Keys, I'm going to run across the street in Marathon (possibly to a bar on the other side) so I can start telling people about my Marathon running.

  7. If you can't get the blood out just come up with a better story about how it got there. Not that this one wasn't good. But in the made up one maybe you could save someone's life or something.

  8. Of course, an emo background would solve everything and Anonymous, who posted before me, is willing to help you out.

  9. I second TC's comment but will add that anyone that runs even a 5K has definitely bumped their head too hard.

  10. Actonbell - I was kidding? ;-)

    Oh yes, the refreshments and/or post-race meal is definitely the number one thing that draws me back to a race!

    Well, I fear I may have waited too long to begin treatment.

    TC - Well.... I'm tall?

    Actually, it's elucidate, not eludicate :-D

    'Attaway, TC. Just keep laughing. I get weird looks all the time, even when I'm not laughing. You get used to them.

    Renee - Zout? Never heard of it. I'll google it.

    Oh, I forgot about that one. So I know two.

    No, I didn't do a report. That's exactly what my Mom asked me! Maybe I should have called Jackie Chiles.

    Cooper - Yeah, I thought about making an ice pack, but then that never actually came to fruition.

    Oh no. You've already done a full marathon, haven't you?

    Anonymous - OK that's fine. But sometimes I wonder if you even read my posts at all.

    Sage - Thanks. Well, I'm not counting them unless I know them :)

    I like that. I wonder if there's a town named Half Marathon.

    Susan - Well, I was originally thinking about going with a Jason Morgan angle.

    Murf - Oh, come on! A 5K's not even enough to start hurtin' real good or thinking about throwing up.

  11. Ouch! That kind of thing (stupidly placed electrical boxes and the like) tends to make me disproportionately angry: how dare they put that there? etc. etc. You must have whacked it pretty hard to have been bleeding like that.

    I never even knew there was such a thing as 'meat tenderiser'...

  12. This post was amazing. Brilliantly written. If head injuries make you write like this then....

  13. You're not going to believe this, but I posted about how to get blood out of clothes just a couple of weeks ago. The secret is spit.

  14. Is it wrong to laugh at someone's elses mishap and pain? I could not help myself. I know I should be thinking poor Bone but instead I just laughed.

    Peroxide works wonders when it comes to getting blood out of clothing that is white.

  15. Oh wow, Bone, I'm glad you're OK! And I'm incredibly impressed that you ran a 5k the very next day. It's weird, a similar thing just happened to my sister this past week: she took her visiting son to Asheville, NC, fell on the ice and cracked her head open. In her case, the ambulance came, they spent their day in the emergency room, and she ended up with a staple in her head. The next morning, she took her son to the Biltmore for the day. You both are troopers! Good luck with your half marathon...that's awesome. :~)

  16. J Adamthwaite - Oh, I did. It stunned me for a second. And I definitely heard a ringing noise. A couple of people sitting around asked if I was OK and of course I said I was fine.

    Pia - Well, thank you. However, I refuse to voluntarily concuss myself for the blog :)

    Mama Zen - Oh, I seem to remember that now. Next time, instead of googling, I'll just pull up your blog :)

    PennyCandy - No, it is not wrong. It will be a sad day when we can't laugh at one another's mishaps. That will also be a sad day for America's Funniest Home Videos.

    Thanks. Peroxide seemed to be the number one return on my Google search.

    Sweetest In The Gale - Well, if she got an ambulance, then she outdid me :) Then again, if I wasn't wearing a hat, everyone would have seen the blood and it would have been a big, and quite embarrassing, scene.

    Thanks! Hopefully, I will manage to actually do it.

  17. Happy New Year Bone :)...I am actually still wishing people...I have missed so many have you been besides injuring yourself?....and hope the marathon training is going well ...I wonder what you would do if a girl says she is planning to jump off a cliff

  18. I was cursed with bad genes so I'm 6'2" and light on the hair department. So being tall and without a hair cushion, I tend to get me share of bloody mishaps. I however usually catch on before it gets to my clothing so I don't have any tips.

  19. Bone (& anyone else), for getting blood of out of clothing (upholstery, etc) you need Folex:

    In Alabama you should be able to pick up a bottle at one of the following: BED BATH & BEYOND; HOME DEPOT; KMART; LOWE'S; or WINN-DIXIE.

  20. "Karen and I opted to have our children born at home, so naturally we have had to deal with a lot of blood." HAHA! Funny comment!

    Well, as a girl that has run 4 1/2 marathons. I wish you all the luck, and I know you will kick butt! And I'd like to know who this girl is that has inspired you to run a 1/2 marathon, when I've been running them for years!!!!

    Also, you know OKC has a good 1/2 marathon in April????

    And another thing, your friends should have noticed that your white hat was turning red. I am concerned about your friends. Are they really your friends??? I'm kidding

  21. "Yo Bone! It's me DP!" I expect a shout out when you cross the finish of the half marathon...
    I'm such a sucker for Rocky -
    Now i have "Eye of the tiger" in my head.
    Glad you survived your head trama.

  22. You really should run a half and then an entire marathon! Why the heck not??? I would love to but I psyche myself out so easily when running that I can barely run a mile. I will totally root for you when you do the half or the whole. Maybe you can qualify for Boston or NYC?

    Do I have to get you a helmet?

  23. Ouch... Bone... careful you nut! I have to say the mental image of a lava rush of blood coming out of the cut wasnt pretty!

    Half marathon sounds worse than it is... defo go for it! (no I havent... I trained for a triathlon 4 yrs ago and just a month b4 the race I blew out my knee so couldnt do it) total bummer!

    Cold water is key for the blood stain... soak the hat for a day or so in cold water and laundry detergent... I use salt as an abrasive to help rub out the stain. You will likely get out most of it except the ring around the outside. Seeing that the cap is white, I would bleach it (carefully). That or just order a new one!

    Happy Monday!